The Real Deal

Paul Harvey's On Air PRAYER

2012-01-11T21:53:00.000-05:00

Paul Harvey's On Air PRAYER!

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those Who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done.

We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.

We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it Enlightenment.
Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free.
Amen!"

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "one Nation under God."

The Story of Chanukah

2012-01-11T21:49:00.002-05:00

Around the year 167 B.C.E., the Syrian-Greek rulers of Judea tried to force the Jews to assimilate into Hellenic culture. They summoned the Jews to the town squares where they were forced to worship idols or to sacrifice a pig before the idol.

When the Syrian-Greek soldiers demanded that the Jews of Modiin sacrifice a swine to one of their gods, Mattitiyahu, a priest from the Hasmonean family, refused to allow this desecration to take place and slew the Jewish heretic who volunteered. Mattitiyahu, together with his sons, also attacked the Syrian-Greek soldiers. They won that battle, but they were forced to take refuge in the hills. Mattitiyahu's sons became known as the Maccabees.

Under the leadership of Judah the Maccabee, the Jews launched a guerilla war for freedom. In 165 B.C.E., the Maccabees finally succeeded in routing the vastly superior Syrian-Greeks forces and retook the Temple, but by then the Syrian-Greeks had thoroughly desecrated the holy site. The Jews immediately set to work removing the alien idols, rebuilding the altar and performing the many tasks necessary to rededicate the Temple.

Unfortunately, there was no undefiled oil left with which to light the golden menorah. The Jews searched for sealed jars of pure, consecrated oil, and finally found a single flask with its seal intact. They rejoiced and hurried to light the Menorah and rededicate the Temple.

But it was only one flask of oil, good for only one day. It would take at least another week for fresh pure olive oil to be prepared and consecrated. Not wanting to postpone performing the mitzvah, they decided to light the Menorah with what they had--and the miracle of Chanukah occurred. Despite the small quantity of oil, the menorah remained lit for the entire eight days, proclaiming to the world that God's presence had returned to the Temple.

*This Treat was originally published on December 23, 2008. It is being re-Treated to help us better understand Chanukah.

Today's Action Tell The Story
When you light the first Chanukah candle tonight, retell the story of Chanukah.

Blessings Over Food

Wine or Grape Juice/Ha'gafen
Ha'gafen is the blessing recited over wine and grape juice.

Ba'ruch Ah'tah Ah'doh'nai Eh'lo'hay'nu Melech ha'o'lam bo'ray p'ree ha'gafen.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.

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Einstein Letter Warning Of Zionist Facism In Israel

2012-01-11T21:42:00.001-05:00

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Rense.com
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Einstein Letter Warning Of Zionist Facism In Israel
Letter That Albert Einstein Sent to the NY Times in 1948,
Protesting the Visit of Menachem Begin, 11-1-4

Letters to the Editor
NY Times
December 4, 1948

TO THE EDITORS OF THE NY TIMES:

Among the most disturbing political phenomena of our times is the emergence in the newly created state of Israel of the "Freedom Party" (Tnuat Haherut), a political party closely akin in its organization, methods, political philosophy and social appeal to the Nazi and Fascist parties. It was formed out of the membership and following of the former Irgun Zvai Leumi, a terrorist, right-wing, chauvinist organization in Palestine.

The current visit of Menachem Begin, leader of this party, to the United States is obviously calculated to give the impression of American support for his party in the coming Israeli elections, and to cement political ties with conservative Zionist elements in the United States. Several Americans of national repute have lent their names to welcome his visit. It is inconceivable that those who oppose fascism throughoutthe world, if correctly informed as to Mr. Begin's political record and perspectives, could add their names and support to the movement he represents.

Before irreparable damage is done by way of financial contributions, public manifestations in Begin's behalf, and the creation in Palestine of the impression that a large segment of America supports Fascist elements in Israel, the American public must be informed as to the record and objectives of Mr. Begin and his movement. The public avowals of Begin's party are no guide whatever to its actual character. Today they speak of freedom, democracy and anti-imperialism, whereas until recently they openly preached the doctrine of the Fascist state. It is in its actions that the terrorist party betrays its real character; from its past actions we can judge what it may be expected to do in the future.

Attack on Arab Village

A shocking example was their behavior in the Arab village of Deir Yassin. This village, off the main roads and surrounded by Jewish lands, had taken no part in the war, and had even fought off Arab bands who wanted to use the village as their base. On April 9 (THE NEW YORK TIMES), terrorist bands attacked this peaceful village, which was not a military objective in the fighting, killed most of its inhabitants ? 240men, women, and children - and kept a few of them alive to parade as captives through the streets of Jerusalem. Most of the Jewish community was horrified at the deed, and the Jewish Agency sent a telegram of apology to King Abdullah of Trans-Jordan. But the terrorists, far from being ashamed of their act, were proud of this massacre, publicized it widely, and invited all the foreign correspondents present in the country to view the heaped corpses and the general havoc at Deir Yassin. The Deir Yassin incident exemplifies the character and actions of the Freedom Party.

Within the Jewish community they have preached an admixture of ultranationalism, religious mysticism, and racial superiority. Like other Fascist parties they have been used to break strikes, and have themselves pressed for the destruction of free trade unions. In their stead they have proposed corporate unions on the Italian Fascist model. During the last years of sporadic anti-British violence, the IZL and Stern groups inaugurated a reign of terror in the Palestine Jewish community. Teachers were beaten up for speaking against them, adults were shot for not letting their children join them. By gangster methods, beatings, window-smashing, and wide-spread robberies, the terrorists intimidated the population and exacted a heavy tribute.

The people of the Freedom Party have had no part in the constructive achievements in Palestine. They have reclaimed no land, built no settlements, and only detracted from the Jewish defense activity. Their much-publicized immigration endeavors were minute, and devoted mainly to bringing in Fascist compatriots.

Discrepancies Seen

The discrepancies between the bold claims now being made by Begin and his party, and their record of past performance in Palestine bear the imprint of no ordinary political party. This is the unmistakable stamp of a Fascist party for whom terrorism (against Jews, Arabs, and British alike), and misrepresentation are means, and a "Leader State" is the goal.

In the light of the foregoing considerations, it is imperative that the truth about Mr. Begin and his movement be made known in this country. It is all the more tragic that the top leadership of American Zionism has refused to campaign against Begin's efforts, or even to expose to its own constituents the dangers to Israel from support to Begin.

The undersigned therefore take this means of publicly presenting a few salient facts concerning Begin and his party; and of urging all concerned not to support this latest manifestation of fascism.

ISIDORE ABRAMOWITZ
HANNAH ARENDT
ABRAHAM BRICK
RABBI JESSURUN CARDOZO
ALBERT EINSTEIN
HERMAN EISEN, M.D.
HAYIM FINEMAN
M. GALLEN, M.D.
H.H. HARRIS
ZELIG S. HARRIS
SIDNEY HOOK
FRED KARUSH
BRURIA KAUFMAN
IRMA L. LINDHEIM
NACHMAN MAISEL
SEYMOUR MELMAN
MYER D. MENDELSON
M.D., HARRY M. OSLINSKY
SAMUEL PITLICK
FRITZ ROHRLICH
LOUIS P. ROCKER
RUTH SAGIS
ITZHAK SANKOWSKY
I.J. SHOENBERG
SAMUEL SHUMAN
M. SINGER
IRMA WOLFE
STEFAN WOLF.

NY, Dec. 2, 1948

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Upside-down Land

2012-01-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

You know you live in Upside-down Land if:

A Muslim officer crying "Allah Akbar" while shooting up an army base is considered to have committed “Workplace Violence” while an American citizen boasting a Ron Paul bumper sticker is classified as a “Domestic Terrorist”.

Your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend more money.
...
A seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for calling his teacher “cute” but hosting a ‘sexual exploration class’ on a college campus is perfectly acceptable.

The Supreme Court of the United States can rule that lower courts cannot display the 10 Commandments in their courtroom, while sitting in front of a display of the 10 Commandments.

Children are forcibly removed from parents who appropriately discipline them while children of "underprivileged" drug addicts are left to rot in filth infested cesspools.

Working class Americans pay for their own health care (and the health care of everyone else) while unmarried women are free to have child after child on the gov’ts money while never being held responsible for their own choices.

Hard work and successes are rewarded with higher taxes and government intrusion, while slothful, lazy behavior is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid and subsidized housing.

The government's plan for getting people back to work is to provide 99 weeks of unemployment checks (to not work).

Being self-sufficient is considered a threat to the government.

Politicians think that stripping away the amendments to the constitution is really protecting the rights of the people.

The rights of the State come before the rights of the individual.

Parents believe the State is responsible for providing for their children.

You can write a post like this just by reading the news headlines.

You pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big screen TV while your neighbor defaults on his mortgage (while buying i-phones, TV's and new cars) and the government forgives his debt and reduces his mortgage (with your tax dollars).

Your government can add anything they want to your kid's water (fluoride, chlorine, etc.) but you are not allowed to give them raw milk.

Being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you "safe".

You have to have your parents signature to go on a field trip but not to get an abortion.

You can get arrested for expired tags on your car but not for being in the country illegally.

An 80 year old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a Muslim woman in a burqa is only subject to having her neck and head searched.

Using the "N" word is considered "hate speech" but writing and singing songs about raping women and killing cops is considered "art".

We are in Upside-down Land.

Oboma Care

2012-01-11T21:33:00.001-05:00

Before I delete this article, I am resending it as a reminder....

A retired Constitutional lawyer has read the entire proposed health care bill. Read his conclusions & pass this on as u wish. This is stunning!

The Truth About the Health Care Bills-Michael Connelly, Ret. Constitutional Attorney http://www.michaelconnelly.viviti.com/

I read the entire text of proposed House Bill 3200: The Affordable Health-Care-Choices Act of 2009. I studied it with particular emphasis from my area of expertise: constitutional- law.

I was concerned that parts of the proposed-law being discussed may be unconstitutional.
What I found was far worse than what I heard or expected.

To begin with, much of what's been said about the law & its' implications is true, despite what Democrats & the media say.
The law does provide for rationing of health care, particularly where srs. & other citizens are involved, free health-care for illegal immigrants, free abortion services & probably medical pros' forced participation in abortions.

The Bill will also eventually force private insurance companies out of business & put everyone into a gov't. run, system. All decisions about personal health-care will ultimately be made by federal bureaucrats, & most won't be health care pros. Hospital admissions, payments to drs.,& allocations of necessary medical devices will be strictly controlled by the gov't.

However, as scary as all of that is, it just scratches the surface.
In fact, I've concluded that this legislation has no intent to provide affordable-health-care choices. It's a convenient,cover for the most massive, transfer of power to-the Executive Branch of gov't. that has ever occurred, or even been considered. If this law or a similar one is adopted, major portions of the Constitution will effectively have been destroyed.

The first thing to go will- be-the masterfully, crafted, balance-of- power between -the Executive, Legislative, & Judicial branches of the U.S. Gov't. The Congress will be transferring to the Obama Administration authority in many-different-areas over the lives of Americans & the businesses they own.

The irony is Congress doesn't have any authority to legislate in most of those areas to begin with! There's nothing in the Constitution & find any authority granted to Congress to regulate health care.

This legislation also provides for access, by the appointees of the Obama administration, of all of your personal health care direct violation of the specific provisions of the 4th Amendment to the Constitution your personal financial info, & that of your employer, dr. & hospital. All of this protects against unreasonable searches & seizures. You can also forget the right to privacy. That'll have been legislated into oblivion regardless of what the 3rd & 4th Amendments may provide.

If u decide not to have healthcare insurance, or if u have private insurance that is not deemed acceptable to the Health Choices Administrator Oboma appoints by Obama, there'll be a tax imposed on u. It's called a tax v. fine to avoid the intent to avoid application of due process clause of the 5th Amendment. However,that doesn't work as there is nothing in the law that allows u to contest or appeal the tax's imposition, it's definitely depriving someone of property without due process of law.

So, there are three of those pesky, amendments the far-left hate, out the original ten in the Bill of Rights, that are effectively nullified by this law. It doesn't stop there.

The 9th Amendment that provides: The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people;

The 10th Amendment states: The powers not delegated to the US by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are preserved to the States respectively, or to the people.
Under the provisions of this piece of Congressional handiwork neither the people, or states will have any rights or powers at all in many areas that once were theirs to control.

I'd write many, more, pages about this legislation, but u get the idea. This is not about health care; it is about seizing power & limiting rights. Article 6 of the Constitution requires the members of both Houses of Congress to "be bound by oath or affirmation to support the Constitution." If I were a Congressional member I would not be able to vote for this legislation or anything like it, without feeling I was violating that sacred oath or affirmation. If I voted for it anyway, I'd hope Americans held me accountable.

For those who might doubt the nature of this threat, I suggest they consult the Constitution & Bill of Rights. There u can see exactly what we are about to have taken from us.

Michael Connelly
Retired attorney,
Constitutional Law Instructor
Carrollton, Texas

If u don't care about our constitution, or your rights under it, do nothing.
WE MUST HOLD CONGRESS ACCOUNTABLE WHILE WE CAN.

The 4 Best and 3 Worst Sweeteners

2011-09-21T12:40:00.002-04:00

The 4 Best and 3 Worst Sweeteners to Have in Your Kitchen
By Leah Zerbe, Rodale.com

At this point, it's common knowledge that high-fructose corn syrup and refined sugar are bad for us. But given all the marketing hype behind different "natural" alternatives, it's hard to know which ones really are the best sweeteners. Complicating matters, new studies, like one just published in the journal Cancer Research, are finding that fructose, a sugar found in high-fructose corn syrup, agave, honey, and, in small amounts, even in fruit, actually feeds some cancers. But don't give up apples and oranges, or even honey, based on a single study. "Natural sugars found in fruits and vegetables—things like berries, green apples, grapefruit, kiwi—are needed to feed beneficial microflora in the gut for a healthy immune system," explains Donna Gates, who led the movement to bring stevia, a natural sweetener, into this country more than a decade ago. "That's why nature put a little bit of sugar in fruits and vegetables. It keeps the ecosystem alive in us," she says, adding that the small amounts of fructose in fruits and vegetables are balanced with minerals, vitamins, and other vital nutrients. "Our body reads it differently," she notes.Fruits and vegetables provide a perfect sugar fix, but when you're in need of a sweetener to add to iced tea, baked goods, or anything else, make sure you know the difference between the good guys and bad guys of the sweetener world. (Some of the not-so-sweet details could leave you gagging.)

Assess your diabetes risk In 5 mnutes.

Bad Guy #1: Aspartame

There's conflicting evidence regarding the safety of aspartame, a common chemical sweetener used in diet soda and other low-cal or low-sugar goods, but some people report headaches or generally feeling unwell after ingesting anything containing the chemical. To make life easier for everyone, this is one instance where you may want to follow the "better safe than sorry" principle. That's because a University of Liverpool test-tube study found that when mixed with a common food color ingredient, aspartame actually became toxic to brain cells. Making matters worse, aspartame is used in many diet sodas, and studies have found drinking diet soda may increase your risk of developing diabetes and metabolic syndrome. Also of concern with aspartame, researchers have found that one harmful breakdown product is formaldehyde. Sweet? We don't think so.

Bad Guy #2: Agave

While your health food store likely stocks agave sweeteners, it may be best to keep them out of your cart. Many agave nectars consist of 70 to 80 percent fructose—that's more than what's found in high-fructose corn syrup! If you don't want to give up agave, look for types that contain no more than 30 to 40 percent fructose, recommends Christine Gerbstadt, MD, PhD, RD, spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association. Agave is also very heavily processed in an extremely energy-intensive manner that's similar to the way corn is converted into high-fructose corn syrup.

Bad Guy #3: Sucralose

While sucralose, better known by its brand name, Splenda, may originate with sugar, the end product is anything but natural. It's processed using chlorine, and researchers are finding that the artificial sweetener is passing through our bodies and winding up in wastewater treatment plants, where it can't be broken down. Tests in Norway and Sweden found sucralose in surface water released downstream from treatment discharge sites. Scientists worry it could change organisms' feeding habits and interfere with photosynthesis, putting the entire food chain at risk. The chemically derived artificial sweetener acesulfame K (sold under the brand name Sunett) was also detected in treated wastewater and tap water.

The European Fat Tax: Should we try it?.

Good Guy #1: Stevia

"We need to be off of sugar, but we need good alternatives, and stevia is the safest sweetener there is, period," says Gates, who coauthored The Stevia Cookbook: Cooking with Nature's Calorie-Free Sweetener (Avery Trade, 2004). All types of stevia are extracted from the leaves of the stevia plant, but some forms taste better than others, says Gates. People tend to overuse powders, in which the sweetness is really concentrated, so if you've tried powders in the past and didn't like them, try liquid forms, explains Gates, who helped develop a liquid stevia sweetener product. Stevia contains zero calories, but its one downfall is that it doesn't work well for baking. Expect to see more stevia on store shelves, as Coke and Pepsi got the green light to use Truvia (a sweetener made in part from stevia) starting later this year.

Good Guy #2: Sugar alcohols

Popular sugar alcohol sweeteners include xylitol, sorbitol, and erythritol, natural sweeteners made through a fermentation process of corn or sugar cane. They contain fewer calories than sweeteners like pure sugar and honey, but more than stevia. They also leave a cooling sensation in the mouth, and have been found to prevent cavities, explains Dr. Gerbstadt. Just don't overdo it—too much can cause GI distress.

Good Guy #3: Organic, raw local honey

While honey does boast higher fructose levels, it also contains a bounty of cancer-defending antioxidants, and local honey has been said to help alleviate allergy symptoms. Don't limit raw honey's use to your tea, either. Use it to speed healing on burns, and as a natural antiseptic on cuts and scrapes. Honey also has a low glycemic index, so adding it to your tea or yogurt won't lead to energy-busting blood sugar drops later in the day.

Good Guy #4: Blackstrap molasses

Although heavy on the calorie content, blackstrap is rich in iron, potassium, and calcium, making it a healthier choice than nutritionally defunct artificial sweeteners or even regular refined sugar, despite the fact that blackstrap and refined sugar both come from sugar cane. (Dr. Gerbstadt says calorie-containing sweeteners are not recommended for people with diabetes.) We like the organic, Fair Trade Certified version of blackstrap molasses from Wholesome Sweeteners.

10 Ways to Prevent a Stroke

2011-09-21T12:31:00.002-04:00

10 Ways to Prevent a Stroke By Stephanie Trelogan, Caring.com senior editor

Learn how to reduce your risk of having a stroke.
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According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, stroke is the number one cause of serious, long-term disability in the United States. Over the course of a lifetime, stroke affects an estimated four out of five families. Although these statistics sound dire, take heart: With these strategies, you can help your parents reduce their risk -- and reduce your own at the same time.

Control blood pressure.
High blood pressure means a high risk of stroke. If one of your parents has been diagnosed with prehypertension (120/80 to 139/89) or hypertension (140/90 mm Hg or higher), his blood pressure should be treated. The doctor will prescribe the appropriate medications, but your parent's blood pressure needs regular monitoring. Although it can be a bit tricky to use, an inexpensive manual cuff (starting at about $12 at your local drugstore) is a great way to monitor blood pressure at home. But if you can't get the hang of using it, you may want to consider investing in a blood pressure machine, which is a bit more expensive (between $70 and $150); it's also available at your local drugstore.

Manage stress and depression.
A parent's emotional and psychological state can have a very real effect on his physical health. Minimizing stress, anger, and depression is an important aspect of maintaining good cardiovascular health and avoiding a stroke. If your parent lives by himself, he may feel disconnected and alone. Even if your parents still have each other, sitting around the house can lead to boredom and unhappiness. Help your parents get out, make new friends, or simply engage in stimulating activities. Their local church or community center is an excellent place to connect with other seniors.

Perhaps your parent is already a social butterfly but still seems to be having difficulty with his mood. Encourage him to try these stress-busting strategies:

Cut back on caffeinated beverages and alcohol.
Try meditation or yoga.
Play relaxing music.
Go for a walk outdoors.
If you've tried everything and still feel concerned about your parent's mood, talk to his doctor. Depression is a serious but treatable illness.

Reduce the risk of blood clots.
Ask your parents' doctor about medications that can reduce their risk of developing blood clots. The most commonly recommended medication is aspirin, which is inexpensive and can be taken at a low dose (81 milligrams is the usual recommended dose). If your parents have other medical issues, the doctor may prescribe a more potent drug.

Control other medical conditions.
If your parents have atrial fibrillation (an abnormal rhythm involving the upper two chambers of the heart), diabetes, heart valve disease, or vascular disease, they have a much greater risk of stroke. These medical conditions require careful management. Make sure their doctor knows about any such conditions and is treating them appropriately.

Talk to the doctor about medications that might increase your parents' risk.
Hormone replacement therapy (HRT), rosiglitazone (for diabetes), and COX-2 inhibitors (for controlling arthritis pain) are all examples of medications that may increase your parents' risk of stroke. Review their medications with their doctor and ask if there are less risky alternatives.

Know the early warning signs and seek treatment to prevent a stroke.
According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, one out of three people who have a transient ischemic attack (TIA) will suffer an acute stroke. Signs of a TIA, or ministroke, include:

Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm, or leg -- especially on one side of the body

Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding

Sudden trouble seeing out of one or both eyes

Sudden difficulty walking, loss of balance or coordination, dizziness

For more detailed information, see What You Should Know About TIA If Your Parents Are at Risk for a Stroke. If you think your parent has suffered a TIA, notify his doctor right away so that he can be treated.

Keep "bad" cholesterol levels low.
One of the major risk factors for stroke is a high bloodstream level of LDL, or "bad" cholesterol. Ideally, your parent's total cholesterol should be no more than 200 mg/dL (milligrams per deciliter) and no more than five times the level of HDL or "good" cholesterol; his LDL levels should be below 70 mg/dL. Make sure his cholesterol levels are checked regularly and treated if necessary. Following a low-fat diet and exercising regularly may help, but it might not be enough. If his cholesterol levels don't respond to lifestyle changes, his doctor may prescribe medication.

Follow a heart-healthy diet.
The best diet for preventing stroke is the one recommended by the American Heart Association. Choose a diet rich in whole grains, vegetables, fruits, fish, poultry, lean meats, and low-fat or fat-free dairy products.Your parent should limit intake of fat (total fat between 25 and 35 percent of daily calories, saturated fat less than 7 percent, and trans fat less than 1 percent), cholesterol (less than 200 milligrams per day if LDL levels are high, less than 300 milligrams per day if they aren't), and sodium (less than 1,500 milligrams per day for high blood pressure, less than 2,300 milligrams per day otherwise). Your mother should consume no more than one alcoholic beverage per day, your father no more than two. And they should each eat 25 to 30 grams of dietary fiber every day.

Encourage regular exercise.
Exercise is essential for general cardiovascular health and is key to preventing a stroke. But how much exercise is enough? The Centers for Disease Control and the American Heart Association recommend accumulating at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity at least five days a week on most days. This doesn't mean your parents need to do half an hour of aerobics five days a week; instead, you can encourage short bursts of activity throughout the day. Just parking farther away from the store and walking the extra distance, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator, can quickly add up. But before your parents begin any exercise program, they should talk to their doctor about any restrictions they might have.

Help them stop smoking.
Smoking is one of the biggest risk factors for stroke. If your parents or anyone who lives in their home smokes, quitting is essential to good health. Just living with a smoker increases the risk of stroke by almost 30 percent. But recognize that stopping smoking isn't easy. Here are a few ways you can help:

Ask your parents what they think would make it easier for them. They may have suggestions you haven't thought of.

Encourage them to talk about their feelings and what they're going through. Smoking may be a comforting lifelong habit; let them mourn a little.

You may be tempted to nag or yell if they slip up, but it's more effective to remind them that you love them no matter what. Be positive and encouraging -- and vent your frustration to a friend instead.

Help them avoid situations that trigger the desire for a smoke. If they're used to enjoying a cigarette after meals, try going for a short walk outside instead.
Be understanding as they go through withdrawal symptoms. Try not to take it personally if they're especially irritable, short-tempered, and tired.

Quit smoking yourself. If you must smoke, don't smoke around your parents. Not only will it make quitting more difficult for them, but the secondhand smoke will increase their risk of heart attack.

If your parents find it too difficult to quit on their own, talk to their doctor. Nicotine replacement therapy, support groups, and counseling may all be helpful.

5 Foods That Can Trigger a Stroke

2011-09-21T12:27:00.002-04:00

Few things feel more terrifying and random than a stroke, which can strike without warning. And fear of stroke -- when a blood vessel in or leading to the brain bursts or is blocked by a blood clot, starving brain cells of oxygen and nutrients -- is well founded. After all, stroke is the number-three killer in the U.S., affecting more than 700,000 people each year. Here are five foods that cause the damage that leads to stroke.

1. Crackers, chips, and store-bought pastries and baked goods

Muffins, doughnuts, chips, crackers, and many other baked goods are high in trans fats, which are hydrogenated oils popular with commercial bakeries because they stay solid at room temperature, so the products don't require refrigeration. Also listed on labels as "partially hydrogenated" or hydrogenated oils, trans fats are found in all kinds of snack foods, frozen foods, and baked goods, including salad dressings, microwave popcorn, stuffing mixes, frozen tater tots and French fries, cake mixes, and whipped toppings. They're also what makes margarine stay in a solid cube. The worst offenders are fried fast foods such as onion rings, French fries, and fried chicken.

Why it's bad
For years scientists have known trans fats are dangerous artery-blockers, upping the concentrations of lipids and bad cholesterol in the blood and lowering good cholesterol. Now we can add stroke to the list of dangers. This year researchers at the University of North Carolina found that women who ate 7 grams of trans fat each day -- about the amount in two doughnuts or half a serving of French fries -- had 30 percent more strokes (the ischemic type, caused by blocked blood flow to the brain) than women who ate just 1 gram a day. Another recent study, also in women, found that trans fats promoted inflammation and higher levels of C-reactive protein, which have been linked to an increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, and stroke.

What to do
Aim to limit trans fats to no more than 1 or 2 grams a day -- and preferably none. Avoid fast-food French fries and other fried menu items and study packaged food labels closely. Even better, bake your own cookies, cakes, and other snacks. When you can't, search out "health-food" alternative snacks, such as Terra brand potato chips and traditional whole grain crackers such as those made by Finn, Wasa, AkMak, Ryvita, and Lavasch.

2. Smoked and processed meats

Whether your weakness is pastrami, sausage, hot dogs, bacon, or a smoked turkey sandwich, the word from the experts is: Watch out.

Why it's bad
Smoked and processed meats are nasty contributors to stroke risk in two ways: The preserving processes leave them packed with sodium, but even worse are the preservatives used to keep processed meats from going bad. Sodium nitrate and nitrite have been shown by researchers to directly damage blood vessels, causing arteries to harden and narrow. And of course damaged, overly narrow blood vessels are exactly what you don't want if you fear stroke.

Many studies have linked processed meats to coronary artery disease (CAD); one meta-analysis in the journal Circulation calculated a 42-percent increase in coronary heart disease for those who eat one serving of processed meat a day. Stroke is not the only concern for salami fans; cancer journals have reported numerous studies in the past few years showing that consumption of cured and smoked meats is linked with increased risk of diabetes and higher incidences of numerous types of cancer, including leukemia.

What to do
If a smoked turkey or ham sandwich is your lunch of choice, try to vary your diet, switching to tuna, peanut butter, or other choices several days a week. Or cook turkey and chicken yourself and slice it thin for sandwiches.

How to Tell if Someone Is Having a Stroke

3. Diet soda

Although replacing sugary drinks with diet soda seems like a smart solution for keeping weight down -- a heart-healthy goal -- it turns out diet soda is likely a major bad guy when it comes to stroke.

Why it's bad
People who drink a diet soda a day may up their stroke risk by 48 percent. A Columbia University study presented at the American Stroke Association's 2011 International Stroke Conference followed 2,500 people ages 40 and older and found that daily diet soda drinkers had 60 percent more strokes, heart attacks, and coronary artery disease than those who didn't drink diet soda. Researchers don't know exactly how diet soda ups stroke risk -- and are following up with further studies -- but nutritionists are cautioning anyone concerned about stroke to cut out diet soda pop.

What to do
Substitute more water for soda in your daily diet. It's the healthiest thirst-quencher by far, researchers say. If you don't like water, try lemonade, iced tea, or juice.

4. Red meat

This winter, when the respected journal Stroke published a study showing that women who consumed a large portion of red meat each day had a 42-percent higher incidence of stroke, it got nutrition experts talking. The information that red meat, with its high saturated fat content, isn't healthy for those looking to prevent heart disease and stroke wasn't exactly news. But the percentage increase (almost 50 percent!) was both startling and solid; the researchers arrived at their finding after following 35,000 Swedish women for ten years.

Why it's bad
Researchers have long known that the saturated fat in red meat raises the risk of stroke and heart disease by gradually clogging arteries with a buildup of protein plaques. Now it turns out that hemoglobin, the ingredient that gives red meat its high iron content, may pose a specific danger when it comes to stroke. Researchers are investigating whether blood becomes thicker and more viscous as a result of the consumption of so-called heme iron, specifically upping the chance of strokes.

What to do
Aim to substitute more poultry -- particularly white meat -- and fish, which are low in heme iron, for red meat. Also, choose the heart-healthiest sources of protein whenever you can, especially beans, legumes, nuts, tofu, and nonfat dairy.

5. Canned soup and prepared foods

Whether it's canned soup, canned spaghetti, or healthy-sounding frozen dinners, prepared foods and mixes rely on sodium to increase flavor and make processed foods taste fresher. Canned soup is cited by nutritionists as the worst offender; one can of canned chicken noodle soup contains more than 1,100 mg of sodium, while many other varieties, from clam chowder to simple tomato, have between 450 and 800 mg per serving. Compare that to the American Heart and Stroke Association's recommendation of less than1,500 mg of sodium daily and you'll see the problem. In fact, a nutritionist-led campaign, the National Salt Reduction Initiative, calls on food companies to reduce the salt content in canned soup and other products by 20 percent in the next two years.

Why it's bad
Salt, or sodium as it's called on food labels, directly affects stroke risk. In one recent study, people who consumed more than 4,000 mg of sodium daily had more than double the risk of stroke compared to those who ate 2,000 mg or less. Yet the Centers for Disease Control estimate that most Americans eat close to 3,500 mg of sodium per day. Studies show that sodium raises blood pressure, the primary causative factor for stroke. And be warned: Sodium wears many tricky disguises, which allow it to hide in all sorts of foods that we don't necessarily think of as salty. Some common, safe-sounding ingredients that really mean salt:

•Baking soda

•Baking powder

•MSG (monosodium glutamate)

•Disodium phosphate

•Sodium alginate

What to do
Make your own homemade soups and entrees, then freeze individual serving-sized portions. Buy low-sodium varieties, but read labels carefully, since not all products marked "low sodium" live up to that promise.

Top of the Heap...

2011-09-06T02:35:00.001-04:00

9/4/11- "The Top Of -The Heap" by Marty Schwartz & M. Asinoff – (his idea – 95% me).

Guess what! You know how joy, love, people & security are measured in money & success is the “best perfume”? Well, guess what! I'm "drenched" in it…And “reeking"! I just got a great job…as a garbage man! Yes! …A garbage man! That isn't just a “huge aspiration” in places like N.Y.C... It's a “major status symbol”...like a “blue-collar, accountant!”

George Romero’s (horror film- maker) dad told him to start-working on his pension early: be a-garbage man when he finished h.s. He knew actors & athletes make $$ & being a garbage man isn’t him.

That’s ok as it’s me & I'm happy! I made it! Now I can afford to look & act- like a “real, big- shot! Hell”, now I –can- afford- to- hang- out- in- night-clubs on- weekends & tell- babes I'm “connected”. Women like “bad boys”. We’re exciting.
So- what if- I -get a “little creative” with reality? They'll “buy” it when they see my- big, wad of bills & Gold Chains. I won't tell them I'll be picking-up trash, Monday, or the Lincoln’s my dad's. You see I grew up on the streets & never was, or pretended to be book smart. Although I worked very hard on my “MFBH: Masters” in Football, Baseball & Hockey! I guess I glorify actors & athletes like many Americans.
Want to know something? My smart pals still working fear being let-go. So they furlough two days a month (work free=10% pay cut) while unemployment rises, management gets TARP & Million $ bonuses. And California officials got new Caddys &
Lexus with unlimited, usage, despite Six-Billon–dollar -Deficit.

Big shots take care of themselves in gov’t., & business. It took from 1789–1992 to ratify the 27th Amendment limiting Congressional pay raises.

Management wants more profit every quarter. So corporations are in merger "mania" & outsourcing. You are lucky to get severance pay & a reference. Not that references matter. There are no jobs. Auto plants are closing. GM now stands for Government Motors.

People delete degrees from their resumes cause - they’re over qualified. It’s no wonder they quit job hunting & owe Visa their “third born”, despite finishing- college.

The rich get richer, the poor, poorer & the middle class “beat down.” The poverty rate’s climbing along with the deficit.
We got a tax rebate. And it’s-income you are re-taxed on! That should be illegal! At
least muggers -use- guns & knives!

Despite Billions in TARP $ banks foreclosed @ “warp speed” because people can’t get a job & need second mortgage to pay a foreclosure lawyer. Scrape together your life savings to buy your dream home from foreclosure sale & banks can dupe you with someone’s secondary mortgage & are busting: gov’t.- lawsuits-over bad mortgages were
moved to US court.

The economy made thrifty, college grads move back home. They can’t support their pets, much less themselves. And oscillate between demoralization, depression, emasculation, frustration & indignation. A job’s a big part of- who-guys are, especially pros.

The new Republican Congress will cut the deficit / taxes & de-fund health care. Unfortunately, they’re “in –bed” with big business who outsource & want youngsters. So middle- aged people are –not- much- better- off- career wise.
If you were 50+ companies gave early retirement bonuses. Now they just dump you, indifferent to the fact society’s youth obsessed & you have better odds on Moses’ encore than getting a job.

People can’t buy new cars @ 0% for six years & employee discounts.
Lucky we live longer as- they’ll be paying their master…card till they’re 99 cause- interest rates jump if you’re late, or miss a payment.

Retirement’s “mission impossible”: the govt. cut Medicare / SS & finds new taxes / owes China Billions / harasses motorists in a blackout to pay interest on exploding deficit. Although I must balance my budget the govt. just prints more $ & international companies only loyalty is $. They shift profits overseas to avoid taxes / raise profits. President Bush helped them by cutting their taxes during war.
It’s hard to believe growing up in the 60’s my dad was a mechanic, supported ma, four kids & subsidized his ma & uncle. We- had a house & car. And all he owed was a mortgage. He just had-a- h. s. diploma & did it on about $200 a week…gross! I can’t support my pet on that.

If the Labor Dept. says costs rose, the Stock Market plummets! People aren’t assets to nurture anymore. We’re disposable “appliances” / expenses to cut. Downsizing’s the “buzz word” of the 80’s & 90’s & outsourcing’s the new Millennium’s.

Companies exploit international students, needy immigrants, part-timers, temps, independent contractors, go overseas, etc. And have accountants double as advisors to find very creative ways to inflate stock prices & “reinvent” math: 1+ 1= anything u want…until “big brother busts” you. It’s- ok: fines are a business expense.
When the stock market collapses, “Uncle Sam” bails- you-out- for-Billions, you still get huge bonuses / take fancy, vacations on tax $. It’s “Heaven”… if the public doesn’t threaten to kill you.

Today there are so few employees left & so much work there's no lunch, raise, bonus, or profit sharing. People must do two or three- jobs & work o.t. free to save the company money. Gripe = fired.
NYS elected Cuomo, despite his work @ Housing & Urban Development being major contributor to the housing crises: pushing mortgages to the poor who couldn’t afford them.

The govt. does it too: Post Office hires for their “special”: no holiday pay & after 89 days you go. So you don't get benefits. If you're good, they rehire you a day later for another 89 & it restarts. They “cry” the “blues,” raise postage etc. to ensure “big shots’”’ bonuses & raises! How do Fed Ex, UPS, etc. make it?
The govt. say unemployment's down. Not how many took big pay cuts, are p/t, or temp & excludes energy & food. If we didn’t have to drive & eat daily it wouldn’t be so absurd. It reminds me of an old boss: he said I’m promoted…in position only = no raise.

I often quote an expression I heard as a great reply to things like that: lawnmower. I can’t lend u mine for any absurd reason. I lol while people seek a link. Then ask connection? There is none. One excuse is as good as another.

Anyway, I'm no economist. But wonder how people who lose their jobs can afford to buy homes & cars? And what happens if those who aren't let- go, fear they're next, so they don't? This doesn't seem like a- plan for long-term success. That’s why the government’s bailing out the auto industry & banks & driving interest rates down. Banks won’t lend or pay interest. Yet executives take fancy –business- trips, spend thousands redecorating their offices, get huge bonuses, etc. on tax $.

While Henry Ford was anti Semitic/ pro Nazi knew it’s-good business to give his men a raise so they could buy a Model T! His great, grandson, Bill was CEO & couldn’t, despite closing -plants & firing 35K cause labor pays for management’s ineptness & the Japanese beat us @ our own “game”: thinking long- term: making compacts. Alan Mulally helped it live without TARP $, unlike gov’t.-Motors, & Chrysler.

Luckily, I don't have to worry. I've got good pay & benefits. I should- be “cloned” cause they can put a man on the Moon & a robot on Mars, but they still need me to collect trash! That's job security! Maybe I’m smarter than my successful pals: I can retire in 20 years at half pay! I I’d teach, if it didn’t cost thousands to get degrees so drug-addicted / evil / “possessed”/ sadistic / uncivilized / unloved / unwanted / violent / kids & parents can assault, curse & threaten me. + I must spend hundreds on supplies cause the city cutback. I don’t think so. No- one bothers garbage men. We’re not crazy. We don't go- “postal”.

Besides, education's a paradox today: a Bachelor's Degree equals a high school diploma 20 years ago. You need college for most jobs & people assume if you went you're smart. Unfortunately, there are so many doctors & lawyers it's "degree inflation". Many people work so hard & borrow a small fortune to be one, yet can't get a job making enough to repay their loans because paralegals & physician’s assistants earn a fraction of their salary because all a P. A needs-is a B.S. to examine patients & write scripts.

President Clintons said there are too many doctors. So Uncle Sam paid hospitals not to hire any. Now Oboma’s bent on imposing socialized health care on us & making premiums rise. Many blacks say if you criticize him you are racist. I dislike Hillary cause she wants to recognize Hamas & other Arab terrorists. The only colors I care about are Blue, Red, White, Green, Gold, Silver, & Pink (sex).

Employers begrudge you a life / are “vampires”/ want to “own” your heart / soul. They “settle for body & mind.” Companies cut workers pay, health care & pension, make them work @ home, rob ½ their pension to keep their job, then dump them to save severance pay when they hit 50 & hire a temp, p / t, or outsource for less. There are-so many unemployed, college grads, employers are picky. The longer you are unemployed & older you are the harder it is to get a job. Yet “big shots” get larger raises / retention bonuses every year, even if the company loses $. What’s wrong with that?

Maybe I'm wrong, but as I see it, if we're not world-leader in technology in the new millennium, we will be in trash pick-up! Who needs college? I'm "King of the- Hill"! I reached the "top of the garbage heap" without it! And I graduated high school with a D average! Talk about irony!

Roseanne

2011-09-06T02:04:00.002-04:00

9/2/11-TV/R Writing - Professor Andy Meppen - (ALL ME) - ROSEANNE - CONCEPT (Story)

Jackie's pregnant again, but she and Fred have been divorced for months. He loves her and their son Andy and wants to reconcile, but she's does not. Her family likes him & pressures her to reunite and he woos her into it.

ACT I
SCENE 1: Jackie's late for work. Beverly notices Jackie's "glowing", deduces she's pregnant & confronts her in front of Rosanne, Becky & Darlene. Jackie denies it at first. SCENE 2: Becky & Darlene tease her over whose it is. Jackie tells Fred @ lunch. SCENE 3: Mark, Fred & Dan come in. She prepared Fred's favorite lunch. She tries to tell him, but can't. SCENE 4: Rosanne tells Dan & he congratulates them before she can stop him. Fred asks why. Dan walks away sheepishly, embarrassed & apologizing. SCENE 5: Rosanne yells at Dan it was supposed to be a secret. He says she didn't tell him. SCENE 6: Rosanne yells she was getting to it. But was watching to- see Fred's reaction. SCENE 7: Jackie tells Fred. He's happy & assumes they'll remarry, but notices Jackie's reaction. She admits she's unsure. Fred's upset, yells at Jackie & seeks Rosanne's aid. Beverly starts laying a guilt trip on Jackie, criticizing her for screwing up her life again & swears Freud's right: everything is your mom's fault. Then she asks where she went wrong. Rosanne jokes about breaking men in. She says it took years to mold Dan & her daughters explain how well they've become.
ACT II
SCENE 1: Jackie tells everyone to butt out & walks out crying. SCENE 2: Beverly tries to understand Jackie & tells Rosanne to talk to her. SCENE 3: Rosanne, Becky & Bev teach Fred how to romance her. SCENE 4: Fred, Mark & Dan come in for lunch. We learn Fred’s been coming in daily to bring Jackie flowers, candy, perfume, & love poems. SCENE 5: Today's their anniversary & he brought a beautiful card, flowers, candy, perfume & a very, sexy nightgown. She admits she still loves him & wants to reunite.

ACT I - SCENE 6 I- INTERIOR - LUNCH BOX CAFE - AFTERNOON
JACKIE (On Stage) (obviously nervous)
Fred, remember when u dropped Andy off, we had pizza for dinner & sex for desert?
FRED (O.S.) (smirking)
How can I forget? Best desert I ever had! What about it? Wanna- do-it again? We can skip the pizza & go right to desert.

JACKIE (O.S.) (hesitatingly & looking down)
I don't know how to tell you but… I'm pregnant.

FRED (O.S.) (very happy)
Wow...! That's great! How long have you known? The father's always the last to know these things.
JACKIE (O.S.)
Fred, it's not so great. I just found out. I didn't tell anyone. Mom figured it out. She said I "glow". I haven't decided what to do yet.

FRED (On Stage) (obviously upset)
What do you mean!?... You can't be serious?... You aren't considering abortion?... Are you?

JACKIE (O.S.) (defensively)
I told you...I don't know!...I haven't decided...Maybe...Besides, it's my body. I can do anything I want...I don't need anyone’s permission.

FRED (O.S.) (walks across the room and upset)
Rosanne, she's your sister. Talk to her, tell her she's nuts!

ROSANNE (O.S.) (sarcastically)
I swear she’s adopted o r there was a mix up at the hospital: Ma said it’s my fault: I asked her & God for a baby sis.

BEVERLY (O.S.) (Shaking her head in sadness)
What's wrong with u Jackie? I never thought I'd live long enough to see u settle down & have a family. You finally find a nice guy who loves you. And he has a job! That's more that most of your boyfriends. Why u let him go I’ll never know.

JACKIE (O.S.) (glaring angrily)
Butt out, old woman! This is none of your business!

BEVERLY (O.S.) (glaring back)
Like it or not I'm your mom & u are my kid...That makes you my business.

JACKIE (O.S.) (angry and eyes bulging)
Don't remind me! I want- to forget. I'm hoping I was adopted! I wrote to Santa for a new family when I was 5... I'm still waiting.

BEVERLY (O.S.) (sighing)
Freud was right:... Everything's your mom's fault... Where’d I go wrong?

JACKIE (O.S.) (rolling her eyes in annoyance)
Look out...! Here it comes again...

BEVERLY (O.S.) (sobbing lightly)
27 1/2 hours…! 27 1/2 hours, I was in labor with u... Do- you know that Jackie..?...And for what...?

JACKIE (O.S.) (annoyed and angry)
I knew it...! I knew it... I told you, didn't I...?

BEVERLY (O.S.) (sarcastically)
Maybe I should've breast fed u when u-were- a baby Jackie... Is that it...? Where’d I go wrong...?

FRED (O.S.) (to Jackie)
We have a son... Doesn't that mean anything? We can work it out. Think about it. Don't do anything hasty. That's all I ask.
ROSEANNE (O.S.)
You know. He's got a point.

JACKIE (O.S.) (depressed and whining)
I know... It's just marriage isn't all I expected... He’d make a great wife. He cooks. I can hear his ma: he’s a victim: I threw myself @ him! He couldn’t help falling to temptation! I lured him with a home- cooked- meal. Then slipped-on a silk, nightie, dragged him into bed, tore- his-clothes-off & raped him. He was too ashamed & embarrassed to tell. I made him feel so cheap & dirty. Then winked, smiled knowingly & blew him a kiss. The poor boy’s- traumatized & needs therapy.

Roseanne (O.S.)
You’re funny. Think he’d teach Dan to cook? I‘m terrible& hate it.

Jackie (O.S.)
I’m serious, Roseanne! You’ve NO-clue what he’s like to live with. He’s so anal I nicknamed him Mr. Flexible. Feminine too: I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. He’s comical & cinematic without trying. I asked him to bring something home. He said no because he got special skin cream that‘s-too heavy to carry at once. So he takes some daily cause his bag gets too heavy & makes him unbalanced.

Roseanne (O.S.)
You’re kidding? He’s an amateur, body builder.

Jackie (O.S.)
Yea, that’s why he adds grams of protein, except Tues: junk food night: Soy Cheese pizza & organic, pie. Monday’s Melrose -Place. He concentrates. There’s a test. He wants a Masters in Melrose Place, to go with Associates in Dallas & Bachelors in Dynasty. He’s certifiable & so-me. Everyone is. He’s ahead of his time, at least a generation ahead of the curve. When his friend, Al asked if I have single pals, he thought it was for him. It’s a love triangle: we love same guy: him: he loves him & I love him. He “married” himself! Y do u think Al painted help me on MY shoes @ our wedding? He’s a male lesbian. He’s a woman trapped in a man’s body. So he’ likes women. He can’t help it. He’s born than way. U can’t fight genetics. I should’ve known. It all makes sense now. Am I a lesbian too? Is that why I pick Mr. Wrong?
ROSANNE (O.S.) (laughing)
Come on. U made that up. Next you’ll say he needs 2 hours a day to foliate his skin, you need meds & booze to cope, click your heels 3X while chanting I want to go home.

Jackie (O.S.)
I wish. Everything must be just so. He’s Mr. Clean. A blue shirt must be on a blue hanger. His movie collection’s alphabetized. The toilet bowl passed a white, glove test. When we eat out he brings utensils & dishes. In the Navy he told the guys he’s annoyed his shoes were moved. They nailed them to the floor. Imagine his reaction when he realized. I wish I was there.

I LOL when the phone rang off the hook cause Al distributed fliers: Fredwina’s Italian Restaurant: Northern Cuisine a specialty, closed Mondays for Melrose Place. U - were-mad.

U thought he’d send a Valentine’s stripper to work. So u watched the clock all day. @ lunch-u flew to the cafeteria & back to chase her. Did the guys lol when chocolate cherries came? I loved the card: hot babe on the cover with provocative look saying I bet I know what u want when the ice cream & cake are gone. The inside said a nap!

I lol when Al’s friend called to say she’s personnel & firing u for gossiping. U were scared & denied it. She said liar. Your cherry & shopping photos are funny. U taking off work for Tom with the books to deliver 1000 books tomorrow cause u got a message on the machine is unbelievable. Why didn’t u know u never had an American Express card?
Fred (still defensive) (O.S.)
You portray me as a cross between Martha Stewart & the Rain Man. I’m not that bad & no one’s perfect, u-know, Jackie? Just because I wash my $ & letter & # my socks: L & R 1, 2, 3,, etc. to keep the pairs together & wrap hot dogs individually…

Jackie (O.S.)
No! You’re worse: say- thinking dept’s closed. If that’s not enough u-LIVE for gossip: say it’s a hobby. It’s an obsession! Mrs. Goldberg called u a Yunt-terr & slapped u. She said it’s a busy-body. U always- want- whole story, full report, all the details, A-Z. If I leave anything out u say I went from B to E, want to know about c & d & I make u bust: say there’s a fight, not who. U like- all the- gossip. So- u -go -to everyone for theirs & give yours. + u-are always so whiney, & fussy: coffee’ can’t be more than 20 minutes old or milk won’t swirl right. U can tell & always say it’s not easy. You’re not as young as u used to be. That’s for sure. And gullible: Al said he’d mess our-room & u went NUTS. I peed-when-he said he’d put cellophane on the toilet seat, short-sheet the bed, flip spread upside down & color laces l & r over & under, pillow-case inside out, rearrange-dresser draws, unfold/refold clothes differently. U were-livid when he said he’d un-bundle socks-mix colors-turn them inside out & re-bundle. We lol @ u yelling: “U-don’t-do these things! It aint right! I wouldn’t do it to u! U like to make me bust!!” How about when u said I won’t let him in & he said I would if he came to say hi. U added, I’d let him in the kitchen, if he went to the bedroom I’d say let’s go. Come on. Out. There’s the door. U BLEW when he said he’d say it’s a gag, he’s taking photos for guys @ work. How red were u when u yelled at him u wish he wasn’t bigger than u! You’d give him a good kick in the ass!
Fred (O.S.)
It’s NOT funny, Jackie! .

Jackie (O.S.)
Yes it is! I CAN’T decide your funniest- line. Is it don’t- do me NO favors, Mr.! U-know me: I’m a shaky, guy. U said you’re like a woman: get-your period! Maybe it’s when u had a fit in a club. And yelled at Al, What r u talking about!? They got no room! There’s no place for u to stay! They only got 1 bedroom! They’re never home! They work different shifts! I HOWLED. Every time I stopped & saw how red u-were I restarted. He asked y u are so excited. U said, “What the Hell do-u want from her?! What the hell do-u bring her into this?! What the hell does she have to do with this!? I LOL. He just asked if your sister & her boyfriend would adopt him. U nearly had a coronary.

I lol when Al told everyone in the bar u are Pee Wee Herman: busted watching dirty movie & doing what u shouldn’t cause u forgot to lock the door. U bugged when Ken, the bartender mentioned it. U said “It’s NOT true! U gotta believe me! Never happened! Al made it up!”… When Ken asked u wouldn’t lie? U got red & said NO! I wouldn’t! I SWEAR. He looked u in the eye with that dead pan, poker face & said 11th commandment says thou shalt not lie to the bartender. U stammered I wouldn’t! I swear! He said that’s a cardinal rule. U said u-know! Yes! He said ok, I’ll believe u this time. U stuttered thank u! Bless u! & said Al lied. U didn’t come out cause-u were busy @ work. He asked Ken if it was him would he admit it or create story & deny it. It was hysterical! The next week he said u forgot to pull down the shade & were on the ground floor.

Fred (O.S.)
You wouldn’t laugh if you were me. So I never use the same umbrella twice. Big deal.

Jackie (Criticizing) (O.S.)
I’m not gullible. U- move- in -it. How about when Al said he sent pizzas to a friend because he was mad the guy married his ex’s sister? U believed he was arrested for breaking the groom’s nose. U-were up till 10, WAY past your bedtime, to call the guy for the whole story.

Then Al convinced u, he’d crash the wedding dressed as a bum? U got there early for a good seat &- were-riveted on the door every time it opened. It was a dilemma: u wanted to see a show, yet didn’t want to see wedding ruined.

I love it when u comb & slick your hair & he blows on it. U -dig-your nails into the bar & must fix it.

Thanksgiving was a riot: Al called & u said it’s just us, u made chicken & salad. He said great I’ll be over in an hour. U freaked: what do-u mean?! U only made enough for us & he said don’t worry. We’ll make it enough.

U even dreamed he came over during dinner & u said we’re eating. He said yea, I brought desert. U awoke screaming no!

Once u were lol in your sleep, awoke & said u dreamt he couldn’t climb in ground floor window & left mad.

I’ll NEVER stop laughing over Princess-phone: one summer- night I called. U said it’s-hot. & want to lie down with the a/c. I said get a phone in there. U said u can’t: only 1 jack & it’s for that. I said it’s broken. U said it’s for show. I said u can still get another. U said no, only–1 jack & u need it for that one. It was Abbott & Costello: “Who’s on First.” I didn’t marry u for your phone. U got it the divorce settlement. I see why your dad calls u cement head & refuge & your brother asked if u were reading the paper or just looking @ pictures. We lol when u stared blankly, said u are reading & wondered what’s funny.

Funny part is u can’t make this stuff up if u wanted to. Truth isn’t just stranger than fiction, it’s funnier than Seinfeld. No one has that much imagination, except God. U can bet He’s up there laughing His ass off.

Roseanne (O.S.)
You know what your problem is Jackie? U never had a relationship this long. U- need- to learn how to break men in. They're like new shoes: ... They don’t just come the way you want them, you know.. ? First we let them chase us. Then we “catch” them: we’re “fishermen: cast our line.” Once he’s hooked we “reel” him “slowly” till he’s “dangling, helplessly.” We’re also “hunters”: we get their man hood - in our “sight.” Then they’re ours. We’re artists, bakers, contractors, missionaries & sculptors: see men as blank canvas, bag of flour, run down house, on a mission: save them from themselves, lump of clay & material awaiting our vision to transform them into masterpieces.
JACKIE (O.S.) (eyes bulging)
What the HELL are you talking about, Rosanne?!... Have you completely lost your mind!?... You've been eating your own cooking again, haven't you? Remember how sick you got last time?...

ROSANNE (O.S.) (smirking)
U don’t get -It: I spent years making Dan the way I like him... a Stepford man. I’m like Yoda said in Star Wars: educate-him in the ways of the force...” Remember we’re Alpha females…on steroids! Hear us roar! ? When I leave him & Fido alone I say no girls or parties while I’m out.

I love Brando in Guys & Dolls: he asked Sinatra’s fiancé "Is he’s who u love & want to marry or what can u make of him... Men are material we tailor...." Right, Dan?

DAN (O.S.) (nodding and smiling)
That's right, dear.

ROSANNE (O.S.) (grinning)
What did I teach you to say, Dan?

DAN (O.S.)
Yes, dear...No dear... Whatever you say... You're the boss...

ROSANNE (O.S.) (chuckling)
See I told you Jackie...It took years to train him. I started on the first date. We met in a bank: He was depositing & I was withdrawing. And that's the way it's been ever since. The trick’s deluding them into thinking they have a say & head the house. Then swap their pants for a dress. Occasionally they act out. U let them talk, say-suggest when ordering. Then make him an offer he can’t refuse…. They fall in line fast if they want sex. They’ll do anything for it, even sit up & beg. + he -appeases me cause when I’m mad he faces the Wrath of Kahn. Like when I wanted to move & he didn’t. We moved. U see, as women we belong to the international fraternity of sister hood. Those of us with brothers, husbands & sons are obliged to prep them for marriage. Watch this: who's the boss in our house, Dan?

DAN (O.S.) (proudly)
I am, dear!

ROSANNE (O.S.) (smiling)
Who gave you permission to say so?

DAN (O.S.) (sheepishly nodding)
You did, dear.

ROSANNE (O.S.) (smiling)
I taught Becky & Darlene the same thing... They've got Mark & David trained real good... Right girls?

BECKY (O.S.) (nodding and smiling)
Oh yeah, absolutely. I taught Mark the 3 Step Program: yes dear, no dear & I’m sorry, dear. He’s the head & I’m the neck. The head goes where the neck tells it.

DARLENE (O.S.) (nodding & grinning widely)
When David & I first started dating I'd say jump. And he jumped... Now he asks how high...? Marriage vows are LAST rights for men. We’re like Borg on Star Trek: assimilate. Resistance is futile. They ALWAYS have the last 2 words…yes, dear.

JACKIE (O.S.) (starring in disbelief)
You're ALL NUTS...! Do you know that!? You – sound like they’re aliens we conquer & want me to try that!?

ROSANNE (O.S.) (grinning ear to ear)
Yoda said it, “U don’t try. You-do, or u don’t...” + u- don't know what u are- missing... Occasionally he forgets who’s the boss & gets the crazy idea to “grow a pair”. So I revoke privileges. That “fixes” him, quick. We've been happily married for 26 years...Right Dan?

DAN (O.S.) (nodding)
Yes dear... Whatever you say... You're the boss... My sole purpose in life is to please you... You're every wish is my command...

JACKIE (O.S.) (whining)
This is serious Roseanne. What am I gonna do?

ROSANNE (O.S.) (Seriously & sarcastically)
I can't tell u what to do. It's your life...He loves you & Andy. That's more than many can say. U could do worse. The Goldberg's like him. They said he's a min-sche. I think it's Jewish. I don't know what it means. But they're nice. I bet their daughter's training D.J. already. He went to a sad-duree last week. Whatever-that is. He said it was nice & brought home crackers & a beanie. He called them Matzoth & Yumm-ull-kerr. Heck maybe he'll marry her. We could learn from them: their “men” are trained: they have 2 bosses: their wife & God…in that order. And never leave the toilet seat up. They pee sitting. A down toilet seat’s the secret to happy marriage. Besides they have to be: Jewish men are fixed way before marriage: they circumcise them as babies cause-they’re too small to object. I bet they’ll invent a way for men get a period & give birth. That’d be neat! Men should have slots in the back of their heads for a hand & ATM, strings & a remote.

BEVERLY (O.S.) (calmly suggesting)
Jackie. It would be nice for the baby to have a brother or sister to play with.

JACKIE (O.S.) (leering angrily)
No it wouldn't... It might look like u..!. Wouldn't that be a nightmare on any street?

BEVERLY (O.S.) (smiling)
Ha, ha..!. Very- funny....Make all the jokes u want, it's not going to change a thing...
ROSANNE (O.S.) (chuckling)
Hey you know she may be on to something there mom...We've been pretty lucky so far... Jackie & me- look like dad, my kids look like Dan & Andy like Fred. We wouldn't want to press our luck.

BEVERLY (O.S.) (smiling to Rosanne & Jackie)
Mock me all u want. One day u two will be just like me. What will u say then...?

JACKIE (O.S.) (eyes bulging & yelling)

Oh God, I hope that never happens! If I do I hope someone will put out of my misery.

ROSANNE (O.S.) (smiling)
Boy wouldn't that be a kick in the head?... I wonder if God has a sense of humor...?

Jackie (O.S.) (sarcastically)
He must! He made us, didn’t He? If that’s not proof enough, nothing is.

A Day I’ll Never Forget

2011-09-06T01:53:00.001-04:00

A Day I’ll Never Forget By M. Asinoff & Jack Simony 8/26/11 - His idea-95% me.

It was a typical, Monday, in July, except on this one the home for retarded adults I work in was going- Canoeing. Yes, retarded. So I'm politically incorrect. What can I say? The Devil makes me do it. (If it was good enough for Flip Wilson, RIP it was good enough for me.) Anyway, I was a bit worried because they can't swim. But I'll get back to that.

Meanwhile, we were deciding who'd drive when I got a brain-storm. (I get them sometimes. Unfortunately, they don't always work as well as they sound at first). But I bet my friend, Irene the guys would beat the girls there, anyway. She was reluctant. But I made her an offer she couldn't refuse…

It took two hours to get there & hear they made it in one because she got directions. I knew I made a wrong turn five miles back…But I was too “macho” to stop for directions…So I “followed my ego”…& drove around… It’s a “guy, thing”. Irene did a parody on Abbott & Costello’s Hot Dog & Mustard routine with maps.

Anyway, we were enjoying a b.b.q. Then I heard a big splash & someone scream, "Oh, my God...! Al fell in the water!!!..."
Instantly, my worst fears were reality…! My heart-was-racing…! I told Jeff this was a bad idea.... But he wouldn’t listen.... He said he’s the- boss, I worry too much & chuckled... I looked around. EVERYONE was frozen with fear & shock...
I knew someone had to do something.... FAST...! So I jumped in... I was TERRIFIED he'd drown…! It was ALL I could think of…! I don’t think I ever swam so hard in my life...Luckily, I was captain of my college, swim-team for two years, or I probably would've been more scared out of my mind than I was...

My mom and coach will be so glad to hear they were right: all those laps really did pay-off. I'll have to call the coach... Call!...Yes!...I just remembered my cell phone's-in the car...

They can call 911 while I give him mouth-to-mouth, I thought... Lucky, I know CPR... God, I hope I reach him in time... I never thought I’d hate being so right before... It's so over rated sometimes.

Al’s family will sue...! I read about something like this...! The family sued for Millions & the home went under...!

Many of the residents came here. I hope the same thing doesn't happen to us...! It'd be a real shame...! What- would- they do...!? Where would they go...!? God, I hope they won’t have to worry about that! I’ll reach Al in time!

Then finally...after a few minutes that seemed like eternity, I reached someone!.. I figured it was Al & was so relieved...! I hope it’s him & I’m in time… I took a big, lunge forward, reached out & grabbed a foot…! A foot…!? Huh…That's weird… How’d I get a foot...?

Oh God..! Oh, God…! I hope he didn’t fall & hit his head on a rock…! PLEASE, God..! Let it be Irene’s…! PLEASE. God…! I’ll NEVER, EVER ask you for anything, ever again! I SWEAR! I know I said that before! But I mean it this time!... I swear! I’ll NEVER ask for anything as long as I live! Promise!

Al’s nice. He didn’t do anything wrong! He doesn’t deserve to die!
He’s still young. So what if he’s retarded. (There I go again: being politically incorrect. Mentally- challenged. If only Irene could hear me being politically correct. She’d be happy & say there’s hope for me yet.) Come on, God, you know Al’s happy & doesn‘t deserve to die! Please, God!... Please let it be Irene’s foot!... Please let her have dived in after me & catching her breath while looking to see if Al surfaced...! I hope Al doesn’t panic or cramp...! He treads water…! I think…! I hope! If he drowns I’ll never forgive myself for not trying to persuade Jeff harder...!

That’s it: I’m out of breath!... I must get some air or my lungs will burst & they'll be fishing me out too!...That's all we need...I can see the headline now...camp counselor drowns trying to save retarded, adult!... (They’ll say I was politically incorrect, too. Not what I want to be remembered for or in my eulogy)!
I’m more out of shape than I realized…I gotta quit smoking... I can’t believe I started again...I did it to look cool in front of Irene...I was so proud of myself for quitting “cold-turkey” a year ago...

Mom’s right: some guys will do anything to impress a babe... especially a “hot”, one, like Irene.... Mom was a gal once...before she married dad...That’s how she got him…She knows we jocks don’t think with our heads...

Hey, I’m a jock...That’s cool...We’re “chick magnets”...I don’t have to smoke to look “cool” for Irene...
I can get any, gal I want... I can just hear mom saying I told you so... She loves being right... It's a mom, “thing”.

Plus cigarettes are $11 a pack, for Heaven’s sake!...At least muggers use guns & knives & don’t insult or try to play you with crap like it’s for your own good...I prefer a hug & kiss when getting it...I’m-funny that way...

O.k., that’s it...! I can’t hold my breath anymore... I swear my lungs will explode in a minute….

I better surface... While I get some air I can see if whoever’s foot I grabbed found Al & he’s okay...

So I surfaced.... You won’t believe whose foot it was... When I tell you you’ll swear I played you...

I didn’t!... I swear!...I’d NEVER even think of it! That’s not the kind of thing you kid about….Even I have boundaries… Believe it, or not. When I surfaced & looked-up Al was standing there...! That's right…! Standing…!

I could not believe it…! I still swear it was all a bad dream, a scene from a B horror movie, a commercial or Youtube video!...It’s surreal!...I’m bleary from oxygen deprivation or something, I thought!...It can’t be…! I must be hallucinating!... The lack of oxygen & heat must be making me delirious!...So I rubbed my eyes again... when I opened them he was standing there… laughing, hysterically...!

So was everyone else...! Can u imagine the look on my face when I realized the water was five-feet?... Boy was I embarrassed… & soaked in mud.

Irene thought it was hysterical... So I chased her & tried to rub mud on her. She took photos & threatened-to-blackmail me by posting them on Facebook & joking, the Devil “makes” her do it... She dubbed it -a “Jack Moment” haunting me & back to “bite me in the ass”... I told her the hurricane’s named for her & lol. She was not amused. I “wonder” why?

“Jack Moment's" a line I coined... it's- “cousin” to the “Kodak Moment”... It’s when I make-someone... usually a chic... turn three…or more… shades of magenta.... (Three’s-my -lucky, #)...

I did it to an ex, publicly... I don’t get mad or even. I get ahead. It was payback for being selfish: leaving me before mid-terms & having my book….So I couldn’t study... During Gay Pride Parade I said they're sick….And any guy wanting to see all of me…desperately needs shock therapy!... I don't even want to see it! ...I- shower in the dark… There’s- a lot of me to love…And none of it’s pretty! Trust me.
She lol & said she didn't blame me...if she were me she would too...I'm not very pretty when dressed.

So I asked if she wanted to know a secret…just between us…

Still lol…rather, smugly…& obviously quite, pleased with herself… she asked what?
I publicly, announced there was a time…not long ago… when she thought I was pretty…enough to hug & kiss…amongst several other things... while wearing nothing...but contacts!...

Boy...that was a “Jack Moment”...! I'll never, ever forget it…as long as I live...! I had no clue a person could turn so many shades of magenta. She turned them all...three times! (I told you it’s my lucky, #).

She made me appreciate irony: when she left I’d have “sold my soul to Satan” to retrieve her. Now I can’t quit thanking God she left. She did me a favor! When I think we went “all natural” it scares me! My pop’s right: God looks out for fools & idiots. The thought of a “mini me” running around is a “nightmare on any street!” (What’s life if you can’t lol @ yourself? Humor’s a circuit breaker to save your sanity. Lol & the-world’s-with- you. When you are troubled you learn the small letters ly added to friend make a big-difference.

Anyway, we split into couples & Irene rode with me…She lol over my "rescue" & said we had such fun, why not extend it? After all I’m on a "lucky streak”…& should keep it going at Atlantic City. I agreed. So we went to my house, I showered & changed.
Irene wanted to drive. But proving once again macho’s “incurable”, & some guys never learn, I drove. (I knew the way). At least I have “stones.” Most guys “swap their jeans for a dress long” before they say I do.

Once a couple forms he’s on a “short leash” & single pals = the “anti Christ”. After marriage guys ask how high”… A pal even changed his last name. Husbands go to baby showers, dept. stores & restaurants now have diaper changing tables in the men’s room, for God’s sake!... What the Hell’s the world coming to?...Before you know we’ll pee “sitting”! Guys say they’re happy & “omit that their wives say they are. And they better say so or what’s left of their manhood will “hang”- from their woman’s “rear view mirror & key chains”, taken to work to show all the girls & help prep single ones for marriage.”

“Luckily”, I have my kid, sister, Ann. She a “typical” woman: “little general”: suggests (tells) what & when to do, eat, feel, say, think & wear. Sometimes I salute her when she orders me. She saw me on- line, late & told me go to bed. She thinks she’s my big, sis. It’s a “miracle” I got this far without her. “Lucky” I have her to “think” for me now. It was a “job & ½” backing her down from orders. I faced “The Wrath of Khan”, for calling- her-a “soccer-mom”, asking her if she wants to carve slots in back of my head for an ATM & her hand, make me a “Stepford Man” strings, writing-a hilarious, parody about her-suggestions & saying the Devil makes her do it. Being Flip Wilson was in character as “Geraldine” when he blamed the Devil it works for women too.

I posted the “Suggestions” on my Google Blog under a “pen name”: mrmitch06 She- was-not amused by it & said she’d quit suggesting. She did… for a whole day…believe it or not!

It was like the little boy next door giving his ma “agida”. I told him when I was small my pop & grandma, RIP said they got me on sale in Macy’s & would look for the receipt to return me. He replied, “No mommy!...I’ll be good!...I’ll be good!...I promise!...I’ll be good!...” His ma almost bled from biting her lip so hard. He was good... for a whole day!...It was a miracle!

Ann denied trying to “prep me for marriage” (“fix”). It’s a “sisterhood thing:” they‘re a “global fraternity”. Those with brothers & sons are “morally obligated to do all they can to educate / train” us in the “ways of the force:” when dating their gals “say, jump. And they do… After marriage guys “ask how high”.

I asked if my girlfriends didn’t “fix” me with love & sex how- will- she? I told her women are “aspiring artists, bakers, missionaries sent by God to save us from ourselves, sculptors, tailors,” etc. They “see” men as a “blank -canvas, lump of clay, roll of material, house to remodel & sack of flour crying out” for their “vision” to “transform” us into a “show piece.”

I saw Guys & Dolls. It was made in the 50s. It proves people don’t change & this is not new. In it Brando, RIP asked Sinatra’s fiancé an insightful, penetrating question: “Is he who you love & want to marry or what you can make of him? The last thing a guy wants to be is a piece of dress material tailored into whatever husbands look like that year.”

Ann’s an “Alpha” female. So I decided she wasn’t letting go & I must do something drastic. Since I had nothing to lose I went for “broke”: I knew she’d be pissed & hoped it’d be @ her place. So I said,”Last time I looked incest was still taboo. So you have nothing to offer me as incentive to change.” I bet you’re wondering if she got mad. Does a bear shit in the woods? Boy did she get mad… as expected. Luckily it was @ her place as hoped. So mission accomplished.

Anyway, we got to AC. Irene's some dancer, so we “whirled around” the floor. Before we knew it two-hours "flew”-by & I felt like gambling. We're here already, I told myself. How can you come here & not gamble, I asked Irene? Since we're by the Roulette Table it seemed like as good a place as any to start.

Before I knew it I blew 75 bucks!...I still had a $25 chip left…And was determined to go home either rich or –broke…nothing in between!…”No guts, no glory!”...It’s “another single, guy, thing”… To married, men it’s a “faint memory”…

The casino was crowded. But I didn't care...I wasn't going to let a little thing like that get in between me & the Jackpot. After seeing me lose 75 bucks & now about to risk my last 25…Irene said I'm a typical bachelor: more macho than brains...Then she picked up the chip & walked off...
At that moment the wheel stopped...I won't say where...I'll let you guess.... I will say we hit my “Jack Pot” later… And when all was said and done, it was a day we'll never forget...

Austrailia's Got talent: Chooka Parker

2011-08-19T01:13:00.001-04:00

http://chookaparker.com.au/

He names names...

2011-08-14T13:47:00.000-04:00

http://www.livestream.com/ideacity/video?clipId=flv_fd017d81-dc18-42cc-821a-18b86fdea840

The speaker is an Indian Muslim who is warning us to wake up. He has tremendous courage and pulls no punches on what is happening with Islamist fascism. Make sure you listen to the end of the tape where he says we now have three members of the Muslim Brotherhood in the White House (and names them). He is elderly and in a wheel chair recovering from cancer treatments - perhaps that's why he has the courage to speak out. This is probably one of the most important messages of our day.

"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

The Human Brain

2011-08-14T00:06:00.000-04:00

The Human Brain - God's Design This is cool...

www.godtube.com

Have you ever thought about the Human Brain and how it really works? This awesome video explores how it relates to the patterns & behaviors we live out day to day and how to renew our mind with the things of God.

Elected Officals' Salaries...

2011-07-19T22:04:00.001-04:00

Salary of the US President - $400,000.

Salary of retired US Presidents - $180,000.

Salary of House / Senate - $174,000.

Salary of Speaker of House - $223,500.

Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders - $193,400....

Average US Salary - $33,000 to $77,000.

And lots way below this........

AVERAGE US MILITARY SALARY.... $19,000 TO $22,000!

We found where the cuts should be made! Re-post if you agree!!

Florida Drug Testing Welfare Recipients

2011-07-19T22:00:00.002-04:00

Florida is the first State that will require drug testing when applying for welfare

(effective July 1st)! Some people are crying this is unconstitutional.

How is this unconstitutional? It's OK to drug test the people who work for their

money but not those who don't? Re-post if you want all states.

I'm not a black man

2011-07-08T12:43:00.000-04:00

I'm not a black man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXSQYXrGuTE&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Whites don't be afraid of blacks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_aIvfFq3BA&feature=related

Obama a homosexual drug user
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88V3F6_iUus&feature=related

I'm from a different era: the "N" word's demeaning.
So I sub the "R" word: relative. I call my black colleagues & neighbor aunt, cuz, sis & uncle. And never tire of showing our photo & asking people, with a seamless, smile if they see the family resemblance.

When they timidly say no, not really I point out family resemblance: same bone structure, chin, eyes, fuzzy hair, nose, smile, etc.

'Nazi' police 'kidnap' woman at town hall

2011-07-08T12:26:00.002-04:00

The 1st short video says it all... http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=319501

'Nazi' police 'kidnap' woman at town hall

www.wnd.com

A small town in Arizona is suddenly a YouTube sensation after a town-hall meeting devolved into a physical clash as a woman was forcibly removed from speaking during the public portion of the event. Jennifer Jade Jones, 45, of Quartzsite, Ariz. , w...

Divorce II

2011-06-01T20:49:00.000-04:00

How to Help Your Child overcome Your Divorce
For Separated, Divorcing, and Divorced Parents with Children Ages 12 & Under
by Elissa P. Benedek, M.D. and Catherine F. Brown

Chapter 6: IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON PARENTING
Within a few months after separating, 35 year old Maureen realized she underestimated how hard life alone is. The chores they split were now hers. With sole custody of her 6 & 8-year-old girls, she was responsible for the family's welfare. They had no relatives in the area where they lived. They moved there right after college. When Maureen's ex took a job in another state, the girls were devastated and she was deprived of a backup babysitter. Now when the girls were sick, she was caught between the no win choices of begging time off from her f/t job as a nurse & sending a sick child to school. On top of it all, she was trying hard to save extra money so she could buy a small townhouse in a neighborhood with better schools. Thus, she often worked extra shifts when the girls were with their dad.
Maureen was usually tired and overwhelmed, wishing there were more hours to do everything she had to. Ironically, the worst part of the day came when all her work was done. With the house quiet and the girls asleep, it was hard to push memories of happier & easier times from her wandering mind, and she began to question what to do next. She knew her marriage couldn't be saved. But missed the companionship & support it provided.

Maureen's situation is typical of many custodial parents within a year of separation or divorce. Non -custodial parents don't have it much easier. Although the daily demands on their time & energy may be less, missing their children & the routine of family life can be just as heavy a burden. Similarly, the amount of distress a person experiences is not entirely related to which spouse wanted or sought the divorce. Both spouses can expect some rough sailing in the days ahead.
People in Maureen's position are at a crucial point for them & their children. How they approach restructuring their lives after the breakup of their marriage is another important factor in their children's adjustment to the new family situation.
The process of separation/divorce sets up an almost impossible situation for parents. At the same time, they need time to deal with the emotions & stress accompanying the loss of their marriage & to decide a new course of action their children have the greatest need for reliability & assurances of love. Absorbed in their own problems, parents may become less affectionate with their children or fail to discipline consistently. The more parents pull back to regroup after a divorce, the more fiercely children show their need for attention. When parents & children lose their emotional equilibrium, they exacerbate each other's problems. The key to breaking this cycle is for parents to do various things: 1) take control of their lives; 2) Create a nurturing, predictable environment for the children; 3)deal with the children authoritatively; 4) Be aware of some of the problems that divorced parents commonly encounter, as described in this chapter. Maureen was one of the lucky or to be more precise, intuitive parents. A few years ago she summed up her approach to this difficult time of her life to me: "Although it has been hard, I finally realized what my children needed most was a reasonably stable mother they knew they could count on." Although this may simplify what she in reality had provided for her children, her instincts were on the mark.
Common Problems of Divorced Parents
When people first separate/divorce, they experience an array of emotions from sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame, & shock to elation over believing that all their problems are now solved. The spouse who didn't want the divorce may feel worthless & unlovable. The one who wanted it may have second thoughts. There is no one -order for these emotions; each may come & go, again & again.
At the same time, there are new living arrangements to get used to. The spouse with whom the children live may remain in the family home, reminding them of the loss of the parent who moved out. If the family home must be sold & proceeds- split, both spouses will probably move to new neighborhoods. Maybe the children will go to a new school & make new friends. The mother, in addition to leaving behind neighbors she chatted with regularly or could turn to in emergencies, may feel isolated & embarrassed if her socioeconomic status dropped. If she has not done so already, she may be entering the work force f/t. The non-custodial parent, usually the father, may be paying child support, but he may resent the fact that he too may have a lower standard of living and that he now plays a reduced role in his children's lives. Parents may be wrestling each other in the courts over custody or visitation disagreements.

One of the most worrisome reactions is a parent's lacking the energy to go to work, keep up the daily chores, take proper care of the children in short, losing interest in life itself. These are signs of serious depression. If symptoms persist for a month or longer, a mental health professional must be consulted (see Chapter 12). If the person is thinking or talking about committing suicide, a psychiatrist should be consulted immediately.
As I pointed out in the last chapter, it is vital that parents overcome these reactions & for the children's sake, learn how to handle the stresses brought about by the divorce. The children's adjustment is directly linked to the parents' adjustment. Adult Regression Chapter 5 notes that children sometimes regress in reaction to their parents' separation and divorce. In often has the same effect on adults too. Some adults may go so far as to become helpless, depending on others, including their children to take care of them.
Eve, for example, became extremely upset when her husband of ten years suddenly left. Although she ran the home smoothly & took good care of their son when married, after he left she began to have difficulty making even routine decisions. When the roof leaked or the stove broke, she called her former husband. After she overdrew her checking account a few months in a row, she asked him to take over paying the bills. Since he still felt guilty about leaving suddenly, he helped. He soon found, the more he helped her, the more dependent she became on him. Within a few more months her helplessness & childish behavior made him fear for his son's safety. She came to see me for help when he began threatening to sue her for custody of their son.
Liz, too, was thrown into mental disarray after her divorce. To block out her pain, she tried to find solace in a procession of men. Up to that point, she only slept with her husband & prided herself on being a virgin on their wedding night. After a year of one or-two night stands, she felt ashamed and embarrassed by her uncharacteristic behavior. Soon after entering therapy, she decided to be tested for Herpes and HIV. So far, she has tested negative, but she will have to undergo more testing before she can be reasonably sure she is free of HIV.
Most people don't need to see a mental health professional to recover from regressive behavior. Usually such changes are temporary, remitting when the person is able to reestablish a sense of inner equilibrium and direction.
Parent as Child, Child as Parent After Divorce
Some parents experience a specific type of regression in which they become too dependent on one or more of their children. In essence, a role reversal takes place in which the children become the parents' caretakers, confidants & counselors. These parents are most often troubled, depressed & lonely; they are unwilling or unable to take responsibility for themselves. Sometimes they are alcoholics/depend on drugs. The result is a form of mental bondage & skewed development in the child & a faulty sense of reality in the adult. In its most destructive (but rare) variant, some adults commit incest, using the child as a replacement for the lost marital partner. More commonly, they have the child sleep with them to alleviate their loneliness. (As I emphasize in Chapter 5, parents should not invite or permit their children to sleep with them.)
Most parents, however, are vulnerable to depending too much on their children in more subtle ways. Nancy, for example, was divorced after 15 years of marriage. Because of her extreme shyness, she had never made many friends. When she was married, taking care of her family had filled her time, giving her a ready excuse to refrain from cultivating new friendships. Now for companionship all she had left was her 10 year old daughter, Alexa. The two of them were inseparable. On weekends when Alexa wasn't with her father, they spent much of their time at the mall, latest movies & taking short trips.
Within a year of the divorce, Nancy began interfering with Alexa's paternal visits. When he called to arrange a visit, Nancy would say Alexa was busy or didn't want to go with him that weekend because of special plans they made.
When the visits ceased, the father hired an attorney to enforce visitation rights. And I saw Nancy & Alexa as an impartial, court- appointed examiner.
The extent of Nancy's problem became clear as I interviewed the family members. Alexa noted that after her father first left, her mother's only apparent interest outside work was television. Except for a few of Alexa's friends, no one ever came to visit them, and they, in turn, visited no one, not even relatives. A sensitive, insightful child, Alexa worried about her mom spending too much time alone & took it on herself to liven up her mother's life. She eventually became afraid to leave her mother, for when Alexa wasn't around, Nancy would spend hours sleeping or watching T.V.
Clearly, Alexa's life revolved around her mom. As she took more & more responsibility for her mother's welfare, she was increasingly being locked out of the normal growing up experiences of a preadolescent. Her dad was right to be concerned. I recommended Nancy & Alexa enter family therapy to correct the parent/child roles. Nancy also needed individual treatment to address other problems that became apparent in the evaluation. I also recommended Alexa's visitation with her dad resume immediately.
The temptation to become too dependent on your children is always there if you do not have another adult to whom you can turn when you need advice or just someone to talk to. Although there is nothing wrong in soliciting your children's opinions in matters that concern them (in fact, doing so helps build their sense of responsibility & family commitment), avoid relying on them for advice that affects only you or that should be offered only by adults. For example, it's all right to ask your children to help pick out the family's new car, but you should not ask them whether you should a date with someone you met recently at work.
Denial & Sublimation
Some people deny being upset or angry over their divorce. They claim they adjusted & have resumed living a full life in the single lane. Eileen, a former patient, fell into this category. She said she sought therapy because of the difficulties she had with her 10 year old son.
She couldn't understand why he was still having problems over the divorce 3 years afterward, especially since she didn't. This woman was extremely active in a number of causes in her community, chief among them water pollution and other environmental problems. She also had a f/t professional job & volunteered at her son's school. In time it became clear she had residual feelings about her divorce and other problems related to her rivalry with her sister & other family members. To protect herself from those unpleasant feelings, she funneled all her energy into keeping busy every minute. This is known as sublimation. In her case it took a long time to break down her defenses, but in the end she was able to rework her life so that she spent more time with her son & having fun.
People like Eileen should not be confused with people who enjoy leading busy, full lives. All of us would do well to become involved in a variety of activities. Developing interests outside the daily grind keeps our intellect growing & expands our range of friends/acquaintances. The danger comes when we fill our schedules to the point where we may be avoiding dealing with problems, have little time and energy left for our needs and those of our loved ones. This busyness may be an attempt to ward off depression. It only postpones the inevitable.

Overburdening Children With Responsibility
For many hurried, overworked single parents, it is often too easy to fall into a routine in where they depend on an older child to take care of the younger ones. They might assign chores to the children that are dangerous or an unrealistic degree of responsibility, but also take them away from schoolwork and social activities normal for their age. An only child may be put in an even more difficult bind: expected to fend for herself, she has no sibling with whom to share her fear of being alone and her distress about the absent parent.
Although it is reasonable for single parents to expect children to do some chores, such responsibilities should be assigned within certain limits: 1) They should be appropriate to the child's age. A 9 year old child, for example, should not be expected to cook dinner and clean up after it every night; 2) Generally children under ten should not be left unsupervised, and children under twelve should not be put in charge of younger children. This is not to say, however, that once youngsters reach these ages, they are ready to be left alone or baby sit. A child's maturity and willingness are the determining factors; 3) Older children should not be given total responsibility for the care of younger siblings. They are siblings, not substitute parents. Not only does this overburden older children, it has serious consequences for the younger ones too: recent research indicates that children cared for by older siblings may have low self esteem. A possible cause may be not getting enough parental attention, to stresses on the family, or to older siblings' picking on younger children when the parent is out; 4) Chores shouldn't be heaped on a child to the extent that they interfere with schoolwork, sleep or preclude time with friends. Schoolwork is a child's most important job, and an active social life is a necessary ingredient of healthy development.

Instead of overburdening kids, some parents go too far the other way. To ease their guilt over the divorce’s unpleasant repercussions, these parents exclude kids from chores/try to do everything themselves. Or they may use faulty reasoning such as "I had to do too many chores when I was a kid. I don't want to put my kid through that." Such selfless intentions are unrealistic from the parent's perspective/disservice kids. Being assigned/expected to carry out age appropriate tasks creates a sense of accomplishment/self discipline in children. It's training ground for handling increasingly harder demands that'll be placed on them by school/work. Studies noted that children with divorced parents reap unanticipated benefits from assuming a great deal of responsibility at a young age. Many of them note that they have a greater sense of strength, independence & capability as a result of their survival experiences in a post divorce family. They are clearly proud of themselves/their ability to assist their parents at a time when the family's future was seriously jeopardized. Children whose parents are divorced like all children need to feel needed. Parents shouldn't try to protect them from life. The danger comes when children are robbed of their childhoods, forced to grow up far before they are ready. They can never recapture those years.
Violence
A danger to look for, especially in the first few months after divorce or separation is violence between former spouses & child abuse. A dad denied visitation because child support is late maybe tempted to strike the mom when she begins to belittle him in front of the kids. A mom who comes home from work late one night to find the kids spilled milk on the kitchen floor may slap the first kid who approaches her without question. Kids may become violent with a parent. I once treated a 12 year old boy, who, among other things, pushed his father down the porch stairs one night when he tried to make him come in to dinner.
Although overwrought parents may be operating on short fuses, there's never any excuse for violence. If you feel yourself losing control of your temper to the point where you want to hit someone, you should leave. If this is impossible, take a mental time out to cool off. The old advice of counting to 20 or more, works. If you fear someone else is going to become violent, you should leave immediately & take the children with you.
If you have guns in your house, get rid of them now. You should also insist that your former spouse do the same, or at the very least keep the guns off the premises when the children are present. Simply storing firearms and ammunition separately is not adequate protection.
Because family violence has received so much attention in the past decade, communities are doing a better job of offering many services/self help groups to victims/people who want to overcome violent tendencies. Check your local or state government for the phone #'s of appropriate agencies; info on self help groups should be available from your local hospital or the phone book. Other good information sources are the local medical/bar societies.
Parents who abuse their kids are likely to be found/reported. More & more pediatricians, E.R. personnel and other health care specialists are trained to spot injuries suggestive of child abuse. These pros are required to report suspected child abuse to authorities who'll investigate & if warranted, take steps to protect the victim & others in the home. This may range from mandated family counseling to removing the kids or parent from the home.
If you or your children are the -object of your ex spouse's violence, don't hesitate to get a restraining order to prevent him or her from getting near you or them. Admittedly, such court orders have a limited value against someone determined to do serious harm, but they may deter some people and at least create a paper trail if you need to take further action. A few states have enacted anti-stalking laws designed to protect individuals from threat/harassment. Consult your lawyer about reasonable and effective steps to take.
Remember, your best bet in preventing a violent encounter is to leave a.s.a.p. Next, be sure to tell someone about what happened & get help if you fear the threat will continue. Tell your family doctor, who may be able to provide additional aid & medical care.
Finally, don't blame yourself. You cannot make someone violent; that person is solely responsible for his or her behavior.
Isolation V. Hyperactivity
In the immediate aftermath of separation and divorce, many people tend to follow one of two patterns in their lives: they either isolate themselves from others or pursue a hyperactive social life.

People who become isolated may do so for many reasons. Some parents, for example, can’t afford a babysitter; others may feel guilty if they leave their children with a babysitter after being away from them all day. Although their motivations are different, both types of parents may come to resent their children. From these parents' point of view, the children are locking them out of opportunities to take a break from their demanding routines and spend some time with other adults.
Some parents, however, use their work & the kids as a handy excuse for avoiding interaction with others. They may still be sad/upset over divorce, unable to put it behind them & take those first few shaky steps to reestablish their lives. They show no interest in dating again & may deny having any sexual feelings. Sometimes they harbor unrealistic expectations that their former spouse may someday return & they thus choose to live in a "just in case" limbo.
Some people, overwhelmed by their grief/failure to set new goals, may lack energy to do anything beyond absolute minimum to survive daily. Making an effort to meet new people or to take on new challenges is simply out of the question. Such behavior often fosters over-dependence on the children, since they become the parent's only focus in life. What will become of such a parent when the children have their own lives? In its worst form, isolation may lead to severe depression/other psychological problems. As I said earlier in this chapter, such people need professional help.
Jack's case is typical of parents who isolate themselves after divorce. As the custodial father of 2 girls & a boy all under 10, he found weekdays an unchanging routine of hurried breakfasts, dirty laundry/carpools. It seemed as though there was at least one family crisis each day demanding his attention, a sick kid, forgotten hw & weekends were often his only chance to catch up on housework. On the few occasions when he tried to bring in a babysitter, his youngest kid would cry almost to the point of hysteria. Although he never regretted having custody, he wished he had time away from home.
His wish was reasonable. Spending time away from the kids to be with other adults can help people become better parents. It offers a chance to step back from the problems/tensions at home/put them in proper perspective. Parenthood is only one of many possible roles in an adult's life.
At the other extreme of the social spectrum are those parents who are never home. With a full schedule of night classes, church activities, outings with friends and so on, they leave the children with a round of babysitters, the kid's other parent and willing friends/relatives. Some may go so far as to replace the former spouse with a serious new love interest before they are emotionally ready, or they frenetically engage in indiscriminate dating and sexual relationships.
Sometimes such parents are (subconsciously or not) trying to blot out the fact that they have children, as it reminds them of their failed marriage or an unwanted responsibility. Obviously, the children suffer greatly by missing out on the consistent parenting and needed love, particularly in the first few months after the divorce. Their distress is compounded by an out of control parent's antics and, not surprisingly, they often mirror that behavior back to the parent.
Moving On
In the first months to a year after separation/divorce, these/other effects of the emotional, financial & lifestyle upheaval brought on by the dissolution of a family are very much on everyone's minds. When the dust finally begins to settle, however, there is the business of building a new life.
Your first task in reconstruction is to put failed marriage behind you & deal with any residual feelings of grief, anger, self blame, or guilt. This can’t be done overnight; working through feelings takes time/willingness to recognize your worth as a person/capacity to love/be loved again. You also must realize your role -as spouse is separate from parent. Your marriage ended, your parenting relationship didn’t. Your kids love you unconditionally; it's up to you to show them their love is well placed.
At some time in the future, the chances are good that you will remarry, but if you are in the first year or so after your divorce, you should take your time in establishing a new love interest. If it happens, that's all well and good, but it should not be a major focus of your life right now.
I'm reminded of divorced mom of a patient who did this. When the mom wasn't at work, every spare minute she relentlessly pursued husband to help provide for her/her daughter. Every Friday & Sat. night, she'd douse herself in cologne, put on makeup/evening clothes & join middle aged friends at a local club frequented by her set. The mom's desperate behavior had sorry consequences for her child, who, left by her self when her mom was on the town, began to use drugs, shoplift/fail school. Of course, there were other problems between mom & daughter, but in the mom's single minded pursuit of a husband for herself/dad for her daughter she had little time/energy left to deal with her daughter's needs, much less have normal mother daughter relationship with her.
Next, you need to accept the permanence of divorce. You and your ex will still have dealings with each other and I hope, as I've emphasized over and over, they'll be civil and characterized by compromise. Although your children's fantasies about the two of you reconciling may never entirely vanish, at some juncture they need to feel, as you do, at peace with the divorce. This is more likely to happen if they see that you have taken the lead in this direction.
Kids ability to come to terms with divorce has important consequences, not just right after it but as an adult. Kids with divorced parents are more likely to be divorced too; they sometimes rush into relationships for which they are ill prepared in an effort to prove they are lovable and fight against their fear of rejection. If they see that you recover they may avoid it.
Attaining an inner peace about the divorce partly depends on the quality of the relationship you and your ex spouse are able to build as parents to the children you share. If seeing or thinking of your ex spouse is emotionally charged for you, you may need to monitor your attitudes and behavior toward your ex spouse in front of your children. Remember, although the two of you were unable to continue your marital relationship, this has nothing to do with the right or ability of each of you to be a good parent.
Creating a Social Life
For many people, one of the most difficult aspects of single parenting is dealing with the social isolation that seems to be an inherent part of the job. More than one single parent has remarked to me, "I have no life outside my children. It's not that I don't want one; I simply don't have the time or the money." Now is the time for you to realize that your ultimate well being (and your mental health) depends on your ability to create a new identity for yourself in which being a parent is only one part, not the whole.
Ironically, having a life of your own will make you that much more effective as a parent, because it widens the perspective and outlook by which you can interpret and deal with your children's behavior and needs.
This is true for parents who are married or divorced. I treated many women, now in late middle age, who have devoted their entire lives to their families. These women never worked outside the home, or if they did, it was often to help put a child through college.
Their volunteer work also centered on kids, perhaps the PTA or Scout troop. Although their motivations were admirable and many can boast of well adjusted, successful children, these mothers now appear helpless to refocus their energy in new directions. Particularly tragic are the parents who continue to inject themselves into the lives of their grown children & are then rejected.
Diving back into the social melee means more than searching for a new mate. It means redefining old relationships, as possible, with people who knew you as part of a couple and beginning friendships with people with whom you may now have more in common. It also entails finding interesting ways to spend your time that permit you to learn new skills or widen your social circle. Many newly divorced people take advantage of their single status to pursue school, career, hobbies, and other pastimes for which they didn't have the time when they were married.
Perhaps the easiest/safest, way to enlarge your social circle/interests is to "exploit" your natural interests as well as family/friends. You’re more apt to meet people like yourself when you meet them in connection with activities that interest you or people you already know. I knew a lady with a lifelong interest in art but never felt she was good enough to pursue it. Deciding she had nothing to lose after her divorce, she signed up for an art course at a community college.
A classmate was a local hospital volunteer who invited her to come to the hospital once a week & share her talent with the children on the pediatric ward. Her self esteem got a double boost, not only did she feel good about her art, but she also felt appreciated/needed by the children.
Another woman took up the fiddle & clog dancing. She met her second husband during a week long fiddle camp in Georgia.
If you belong to a Church or Synagogue, or want to, you can take advantage of many opportunities to participate in interesting activities & meet new people. Many churches/synagogues now have special groups for singles, although you certainly don't have to limit your involvement to belonging only to them. Activities sponsored by religious organizations also offer the advantage of being sensitive to the demands of parenting. I know a choir director who welcomes members' children at rehearsals. He set up a play area for them in the rehearsal hall. During service, children can participate in a Bible study or childcare group in the church basement.

Most communities have Parents Without -Partners (Chapter 15). As its name implies, this group offers members a chance to meet and provide support to other single parents. Similar groups have sprung up in many places. In my area, for example, one is the Ski Club. Some people avoid such groups for fear that they will be branded as being on the hunt for a new spouse, or stigmatized in other ways. But most people who attend seem to enjoy the emotional support they provide & the children being included in many social activities. Furthermore, the nature of these groups makes it easy to participate or drop out as your needs shift or as it become less useful.
Dating
Many divorced people have said to me in one way or another, "I have no interest in dating or ever remarrying. I've learned my lesson. I never want to risk getting hurt again." Although this reaction is common in the early stages after divorce, when wounds still raw, it rarely lasts. At some point, most divorced people date/remarry. Your beginning to date again marks still another transition for your children. Although you have a right to your social life, you also have a responsibility to handle it so that your children make a healthy adjustment to seeing you with someone who is a potential love interest. This collides head on with their lingering fantasy that you/ex could someday reunite. Sometimes children try to dissuade their parents from dating.
Earlier I said parents become over dependent on their children; the reverse is common too. When a parent begins to date again, an over dependent child may feel less needed/become despondent because they feel less important to the parent. Once the parent may have shared confidences with the child; the parent now has someone else in his or her life for that. As a result, the child may try to interfere with new relationships or cleverly set ambushes to prevent the parent from leaving home. That says that parents need to build a life for themselves/help kids do the same. So neither becomes too-dependent on -the-other.
Understandably, venturing into the world of dating is intimidating/confusing. The conflicting emotions you experienced when dating during adolescence/young adulthood were probably easier to handle than those associated with dating as a divorced adult. At that time you were learning as much about yourself/concept of relationships/sex/person you dated. And because of your age, dating was only one facet of your life. You had school to think about, a career to launch. The stakes are now different. Many things have changed since then, & your children figure into the new equation.
Here are some points to keep in mind about dating: 1) Don't think of dating as a search mission for a new spouse. It can be simply another way to spend time with a friend you particularly like or have something in common with; 2) Act your age and be yourself. Some newly single people think they can make themselves more attractive by sporting trendy haircuts and wearing clothes designed for teenagers and young adults. They may buy a sports car and begin hanging out in nightclubs frequented by the college age crowd. Some may even enjoy what they think is harmless flirting with a child's girlfriend or boyfriend. Rather than appearing sexier or more with it, such people are little more than caricatures of their younger selves, more to be pitied than admired.
Their children often grow to resent them for not looking or behaving like the adults they expect and need them to be. In particular, preadolescents and adolescents may feel that they are in competition with mothers and fathers who are so obviously trying to increase their sex appeal and recapture their youth. Of course, a laudable goal at this time may be to improve your appearance by losing some weight, increasing your physical fitness, or getting a new hairstyle, but be clear about your motives: you should do things to please yourself, not as a lure for a new partner.
If you are in the process of divorcing and your soon to be ex begins to date, try not to share your anger or hurt with your children. Remember even though you're still married, the line between separation and divorce is thin.
Don't try to hide your dating from your children. You’ll fail. Youngsters will pick up on the cues and may react more strongly to your duplicity than to the dating itself. "I always know when my mom is going on a date," complained ten year old Evan, half amused, half insulted. "She always says she's going to Aunt Rhonda's house."
Introduce dates to your kids in a direct, reassuring manner but without providing more info than needed. A mom may say, for example: "Joe, this is Mr. Smith. We’re going to dinner at the new restaurant by the movie theater. I gave the # to the babysitter & she can call me if something comes up. I'll be home around 11. I know you'll be fast asleep by then, but I'll check on you and kiss you good night again." This kind of statement shows that you respect their concern about your whereabouts & safety and lessens any feelings of abandonment that might be resurrected by your temporary absence.
Let common sense guide you in sexual matters. For example, do not engage in sex activity in front of the kids or bring home dates to spend the night. The time for intimacy is when kids are away. Also, do not fall prey to one night stands. They are not uncommon among newly divorced people, who may be trying to make up for the deprivation they suffered in their marriage or to prove their sexual desirability. You may think that because you are an adult, the rules should be different from those you will set for your children when they reach adolescence, but in actuality, they probably shouldn't be that far apart. After all, you will be one of the most formative influences on your children's sexual behavior. "Do as I say and not as I do" doesn't make much of an impact on an adolescent whose hormones are in overdrive.
Furthermore, it is nothing short of stupid to ignore the possibility of acquiring HIV and other sexually transmitted conditions. If you are involved in a stable, long term relationship, it is probably not harmful if that person stays overnight at your house. But under most circumstances, I would caution against sharing the same bedroom, unless the person moving in with you is intended to be long-term.
Don't engage in a succession of short term, intense relationships. You want to keep your home life stable. That means refraining from introducing to your children a variety of people who will subsequently drop out of their lives. Each time it happens it represents another loss and abandonment to the child. This may seem like another tough hurdle to dating. But remember, u can take advantage of times when your children are with your ex.
Be careful about dating and engaging in sex before your divorce is final. If your spouse is suing for custody, such activity can be used as negotiating leverage against your position. Do not think of your dates as stand in parents. You alone are responsible for the care and discipline of your children.
However, it's all right to ask a person well established in your life to be a friend to your kid. A mom could ask her boyfriend to advise her 6 year old son on how to handle bullies, or a dad might ask his girlfriend to help his 12 year old daughter pick out a special dress for her first school dance.

Do not use your dating activities as a means for hurting your former spouse or proving to him or her that you are sexually attractive. Never encourage your children to report on your private life when they are with their other parent. (You can reasonably expect that they will make reports of their own, coached or not, but such tales should be free of your influence.) Likewise, you should respect your former spouse's right to a private life and not pump your children for information about him or her.
If your former spouse is dating someone steadily, don't turn your children against that person when they all appear to be getting along well together. The children will feel confused and disloyal to you if you are sending messages that conflict with their perceptions. Be thankful that there is one more person in your children's lives who cares about them.
There's no need to be insecure about your place in your kid's affections. No one can ever replace a parent in a kid's heart. There are few events in a person's life that equate with the trauma of divorce and you need as many friends and relatives to rally around you as possible. Although rebuilding your life may take time and patience, it is possible to do so in a way that will benefit you.

Avoiding Car Emergencies With Your Senses

2011-04-11T01:30:00.002-04:00

Buzz Up! By John DeCostanza

An alert driver is the best gauge. In response to the demise of the neighborhood service station, the car companies have installed some systems to ensure that drivers stay off the side of the road. Tire pressure monitoring is one system meant as an early warning indicator of an impending emergency. The rest of the instrumentation on your dashboard (coolant temp, oil pressure, for example) adds to the feedback available to the motorist.

However, some potential problem areas are not monitored by your car and are best detected by alert drivers who employ all of their senses to stay out of trouble. These are the sensual warning signs:

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The smell of gas. An unwritten rule at gas stations that did repairs was to never send a car on its way if it was leaking gas. The garage either resolved it or suggested that the vehicle be towed to someone who could fix it within the expectations of the customer. The threat of fire is imminent due the myriad of ignition sources under the hood of a car, which includes various electrical connections and also superheated components. An aware driver should always respond to the smell of “raw” gasoline and seek out its source with the help of a professional if needed.

The noise of an axle. It is not unusual for drivers to complain about noises emanating from the axles of their cars. A clicking or clunking noise when making turns is usually the marker for a failed CV or axle shaft. A roar from the area of the wheels can be a bad wheel bearing or hub unit. The roar is sometimes accompanied a slapping or whoop sound that is uniform to the speed of the wheel.

The feel of a front-end shake. The front end that shakes badly and commands the attention of the driver to the degree that he is hesitant to drive the vehicle may be traced to a failed tire. When the belt shifts in a tire it becomes egg shaped and at any speed will create fierce shaking. There are many other suspension and steering issues that can cause the front end of a car to shake, but usually not as bad as a tire that is out of round.

The sight of leaking fluid. Before a car runs hot, loses its brakes, or has a transmission that slips, due to fluid loss there is a window of time that the fluids involved are visible around the car. This would be prior to your car’s instrumentation detecting a problem. This is why we suggest a “walk around” your car. Antifreeze will show up in the extreme front of the car, while transmission fluid is usually further back and brake fluid will be found around the perimeter.

Not all problems can be detected by your car’s early warning system, but with an awareness of your vehicle and the use of your senses to detect problems you can avert an emergency.

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10 Resume Rules: Fact or Fiction?

2011-04-02T12:34:00.002-04:00

10 Resume Rules: Fact or Fiction? by Jeanine Skowronski

For better or worse, the job market has certainly changed during the past few years. As such, the practice of looking for a job has evolved as well -- so much, it seems, that what was once considered a best practice can now in fact cost you an interview.

What tried and true résumé rules have become obsolete post-recession? MainStreet talked to some experts find out what exactly has changed.

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1. Your résumé should fit on one page.

Verdict: Myth

The conventional wisdom used to say that interviewers would not look at a résumé longer than one page. Not so, says Nick Jimenez, executive vice president of recruitment site Climber.com. For him, this "rule" applies only to entry-level applicants who don't have credentials that stretch beyond a page or, perhaps, applicants looking only for part-time work. Everyone else can (and should) feel free to type on.

"In today's electronic age, very few recruiters or hiring managers actually print the résumés out when they are screening candidates," Jimenez says. "I subscribe to the theory that a résumé should be as long as it takes to tell your story and convince the reader your background is well-aligned with the needs of the open position."

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Bruce Hurwitz, career consultant and executive recruiter at New York staffing agency Hurwitz Strategic Staffing, agrees. "The résumé needs to be as long as it takes to properly reflect the candidate's career," he says. "I have received horrible one-page résumés, fabulous five-page résumés, and magnificent 40+ page résumés from academics and scientists with multiple publications."

2. Always use a cover letter.

Verdict: Rule

Sorry to break it to you, but this résumé myth, it seems, is true. While most job experts admit that many employers do actually skip over a cover letter and move straight to the résumé, you should still always send one. According to Allison Nawoj, corporate communications director of CareerBuilder.com, a recent survey conducted by the jobs site found that 20% of hiring managers would automatically dismiss a candidate who submitted a résumé without a cover letter, which means that those who don't want to risk having their application end up in the slush pile would do best to include one.

"[A cover letter] allows the sender to explain, succinctly, what their objective is, to answer any questions if they are responding to an ad and to refer to any issues that, by definition, would not be included on a résumé," Hurwitz says.

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3. Your résumé needs an objective.

Verdict: Myth

You can skip on including an objective on your résumé.

"Most 'objective' paragraphs are meaningless," says Hurwitz, the career consultant. "It means nothing. In fact, it's a waste of time and an insult to the intelligence of the recipient."

Nawoj agrees, saying that the résumé objective, a must-have inclusion five or 10 years ago, has slowly been replaced by what can be referred to as a "career summary," a short list of accomplishments that highlight your achievements.

"Like an objective, the summary should give the employer an idea of who you are, except it allows you to focus more on your experience than on your goals," she says. "You can briefly mention your career highlights, including past roles and your strongest skills."

4. Gaps in employment will cost you an interview.

Verdict: Myth

Before the recession, a gap between employment would have been a major red flag, but employers have become increasingly understanding in the current economic climate.

"Depending on the actual amount of time you were unemployed, as long as you were active and engaged, many employers will look at the employment gap as a non-issue," Jimenez says.

Laura Smith-Proulx, a professional résumé writer, agrees, but emphasizes that you will still need to be able to offer an explanation should an employer ask.

"Be prepared to explain the gap itself by pointing to an activity that filled it, such as volunteer work, caring for an ill family member, or launching a business, in order to explain time in between jobs," she says. "Try not to point out a gap that you can't name. Essentially, your best strategy when dealing with any potentially negative information is [to] focus more on the results you can bring to your next employer than anything else."

5. A little embellishment is OK.

Verdict: Myth

The current competitive job market may entice prospective employees to alter job titles, embellish achievements or fudge timelines, but our experts assert that applicants would do best to stick with the truth.

"Candidates should always be honest on their résumés," Nawoj says. "It's the first impression you make to an employer, so you want to show your integrity by being honest about your background."

[How to Get Ahead at Work]

6. Organize your résumé in reverse chronological order.

Verdict: Rule

While it may seem unnatural to some applicants, this myth, experts say, is true.

Climber.com, for example, surveyed recruiting managers and discovered that a majority preferred reverse chronological résumés, listing work experience from most to least recent. They preferred this traditional structure over the topical or achievement-based résumés that have emerged in the digital age. Why exactly?

"Topically oriented résumés are difficult to read, particularly when the recruiter or hiring manager is reviewing hundreds of other résumés for the same position," Jimenez explains. "By not providing the context for your accomplishments, you make it harder for the reader to draw comparisons between you and the other candidates."

Additionally, Hurwitz points out, a résumé should show growth. "Recipients want to know immediately where a candidate is now, not where they were five, 10 years ago," he says.

7. Educational background should be at the top.

Verdict: Myth

According to experts, this is another myth that gets perpetrated because it applies to entry-level applicants who have recently graduated from school. Experienced hires, in fact, should move their educational background further down.

"If you are an experienced professional, your education should always be listed at the bottom of your résumé," Jimenez says.

©Piutus/flicker

8. Your résumé should include references.

Verdict: Myth

Don't bother including a references section or even typing in "references available upon request" at the bottom of your résumé, since recommendations come much later in the application process.

"It isn't necessary to include your references on your résumé," Nawoj says. "If a hiring manager would like to contact your references, they'll let you know. Save the space for more valuable information."

9. Use buzzwords.

Verdict: Rule (with some exceptions)

This myth is mostly true. Experts agree that you should include buzzwords in your résumé, because they may help a recruiter find you in their internal tracking system or while searching databases on sites like Monster.com. However, be careful what words make it into your final product.

"If it seems like the candidate has dumped a bunch of buzzwords in for show, the résumé might also get dumped," Tiffani Murray, a career consultant and former human resources manager, tells MainStreet.

Hurwitz agrees that "the résumé has to read like it is meant for a human being, not a computer. Just listing keywords reflects poorly on the candidate and impacts credibility."

10. You should provide a hard copy printed on fancy paper.

Verdict: Myth

The idea that you should bring a printed version of your résumé on glossy or otherwise fancy paper is absolutely false. While you should bring a hard copy to an interview, all experts agree that there's no real need for it to be printed out on thick and environmentally unfriendly résumé paper.

"The days of fancy résumé paper are all but dead," Murray says. "Companies are cutting back on paper, so your résumé is likely stored in an applicant tracking system that the hiring manager and recruiter can look at on their computer or smartphone whenever they need to review it."
------------
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These comments are interesting. I have been lucky to stay in my job but doom, gloom, and the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train and I am trying to find something that pays what I make now. I am well qualified, degreed, with a well thought about certification. I'm not yet 45 and have been an employee, first-line supervisor and middle manager in my field. Graduated 3.75GPA in college, honor society member, on and on and on....I've submitted well over 150 applications and resumes in the last 4 months and have received 5 phone calls from 'screeners' just looking to screen you out. From there, I've had two phone interviews and it became apparent that with all I had to offer, having experience in several facets of my career field, I do not possess a certain 'specific' experience that these companies are looking for and I never hear back. It's really quite sad because if you understand the career field I work in, you can do pretty much any specific work within that field.

I think what's going on is that people are already selected for the few jobs out there and the process we go through to apply is nothing more than EO requirements to advertise, etc. Oh, and I'm not near 50 yet either so I doubt it's age.Reply.0 users liked this comment

These types of articles show up every couple of months, each time they contradict the previous one on about half the points, and agree on the other ones.

A lot of this is not true. i have worked for a number of employers and many of them say they will not choose someone with unexplained gaps in their resume. and the cover letter one is garbage too. and the one page thing is kind of true. if it takes more than a page to sell yourself to someone then you are doing something wrong. You should pop on page one. If you don't you are wasting your time and theirs.

My ex's father did his resume even though he's in his thirties. On it, he included his hair/eye color (to show he's white), his smoking status (occasional smoker), all the states/countries he's visited, and his hobbies. They both feel this is a brilliant resume. I no longer associate with them.

Supposedly, they can't ask your age, but by the time you fill out the application online with all your previous employers, they have a fairly good idea. Or they ask what year you graduated high school. D'uh???? Anyone that can do simple math can figure that you were around 17 or 18 when you graduated, so it's not too hard to figure out a person's age.

In this country, experience is a bad thing. You are OVERQUALIFIED. All they want is beginners that they can pay $20000 a year to. If you are over 50, forget it. And if you are over 60, grab your social security when you are 62 because no one out there will hire you. You are TOO OLD.I am an Air Force and single at present .I need a woman who can love me back ..I also uploaded my hot photos on U'niformedm'ate .℃○Munder the name of kobe2011..It's the largest and best club for seeking Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Police Force, and the admirers of those who wear the uniform. I just hope you don't mind me being a soldier ...Please Check it out! I'm serious.~~~~~~~~~~~~

My advice to recruiters and HR personnel: Beware of how the decisions your company makes today impacts the quality of your workforce tomorrow.

I am 50. I am very skilled. I am also semi-retired. Why? I have been blessed by God and have been very successful. I am one of the lucky ones. I can pick and choose my work.

Guess what? This trend will continue, and in fact is accelerating. I was recently on a flight coming back from Chicago, where I met two people who attended an employee retention workshop. The data they shared with me would scare the crap out of me if I was in charge of HR at a company. The number of people age 62 to 65 who are voluntarily leaving the workforce has accelerated to almost double the expected norm. Some of this was caused by the recession, but most is the result of people, like me, who have had enough with the abusive job market to say "enough already".

Guess what? This trend is expected to continue into the foreseeable future. One of the major outplacement firms (Challenger, Christmas and Gray?) has a report out there stating that the pool of skilled talent for technical and high responsibility service positions (market development, sales, etc.) will drastically shrink in the next 5 to 7 years. The report predicted employers will not be able to find the skilled workers they need.

People like me have already figured this out. I pick and choose who and when I want to work. I do great work at a fair price. I turn down opportunities. This is the future, and most companies, from my experience, can kiss my a$$.

Why does Mckinsey & Company the top consulting firm ONLY accept 1 page resumes...

22 Secrets HR Won’t Tell You About Getting a Job

2011-03-22T14:08:00.002-04:00

22 Secrets HR Won’t Tell You About Getting a Job

What You Should Know About Résumés

1. “Once you’re unemployed more than six months, you’re considered pretty much unemployable. We assume that other people have already passed you over, so we don’t want anything to do with you.” –Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive and author of Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know

2. “When it comes to getting a job, who you know really does matter. No matter how nice your résumé is or how great your experience may be, it’s all about onnections.” –HR director at a health-care facility

3. “If you’re trying to get a job at a specific company, often the best thing to do is to avoid HR entirely. Find someone at the company you know, or go straight to the hiring manager.” –Shauna Moerke, an HR administrator in Alabama who blogs at hrminion.com

4. “People assume someone’s reading their cover letter. I haven’t read one in 11 years.” –HR director at a financial services firm

5. “We will judge you based on your e-mail address. Especially if it’s something inappropriate like kinkyboots101@hotmail.com or johnnylikestodrink@gmail.com.” –Rich DeMatteo, a recruiting consultant in Philadelphia

6. “If you’re in your 50s or 60s, don’t put the year you graduated on your résumé.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina

7. “There’s a myth out there that a résumé has to be one page. So people send their résumé in a two-point font. Nobody is going to read that.” –HR director at a financial services firm

8. “I always read résumés from the bottom up. And I have no problem with a two-page résumé, but three pages is pushing it.” –Sharlyn Lauby, HR consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Florida

9. “Most of us use applicant-tracking systems that scan résumés for key words. The secret to getting your résumé through the system is to pull key words directly from the job description and put them on. The more matches you have, the more likely your résumé will get picked and actually seen by a real person.” –Chris Ferdinandi, HR professional in the Boston area

10. “Résumés don’t need color to stand out. When I see a little color, I smirk. And when I see a ton of color, I cringe. And walking in and dropping off your resume is no longer seen as a good thing. It’s actually a little creepy.” –Rich DeMatteo

Secrets About the Interview

11. “It’s amazing when people come in for an interview and say, ‘Can you tell me about your business?’ Seriously, people. There’s an Internet. Look it up.” –HR professional in NYC.

12. “A lot of managers don’t want to hire people with young kids, and they use all sorts of tricks to find that out, illegally. One woman kept a picture of two really cute children on her desk even though she didn’t have children [hoping job candidates would ask about them]. Another guy used to walk people out to their car to see whether they had car seats.” (Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive and author of Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know).

13. “Is it harder to get the job if you’re fat? Absolutely. Like George Clooney’s character said in Up in the Air, ‘I stereotype. It’s faster.’” –Suzanne Lucas, a former HR executive and the Evil HR Lady on bnet.com

14. “I once had a hiring manager who refused to hire someone because the job required her to be on call one weekend a month and she had talked in the interview about how much she goes to church. Another candidate didn’t get hired because the manager was worried that the car he drove wasn’t nice enough.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina

15. “Don’t just silence your phone for the interview. Turn it all the way off.” –Sharlyn Lauby, HR consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Florida

16. “If you’ve got a weak handshake, I make a note of it.” –HR manager at a medical-equipment sales firm.

17. “If you’re a candidate and the hiring manager spends 45 minutes talking about himself, the company or his Harley, let him. He’s going to come out of the interview saying you’re a great candidate.” –Kris Dunn, chief human resources officer at Atlanta-based Kinetix, who blogs at hrcapitalist.com

Plus: 10 More Secrets About the Interview

Things to Know About Salary Negotiation

18. “There’s one website that drives all HR people crazy: salary.com. It supposedly lists average salaries for different industries, but if you look up any job, the salary it gives you always seems to be $10,000 to $20,000 higher than it actually is. That just makes people mad.” –HR director at a public relations agency

19. “On salary, some companies try to lock you in early. At the first interview, they’ll tell me to say, ‘The budget for this position is 40K to 45K. Is that acceptable to you?’ If the candidate accepts, they’ll know they’ve got him or her stuck in that little area.” –Ben Eubanks, HR professional in Alabama

20. “You think you’re all wonderful and deserve a higher salary, but here in HR, we know the truth. And the truth is, a lot of you aren’t very good at your jobs, and you’re definitely not as good as you think you are.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina

21. “Be careful if a headhunter is negotiating for you. You may want extra time off and be willing to sacrifice salary, but he is negotiating hardest for what hits his commission.” –HR professional in NYC

22. “I once hired someone, and her mother didn’t think the salary we were offering was high enough, so she called me to negotiate. There are two problems with that: 1) I can’t negotiate with someone who’s not you. 2) It’s your mother. Seriously, I was like, ‘Did that woman’s mother just call me, or was that my imagination?’ I immediately withdrew the offer.” –HR professional in NYC.

Increase Your Tax Refund With Above-the-Line Deductions

2011-03-01T09:56:00.002-05:00

Increase Your Tax Refund With Above-the-Line Deductions
Mark P. Cussen, CFP, CMFC

Every year, millions of Americans keep careful track of their charitable contributions, mortgage interest, property taxes and various other expenses in an effort to clear the dollar threshold that will allow them to claim the larger amount of their aggregated itemized deductions instead of having to settle for the standard deduction. However, some deductions can be taken regardless of whether the taxpayer is able to itemize. Expenses in this category are known as above-the-line deductions, and this article examines those expenses that can be deducted by any taxpayer who pays them.

More from Investopedia:

• 10 Most Overlooked Tax Deductions

• 4 Frivolous Tax Arguments That Won't Work

• How to Owe Nothing on Your Federal Tax Return

Breaking Down Your Taxable Income

The basic tax computation formula used in the U.S. has four main sets of parts that are broken down on the 1040. The formula is shown as follows:

All Sources of Taxable Income
= Gross Income
- Above-the-Line Deductions
= Adjusted Gross Income
- Standard or Itemized Deductions
= Taxable Income
- Tax Credits and Taxes Paid or Withheld
= Balance Due or Refund

What Are Above-the-Line Deductions?

Above-the-line deductions constitute those expenses that are deducted for AGI, while itemized deductions are deducted from this number. The "line" is the taxpayer's AGI, which is the bottom number on the front of the 1040. Above-the-line deductions are listed on the bottom half of the front of the 1040 and can be broken down as follows. Please note that all figures are as of 2010.

• Domestic Production Activities
Up to 6% of activities related to the domestic production of certain goods or services (such as engineering or architectural) may be deducted under certain conditions.

• Moving Expenses
The costs of transporting household goods from one residence to another are usually fully deductible, provided that they are not reimbursed by the taxpayer's employer. The move must be made for work or business reasons, and the taxpayer's new place of employment must be at least 50 miles further away from the taxpayer's previous residence than the previous workplace was from there.

• Retirement Plan Contributions
All contributions made to traditional IRAs and qualified plans such as 401(k), 403(b) and 457 plans are deductible. Taxpayers with incomes above a certain level who contribute to both a traditional IRA and a qualified plan are subject to a graduated phaseout reduction on the deductibility of their IRA contributions. This deduction is not available for contributions to Roth IRAs or retirement plans of any kind.

• HSA, MSA Contributions
All contributions to Health Savings Accounts and Archer Medical Savings Accounts are fully deductible. However, the taxpayer cannot have access to any kind of group policy coverage, including that offered by fraternal or professional organizations. The purchase of a qualified high-deductible health insurance policy is also required.

• Health Insurance Premiums
The cost of premiums paid for individual health insurance policies (including high-deductible policies) are fully deductible for self-employed taxpayers. As with HSAs and MSAs, the taxpayer cannot have access to group health coverage of any kind.

• Self-Employed Business Expenses, SE Tax
Virtually any expense incurred in the operation of a sole proprietorship is deductible on Schedule C, such as rent, utilities, the cost of equipment and supplies, insurance, legal fees, employee salaries and contract labor. This also includes one-half of the self-employment tax that must be paid on this income. Although these expenses are not listed directly on the 1040 but are carried to the income section via the Schedule C, they are still considered to be above-the-line deductions because they are subtracted in order to determine adjusted gross income.

• Alimony
Payments made to a spouse pursuant to a divorce decree that are not classified as child support are usually counted as alimony. All payments of this type are deductible from gross income.

• Educator Expenses
These include unreimbursed qualified expenses of up to $250 ($500 for joint filers if both are in this category). Qualified expenses include teaching equipment, supplies, books and other ordinary expenses that are commonly associated with education. This deduction is available for education professionals who teach grades K-12 and work at least 900 hours during the year.

• Early Withdrawal Penalties
Any penalties paid for the early withdrawal of money from a CD or savings bond that is reported on Form 1099-INT or 1099-DIV can be deducted.

• Student Loan Interest
All interest paid on federally-subsidized student loans up to a certain amount is deductible, provided the taxpayer's income does not exceed $75,000 for single, head-of-household or qualifying widower filers or $150,000 for joint filers.

• Tuition and Fees
In some cases, it is more advantageous for taxpayers to deduct the costs of tuition, fees and other educational expenses paid to qualified educational institutions rather than claim one of the educational tax credits for them. Those who are unable to qualify for these credits for any reason can take this deduction instead as well.

Conclusion

Any or all of these deductions can be taken in addition to the itemized deductions for eligible taxpayers. Of course, there are also several incidental rules and limitations on most of these deductions that are not covered here. For more information on above-the-line deductions, read the instructions for the 1040 Form on the IRS website or consult your tax advisor.

Mark P. Cussen has more than 15 years of experience in the financial industry, which includes working with investments, insurance, mortgages, taxes and financial planning. He has two years of experience in writing and editing insurance and securities test training manuals, as well as other financial topics. He has also worked in retail, discount and bank brokerage systems and been involved in a venture capital enterprise in the oil and gas sector. Cussen has a Bachelor of Science in English from the University of Kansas and completed his CFP coursework at the Bloch School of Business at the University of Missouri-Kansas City in August of 2001.

How to speed up your computer

2011-03-01T09:53:00.000-05:00

Is your desktop or laptop computer starting to feel a little poky? Even after just a few months of use, your PC or Mac may start to lose steam thanks to a fragmented hard drive, too many programs running in the background, or even a rogue piece of malware.

This week on Upgrade Your Life, Yahoo! News' Becky Worley serves up some quick and easy tricks for speeding up your PC or Mac, starting with …

1. Clean out your startup items
How long do you have to wait after hitting your PC's power button before you can actually get to work? Thirty seconds? A minute? Two minutes? More?

If you find yourself routinely twiddling your thumbs while your PC or Mac painstakingly boots itself up, maybe it's because your system is trying to fire up a slew of programs at the same time (and indeed, some programs will set themselves to launch at startup by default). Here's how to ease the frantic rush of competing startup programs:

For Windows: Click the Start menu, then select Programs (or All Programs in Windows 7), open the Startup folder, and then—as Becky suggest—delete mercilessly. (Don't worry; you're not deleting the programs themselves.) Note: if you see a program sitting in the Startup folder and you don't know what it's for, search on the Web to see what it does before hitting the "delete" button.

For Mac: Open System Preferences under the Apple menu, click the Accounts icon, and then click the Login Items tab. You may find a variety of arcane programs and helper apps lurking inside (such as the mysterious iTunesHelper), but again—search before you zap an unknown program. (Disabling the iTunesHelper app, for example, will prevent iTunes from opening automatically when you connect an iPhone or iPod.)

2. Check for running apps in the Windows task bar
Got a Windows-based PC? See that little row of tiny icons in the bottom-right corner of the screen? Over the course of weeks, months, or years, the number of icons sitting in the Windows task bar has probably grown larger and larger—and many of those icons represent programs that are running in the background and consuming your PC's limited resources.

Expand the task bar by clicking the little arrow on the side, then right-click each icon in succession. If you find, for example, that programs like Skype and iTunes are whirring away even when you're not using them, right-click and select "Close"—or, better yet, open the program and uncheck any "launch at startup" settings in the Preferences or Options menu.

3. Turn off P2P applications
Programs like BitTorrent and Skype work their magic with "peer-to-peer" technology, meaning they leverage the combined computing power and bandwidth of every PC or Mac running their software for such uses as massive file transfers (in the case of BitTorrent) or high-quality, Net-based voice and video chat (for Skype).

But while sharing the P2P burden qualifies you a good Netizen, it can also put a significant dent in your system's performance. If you've got programs like BitTorrent and Skype running all day, every day in the background, Becky suggests shutting them down until you really need them.

4. Root out viruses and malware
Nothing will slow your system down like a virus, a Trojan horse, or other types of malware. Plenty of commercial antivirus applications are available for Windows PCs, but Becky recommends trying Microsoft's free Security Essentials suite, which will sweep your system for any unwanted, nefarious software and provide ongoing protection via regular updates. Just visit Microsoft's Security Essentials website, download and install the software, and follow the instructions.

Anti-virus packages from the likes of Norton and McAfee are also available for Mac users, but there's an ongoing debate about whether virus protection on the Mac is more trouble than it's worth, given that malicious hackers are far more focused on Windows than they are on Mac OS X systems.

5. Clean up your hard drive
The more junk you have cluttering up your hard drive, the longer it takes for your system to access the data it needs—and that's a great reason to regularly scan your folders and toss out files and programs you don't need, or move them somewhere else to make more room.

One easy (and relatively cheap) solution, says Becky, is to buy an external hard drive for your music, photos, and videos, which can hog a surprisingly large amount of disk space (particularly when it comes to HD-quality TV shows and movies). You can find 500GB external hard drives online for as little as $50, while plenty of 1TB drives (or 1,000 gigabytes) sell for south of $100. Most USB 2.0 external drives are plug-and-play, meaning you just plug them into your PC's USB 2.0 port and you're ready to start dragging and dropping.

Another options: online storage sites, such as Dropbox and Carbonite.

Becky also recommends dumping any old programs that you no longer use. For Windows, click the Start menu, open the Control Panel, and select Add/Remove Programs (or "Uninstall a program" in Windows 7). Mac users can look in the Applications folder, which you can open in the Mac OS X Finder by clicking the Window menu and clicking Applications. See a program you simply never use anymore? Consider tossing it in the trash—although again, never throw away an application without knowing what it does first.

6. Turn off Mac Dashboard widgets
One of the more recent features in Mac OS X is the Dashboard—a layer of handy widgets that you can call up by clicking the Dashboard icon in the Dock. But while Dashboard widgets might be great for a quick check on the weather or to track the Dow, they also eat up a decent chunk of system resources.

Do yourself a favor and deactivate the widgets you don't use all that often, Becky advises. Activate the Dashboard, then click the "plus" sign in the bottom-left corner of the screen; next, click the "X" in the upper-left corner of any widgets that you won't miss.

7. Try a new browser—or update your old one
Has your browser been slowing to a crawl lately? Maybe it's time for a new one. Both Firefox and Google's Chrome Web browsers are popular—and powerful—alternatives to Internet Explorer, and don't forget that there's a Windows version of Apple's speedy Safari browser.

Want to stick with the browser you have? Make sure you're using the latest version. For Internet Explorer, fire up the Windows Update app under the Start Menu. For Firefox, select "Check for update" under the Help menu. Got Chrome? Select "About Google Chrome" under the wrench icon in the Windows version, or under the Chrome menu in Mac OS X. For Safari, launch "Apple Software Update" under the Start menu in Windows, or select Software Update under the Apple menu on the Mac.

One more thing: make sure you have the latest version of Adobe's Flash Player installed. Visit Adobe's Flash site to download the latest and greatest version (10.2, as of this writing).

8. Defragment your hard drive
Your computer's hard drive is a lot like a closet: the more cluttered it is, the longer it takes to find stuff. One of the easiest (and most effective) ways of tidying up your hard drive is to defragment it, a process that involves consolidating scattered blocks of data into a larger chunk, resulting in bigger swaths of free disk space.

Luckily, defragmenting your hard drive in Windows is a snap. Select Computers from the Start menu, right-click on the icon that represents your hard drive, select Properties, click the Tools tab, and click the Defragment Now button.

Got a Mac? Thanks to the disk optimization features built into Mac OS X, there's "little benefit" to manually fragmenting your hard drive, Apple says. But if you're feeling the need to try it anyway, there are several third-party defragmenting utilities for the Mac, including iDefrag and Drive Genius; just make sure to back up your data before giving them a go.

— Ben Patterson is a technology blogger for Yahoo! News.

Worst Cities for Finding a Job in 2011

2011-03-01T09:49:00.002-05:00

Worst Cities for Finding a Job in 2011
By Jacquelyn Smith, Forbes.com

If you've exhausted all other options, relocating can be a smart move for improving your job prospects--but be sure to check where people are hiring, and in what industries before you pack your bags and go.

The scrumptious Cajun cuisine and sweet jazz of New Orleans may make that city seem the perfect place for a fresh start--but the Big Easy is right now the toughest city in the U.S. for finding employment, according to the online job aggregator Indeed.com.

In Pictures: The Hardest Cities for Finding a Job
"New Orleans never fully recovered from the Katrina disaster, and tourism hasn't bounced back," says Paul Forster, Indeed.com's chief executive officer and cofounder. "But I think we'll see some improvement over the next year."

Indeed.com compiled a list of America's easiest and hardest cities for finding a job using data collected from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. The ranking was determined by calculating the number of job postings per thousand people in each major U.S. metropolitan area. The data covers job listings in the fourth quarter of 2010 with salary estimates of $50,000 or more.

The picture this offers does not reflect a precise number of available jobs. An opening can be listed in more than one place and can remain online for a time after it's filled. Nevertheless, the numbers do present a strong, broad gauge of which cities are the easiest and hardest for finding a job.

Historically, the easiest cities for finding a job thrive on industries that benefit from shifts in the economy or trends, says Forster. And the hardest cities rely on industries that suffer most during economic downturns. The rankings of the easiest and hardest cities for finding jobs confirm his view.

The results show that life is not a beach for job seekers in Miami. The cruise capital may have good air quality, clean drinking water and vast green spaces, but it doesn't have many openings. According to Indeed.com, Miami had 14 listings for high-paying jobs, per 1,000 residents, over the whole fourth quarter of 2010.

Your chances of finding a job in a colder place like Buffalo or Rochester, N.Y., are just as dim. There were merely 11 job postings for every 1,000 people in those metro areas, which tied for the second hardest place for finding a job.

Don't lose all hope, though. There are plenty of cities with thousands of high-paying jobs. San Jose, San Francisco and Seattle are three of the top five easiest cities for finding a job.

Located in the heart of Silicon Valley, San Jose ranks No. 1--but tech geeks are the ones most likely to find employment there with ease.

The area around the city that has dubbed itself "the capital of Silicon Valley" is home to the headquarters of major corporations such as Adobe Systems, Cisco Systems and eBay, as well as esteemed universities like Stanford and the University of California, Berkeley, which are notorious for pumping thousands of computer science and engineering graduates into the local job market each year.

"The established tech companies and emerging tech companies are both aggressively searching for talent," Forster says. "They look for experienced professionals as well as recent college graduates."

There were approximately 126 listings for high-paying jobs per 1,000 residents in the San Jose metro area for the three months that ended Dec. 31, 2010--but don't give up if your job search has been fruitless even in the easiest city for finding a job. In the No. 2 and No. 3 spots on the list, Washington and Baltimore also saw heavy recruiting throughout the last quarter of 2010. The federal government remains a top hiring source in D.C., where there were 116 high-paying job postings per 1,000 people last quarter. Baltimore, which is home to major research institutions and defense-related contractors, has particularly many job opportunities for health care and information technology professionals.

Forster says that after a significant decline in online job postings in 2009, and a sizable increase last year, he expects to see growth again in 2011.

America's Five Hardest Cities to Find Jobs

No. 5 (tie): Riverside, Ca.
16 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.

No. 5 (tie): Riverside, Ca.

No. 5 (tie): Louisville, Ky.
16 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.

No. 5 Louisville, Ky.

No. 4: Miami, Fla.
14 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.

No. 4 Miami, Fla.

No. 2 (tie): Rochester, N.Y.
11 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.

No. 2 (tie) Rochester, N.Y.

No. 2 (tie): Buffalo, N.Y.
11 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.

No. 2 (tie) Buffalo, N.Y.

No. 1: New Orleans, La.
10 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.

Healing a Wounded Credit Score

2011-03-01T09:46:00.001-05:00

Healing a Wounded Credit Score
by Tara Siegel Bernard

Millions of consumers have fallen out of favor with the credit scoring gods.

Some lost their jobs or were just overwhelmed by mounting debt. Others got caught up in the real estate bubble or had major medical bills. Whatever the reason, the rising number of foreclosures, short sales, late credit card payments and the ultimate credit sin -- bankruptcies -- have left black marks on credit reports most everywhere.

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So what can these people do to repair their credit?

The simple answer is to focus on the information that is used to generate the all-powerful FICO score -- the measure used most frequently by traditional lenders to determine creditworthiness. Its scale runs from 300 points to 850 points; the higher the score, the better your credit standing. "FICO is still the 500-pound gorilla," said John Ulzheimer, president of consumer education at SmartCredit.com. "In 2011, the best way to get credit from the mainstream lenders is to have a good FICO score."

Consumers can hope that the banks will eventually consider alternatives to the traditional FICO score, which was developed by Fair Isaac Corporation and has been in wide use for about two decades. After all, as banks regain their appetite for lending, they will be looking for ways to differentiate between borrowers with the same scores, some of whom are temporarily struggling and others who chronically have trouble with money.

[Click here to check current credit card offers, including rates and terms.]

For now, though, the FICO score reigns. The best antidote to a poor score is time. Still, there are a half dozen ways to speed the process, or, at the least, avoid even more credit trouble.

What to Do

Assess Your Situation

Before you even start to think about rehabilitating your credit, make sure that you can pay your bills on time and not do any more harm. If keeping up with your credit card bills is still an issue, then call the issuer, explain your situation and try to negotiate payments you can afford. Ask the issuer how that will be reported to the major three credit bureaus: Not paid as agreed, which can hurt your score? Or will the new terms say that you are now paying as agreed?

"You have to get in writing that this is what they agreed to do," said Mechel Glass, director of education at CredAbility, a nonprofit consumer credit counseling agency. Ditto for other providers, like utility companies.

Then, assess all the damage by getting a free copy of your credit report from each of the three major credit reporting bureaus through annualcreditreport.com. Each of the major credit bureaus -- Equifax, Experian and TransUnion -- generate their own FICO scores based on the data they collect. Two versions of your FICO score are also available for $19.95 each, through myFico.com.

How far your credit score has fallen will depend on where it started, as well as the frequency and severity of your credit mistakes. If you had almost perfect credit, but because of the loss of a job your credit card bills ended up at a collection agency, you can expect to lose anywhere from 80 to 150 points from your FICO score. A short sale or foreclosure? Both, Mr. Ulzheimer said, "would turn a FICO 790 into a FICO 590 overnight."

Clean Up Your Score

Start with the low-hanging fruit. Let's say you were late paying a bill from a company that no longer exists, or a bank that has since merged with a larger institution. If the credit reporting bureaus cannot verify the accuracy of that black mark, they are required to remove it. "Not only does it have to be correct, but it has to be verifiable," Mr. Ulzheimer said.

Next, focus on paying off the loans -- namely, credit cards -- that will help give your score the most lift. Paying off a mortgage, a student loan or other installment debts, like car loans, feels good but that won't necessarily do much for your credit score.

[Secrets of People With Great Credit Scores]

You also want to get your so-called debt utilization rate into good shape. FICO considers how the total amount of debt on each of your credit cards compares with your total available credit. The credit score "elite" -- that is, people with FICO scores above 760 -- typically don't have debts that exceed 7 percent of their available credit. But if you are at 50 percent and can get the rate down to 30 percent, that will help.

Leave a Note

Because prospective employers may pull a copy of your credit report, consider adding the equivalent of a doctor's note to each of your reports explaining your hardship, like a job loss. All three major credit bureaus allow you to add a brief statement through their Web sites. FICO doesn't consider these statements when formulating scores, however, so don't expect it to sway lenders.

Get Secured Cards

It will obviously be hard to get a traditional credit card when you have a poor credit history. Secured cards, if used strategically, can help nurse your credit back to health more quickly. These cards require you to put a set amount of money in a bank account, say $250 or $500, which is used as collateral. And the amount of available credit should be equivalent to the amount on deposit.

"What is the most predictive and powerful in your score are the things you've done most recently," Mr. Ulzheimer said. "That cuts both ways. If you add a secured card and you pay it religiously and the balance is low, it will help your score a lot more quickly than if you do nothing."

But read the fine print before signing up. Consumer advocates said some unscrupulous card issuers have charged the security deposit to the card. And be sure the issuer reports your payment information to the big three credit bureaus, since not all do.

Curtis Arnold, the founder of CardRatings.com, recommended two cards, both of which report payments to the big three: the Orchard Bank Secured MasterCard, which has an attractive interest rate of 7.9 percent, waives the annual fee in the first year and charges a moderate $35 annually thereafter. He also likes the Citi Secured MasterCard, largely because it offers an interest rate on the security deposit equivalent to an 18-month certificate of deposit, which he says is an industry first.

Talk to a Credit Union

These institutions may be more willing to work with members who have checkered histories. Their offerings vary, but they may be more likely to consider alternative credit scores, offer free credit counseling or have products tailored for people with poor credit histories. "Certainly, many credit unions have credit builder or rebuilder loans, often structured as a loan with a built-in savings component so that a person gradually builds up funds that can act as partial collateral," said Clifford Rosenthal, the president of the National Federation of Community Development Credit Unions, a trade association representing credit unions in low- and moderate-income areas.

Alternative Verification

There are other credit reporting agencies and services that -- for a monthly fee, and sometimes a hefty one -- will collect your payment history from sources that aren't included in your traditional credit report or FICO score. At this point, however, most mainstream lenders base their decisions on the big three bureaus' reports and FICO scores. So you're better off saving your money. "All of those companies say they will report your accounts to a credit bureau, and they may be doing that," Mr. Ulzheimer said. "But if it is not the big three, then who cares?"

This could change, of course, as banks become more willing to lend and potentially open to using other means to identify promising borrowers. Lenders may begin to consider rental payment histories, for instance. Or they may be willing to look at alternative credit scores that incorporate payment information that doesn't show up on traditional credit reports.

[Best Credit Cards For 2011]

Or perhaps one lender will permit so-called shoe box credit: Did you know that if you walk into a lender with a box stuffed with receipts proving that you paid your cable bill, for instance, that they are required to consider it? They aren't obliged to give you a loan, but the regulation says they must consider the information.

What to Avoid

Credit Repair Offers

You may have seen the advertisements for credit repair companies on the Web. "We really tell our clients to stay away," said Ms. Glass, of CredAbility. One re-emerging scam, she says, involves companies that claim they can clean up your credit. Some companies manage to do this for a limited time by disputing all of your accounts, sending letters to the bureaus claiming the accounts aren't valid. But after the credit bureaus validate the accounts and debts, they reappear on your report and your score will plummet again.

Legitimate credit repair companies exist, and they can assist in disputes. But there's nothing they can do that you can't do yourself at little cost. Besides, these companies often besiege the bureaus with letters, and the bureaus are allowed to ignore what they believe are frivolous disputes. Be wary of companies that do not disclose in writing that you can do these tasks free on your own, that guarantee results or that try to charge you before they perform any services.

Certain Cards

Despite the tighter credit environment, Chi Chi Wu, a staff lawyer at the National Consumer Law Center, said the center was still receiving complaints about credit cards aimed at people with poor credit histories.

"These cards are pitched as a way to build credit, but with these kind of steep fees and high interest rates, there is a good chance they will hurt," she said.

Jobs For Smart People

2011-03-01T09:44:00.001-05:00

Jobs For Smart People

See how you can train for a great-paying career that will fully utilize your brain power.
By Chris Kyle

Smart people come in all shapes and sizes.

So do smart career choices.

A bright NFL quarterback, for example, can read a defense and understand its strengths and weaknesses, all in the blink of an eye.

It's called spatial intelligence, and it's the same skill that graphic designers use to imagine smart visual solutions that their clients want but can't articulate.

[Search for Graphic Design schools near you now]

The bottom line: intelligent people - you know who you are! - are well-suited to certain careers.

These six careers, for example, can be smart options for smart people.

1.Accountant
2.Medical Manager
3.FBI Agent
4.Registered Nurse
5.Computer Systems Administrator
6.Teacher
Keep reading to learn about how you can get into one of these jobs. You'll be smarter for it…

#1 - Accountant
Accountants need to have more than just a knack for numbers. They should also have sound reasoning skills, since the simplest answer is often the right one when dealing with even the most complex calculations.

Education: A quick mind isn't enough to become an accountant. Formal training matters too. Fortunately, there are plenty of accounting and finance programs that can prepare you for a career as an accountant. A bachelor's degree is the most common entry-point into the profession.

Average Pay: $67,430

[Find Accounting and Finance schools now]

#2 - Medical Manager
Health care isn't just big business; it's also incredibly complex. As a result, medical managers need a sharp mind and keen business sense to keep up in this ever-evolving industry.

Education: Some medical managers have technical backgrounds, while others are experts in areas like finance or team-building. To qualify for most management roles, you'll need to earn a bachelor's degree in an area like health care administration, followed by an MBA.

Average Pay: $90,970

[Search for Health Care and Business schools now]

#3 - FBI Agent
While it probably comes as no surprise that the FBI is looking for smart recruits, it may startle you to learn that it's not only bright law enforcement types who are in demand. Computer specialists, language experts, accountants, and lawyers are just a few who regularly become FBI agents.

Education: While work experience is highly valued, a bachelor's degree is required. Common majors include information technology and accounting. Majoring in a foreign language is also a plus.

Average Pay: $73,170

[Search for Bachelor's degree programs now]

#4 - Registered Nurse
Registered nurses are among the most educated in the health care industry. Knowing what to do and when to do it is crucial, as is the ability to communicate effectively with patients and their families, not to mention the doctors you are assisting.

Education: Most registered nurses have a bachelor's of science in nursing. Accelerated programs are available to those who already have a degree. Additional training options include an associate's degree in nursing and a nursing diploma.

Average Pay: $66,530

[Find Nursing degree programs near you]

#5 - Computer Systems Administrator
Getting called a geek in the computer industry isn't an insult; it's a compliment. The good news: figuring out the most efficient way to share and store information may not be as complicated as rocket science, but it's still highly prized in today's digital world.

Education: An associate's or bachelor's degree can help you get your computer skills up to speed. Employers look for brainy applicants well-versed in areas like computer science, network administration, and IT & information systems.

Average Pay: $70,930

[Find IT degree programs now]

#6 - Teacher
The best teachers are gifted communicators and motivators who enjoy healthy discussions and debate. If you want to be a teacher, you'll need to be able to take complex subjects and present them in a straightforward way.

Education: While the temperament of a teacher may be a natural gift, formal training can provide you with the necessary academic background and teaching certification. It's best to begin with a bachelor's degree. From there public school teachers need to get certified. And keep in mind that a master's degree can help increase your pay and employment opportunities.

Average Pay: $55,150

[Search for Teaching programs].

*Average salary comes from the U.S. Department of Labor, using 2009 median salary information. For salary purposes, data for "Federal government criminal investigators" was used for FBI agents; data for "Secondary school teachers" was used for Teachers.

2011 Top (Car) Picks from Consumer Reports

2011-03-01T09:39:00.002-05:00

2011 Top Picks from Consumer Reports
Best cars in 10 categories proving goodness doesn’t require paying top dollar.

Six new models made our Top Picks list this year, representing a diverse selection from Japan, South Korea, and the U.S. No automaker dominates; the 10 picks come from six manufacturers and eight brands, which reflects the increasing competitiveness within today's auto market. Toyota is the only brand with more than one model.

MORE AT CONSUMER REPORTS
ª Consumer Reports’ annual auto issue
ª Complete Ratings for 200 cars and trucks
Consumer Reports has no relationship with any advertisers on Yahoo!.

Our Top Picks are the best all-around models in their categories. Chosen from the more than 270 vehicles we've recently tested, these vehicles scored well in our testing, have average or better predicted reliability, performed well in government or insurance-industry safety tests, if evaluated, and offer stability control—a proven, lifesaving feature.

Small car: Hyundai Elantra
Redesigned for 2011, the Elantra delivers a lot for the money. With its makeover, this well-rounded sedan is now more stylish and engaging to drive. The Elantra provides fairly nimble handling; a decent ride, a smooth, responsive powertrain; a well-finished interior; and a relatively roomy rear seat. It's also miserly on gas, achieving 29 mpg overall in our tests and 39 mpg on the highway. We expect this new model to be as reliable as the previous one. Price: $18,445

Budget car: Honda Fit
Electronic stability control is now a standard feature in the 2011 Fit, which helps solidify this versatile subcompact hatchback as the best in its class and a great value. The Fit provides an amazing amount of interior space for its size, aided by a flexible rear-seat design in which the seatbacks can fold down or the lower cushion can flip up to open an area stretching from floor to ceiling. Agile handling makes the Fit enjoyable to drive. And it pays back with excellent fuel economy: 30 mpg overall with an automatic transmission, 33 mpg with a manual. Price: $16,020 to $16,730

Family sedan: Nissan Altima
The Altima provides an impressive balance of comfort and performance while delivering some of the best fuel economy in its class: 26 mpg overall for four-cylinder models and 24 mpg with a V6. The Hybrid version gets 32 mpg. Its comfortable ride, secure handling, and spirited acceleration make the Altima enjoyable to drive. And it has a roomy, well-finished, and very quiet interior. The four-cylinder models earned an above-average reliability Rating, and the V6 model was average. Price: $23,970 to $30,335

Small SUV: Toyota RAV4
The RAV4 returns to our Top Picks list for the fourth time in the past five years. Its winning formula includes a roomy interior, agile handling, and very good fuel economy for its class. The four-cylinder version provides the best gas mileage of any automatic, nonhybrid SUV we've tested. The spirited V6 version accelerates about as quickly as the Cadillac CTS and Volkswagen GTI and gets only 1 mpg less than the four-cylinder model. A small third-row seat is optional. Price: $25,405 to $31,435

Green car: Toyota Prius
Even as more hybrids have entered the market in recent years, the Prius still gets the best fuel economy—44 mpg overall—of any vehicle we've recently tested. Moreover, the Prius is a pleasant car to drive, with a roomy interior, a comfortable ride, hatchback versatility, and excellent crash-test results. That combination of attributes has helped it earn our pick in this category for the eighth straight year, the longest run of any current model. Software problems in the antilock brake system affected the first-year reliability of this redesigned model, but those problems have been fixed. Price: $26,750

Family SUV: Kia Sorento
The Sorento was redesigned for 2011 and is now a more well-rounded SUV. A roomy, nicely finished interior includes comfortable seats and easy-to-use controls. An optional third-row seat, although tight, allows the Sorento to carry up to seven passengers. The smooth V6 engine provides good performance and fuel economy—20 mpg overall—that's as efficient as the base four-cylinder engine. The Sorento is also stocked with an inviting list of features for its price, making it one of the bargains of this class. Price: $26,590 to $32,390

Sporty car: Ford Mustang
One of the high points of this iconic sports car is the strong, rumbling V8 engine that propels our GT coupe and convertible test cars. It delivers scorching acceleration, a great exhaust sound, and good fuel economy for this class. For 2011, the Mustang received a refined, punchy V6, which provides strong acceleration and a decent 24 mpg overall with a manual transmission. But there's now more to the Mustang than power. Agile handling, a decent ride, comfortable front seats, and very good fit and finish make this thoroughly modern version a reasonable choice for daily driving. A tight rear seat limits passenger versatility, though. Price: $28,880 to $43,880

Sports sedan: Infiniti G37
The G37's inviting combination of agile handling, blistering acceleration, and a luxurious interior makes it one of our highest-scoring sedans and earned it a spot on this list for the fifth straight year. It's fun to drive on a twisty road but is still a fairly comfortable cruiser on the highway. A snug cabin and small trunk are the only notable weaknesses. Rear-wheel drive is standard, all-wheel drive optional. New for 2011 is a less expensive G25 model that gets 24 mpg, 3 better than the G37. Price: $37,225

Family hauler: Toyota Sienna
The previous Sienna set a high standard for minivans, earning it a place in our Top Picks in three of the past five years. Redesigned for 2011, the current model doesn't quite live up to that standard, but it's still a very comfortable, versatile minivan with excellent reliability. The spacious cabin can seat up to eight people. The engine delivers lively performance and decent fuel economy. And the Sienna is still the only minivan available with all-wheel drive. The redesigned Honda Odyssey scored slightly higher in our testing, but we don't have reliability data yet. Price: $35,810 to $38,201

Pickup truck: Chevrolet Avalanche
This versatile crew-cab model is unique among full-sized pickups. Its unified bed and cab helps give it a steady, comfortable, quiet ride. And the innovative partition between the cab and bed can be folded to extend the cargo area into the back of the cab. That allows the truck to carry longer cargo. A three-piece bed cover provides a weather-tight and lockable cargo area. We recommend getting the optional backup camera to reduce the truck's large blind zone. Price: $47,435.

6 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview

2011-03-01T09:32:00.002-05:00

6 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview
Seth Fiegerman
Monday, February 28, 2011

Job interviews usually close with the same five words: "Do you have any questions?" It may sound benign, but for a job applicant, it can feel like the moment of truth.

By this point, the employer has read your cover letter and resume, corresponded with you by e-mail and phone to learn more about you and has probably just finished lecturing you on the company and the position. It's been a long process of showing your worth, and when they ask this final question, it may feel like it's the last real opportunity to prove yourself to a potential employer before they decide if you are, in fact, the one.

But according to several career experts we spoke with, job candidates should never feel pressured to make up questions.

"The biggest problem when asking questions during a job interview is that if the question isn't something you genuinely need to know, it can be way worse than not asking anything at all," said Penelope Trunk, a popular business blogger and CEO of the Brazen Careerist, a career management site. "Once you make it to the job interview, you've already passed the skills test, so it's all about personality. And nobody becomes likeable by asking disingenuous questions."

Trunk urges job applicants to change the way they think about the interview process. Rather than waiting until prompted to ask questions in the final moments of the interview, it's crucial to take the initiative to get your questions out during the course of the conversation.

"Don't wait til the end if you have questions you want answered. It screams, 'I'm not a self-starter,'" she said. "As soon as it's time for you to talk in the interview, start asking questions and engage with the person interviewing you."

As Trunk and other experts point out, when the interviewer asks if you have any questions, it's generally a formality, but a formality that may hurt you if you don't take advantage of it.

"You absolutely must ask at least two questions. Staying silent shows you haven't done enough homework to know what to ask," said Alexandra Levit, a career expert and author of "New Job, New You: A Guide to Reinventing Yourself in a Bright New Career."

Keep in mind that just because you are encouraged to ask questions doesn't necessarily mean you should ask a thousand of them.

"Your job is not to ask questions or to interview the interviewers, so I wouldn't ask too many questions," said John Challenger, CEO of Challenger, Gray & Christmas, an outplacement consulting firm.

We've rounded up the six best questions to ask in your next job interview, as suggested by our panel of experts, which can help you get a better idea of whether the position is right for you and perhaps even impress the interviewer in the process.

What do you really enjoy about working here?

When you step into an interview, it's important to remember that the person conducting the interview isn't just there to intimidate you; he or she is also your window into the company. And with this question, you can tactfully get a better sense of how the interviewer -- and perhaps employees in general -- feel about the company you may one day call home.

"The answer to this question as well as the tone of the answer will provide critical insights as to how happy and supported employees feel at the organization," Levit said.

If you want to take this question one step further, Tory Johnson, founder of WomenForHire.com, suggests rewording it to ask what one thing the interviewer would change about the company if he or she could. "This is a way of asking, 'What's wrong with this place?' without being so direct," she said.

What are your goals for the company in the next year?

Much of the interview itself will likely be devoted to the specifics of your position and your qualifications for it, so it's a good idea to break out of that pattern when possible to get a sense of the big picture.

According to Levit, this particular question can give you a better sense of "how your position fits into the company as a whole, and more broadly, about whether the company is a good place to work."

What skills do I need to have most to help the team?

Trunk emphasizes that the best questions one can ask are the ones that show you care about teamwork, bottom line results and know how to manage yourself in a group. With this particular question, you accomplish all of those points and can get better a sense of what will be expected of you once you start working.

If I were hired, what would you like to see me achieve in my first three to six months on the job?

As with the previous question, this one will help you get a better sense of how you'll be judged in your new career.

"It's important to understand expectations from the get-go," Levit said. "This is especially true if you are being hired for a management position."

Why is this position vacant?

It may sound like an off-putting question at first blush, but according to Johnson, it's essential.

"It's important to know whether the position is vacant because someone was promoted from within, or the job is newly created because of growth or if it's a vacant because of high turnover," she said. "Don't wait until getting hired to discover you're the sixth person in three months to occupy the seat."

Indeed, this question could lead to others and prove to be the most profitable exchange you have in the interview.

"Many times a position is vacant because the previous person wasn't right for the job. You'll want to explore why through follow-up questions like, 'If you could have changed something about that person, what would it have been?' This line of questioning will absolutely make you more memorable to the interviewer," she said.

Do you have any reservations in hiring me?

If all your questions have been answered, Trunk recommends ending the interview with this powerful line.

"Just have some self-confidence and say, 'No, I don't have any questions, but I've learned a lot here and I know this is a great job for me. Do you have any reservations in hiring me?'" she said. "It forces the hiring manager to tell you what reservations they do have, and gives you an opportunity to combat them."

What Not to Ask

For all the questions you should ask during an interview, there are many more that you should generally avoid asking.

"Don't ask them questions about what you want out of the job -- money, advancement opportunities -- it just comes off as selfish," said Challenger, the consulting firm CEO. Likewise, Trunk recommends holding off on asking about vacation days and salaries.

"These are kiss-of-death questions," she says. "Save them for after you actually get the job offer."

6 Questions to Ask in a Job InterviewIt’s crucial to ask questions during an interview. Here are some to help you get started.

9 Ways to Ace a Job Interview

Here are some tips to help you land the interview and come out on top.

The Industries with the Most Job Openings

Tax Deductions

2011-02-16T00:48:00.001-05:00

Tax Deductions With Some of the Biggest Payouts
Andrea Coombes

A $5,000 or $6,000 deduction for IRA contributions, a $4,000 deduction for college tuition and fees, a $1,000 child tax credit — these are hefty tax breaks for which a taxpayer may understandably yearn. But they’re small beans when compared with the tens of thousands of dollars in savings some reap through deductions and credits.

How about taking a $50,000 deduction for state and local taxes paid, a $37,000 deduction for medical expenses, a $28,000 deduction for mortgage interest, or a $21,000 deduction for charitable contributions?

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Those are the average amounts claimed for each of those deductions in 2008 by taxpayers with adjusted gross income higher than $250,000, the group with the highest average claim for each of those deductions that year, said Mark Luscombe, principal tax analyst with CCH Inc., a Riverwoods, Ill.-based tax publisher and unit of Wolters Kluwer. (The average dollar amounts are rounded, and count only those taxpayers who claimed that particular deduction.)

Some tax breaks “basically don’t have any limit,” Luscombe said. For example, to take the medical-expense deduction your expenses must exceed 7.5% of your adjusted gross income.

“That puts a floor on it, but as far as a top number, the more medical expenses you have, the higher the deduction,” Luscombe said. (Some deductions discussed here are restricted or disallowed under the alternative minimum tax.)

For taxpayers with adjusted gross income of $30,000 to $50,000 in 2008, the average deduction for state and local taxes was about $3,800; for medical expenses, $6,000; mortgage interest, $9,000; charitable contributions, $2,200, according to CCH.

For taxpayers with AGI of $50,000 to $100,000, the average deduction for state and local taxes was about $6,000; medical expenses, $7,000; mortgage interest, $10,600; charitable contributions, $2,700.

The mortgage-interest deduction is limited by the value of your home — generally speaking, you can claim it for interest paid on mortgage indebtedness up to $1 million, plus another $100,000 of home-equity debt. See this IRS page for more on the mortgage-interest deduction.

Meanwhile, some credits don’t have an upper limit, Luscombe said. The residential energy-efficient property credit for installing solar, wind or geothermal systems is worth 30% of the amount spent — whatever that amount is.

But don’t confuse that credit with the one for home energy-efficient upgrades, such as new windows and doors. That credit was worth up to $1,500 in 2010 but lawmakers reduced it for 2011, in the Tax Relief Act passed in December.

Other credits have a top limit, but it’s hefty: The adoption tax credit is worth up to $13,170 in 2010, up from $12,150, and it’s now refundable. Read more about the adoption credit on IRS.gov.

Almost Half of Taxpayers Don’t Owe Federal Income Tax

Taxpayers may enjoy the bounty, but these deductions and credits — plus other tax breaks that never show up on our returns, including those we get through 401(k), Roth IRA and 529 plans — all add up to a lot of money the U.S. government is not collecting.

While the definition of what should be counted as a so-called “tax expenditure” varies, “by any measure, the revenue losses from tax expenditures are large,” according to a Tax Policy Center report, co-authored by Eric Toder.

“Adding up all the tax expenditure estimates in the 2010 federal budget, we calculate a sum of about $1.1 trillion in fiscal year 2012, or about 6.7% of projected gross domestic product.” Read the report.

That’s a lot of tax breaks.

“Our tax system is such that for 2010 we estimate 45% of American households will pay no income tax, because of the combination of credits and deductions and so forth,” said Roberton Williams, a senior fellow at the Tax Policy Center, a joint venture of the Urban Institute and Brookings Institution in Washington.

And that includes high-income people, he said. For instance, recent IRS statistics showed that about 2,000 people with income of $1 million or more don’t pay income tax, Williams said. “A part of it is that money is earned overseas and is subject to foreign taxes; a part of it is they have a lot of money in tax-exempt bonds so they don’t pay tax on that income,” he said.

“For one reason or another these very, very wealthy people have set up their financial situation in such a way that they avoid U.S. federal income taxes entirely.”

Keep in mind that some of the largest tax expenditures don’t show up on your tax return. For instance, the value of employer-provided health insurance isn’t counted as income for most taxpayers.

Few Deductions Available to Some Taxpayers

Still, for his clients — most of whom are high-net-worth retirees who’ve paid off their home mortgage — deductions can be hard to tap, said Rial Moulton, a certified financial planner and certified public accountant in Spokane, Wash.

For a married couple filing jointly, the standard deduction in 2010 is $11,400, and it’s $5,700 for a single filer. “To think about itemizing, you have to have [deductions that total] more than that,” Moulton said. “For most people in our area, if you have your house paid off, it’s hard to get above that number unless you have significant health-care costs.”

Meanwhile, for taxpayers at a lower income level, one of the most valuable deductions is the earned income tax credit, worth as much as $5,666 for those with three qualifying children in 2010. For a family with three children to be eligible, AGI can’t exceed $43,352 for head-of-household filers and $48,362 for married-filing-jointly filers. Read this IRS page for more information.

There’s also a saver’s credit, worth up to $2,000 for married-filing-jointly couples and up to $1,000 for single filers, but that maximum credit phases out as income rises. And the maximum adjusted-gross-income limit to get any of the credit is $55,500 for married-filing-jointly filers and $27,750 for single filers. See this IRS page for more information.

Natural remedies

2011-02-16T00:40:00.002-05:00

Natural remedies for the 15 most common aches, pains, and health complaints.
By Sarah Irani, EcoSalon

Is the economy beating you up? It’s time to get creative. Next time you have an ache or pain, forget about a costly trip to the drugstore and test-drive some of your grandmother’s remedies instead. It’ll save money and be gentler on your body and the environment. Recessionistas (and gents), welcome to the DIY medicine cabinet.

1. Stop Bleeding

You’d think it would burn, but a sprinkle of cayenne pepper on a cut will quickly stop the bleeding and actually relieve the pain.

2. Toothache

There’s nothing so bad as the shooting pain of a toothache. You don’t want to ignore a tooth problem, because an infection that close to your brain can be extremely dangerous if it spreads. But in order to reduce swelling and pain while you wait for a dentist appointment, try putting a few drops of clove oil on your tooth and gums, and bite down on a smashed piece of garlic (which has excellent antibacterial properties). This has always worked for me.

3. Rashes and Allergies

Prescription and OTC antihistamines can cause some serious side effects. Before you head for the strong stuff, try green tea, which contains compounds with antihistamine properties. You’ll need to drink 2-3 cups a day to get the full effect.

4. Athlete’s Foot

It’s a foot fungus, and it stinks. Air those piggies, then soak them in salty water, wash them with garlic juice, or soak them with diluted white or apple cider vinegar. All of these things will help kill the fungus.

But you have to be persistent, consistent, and diligent: No matter what treatment you use, do it a few times a day and stick with it until at least a week after you think the symptoms are gone! Fungus excels at hiding out and coming back when you least expect it.

5. Acne and Sensitive Skin

First, you really have to look at your lifestyle, because imbalances in your health can show up in your skin. But in the meantime, wash your face with oatmeal. It’s a gentle exfoliant and draws out oil and impurities.

6. Ear Infections

Ear infections can become quite serious and cause permanent damage, so please see a doctor if your ear ache has become severe.

But if you feel like your infection is mild and at the beginning stages, put a few drops of garlic oil or white vinegar into your ear canal and lay down on the opposite side to let those drops do their work. Garlic and vinegar create an environment that won’t support the bacteria causing the infection. Repeat a few times a day until the symptoms disappear. (If your symptoms last longer than a few days, you should definitely see a doctor!)

7. Sore Muscles and Bruises

After a hard afternoon of rowing with a friend, I resigned myself to a few days of burning muscles and soreness. But my friend saved the day with a tube of arnica cream. He rubbed it on my shoulders and voila, instant relief and absolutely no aches the next day. The humble arnica flower makes an incredible cream that no medicine cabinet should be without. Use it immediately to speed up the healing of bruises, sprains, sore muscles, and other general aches.

8. Flatulence

Some foods, like beans and raw veggies, are more likely to cause gas, but if you find flatulence to be too common of an occurrence, try taking a digestive enzyme with your meals. You can find these at any health food store.

In the meantime, make use of digestive spices such as ginger, anise, peppermint, coriander, and dill. You can make tea with these ingredients or incorporate them into your food.

9. Dandruff

Have you looked at the ingredients in dandruff shampoo? It seems like they contain almost everything in the Toxic Ingredients You Must Avoid list. Better to try something natural first before resorting to chemicals. Many people swear by rubbing aloe vera gel onto the scalp (leave it on for 20 minutes than rinse it out). This will certainly help with dry, itchy scalp.

Another remedy is a rinse with apple cider vinegar. Try these remedies a few times before deciding if they work for you. Even dandruff shampoo requires regular use to see results, so give the natural stuff a chance!

10. Headache and Migraine

Try rubbing peppermint or lavender oil on your temples and the base of your neck; sniffing these oils may also help.

Rub a fresh cut lemon or lime on your forehead. Feverfew is a good herbal remedy for headaches.

Have a little caffeine by way of green tea, and don’t forget to use an ice pack for 20 minutes to dull the throbbing.

11. Indigestion and Heartburn

It almost goes without saying – but consider why you’re getting heartburn in the first place. Did you overeat? Too much grease or spicy food? Eating late at night? Scout out the cause and try to stop this before it happens. Then, put down the antacids.

The belching, bloat, and heartburn caused by indigestion come about because you don’t have enough stomach acid to do the job right. A spoonful or two of apple cider vinegar will help break down the excess food that is causing you trouble and bring your stomach back to balance.

12. Constipation

First, drink more water and eat more fruit and salads. You’re backed up for a reason and taking lots of laxatives is not the answer. Meanwhile, drinking a few teaspoons of olive oil mixed with a bit of orange or (diluted) lemon juice can help things get moving.

Another surefire remedy is 1/4 teaspoon of epsom salts drunk in 1/2 a glass of water. Sometimes calorie restriction or avoidance of healthy fats (such as the good fats found in fish, nuts, and avocados) can worsen constipation.

And though it’s counterintuitive, some people relieve their constipation by actually cutting back on grain consumption! True, grains contain fiber, but some people don’t digest grains very well. Other causes of constipation include stress, depression, inactivity, and nutritional deficiencies. If your constipation is chronic, it may be a sign of a more serious problem, so please seek medical advice and adjust your lifestyle.

13. Sore Throat

Sore, scratchy throats are usually a sign of a cold or flu coming on, so you don’t want to ignore this symptom, but you can relieve the pain by gargling with warm salt water a few times a day and then drinking a soothing honey-lemon tea.

14. Burns

So you bumped up against the stove again? Ouch. Rinse first with cold water, but then immediately apply aloe vera gel to the burn.

For those of us who don’t have aloe in the house, slice a potato and rub its cool, soothing juices all over the burn.

And honey, with its antibacterial properties, is also good topical ointment. If you can catch the burn immediately, mustard is also reportedly a great salve.

15. Nausea

The classic cure for nausea or carsickness is ginger tea or candied ginger. You can chew on the stuff raw, if you like, but it’s so spicy and strong it might just make you feel worse.

Sniffing real peppermint or lavender oil can also help.

Give some of these remedies a try – and share your own tried-and-true treatments, too.

EcoSalon is the leading conscious culture and fashion website for women. Our motto: Have a heart.

More from EcoSalon:

•Simple, Natural Solutions to Eight Common Beauty Dilemmas
•11 Toxic Cosmetic Ingredients to Avoid
•20 Natural Tips to Stop Tossing and Turning
•7 Natural Sleep Aids for Insomnia
•7 Healthy Ways to Soothe Cramps

15 Toughest Interview Questions and Answers.

2011-02-08T12:40:00.002-05:00

15 Toughest Interview Questions (and Answers!)
by Tania Khadder

For many people, job interviews are the most stressful part of the job-search process. And it's true that an interview is often a make-or-break moment: If you flub the interview in a big way, you probably won't make the cut--no matter how good your resum is, or how excellent your qualifications are.

You can combat nerves and increase your chances of success by practicing your answers to difficult interview questions. Here are some of the toughest, with suggested answers:

1. Why do you want to work in this industry?

Bad answer:
"I love to shop. Even as a kid, I spent hours flipping through catalogs."

Tip:
Don't just say you like it. Anyone can do that. Focus instead on your history with that particular industry, and if you can, tell a success story.

Good answer:
"I've always loved shopping, but my interest in retail marketing really started when I worked at a neighborhood boutique. I knew that our clothes were amazing, but that we weren't marketing them properly. So I worked with management to come up with a marketing strategy that increased our sales by 25 percent in a year. It was great to be able to contribute positively to an industry I feel so passionate about, and to help promote a product I really believed in."

2. Tell us about yourself.

Bad answer:
"I graduated four years ago from the University of Michigan, with a bachelor's in biology--but I decided that wasn't the right path for me. So I switched gears and got my first job, working in sales for a startup. Then I went on to work in marketing for a law firm. After that, I took a few months off to travel. Finally, I came back and worked in marketing again. And now, here I am, looking for a more challenging marketing role."

Tip:
Instead of giving a chronological work history, focus on your strengths and how they pertain to the role. If possible, illustrate with examples.

Good answer:
"I'm really energetic, and I'm a great communicator. Working in sales for two years helped me build confidence and taught me the importance of customer loyalty. I've also got a track record of success. In my last role, I launched a company newsletter, which helped us build on our existing relationships and create new ones. Because of this, we ended up seeing a revenue increase of 10 percent over two years. I'm also very interested in how companies can use web tools to better market themselves, and would be committed to building on your existing platform."

3. What do you think of your previous boss?

Bad answer:
"He was completely incompetent, and a nightmare to work with, which is why I've moved on."

Tip:
Remember that if you get the job, many of the people interviewing you will someday be your previous bosses. The last thing they want is to hire someone they know will badmouth them. Instead of trashing your former employer, stay positive, and focus on what you learned from him (no matter how awful he really was).

Good answer:
"My last boss taught me the importance of time management, didn't pull any punches, and was extremely deadline-driven. His no-nonsense attitude pushed me to work harder, and to meet deadlines I never even thought were possible."

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4. Why are you leaving your current role?

Bad answer:
"I can't stand my boss, or the work I'm doing."

Tip:
Again, stay away from badmouthing your job or employer. Focus on the positive.

Good answer:
"I've learned a lot from my current role, but now I'm looking for a new challenge, to broaden my horizons, and to gain a new skill set--all of which I see the potential for in this job."

5. Where do you see yourself in five years?

Bad answer:
"Relaxing on a beach in Maui," or "Doing your job."

Tip:
There's really no right answer to this question, but the interviewer wants to know that you're ambitious, career-oriented, and committed to a future with the company. So instead of sharing your dream for early retirement, or trying to be funny, give an answer that illustrates your drive and commitment.

Good answer:
"In five years I'd like to have an even better understanding of this industry. Also, I really love working with people. Ultimately, I'd like to be in some type of managerial role at this company, where I can use my people skills and industry knowledge to benefit the people working for me, and the company as a whole."

6. What's your greatest weakness?

Bad answer:
"I work too hard," or for the comedian, "Blonds."

Tip:
This question is a great opportunity to put a positive spin on something negative, but you don't want your answer to be a cliche--joking or not. Instead, try to use a real example of a weakness you have learned to overcome.

Good answer:
"I've never been very comfortable with public speaking--which, as you know, can be a hindrance in the workplace. Realizing this was a problem, I asked my previous employer if I could enroll in a speech workshop. I took the class, and was able to overcome my lifelong fear. Since then, I've given several presentations to audiences of over 100 high-level executives--I still don't love it, but no one else can tell!"

7. What salary are you looking for?

Bad answer:
"In my last job I earned $35,000--so now I'm looking for $40,000."

Tip:
"If you can avoid it, don't give an exact number. The first person to name a price in a salary negotiation loses. Instead, reiterate your commitment to the job itself. If you have to, give a broad range based on research you've conducted on that particular role, in your particular city."

Good answer:
"I'm more interested in the role itself than the pay. That said, I'd expect to be paid the appropriate range for this role, based on my five years of experience. I also think a fair salary would bear in mind the high cost of living here in New York City."

8. Why should I hire you?

Bad answer:
"I'm the best candidate for the role."

Tip:
A good answer will reiterate your qualifications, and will highlight what makes you unique.

Good answer:
"I've been an executive assistant for the past ten years--my boss has said time and time again that without me, the organization would fall apart. I've also taken the time to educate myself on some of the software I regularly use (but didn't really understand the ins and outs of). I'm an Excel whiz now, which means I can work faster, and take over some of what my boss would traditionally have had to do herself. What's good enough for most people is never really good enough for me."

9. What is your greatest failure, and what did you learn from it?

Bad answer:
"I never finished law school--and everything that's happened since has taught me that giving up, just because the going gets tough, is a huge mistake."

Tip:
You don't want to highlight a true major regret--especially one that exposes an overall dissatisfaction with your life. Instead, focus on a smaller (but still significant) mishap, and how it has made you a better professional.

Good answer:
"When I was in college, I took an art class to supplement my curriculum. I didn't take it very seriously, and assumed that, compared to my engineering classes, it would be a walk in the park. My failing grades at midterm showed me otherwise. I'd even jeopardized my scholarship status. I knew I had to get my act together. I spent the rest of the semester making up for it, ended up getting a decent grade in the class. I learned that no matter what I'm doing, I should strive to do it to the best of my ability. Otherwise, it's not worth doing at all."

10. How do you explain your gap in employment?

Bad answer:
"I was so tired of working, and I needed a break," or "I just can't find a job."

Tip:
Employment gaps are always tough to explain. You don't want to come across as lazy or unhireable. Find a way to make your extended unemployment seem like a choice you made, based on the right reasons.

Good answer:
"My work is important to me, so I won't be satisfied with any old job. Instead of rushing to accept the first thing that comes my way, I'm taking my time and being selective to make sure my next role is the right one."

11 through 15. Read the final five "Toughest Interview Questions."

More from Excelle.com:

6 ways to boost your self-confidence
Top 19 essential career research tools
8 ways to customize your resum
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Avoid These 5 Used Cars (Plus 5 to Buy)

2011-01-29T20:59:00.002-05:00

Avoid These 5 Used Cars (Plus 5 to Buy)
By Jerry Edgerton | Jul 29, 2010

Used car shopping used to be a scary maze of breakdown-prone models, but reliability has gained sharply. Auto manufacturing quality and dependability studies have shown steady gains this decade. But exceptions do exist and if you’re in the market for a used car, you want to steer clear of them.

So CBS MoneyWatch.com has compiled a list of used cars to avoid in five categories, focusing on 2007 models-the year from the latest J.D. Power and Associates dependability study. Buying a three-year-old car also lets you shop after the bulk of depreciation has taken place. If you’re considering a more recent model used car, study the comparisons in Flash: New Cars Cost Less than Used Cars which take into account new car financing deals vs. one-year old certified used cars.

To make our list of used-car rejects, a model had to score the minimum two out of five in the J.D. Power “circle ratings” for dependability–a below-average ranking. It also had to be ranked below average as a used car by Consumer Reports in its annual April car issue and online car rankings.

Here are our used cars to avoid, by category, plus better used car alternatives:

Small Used Car to Avoid: Volkswagen New Beetle. Sure, it’s adorable, but the 2007 New Beetle is also trouble-prone. Owners who responded to the Consumer Reports reliability survey reported problems with the fuel and electrical systems, the suspension, brakes, power windows, and other power equipment. The convertible model sells on dealers’ lots for $17,055, according to Kelley Blue Book at kbb.com.

Small Used Car Alternative: Ford Focus. It may not be as stylish as the Beetle, but it’s a lot more reliable. In fact, the Focus got the J.D. Power award as most reliable compact car. Owners of the 2007 Focus who responded to Consumer Reports reported no major trouble spots. And it’s much cheaper than the Beetle. The Kelley Blue Book dealer price is $10,905.

Mid-Size Used Car to Avoid: Chrysler Sebring. The 2007 Sebring sedan not only got just two circles from J.D. Power, Consumer Reports reported a laundry list of problems: engine cooling, minor transmission problems, the drive system, suspension, brakes and more. The low $12,365 dealer price isn’t worth it.

Mid-Size Used Car Alternative: Buick LaCrosse. Winner of the J.D. Power dependability award in this category, the 2007 LaCrosse got an above-average used-car rating from Consumer Reports. It’s a good value at a dealer price for the CX version at $14,430.

Small Used SUV to Avoid: Jeep Wrangler. King of the off-road, the 2007 Wrangler can climb over almost any obstacle except a reliability test. Owners of the two-door version responding to Consumer Reports reported major transmission problems and issues with the electrical system and brakes. And it’s selling on dealer lots at a relatively expensive $19,850.

Small Used SUV Alternative: Honda CR-V. A lot less noticeable than a Wrangler, the Honda CR-V is a lot less trouble, too. It won the J.D. Power dependability award in this category and is rated by Consumer Reports as a well-above-average used car prospect. As a used-car buyer, you are on the wrong side of Honda models’ strong ability to hold their value. But at a dealer price of $20,980, the four-wheel-drive version of the CR-V is still a decent value.

Mid-Size SUV to Avoid: GMC Acadia. The 2007 Acadia is a good example of the time-honored rule to avoid buying the first year of a model. It not only got a below-average two circles from J.D. Power, it received a much-worse-than-average used car rating from Consumer Reports. CR readers who owned the 2007 reported problems with the drive system, suspension, body integrity and power equipment. In addition, the all-wheel-drive version on dealers’ lots is priced at an expensive $28,435, according to Kelly Blue Book.

Mid-Size SUV Alternative-Honda Pilot. One of a handful of mid-size SUVs to get four circles from J.D. Power, the Pilot is rated well-above-average by Consumer Reports. (Its corporate stablemate, the Accord Crosstour, actually won the J.D. Power award. But many reviewers find its modified-sedan style not big enough to provide true SUV cargo or passenger room.) The Pilot is selling for $23,395-some $5,000 less than the GMC Acadia.

Used Minivan to Avoid: Nissan Quest. Never a strong contender in this category, the Quest gets a below-average used car rating from Consumer Reports and two circles from Power. Owners of the 2007 reported problems with the fuel and climate system, brakes and body integrity. The Quest is selling at $17,395.

Used Minivan alternative: Toyota Sienna. This van gets four J.D. Power circles and an above-average CR used car rating. Not part of the Toyota sudden-acceleration recall, the Sienna is selling at a dealers’ price of $20,280 for the CE trim level.

Traffic Pain: 10 Cities with the Worst Commutes

2011-01-29T20:58:00.000-05:00

Traffic Pain: 10 Cities with the Worst Commutes.
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by CBS MoneyWatch.com, on Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:44pm PST364 CommentsPost a CommentRead More from This Author »Report Abuse..Share
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by Kathy Kristof for CBS MoneyWatch.com

What does sitting in traffic cost you? About $808 on average, according to the latest Urban Mobility Report, conducted by the Texas Transportation Institute. But the cost is dramatically higher if you live in Chicago, where the cost per commuter hit a whopping $1,738.

In fact, commuters in large urban areas spend roughly 40% more on average, wasting some $1,166 per year twiddling their thumbs in traffic.

Where do these cost estimates come from? TTI calculates the cost of traffic by analyzing vast data sets to determine how many hours the average commuter spends sitting in traffic jams and then breaks the data down based on how many of these commuters are driving cars versus trucks. They then add up the cost of wasted gasoline and time. But the cost of time is considerably higher for truckers — $106 per hour — than for drivers — $16.

-- 10 Cities with the Most Drunk Driving
-- Save on Gas: 9 Ways To Drive Smarter
-- 6 Things Never to Post on Facebook
-- What NOT to Buy at Costco
-- Warning: 5 Used Cars Not to Buy

That’s the reason that Chicago beat out Washington, D.C. as the most costly city for commuters. Commuters in the District waste an equal number of hours — 70 per year — and even more gasoline — 57 gallons versus 52 gallons in Chicago. But fewer of the commuters in D.C. are driving trucks.

It’s also worth mentioning that New York doesn’t even make the top 10. Why? The study isn’t looking at just the core business districts — like Manhattan or downtown Los Angeles, said Tim Lomax, the study’s research engineer, in a telephone interview. It’s measuring traffic in much wider geographic areas.

“Manhattan would be off the charts,” he adds. ”But when you spread it out over the much larger urban area that we’re tracking, the average goes way down.”

Where does traffic cost the most, according to the study?

•1. Chicago: $1,738 (70 hours/52 gallons)
•2. Washington, D.C. : $1,555 (70 hours/57 gallons)
•3. Los Angeles/Long Beach: $1,464 (63 hours/50 gallons)
•4. Houston: $1,322 (58 hours/52 gallons)
•5. Baltimore: $1,218 (50 hours/43 gallons)
•6. San Francisco: $1,112 (49 hours/39 gallons)
•7. Boston: $1,112 (48 hours/36 gallons
•8. Dallas/Ft. Worth: $1,077 (48 hours/38 gallons)
•9. Denver: $1,057 (47 hours/38 gallons)
•10. Seattle: $1,056 (44 hours/35 gallons)
The study looked at 101 cities. Want to see the data about your city, including whether it’s getting more or less congested? You can go to TTI map and click on your area.

More on MoneyWatch:

•10 Cities with the Most Drunk Driving
•Save on Gas: 9 Ways To Drive Smarter
•6 Things Never to Post on Facebook
•What NOT to Buy at Costco
•Warning: 5 Used Cars Not to Buy

8 people u trust with your credit card, but shouldn't

2011-01-29T20:53:00.001-05:00

8 people you trust with your credit card, but shouldn't

Erica Sandberg,

Wednesday January 26, 2011, 1:00 am EST

It's amazing how often we blindly hand over our credit cards and numbers to so many people and businesses. Why? We trust them! The problem is, however, that sometimes we'd be better off holding back and taking a more discretionary approach. Certain individuals and companies should be off limits. To keep safeguard your credit, avoid giving the following folks unlimited access to your account.

1. Your darling child. Whether you have a PC, smart phone or iPad, chances are high that your kid has become quite the gaming pro. She begs for your password and soon your bill swells. It happens, and the damage can be extreme. In January 2011, a 7-year old in British Columbia was on an iPod and found an app called Touch Pets - Dogs 2. An hour's worth of play ran up $852, which was charged to the credit card her parents had on file with iTunes. "Trust can't come without education and maturity," says Jan Ruskin, spokeswoman for Creative Wealth International, a financial literacy product company. And clearly a child can't be expected to read and understand fine print.

2. Callers investigating a credit card scam. The man on the phone sounds both professional and deadly serious. He's with the police or credit card company, and he says that your account has been compromised . To confirm your identity, he needs you to read off your card's numbers. The catch: He's the thief. "No responsible agency will work this way," says Los Angeles-based security expert Chris McGoey. It's easy to fall for this scam because very often the caller knows a few facts about you. "They'll get a hold of people from a list -- religious, political, etc. The story sounds plausible," says McGoey. To ensure all is well, though, hang up and call the number on the back of your card.

3. Loved ones. You'd think you could rely on your best bud to never do you wrong, right? Well, not necessarily. Sometimes it's those closest to us who abscond with our credit information. A 2010 Identity Fraud Survey Report found at least 13 percent of all identity theft is perpetrated by friends, neighbors and other close acquaintances. Lend a pal your card or leave statements in plain view and you could be exposing yourself to trouble.

4. The hired help. It may save you time to hand over your Home Depot card to a contractor, or give your Visa to the nanny so they can buy supplies, but that's giving strangers way too much access. They might be the most upstanding people in the world, but you should still order your own stuff. The only people who should ever charge on your card besides you are other co-signers and authorized users.

5. Virus protection heroes. Get online and see a warning message that your computer has a virus needing immediate attention? Use extreme caution when purchasing new protection software. "Don't trust anyone who tries to scare you into downloading software to fix your PC that's supposed to have a virus," warns Robert Siciliano McAfee, a consultant and identity theft expert. "This is scareware, and it will mess up your operating system, and your card will be charged more than once."

6. The disappearing waiter. Anytime your plastic is swept away by another person, you have reason for pause. Unfortunately, some restaurant staff may be especially dangerous. "Many skimming networks operate using wait staff," warns Steve Rhode of GetOutOfDebt.org. "They will pay $50 or more for credit card information that can be swiped off your card using a small electronic device that reads the magnetic strip on the card. Skimming only takes two seconds." While you can't always control where they take the card, it's important to check your receipts and statements immediately.

7. The "helpful" debt collector. If you owe money to a collection agency, you might be asked to enter into a payment plan or settlement agreement using your credit card. Don't do it, says Sonya Smith Valentine, attorney and author of "How to Have a Love Affair with Your Credit Report." "If you are working out a deal on past due debt with a debt collector, send a money order," she suggests. "Some debt collectors will charge your card for the whole amount that you owe, not just the amount they agreed to settle the debt for."

8. You. According to Carrie Coghill, director of consumer education for FreeScore.com , the person you might want to be most wary of may be reflected in the mirror. "Even the smartest people do the dumbest things," Coghill says. She cites examples of those who consolidate debts on low interest rate cards, but don't pay attention to the special rate time frame and get hit with super high APRs, and millionaires who overextend themselves because they must have the latest things. So look inward, cardholder: If you can't trust yourself to stay out of debt, purge your wallet of plastic.

While casting suspicious glares at everyone is unnecessary, being careful can prevent common credit problems. Monitor your financial affairs too. "The bottom line is the best deterrent against credit card fraud and abuse is for you to monitor your monthly statements and check your consolidated credit report twice a year," says Rhode.

See related: 9 hot credit card scams to watch out for , New phone phishing scam on the rise , Card thieves 'skimming' pay-at-the-pump customers

•6 expenses you should never put on a credit card
•How to change your credit card bill's due date
•How different cultures handle credit cards

5 Things Not to Buy in a Supermarket.

2011-01-29T20:51:00.000-05:00

Saturday, January 29, 2011

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5 Things Not to Buy in a Supermarket.
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by Reader's Digest Magazine, on Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:21am PST408 CommentsPost a CommentRead More from This Author »Report Abuse..Share
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EmailPrint. We love grocery stores. Their stock and trade is food — fresh, frozen, canned or prepared — and kitchen staples like paper towels and laundry detergent. But there are a whole host of other items that cost a premium in grocery stores because of the “convenience” factor. You can get them cheaper at a discount department or hardware store, dollar store, or drug store so leave the following items off your shopping list:
1. Cookware and Kitchen Utensils

It may be convenient to pick up a frying pan while you’re buying your bacon, but you’ll be paying much more than you ought to for it.

2. Cosmetics, toiletries, and personal care items

It might save time to buy your lip-gloss, moisturizer, toothpaste, razor blades, and deodorant at the same time and place you’re getting your food, but you’ll be paying a premium price.

Plus: 15 Foods You Should Never Buy Again

3. Small appliances

Why buy a toaster for $40 when you can buy the same toaster for $20 dollars at a discount house? The same theory applies to coffee makers, electric tea kettles, and hot plates.

4. Party supplies

Buy your balloons, funny hats, place cards, candles, and name tags in bulk at a party supply store and you'll pay a whole lot less.

5. Batteries, light bulbs, extension cords

Again, these are pricey specialty items at the grocery store, but cheap impulse buys at a discount hardware, department, or dollar store!

From Discounts, Deals & Steals

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20 Secrets Your Waiter Won't Tell You
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13 Things You Never Knew About Your Weight
11 Secrets of Getting Better Doctor Care
13 Things Your Supermarket Isn't Telling You
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13 Things a Burglar Won't Tell You
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Low-Tax States Attract Budget-Conscious Americans

2011-01-29T20:48:00.002-05:00

Low-Tax States Attract Budget-Conscious Americans
Linda Stern
Saturday, January 29, 2011Share

Bob VanSickle was a lifelong NJ resident, but when he left after 52 years for what he calls "kinder, gentler" New Hampshire, he never looked back.

It wasn't the warm fuzzies that won him over; it was the lower taxes on income, property and purchases.

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"This is great," he said, seven years later. "I'm still paying less now than I was when I left NJ."

VanSickle estimates that he and his wife Anna save as much as $15,000 annually on taxes alone because they live in New Hampshire. "That's a year's tuition for my kid —a lot of disposable income," he said.

"After I tell my old friends in NJ, they are all planning on moving out of the state," he said.

Of course, changing your life just to save on taxes is extreme. But it could happen more and more in the future, as some states aim to fix their budgets with dramatic tax increases, as Illinois did earlier this month.

Many of the states with large population gains in the 2010 Census are well-known low-tax havens, such as Florida, Texas and Nevada.

[See Tax Breaks That Anyone Can Claim]

The tax-motivated move is a common strategy for retirees who abandon high-tax states for low- and no- tax places. Retirees who can stash money into a tax-deferred retirement account during their working years, and then withdraw the money to spend on their new life in a low-tax state, can especially profit.

Big Incomes, Big Numbers

"There can be pretty big dollars involved," said Lisa Osofsky, a CPA and financial adviser who helps clients from NJ, NY and Connecticut figure out their pre- and post- move finances. "A wealthy individual who could be earning several million dollars could save $50,000 or $100,000" by living in a lower-tax state, she said.

A family of four with $150,000 in income would save $13,368 in state and local income taxes if they traded in NY for Florida, according to calculations prepared by Bob Meighan of TurboTax. That doesn't even count additional savings in property taxes, estate taxes, or the cost of winter coats and boots. (Though some of those savings would be shaved when the state taxes were deducted from their federal taxable income.)

[See the Most Overlooked Tax Deductions]

A couple with $85,000 in retirement income and Social Security benefits could squeeze out an extra $112 a month in income tax savings if they moved from California to Michigan, Meighan said. And get a lower cost of living, too.

Sometimes, even in-state moves from one town or county to another can result in sizable savings for homeowners who can face very different property tax levels. Furthermore, wealthy clients will sometimes move to position themselves for more favorable estate tax.

Anyone considering an inter-state move should consider their before and after tax picture, said financial adviser Mark Berg of Timothy Financial Counsel in Wheaton, Illinois. Some organizations post comprehensive state tax information on their web sites so consumers can guesstimate their situation.

Those pre-move calculations can help in the reverse direction, too. Berg was recently able to help a client maximize his tax benefits before an intra-state move. The client was leaving Illinois, a state that does not tax pension distributions, for Montana, which would have added a 7 percent tax to money coming out of the client's individual retirement account. Berg helped the client convert his account to an after-tax Roth IRA before he packed up his bags and headed to Big Sky Country.

[See the States That Tax Retirees the Most]

Best Car for the Money Awards 2011

2011-01-29T20:43:00.002-05:00

Best Car for the Money Awards 2011 By Jamie Page Deaton

Carmakers are finally starting to get it: Shoppers want value, which means giving buyers more bang for their buck. But, bang-for-your-buck doesn’t just mean offering more bells and whistles at a lower price than the competition. Now that people are hanging on to their cars longer, new cars should add value to their owner’s lives from the day they’re driven off the dealer’s lot to the day they’re traded in.

More from U.S. News & World Report

» In Pictures: The Best Cars for the Money Winners

» The Best Deals on the Best Cars for the Money

That’s what the 2011 U.S. News Best Car for the Money award winners do. The awards combine the U.S. News Automotive rankings as well as five-year total cost of ownership data from the analysts at TrueCar.com. The results highlight cars that not only delight car reviewers, but also provide lower than average ownership costs. That combination means that the winners are both great values and great cars.

The Winners

Scroll through the list of winners and you’ll find some surprises. While no single company has cornered the market on great cars with great long-term value, upstart brands like Kia, Hyundai and Mitsubishi are challenging more well-known companies like Honda and Toyota. At the same time, carmakers with a tried-and-true reputation for quality in one segment have found success in new areas.

Take Ford, for example. In years past, Ford took home Best Car for the Money awards, but mainly for large cars, trucks and SUVs. This year, the Ford Fiesta is the Best Subcompact Car for the Money. The same trend applies to General Motors. In addition to winning awards for the Best Full Size Truck and Best Full Size SUV for the Money, the Chevrolet won the Best Midsize Car for the Money with the Chevrolet Malibu. And, in something of an upset, the Buick Regal won Best Upscale Sedan for the Money, beating out favorites from BMW and Lexus with its combination of performance and value.

As you might expect, the Honda Civic and the Honda Fit took home awards for the Best Compact Car for the Money and Best Hatchback for the Money. But brands that are less popular in the U.S., like Mitsubishi and Suzuki, also won awards. The Mitsubishi Outlander Sport beat out the Honda CR-V for Best Compact Crossover for the Money, and the Suzuki Equator won Best Compact Pickup for the Money. Hyundai and Kia weren’t left out of the awards either: The Kia Sedona won Best Minivan for the Money and the Hyundai Elantra Touring won Best Wagon for the Money.

Across the industry, automakers are adding value to their models, which is great for consumers. But, over time, that value equation can erode, leaving you stuck with high fuel, insurance, maintenance and depreciation costs. The Best Car for the Money awards highlight cars that may not be the flashiest ones on the market, but they’ve proven themselves to be great long-term values. And that beats a flash in the pan any day.

God is like...

2011-01-25T00:27:00.002-05:00

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to watch TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God.

Here are some of the results: scroll down.

God is like.. BAYER ASPIRIN: He works miracles.

God is like...a FORD: He's got a better idea.

God is like...COKE: He's the real thing. (This is great!)

God is like... HALLMARK CARDS: He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like...TIDE: He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

God is like...GENERAL ELECTRIC: He brings good things to life.

God is like...SEARS: He has everything.

God is like...ALKA-SELTZER: Try him, you'll like Him

God is like...SCOTCH TAPE: You can't see him, but you know He's there.

God is like...DELTA: He's ready when you are.

God is like...ALLSTATE: You're in good hands with Him.

God is like...VO-5 Hair Spray: He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like...DIAL SOAP: Aren't u glad u have Him? Don't u wish everybody did?

God is like....the U.S. POST OFFICE: Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.

Forward this to 10 people so that they can know what God is like......
BLESSINGS FROM MY HOUSE TO YOUR HOUSE. (Never say I'm nice.)

What Your Facebook Profile May Be Telling ID Thieves

2011-01-10T11:59:00.001-05:00

What Your Facebook Profile May Be Telling ID Thieves
by Jennifer Waters
Monday, January 10, 2011

Seemingly harmless information can help ID thieves unlock key to your identity.

Your pet's name is a fraudster's best friend.

You may think you're revealing precious little when you tell your Facebook friends that you're dressing your pooch, Puddles, in your favorite color, red, for brunch at Grandma's on Sunday. But you've actually just opened a Pandora's box of risks.

[See Things to Stop Doing Now on Facebook]

The information consumers willingly, and often unwittingly, post on social-media websites can be a gold mine for fraudsters looking to steal everything from your flat-screen TV to your identity.

What's more, tidbits like your birth date, birthplace and the last school you attended are typically the challenge questions posed by bank websites and online retailers to verify your identity.

"Despite all the awareness that people have about identity fraud and privacy on social networks, there is a disconnect between [that and what they are] disclosing in online space and social environments," said Thomas Oscherwitz, chief privacy officer for ID Analytics, a San Diego-based consumer risk management firm.

More than 24 million Americans 18 years old and older are still leaving their social-network profiles mostly public, meaning they aren't activating privacy controls that limit who can see their information online, according to a Harris Interactive survey conducted in October for ID Analytics.

The survey also found that nearly 70 million U.S. adults on social-networking sites include their birthplace — one of the most common security questions asked by financial institutions — on their profiles.

"The information people are disclosing is not the entire piece of the puzzle but it's certainly helpful," Oscherwitz said. Thieves steal identities in pieces, he said, and layer them on each other for a clearer picture.

[See Stolen: True Tales of Identity Theft]

Say you post on a social-media site that you're at a tanning salon ahead of your week-long trip to the Bahamas the day after your birthday. You're telling potential burglars that not only are you away from home for an hour or so, but beginning Tuesday, your home likely will be empty for seven days.

"Even listing daily activities can let strangers know your routine and put you at risk," said Gail Cunningham, spokeswoman for the National Foundation of Credit Counseling.

Too much information can hurt you in other ways. John Sileo, a Denver-based identify-theft expert, said your online chatter could equip an ex-spouse with ammunition for a court challenge. Future or current employers could have a problem with information about your personal life that they deem inappropriate for a member of their staff, he said.

You also could be furnishing a would-be stalker with information about your whereabouts. "We are giving people the little pieces of our trust or access to our trust that allows them to get bigger things out of us," said Sileo, founder of the ThinkLikeaSpy.com newsletter.

[See 6 Things You Should Never Reveal on Facebook]

Tips to Stay Safe

Here's some advice from Sileo, who wrote the "Facebook Safety Survival Guide," about protecting online privacy on all social-networking sites:

• Never post your exact date and place of birth. It's invaluable information to identity thieves, particularly when the two are bundled together.

• Never post your address, phone number or email address. This is plum information to scammers and marketers who are looking for nuggets of your identity.

• Control who can see your personal information. Many social-networking sites have privacy features, but they change often. Know what they are, stay on top of them and restrict your page to your real friends, not friends of friends or someone you met in a bar.

• Limit information about your activities. If you must brag about a trip or a fabulous party, do it after the fact.

• Remember that what you post is public and permanent. Don't put up embarrassing photos that you wouldn't show your grandmother. Don't complain about your job or your boss. Don't say something to or about someone that you wouldn't say to his face. Don't threaten others.

• Know the four types of Facebook users: friends, outsiders, businesses and enemies.

• You should know exactly who wants to be your friend or is asking you to link into their network. Some people will befriend your friends to get to you or your company.

• Be wary of seemingly harmless quizzes. When someone invites you to take a survey, say, "10 Things Others Don't Know About You" or "My Favorite Things," it may be designed to harvest your data. The name of the street you grew up on or your favorite vacation spot could be clues to your passwords.

• Before you share any information anywhere online about yourself or your workplace, ask this question: What would the consequences be if this information fell into the hands of my boss, competitor or people who don't like me?

Jennifer Waters is a MarketWatch reporter, based in Chicago.

How to Clean Up Your Online Reputation

2010-12-29T10:53:00.000-05:00

How to Clean Up Your Online Reputation
By Allan Hoffman, Monster Tech Jobs Expert

Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to post that video from your bachelor party in Vegas. Or to include a recipe for pot brownies in your otherwise above-board food blog. Or to rant about your former employer -- specifically, about the CEO’s bad haircut and body odor -- on an industry message board.

Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to do any of the other infinitely creative, breathtakingly easy and completely dumb things the Internet allows you to do with just a few keystrokes and mouse clicks.

But you did, and now you’re sorry as you head out into the job market with an online reputation to repair.

No one knows how many job candidates worry about how their online reputation can affect their job prospects, but anecdotal evidence suggests that more people are realizing that what they do online -- and what others say about them online -- can play a role in determining whether they get hired or fired. Post a video, and it may be online forever -- no matter how stupid it makes you look. The same goes for blog posts, forum discussions, photo albums and even emails you send to friends. (You never know what will spread from the private sphere to the public realm.) The point is painfully obvious: You need to be thoughtful and deliberate when conducting your life online.

But what happens when it’s too late? Here’s how you can attempt to undo the damage.

Scope Out the Damage

First, determine what damaging information exists. Enter your name at Google, MSN and Yahoo and see what turns up in the first four or five pages of results. Anything troubling? Mark it for action. Then sign up for the alerts available at spots like Google Alerts; when information about you is added or updated, you’ll find out via email.

Monitoring your reputation in this manner is time-consuming, so you may want assistance. ReputationDefender provides members with monthly search reports that detail the information available about them on blogs, photo and video sites, news sources and social networking hubs like Facebook and MySpace. Memberships start at $9.95 per month under a 24-month plan.

An item doesn’t need to be outrageous to hurt your job prospects. “If it raises a shadow of a doubt about the candidate, the employer is not going to hire that person,” says Ross Chanin, vice president of operations for ReputationDefender.

Bury It

So you did something stupid -- maybe a month ago, maybe a decade ago. Now you want to make sure no one finds that record of your stupidity. Scott Allen, coauthor of The Virtual Handshake: Opening Doors and Closing Deals Online, advocates burying the bad with the good. That means creating new content about yourself, such as a blog or Web site. “It’s not that you can make the stuff disappear,” he says. “It’s that you make so much more good stuff that you can’t find the bad stuff.”

Just be sure you create worthwhile material. If possible, Allen says, publish your writing at respected sources, such as industry publications. After all, publishing your own material goes only so far. “If it’s obvious it came from you, it can only do so much,” he says.

Request Removal

You may be able to have the material removed, but remember that much of what appears online is archived at the Internet Archive, a nonprofit initiative designed to be a resource for historians and researchers.

If you believe you have a strong case to have material removed, don’t come out swinging. “That can cause more bad PR for you,” Allen says. Instead, take a soft stance: Explain your reasons for wanting the material removed and assume the owner of the site (or the owner’s representative) is reasonable and will listen. If the information is inaccurate, defamatory or libelous, point that out.

Just be sure to learn as much as possible about the site before making your move. If you’re dealing with an in-your-face blog, sending an email to the blogger requesting that something about you be removed can backfire. Bloggers have been known to post those emails, so be aware that your request could end up casting more unfavorable attention on you.

As for search engines, don’t bother. You won’t have any luck asking them to rig their results in your favor.

Hire a Service

A growing number of services can help you manage or clean up your online reputation. Along with ReputationDefender, these services include Defendmyname and Naymz. ReputationDefender’s reports, for instance, include a “destroy” option; choose that, and for $29.95, ReputationDefender will attempt to have a particular item about you removed. “We aim to save our clients time,” Chanin says. “We can do in two or three hours what it might take you from 72 to 96 hours [to do].”

But managing your reputation doesn’t always come cheap. ReputationDefender offers another level of service for $10,000. Under this plan, the company uses a variety of tactics to improve your online rep and ensure that the positive material about you rises to the top of search-engine results.

Reputation matters, and if you’re not diligent, you may end up paying a very high price.

Recover from a Career Setback

2010-12-29T10:51:00.000-05:00

Recover from a Career Setback
By Ian Christie, Monster Contributing Writer

You're good at your job. You fit well with your team and within the organization. You receive solid performance appraisals and have a track record of accomplishment. Then, when the chance for that promotion you've been working toward finally arrives, you get passed over.

Welcome to an all-too-common reality. Major career disappointments happen even when you seem to be doing all the right things. How do you recover after a major career setback? Here are six steps:

1. Handle Your Emotions

Being passed over would make anyone feel like a failure. In the office, though, don't let your disappointment show. While you can admit to being personally disappointed, show you're a team player by verbally supporting the company's decision.

2. Get Support

If you need to vent -- and you're entitled to -- talk to friends, family or trusted work colleagues outside the office. This support system can provide a sympathetic ear and, more importantly, the insight that can help you decipher what happened and why. Also, peer networks, online discussion groups or a personal coach can help you review your options so you can move forward with a positive attitude.

3. Analyze the Cause

So why did you get passed over? Here are some of the most common reasons and suggestions for how to respond:

You Don't Fit: In most cases, you don't have control or influence over the employer's hiring requirements. While you might think you're the perfect fit for an internal position, the company may have different ideas altogether -- ones that may be based on soft rather than hard skills.

If this is the case, it's a clue that you must better understand yourself and where you belong. It's also an indication that you need to better qualify your goals in the future. Often, what you may think is the next most logical career step is not the best fit.

You Don't Measure Up: In today's competitive economy, the rewards go to people who don't just meet the requirements, but surpass them, and who've done a superlative job of building personal networks.

What is lacking in your career portfolio? Specific knowledge or experience? Strong personal networks? Visibility? Understand how you can strengthen yourself and your future prospects.

You're Needed Where You Are: Organizations make decisions in their best interest, not yours. You may be doing such a good job in your current position that your manager doesn't want to let you go. It may be easier or cheaper to find someone else to fill that other job than it would be to move you into that position and then have to replace you.

This is a difficult situation. You either need to find a way to move up within the existing organization or you need to look elsewhere.

4. Evaluate Your Options

Once you understand why you've been passed over, you need to decide whether to:

Stay with the company and work toward the next opportunity.
Stay with the company, but work toward a different goal.
Look for that step up at another company.
You have the power to choose. Figure out what you want and why.

5. Close the Gap

Once you have an idea of what you want, examine the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. What's missing? If it's learning or experience, how will you get it? If it's your professional network, how can you build it? Design a plan to close that gap.

6. Recalibrate Your Goals

Make new goals for yourself based on what you've learned about your setback, the choice you've made about your future and the analysis you've done about the areas you need to work on. Identify specific, measurable and time-bound goals that will move you forward. For example, if you suffer from lack of visibility, don't say vaguely that you'll do more networking. Instead, select three to five key individuals you should get to know. Then set a deadline to meet them.

Careers, like life, don't always go the way you hope or expect them to. Disappointments are unavoidable. How well you respond to them will be the real measure of your future success.

[Ian Christie founded BoldCareer.com to help individuals build bold, fulfilling careers and help organizations attract, develop and retain talent. A career coach, consultant, three-time entrepreneur, former senior director at Monster and former retained executive search consultant, Ian is an expert in the fields of careers and recruitment. He believes that career management is a central theme to both personal and organizational effectiveness. BoldCareer.com offers career services to companies and individuals as well as free career resources.]

11 Ways to Hurt Your Career

2010-12-29T10:45:00.001-05:00

11 Ways to Hurt Your Career
by Megan Malugani, Monster Contributing Writer

While most career advice focuses on how to succeed, we can all learn valuable lessons by dissecting career failure as well. Workplace experts offer insights into some of the top ways workers undermine their own careers and jeopardize their career development.

1. Not Taking Your Education Seriously
If you party too much in college and end up with a run-of-the-mill 2.5 GPA, you'll be passed over for the best entry-level jobs, says New York City-based executive recruiter and coach Brian Drum, of Drum Associates. Not finishing your master's degree is another way to hurt your career-development goals, adds Anne Angerman, a career coach with Denver-based Career Matters.

2. Not Having a Plan
In the current poor job market, you may have defaulted into a career you aren't crazy about. That's OK, as long as you develop career plans to get where you want to be. "Think of every job you take as a stepping-stone to your next job," Drum advises.

3. Lying
You'll lose professional credibility in a hurry if you lie, from exaggerating on your resume to getting caught fibbing on Facebook. "If someone calls in sick to work and then that evening posts a photo on Facebook of their extra day vacationing in Cabo San Lucas, that's a big problem," says corporate etiquette specialist Diane Gottsman of the Protocol School of Texas in San Antonio.

4. Sullying Your Reputation on Facebook or Twitter
Social media can harm your reputation in other ways, too. Personal posts and tweets from work--when you're supposed to be doing your job--can tag you as a slacker. And the content of your posts or tweets can come back to haunt you as well--you never know who might stumble upon those bachelor-party photos. "You need to assume that every boss and potential employer knows how to use Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace, and post from the standpoint that everyone is watching--even if in reality they're not," Gottsman says.

5. Not Respecting Professional Boundaries
Sharing TMI about your personal life with colleagues is unprofessional. "Your coworkers don't want to hear about your fights with your husband," Angerman says. On the other hand, if you're ultraprivate and work with a chatty group, join the conversations occasionally so coworkers don't resent you.

6. Gossiping, Slandering, and Excessively Criticizing
If you publicly bash fellow employees, the boss, the board of directors, or even your competitors, you'll be perceived as negative at best and a troublemaker at worst. The ramifications can be broad and long-term, Gottsman says. "Industries are tight," she says. "You don't want to be the one who started that rumor about the head of your industry." As far as bad-mouthing competitors--what if your company merges with a competitor, or you want to work for one someday?

7. Carrying on an Inappropriate Relationship with Your Boss|
Never a good idea, but an especially bad one if your boss is married. "When you get involved in a drama or in something unethical that can be brought out in the open, you're asking for trouble," Gottsman says.

8. Not Controlling Your Alcohol Intake or Libido
Getting drunk at the office party or on a business trip damages your credibility. Ditto a romantic, ahem, "indiscretion" that your colleagues know about.

9. Job-Hopping Just for the Money
Job-hopping--in moderation--may not automatically disqualify you from a position. "But it gets to the point--like if you have seven or eight jobs by the time you're 35--that employers are not going to want to invest in you," Drum says. Also, if you have leadership aspirations, keep in mind that the top dogs of many large corporations have been with those organizations for long periods, he says. Additionally, many companies have "last in, first out" layoff policies, which could leave you out of a job if you never stick around long enough to build tenure anywhere.

10. Losing Touch with References
You'll kick yourself later if you leave a job without collecting personal contact information from colleagues who can serve as professional references for you in the future. "If you were forced to leave a job and you can't ask your boss for a reference, hopefully you've built up some rapport with a colleague and can ask them," Angerman says.

11. Leaving a Job on Bad Terms
Don't become a lame duck when you've got one foot out the door, Drum says. "The employer only remembers about the last five minutes you were there," he says. Give proper notice and don't leave a mess behind. And by all means, do not make a huge dramatic production of it when you quit, complete with cursing, slandering, and throwing things, Gottsman advises. "It's very difficult to get another job when you've left destruction in your wake," she says.

Scoring Unlisted Jobs

2010-12-29T10:44:00.000-05:00

Scoring Unlisted Jobs
by Dennis Nishi

Job boards are irresistible because they seemingly put everything within easy reach. Unfortunately, the majority of job hunters are competing for the same small pool of jobs and getting turned down.

More from WSJ.com:

• Make the Most of a Starter Job

• Re-Entering the Workforce After 10 Years

• Resources For Pulling Out of a Slump

More than 80% of job openings are actually unlisted, says Steven Rothberg, founder of job website CollegeRecruiter.com in Minneapolis. This can be a good opportunity for outside candidates with research and networking skills since most companies will try to promote from within or rely on employee referrals.

Look for signs: Keep up with what's going on in your industry. Read trade journals, follow analyst commentary and monitor the stock market for indicators showing which companies are growing, restructuring or contracting out services. Good or bad news can lead to staff changes so regularly check company websites and Facebook pages for jobs since they may not be advertised elsewhere.

[Click here to find an online degree program]

Compile a list of companies that you'd like to work for and research relevant positions within those organizations. You can find job descriptions on career websites and industry blogs. For newly created jobs, try Glassdoor.com, a site offering inside job information that is supplied by anonymous employees.

Only apply to jobs that closely fit your skills and experience, says Susan Strayer, a career coach in Washington. "If you want to become that wildcard choice, a 30% match isn't going to cut it. You need to be as close to 100% as possible."

[More from WSJ.com: Engineering, Computer Science Pay More Than Liberal Arts]

It's people, not paper: Tap your personal network of colleagues, friends and family to find those inside connections that can forward your résumé to decision makers. If you don't have a direct line, try reaching outside of your immediate network to friends of friends, old classmates or even cold call somebody in a useful capacity who can offer inside intelligence about company culture. Don't overlook contacts working for company vendors; they are often seen by decision makers as trusted sources of referrals.

The more senior you are, the smaller the network tends to be, so join professional trade organizations and attend trade shows, conferences and seminars.

Make it easy to find you: Promote your availability by posting your résumé on networking websites like LinkedIn.com and on specific industry websites like ClearanceJobs.com or edjoin.org, a website for educators. Emphasize unique skills on your résumé since companies will search online databases when they have specialized needs. That's how Vanessa Broaten, a teacher from Anaheim Hills, Calif., got her job after posting on several teaching websites. She was hired because of her master's in education and fluency in Spanish and Portuguese.

[More from WSJ.com: Explaining Résumé Gaps to Employers]

Follow up with employers since first hiring picks don't always work out. The same job may get re-posted six months down the line. You want to be available to that employer before they post the new job.

-- Email: sjdnishi@gmail.com

5 secrets to making him love you

2010-12-26T11:44:00.003-05:00

5 secrets to making him love you
By Jerusha Stewart

Know a woman who always seems to be in perfect sync with the guy she is dating — they laugh at each other’s jokes, are considerate of one another’s feelings, and are devotedly in love (and best friends to boot)? Well, the reason this gal’s so lucky in love is pretty simple: It’s because she treats her guy right, and he can’t get enough of her company. Now, when I say she “treats her guy right,” what do I mean? She treats him like a friend, giving him the same five-star support, understanding, and (yes) slack we automatically extend to our girlfriends. If you want to reap the same benefits in your own love life, try some of these tips, and, trust me, you’ll notice a difference.

1. Share an activity
For women, it’s second nature to invite their girlfriends along for a shopping spree, yoga class, spa day, you name it. But activity-based bonding shouldn’t be relegated to females only. Guys love jawing over a shared pursuit, and while he might not be up for a mani/pedi (nor you for a day spent watching basketball), there are plenty of other options. Becoming gym buddies is a no-brainer (and can serve as that extra kick-in-the-butt you need to go more often!), or if you two usually dine out on a Saturday night, consider delving into a cook book and taking a crack at a recipe that’s a bit of a challenge, like duck terrine with glazed shallots. Whether it turns out terrific or so odd that you end up ordering takeout, the fact that you’ve worked toward a common goal together builds team spirit. And by investing in a history of shared experiences with your partner in crime, you’ll increase the things you have in common and experience a deeper bond.

2. Cheer him on
Women take great pains to make their girlfriends feel great about themselves, showering them with ego-boosters like, “You look amazing; that is the best color on you” or “Of course, you should email that guy — he’d be lucky to have you!” And while we might think the world of the men we date and even brag about them to our friends and family members, telling him these things doesn’t always occur to us. Maybe it’s because we assume guys possess impenetrable egos — but the truth is, they can be just as insecure as your female friends and would probably appreciate a compliment now and then. So, if he just got a promotion at work, toast him at dinner and tell him exactly why he deserved it. Or try a simple off-the-cuff statement, such as: “You look so good in that shirt — it really brings out the color in your eyes.” Don’t be surprised if he suddenly seems to be around a whole lot more often, basking in your presence.

3. Let him be himself
Most women find it hard to love guys just the way they are. We want to change their hair, their clothes, their job, and sometimes even their friends to fit our ideal. With our own pals, we’re more accepting of their differences; we can actually be proud to have a technology nerd, yoga snob or fashion slave as part of our collection of confidantes. Ruthanna Hall, a sales associate in New York, has learned to relax and appreciate distinctly male behaviors (with great results) in her own relationship. “When we go out, I might feel more like a cool lounge uptown, but then all he’ll want is a round of darts at the neighborhood dive,” she explains. Rather than sulk all evening about his lack of class, she’ll focus in on the funny conversation they’re having. “Sure, most guys do things that cause girls to go ‘uggghhh!’ But that’s just the way they are,” she says. “Why not get on with it and have fun?”

4. Tell him what you think
We don’t expect our best friends to always know what we’re thinking. In fact, we actually enjoy swapping our thoughts, hopes, and fears — that’s most of the fun! But why, then, are we so disappointed when our boyfriends don’t exhibit mind-reading tendencies 24/7? We’ve all been guilty of harboring romantic notions like, “If he’s been listening to me, he’ll know exactly where to take me for dinner on Valentine’s Day” or “If he were truly paying attention right now, he’d know I’m freaking out about this virus on my computer and offer to come over and help.” But trust me, you’ll save yourself a lot of disappointment by just telling him where you want to dine out on Valentine’s Day, or by asking him to come over with his anti-virus software. After all, it’s common knowledge that two heads are better than one, so just because you’ve decided he’s The One, don’t go mum and add major guesswork to your communications.

5. Give him his space
Sometimes, girlfriends just go MIA for awhile. They get so busy at work that they don’t return your emails. Do we give them flack for it? Nothing serious. But for some reason, the rules change for guys: We rail on them for not promptly returning phone calls, take offense if they want a guy’s night out. But remember, achieving a balance between “me” time and “we” time will make the time you do spend together even better. Bridget Cunningham found her relationship got so much mellower once she stopped stressing about where her boyfriend was every hour. “I don’t hold it against him when he wants to have his own time,” she says. “You don’t cut your friends off when they do things with other people, so why shouldn’t it be the same with the person you love? Meanwhile I’m free to go running off with my girlfriend and blab about girl stuff. We meet afterwards for coffee, and we’re both feeling refreshed and fulfilled by spending time apart…and that much happier to be spending time together again.”

6 misunderstood first-date signs

2010-12-26T11:41:00.002-05:00

6 misunderstood first-date signs
By Julie Taylor

You’re on a first date, and it’s going horribly. Or is it? It turns out that it’s all a matter of perspective. The elements that are making your date a disaster could actually signal something much sweeter. Read on for the six signs that your doomed date is anything but.

1. Your date is not your type
Sure, you’ve seen your date’s photo on his or her profile — but when you meet face to face, you realize the person is so not your type. “Next!,” you say? Not so fast. “Remember that there are thousands of happy couples out there who are not each other’s type,” says Janice MacLeod, coauthor of The Dating Repair Kit. By ruling out someone just because he or she does not meet your romance requisites, you are cutting yourself off from a world of possibilities.

When Jenna, 32, of Key West, FL, met Jeremy, she thought it would never work. After all, he was three inches shorter than she was and was a bit scruffy for her taste. “I wanted to leave instantly, but I had agreed to dinner and didn’t want to be rude,” she says. “Once I got past the superficial stuff, I realized what a gem of a guy he was, and to my surprise, our souls totally clicked. I never thought my soul mate would come in a package like his, but it happened. The lesson? Never say never, no matter what your ‘type’ may be.”

If your date isn’t your type, try redefining your “type” in terms of how a person treats you and makes you feel. This will instantly broaden your dating horizons. “Then vow to finish out the date, come what may,” MacLeod concludes. “Just be in the moment, and give chemistry a chance to grow and prosper.”

2. Your date is super-nervous
When Jennifer, 38, of Las Vegas, NV, was on her first date with Bob, she couldn’t help but notice that his voice was shaking. And his hands were trembling. And he was sweating buckets, right through his shirt. “I thought something was seriously wrong with this guy,” she recalls. “I had no intentions of dating him again.” But luckily for Jennifer (and Bob), she changed her mind and decided to give him a second chance. “The next date, he was much more chilled out and relaxed,” she continues. “He later told me he was nervous because I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. That was a good enough reason for me!”

Extreme nervousness on a first date could be a good sign, says MacLeod. “It probably means this person likes you a whole lot,” she says, “and might need a few dates to get past the initial set of jitters.”

When your date is super-nervous, put him or her at ease by being deliberate and calm yourself. Take a few deep breaths, smile, and make eye contact. “It helps to be compassionate and understanding about what the other person is going through,” MacLeod advises. “A first date isn’t necessarily easy, especially if you’re super-nervous to begin with, so try to cut your date some slack.”

3. Your date tells you there are other people in the picture
It’s your first dinner date. Between the hot wings and the halibut, she drops it on you: she’s just out of a major breakup and is seeing a few other men at the moment. Instant date-killer, right? Wrong, says MacLeod: “This full disclosure means your date is very honest,” she says. “She’s laying all her cards on the table and not pretending to be someone she’s not.”

Over appetizers, Bob, 29, of Colorado Springs, CO, learned more than he ever wanted to know about his date, Jill. “She told me she was dating another guy, but they weren’t totally serious — they were more like friends with benefits,” he recalls. His response to her confession? “I paid the tab and told her to call me if she ever dumped her so-called ‘friend,’” he recalls. Four weeks later, she did — and Bob and Jill began dating in earnest. “She later explained that she liked me so much, she didn’t want to lead me on during that first date,” he says. “In retrospect, I guess I can respect that.”

If your date tells you he or she is dating other people, just be happy no secrets are being kept from you. (After all, it’s better to know now than later.) However, if the bombshell your date drops is more of the “I’ve cheated on every person I’ve ever been with” variety, this is a major red flag, according to MacLeod... beware!

4. You argue
You’re having a nice, normal, getting-to-know-you conversation when suddenly you have a difference of opinion. What begins as a friendly disagreement quickly escalates into an all-out fight. Whether you’re arguing over politics, religion, or even the merits of VH1’s current reality show lineup, an argument on a first date never feels like a good sign. But a fight can actually be a very good thing. If you’re arguing, it can mean there’s passion between you. Sparks are flying — sure, maybe not in the way you’d hoped, but they’re still there. “Arguing can lead into interesting conversation, which is part of what keeps a relationship alive,” says MacLeod.

When 28-year-old Noah, of Burbank, CA, met Lillian, they instantly clashed. “It felt like we couldn’t see eye-to-eye on anything that first date,” he recalls. “She was a vegetarian, and I ordered a rib-eye steak. An hour-long debate on animal rights ensued.” Despite the meat melee, their connection was still meaty enough to merit a second date. “She was my opposite, sure, but being with her was never boring,” he says.

The next time you find yourself in a heated argument with a new date, try embracing your differences. After all, who’d want to date a clone of him- or herself? Agree to disagree, then search for common ground.

5. The date feels more like an interview
The entire time Mark, 41, of Plano, TX, was out with Jackie, he felt like he was in the hot seat. “She just kept asking me question after question — where I was from, what my favorite ice cream flavor was, where I wanted to be in five years,” he says. “It was really uncomfortable, and it was hard to feel a vibe or any sparks over all the interview-speak.”

If your date spends the whole time you’re together shooting questions at you in rapid-fire succession and giving you the hard sell, it could just mean that he or she is impressed by you and is simply trying too hard, says MacLeod. That was the case for Mark and Jackie: “Once I ‘passed’ her pre-screening interview, she let her true self come out — and that’s when we actually started to have some fun,” he recalls.

When your date is grilling you, attempt to turn it around and ask some questions of your own. That way, it won’t feel so one-sided. If you have a second date, MacLeod suggests catching a movie. “That way, you won’t have to talk the whole time,” she says. After your first-date chatfest, it will be a nice break.

6. There’s no goodnight kiss
If your date isn’t sealed with a kiss, it doesn’t always mean you’re getting the kiss-off. In fact, a sans-smooch soiree could even be a good thing, according to MacLeod. “Not kissing you on a first date very often means he’s being respectful,” she says. “He’s waiting for the perfect moment to have that great first kiss, like people have in movies. Plus, this means he’s probably not kissing all his other first dates, either. He’s too selective to just give his kisses away.”

Judy, 32, of Baltimore, says her current boyfriend waited four whole dates to kiss her. “I was wondering if he just wanted to be pals or what,” she recalls. “It turns out that he’s really old-fashioned. He just wanted us to build a friendship before we took things to the next level. The wait made our first kiss even that much more spectacular. I think we both saw fireworks!”

In the absence of a smooch, look for other signs of attraction. Does your date make eye contact, give you undivided attention, and make you feel like you’re the only person in the room? In this case, actions speak louder than… no action. Hang in there, and you may well be smooching in no time.

Julie Taylor has written for Cosmopolitan and Redbook and is the coauthor of How to Be a Dominant Diva. She and her now-husband’s first date was less than perfect — but she’s eternally grateful she gave him a second chance!

7 Foods that Speed Weight Loss

2010-12-09T23:00:00.000-05:00

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DRUGS & TREATMENTSFIND A DOCTORTOOLS .Featured on Yahoo! Health:How to Lose WeightEat, Drink, and Still ShrinkThe Best Fitness Gifts of 2010Stay Healthy When You FlyGreasing the Wheels of ChangeHealth Search
7 Foods that Speed Weight Loss
By Lucy Danziger, the Editor-in-Chief of SELF magazine
Nov 24, 2010
Send Share Print Buzz up!192 votesHealth Experts Main

Happier, Healthier You
by Lucy Danziger, the Editor-in-Chief of SELF magazine
Recent Posts•8 Ways to Stop Stress Eating
•The 10 Best Fitness Moves of 2010
•1 Slimming Sugar Cookie, 5 Ways
•Why Guys Lose Weight Faster than Women and How to Steal their Secrets
More Articles »Leftover Halloween candy, Thanksgiving dinner, holiday sweets—with so much delicious food floating around this time of year, who wants to think about dieting? Not me! Trouble is, this is exactly the time of year we undo all that hard work we did to get fit last spring and summer: Americans gain (on average) a pound during the holidays each year, according to the National Institutes of Health—which may not seem like a lot, except we also tend to hang on to those yearly pounds, and they can add up (10 pounds in a decade!). Here's the good news: Enjoying more of certain foods and drinks can actually help speed weight loss by boosting metabolism! And we're not just talking about celery and carrots (although those are good). Cheese, at least in small doses, could help fend off holiday heaviness—not to mention make your taste buds very happy. Try adding a few of these satisfying fat-burning snacks and sips to your daily intake and enjoy season's eatings without the stubborn pounds!

Weight loss food: cheese

Women who ate an ounce of full-fat cheese (picture a wedge about the size of your thumb) daily gained fewer pounds over time than their less-cheesy peers, a study in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition shows. Whole dairy contains conjugated linoleic acid, which may stoke your metabolism. One low-cal wonder: full-fat ricotta. It weighs in at a scant 49 calories and 4 g fat (2 g saturated) per ounce and has the lowest amount of sodium of any cheese out there. For a decadent-tasting dish, toss ricotta with pasta and fresh herbs or stir it into jarred tomato sauce for a flavor upgrade.

These immune system boosters will keep your body in peak condition while burning off the pounds.

Weight loss food: almonds

These are my favorite go-to snack—I carry almonds with me almost everywhere I go (car, purse) in case of a hunger emergency. I rely on them so much to tide me over between meals, so it's a good thing they have built-in fat-burning power: Dieters who ate 3 ounces of these nuts every day—that's about 12 almonds—reduced their weight and body-mass index by a solid 18 percent compared with an 11 percent drop in the no-nut group, a study in the International Journal of Obesity finds. You eat less bread at the lunch table when you're not famished, and almonds are high in alpha-linolenic acid, which can actually speed the metabolism of fats.

Check out these delicious and healthy lunch ideas for kids.

Weight loss food: coffee

The caffeine in 1 cup of joe temporarily revs metabolism by up to 15 percent, torching an extra 15 to 25 calories on average, says Paul Arciero, Ph.D., associate professor of exercise science at Skidmore College. Researchers don't know whether drinking more delivers a bigger boon (for those of us who drink plenty all day, there may be even more reasons to love our java!), but for the most benefit, order yours black; sugar and milk reverse the fat-scorching effects.

Weight loss food: peppers

A compound in chile peppers called capsaicin—the stuff that gives peppers their kick—could help you burn up to 100 extra calories a day, according to research presented at the Experimental Biology meeting in Anaheim, California. Experts suspect that capsaicin binds to nerve receptors and sends fat-burning signals to the brain. Don't like super spicy peppers such as habaneros or jalapeos? Go for a milder version like poblanos; research suggests you don't have to embrace hot-spicy cuisine to get capsaicin's metabolism-boosting benefits.

Weight loss food: green tea

Sipping three cups of green tea a day may kick up your metabolism enough to erase 30 calories daily, a study in Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise shows. Experts attribute the benefit to a compound called ECGC, and that extra burn can help you shed about 3 pounds a year! Not everyone loves the flavor of green tea, so if you find it too bitter, try a brew that's naturally sweetened, such as The Republic of Tea's Honey Ginseng or Ginger Peach Green Tea.

Weight loss food: eggs

The amino acids in egg whites help build lean muscle that may in turn help rev metabolism. Scramble up a few for breakfast and top with shredded cheese—remember, it's a fat-burner, too! Another good reason to have eggs first thing: Consuming a high-fat morning meal was shown to help mice burn more fat than those that ate a carb-rich breakfast, a study from the University of Alabama at Birmingham finds. The researchers say that eating a little fat early may shift your circadian clock to help you burn more body fat all day long.

Weight loss food: portobello mushrooms

These 'shrooms deliver copper and pantothenic acid, which help keep your metabolism humming. Bonus: Portobellos are also high in potassium, a mineral shown to help shuttle salt out of your body to beat belly bloat. Throw a mushroom kabob on the grill (or make them into a true veggie burger), or whip up this healthy take on classic eggs Benedict for a yummy fat-burning brunch dish.

Grilled Portobello Benedict

Serves 4

Vegetable oil cooking spray

4 portobello mushroom caps (about 4 oz each)

1 tbsp olive oil

1/4 tsp salt (plus more to taste)

4 slices Canadian bacon

4 large whole eggs

4 large egg whites

Freshly ground black pepper

4 tsp prepared basil pesto

8 fresh basil leaves, cut into ribbons

4 tsp freshly grated Parmesan

Coat a grill or grill pan with cooking spray. With a spoon, gently scrape out the dark inside of each mushroom cap, being careful not to break cap. Brush both sides of caps with oil and sprinkle with 1/4 tsp salt. Grill mushrooms over medium-high heat until juices begin to release, about 7 minutes per side. Transfer each mushroom to a plate, top side down. On same grill or grill pan, cook bacon over medium-high heat until warm, about 30 seconds per side. Place 1 slice bacon onto each mushroom cap. Whisk eggs, egg whites and 2 tbsp water until well combined in a bowl. Coat a medium nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat over medium-low heat. Add eggs and scramble until cooked through, about 3 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Divide eggs among mushroom caps. Drizzle 1 tsp pesto over each; top with basil and 1 tsp Parmesan.

THE DISH 240 calories per serving, 14 g fat (3.5 saturated), 7 g carbs, 2 g fiber, 20 g protein

For daily nutrition news follow SELF on Facebook.

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Creative Ways to Improve Your Resume

2010-12-05T14:26:00.002-05:00

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Career Tools > Career Articles > Creative Ways to Improve Your Resume
Creative Ways to Improve Your Resume
Stuck in a resume rut? Here's how to review and revise with fresh eyes.
by Charles Purdy, Monster+HotJobs senior editor

Career experts are unanimous on the importance of customizing our resumes for each new job we apply for. But for many of us, when it comes to revising our resumes, the first question is "How?"

It's easy to get stuck in rut when you're working with material you know so well. So here are some ways to take a fresh look at revising your resume.

1. Analyze the job post's wording.
An easy way to make sure your resume gets you in the door for an interview is to echo the language in the job post. Look for ways to use the words in the post; a resume reader--human or software--may be screening for them. (If there is no job post, check the company's website--especially the About Us page and any corporate mission statements--for language you might adopt.)

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If your resume says "supervise," but the job post says "manage," change it. If your last job title was "Social Media Ninja," and you're applying for a "Social Media Marketing Specialist" position, include the term "Marketing Specialist" in parentheses after your Ninja title (as long as you feel that this term could describe your past role).

Of course, don't stretch the truth!

2. Weed out fibs.
It's all too easy for little fibs to make their way into a resume. Several years ago, you added an unearned certification to your resume, just to get your foot in the door at a new company. Or you claimed competence in a software program you figured you could learn on-the-fly.

Then, as the years went on, those temporary resume fibs somehow became set in stone. Now's the time to chisel them out. Any lie--even a seemingly inconsequential one--can put your job search and your future job security in jeopardy.

Replace lies with truths--or set about making them true. It could be as simple as putting the word "pursuing" before that imaginary degree on your resume.

3. Get rid of the "objective statement."
Beginning a resume with an objective statement (a phrase that starts with something like "Seeking a challenging position ...") is out. As Lauren Milligan, resume expert at ResuMAYDAY.com, says, "Employers already know that your objective is to get a job, after all." She suggests, instead, creating a personal summary statement that "illustrates how you are better than other candidates for the job." She adds, "Identify a few areas in your profession that you excel at ... and that you really enjoy doing."

Tell the hiring manager who you are and how you can solve her or his company's problems, not what you want.

4. Get rid of redundancies.
Don't waste time telling hiring managers what they already know. Many people do this in their descriptions of past jobs. For instance, if your last job was as a copywriter for an online rug retailer, saying something like "wrote marketing copy for a wide variety of rugs" is unnecessary. Instead of taking up space with definitions no one needs, describe specific achievements. Did your work improve sales, get praise from management, or improve SEO rankings? Use job highlights, not job descriptions.

5. Cut unnecessary resume "stories."
Work Coach Cafe's Ronnie Ann advises removing things that are not directly related to the story you're telling about yourself and the job you're applying for. She says, "I have an abundantly varied job history--better than 'job hopper,' huh?--and remember back to resumes where I just wanted to make each job so full-bodied and rich that I was sure the employer would want to meet me. But as interesting as we may be as human beings, employers just want to know if we're right for their company--and specifically the job in question."

For instance, if you're both a professional accountant and a certified dog groomer, you might want to play down your dog-grooming experience when you apply for jobs in finance.

6. Look for ways to use exciting language.
Check your resume's verbs, and use strong verbs to make your resume more vibrant. For instance, "responsible for daily bank deposits" (no verb) could easily be "oversaw daily bank deposits" (strong verb). And as you find each verb, look at its subject--is it you? If not, should it be? For instance, in "duties included writing press releases," the subject is "duties." It'd be much better to say something like "Wrote all company press releases."

7. Turn your resume upside-down.
I'm serious. Turn your resume upside-down and look at it from a distance. This will help you analyze its appearance separately from its content. Does it look too dense? Is it heavier on the top or bottom? Emily Bennington, a coauthor of "Effective Immediately: How to Fit In, Stand Out, and Move Up at Your First Real Job," says, "Sometimes a resume will catch my eye simply because it's formatted beautifully. I know the most important component is the content on the page, but you should also pay attention to the packaging. Trust me, hiring managers notice!"

8. Write a draft in a different format.
In his book "The Overnight Resume: The Fastest Way to Your Next Job," career expert Donald Asher suggests writing a letter to a family member about your job accomplishments as a way to rethink your resume. (Go ahead, brag a little.) Then he says you can start turning this into a resume draft by removing most personal pronouns ("I" and "we"), taking out articles ("a," "an," and "the"), and cutting transition words like "and" (unless doing so would distort meaning).

Thinking of your resume as a letter or a story (in which you're the hero), or some other medium, is a great way to start making it fresher, more personal, and more effective.

(For more on keywords and how to format resumes for online posting, read "Resumes for the Digital Age." And for a few resume-proofreading tips, check out "The Well-Punctuated Resume" on the Monster.com blog.)

Also on Monster+HotJobs:

How to turn a stranger into a network contact
How to deal with an annoying boss
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Men: 5 lessons for meeting more women

2010-12-05T14:21:00.002-05:00

Men: 5 lessons for meeting more women
By Evan Marc Katz

Share: Email Facebook Twitter MySpace StumbleUpon reddit Digg Yahoo! Buzz To the men who are reading this article: There are a lot of women who are very unhappy with you. Really. I know, because as a dating coach, I hear women tell me all the time in the most exasperated tone: “How come I never meet a nice, normal guy? Why do I only get approached by creeps?” You’ve probably heard women say this yourself. So how would you respond to them?

I’m guessing it’s something like: “Nice guys are afraid of rejection, don’t want to bother you when you’re out, and are generally more concerned with the consequences of being embarrassed than with actually meeting you.” It may be true, but, as truth goes, it’s a pretty sad state of affairs. What’s easy to forget is that most women want to be approached by you. By not approaching them, you’re letting them down and allowing the creeps to take their shot. Follow these lessons and the next time you’re out, maybe you’ll prove that nice guys don’t finish last.

Lesson #1: Assume the answer is yes
Have you ever been sold a product before? Hair tonic, a car, bathroom tile? I can guarantee you that the salesperson didn’t pitch you by saying, “Um, excuse me… I hate to bother you… would you be interested in… I mean, probably not, but—” No! Any salesman worth his commission is not just selling confidence in his product, but confidence in himself. “Confidence says I’m bright, I’m likeable, women have liked me in the past, I’m comfortable in my own skin,” says Victor, 38, a real estate broker. “Since she has to make a decision on the spot, confidence through nonverbal communication makes the best impression.” You can even “fake it ’til you make it” through these two very simple means: Smile and maintain eye contact. And remember: If you don’t know that you’re worth talking to, how would she know? Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!

I am a: Man Woman Seeking a: Man Woman Near:
Lesson #2: It’s not about you

I’m out at a big Hollywood scene with beautiful people. It’s getting late, towards the end of the night, and I ask my buddy Terrance which woman he’s got his eye on. He points to an attractive brunette talking to a cute blonde across the courtyard. Slightly bemused, I tell him that I will make the introduction. As I stride over, I rationalize that if my approach doesn’t go well, she’s not really rejecting me, but rather, Terrance. I know this isn’t true, but it gets me going.

I arrive while the women are in mid-conversation. I say nothing for a few seconds and when they both look at me, I chime in: “You guys just keep talking. I’ll interrupt when I’ve got something interesting to contribute.” And that was it. It wasn’t a line. It wasn’t planned. It just happened. After three minutes, Terrance came over, I made the introductions, and we both got phone numbers. The moral of the story? Playing my little conversational trick in all pick-up situations can be really helpful. Just ask any married friend how easy it is to talk with women when you know that there are no stakes involved. If it’s not about you, you can’t possibly fail.

Lesson #3: There’s power in numbers
Believe it or not, three is better than one. When you approach a woman who is by herself, she knows that you’re hitting on her based solely on your attraction to her. This increases the pressure in a way that doesn’t always make for a comfortable situation. That’s why the safest way to meet a woman is to approach her in a crowd of her friends. Now there’s no pressure, because nobody knows who you’re hitting on, and you can just be the friendly guy who’s chatting with everybody. “If you’re charming, funny or bright,” says Charles, 36, “she might find herself interested in you before you’ve expressed interest in her.” This tilts things in your favor, even to the point where you might be in control. “By charming her friends and getting their approval, the one you like will be that much more open when you ask her out,” adds Charles.

Lesson #4: It’s just that easy
If you ever doubt how simple it can be to meet a woman, this story should inspire you: I was at a party with some close friends and saw an acquaintance across the room. Late 30s, attractive, friendly, likeable. We’d met probably four times before through a mutual friend who was also at the party. When our eyes met, I smiled at her. She smiled back. Because it was a large and crowded room, I put out my index finger and beckoned her to come over to me. She sort of did a double take, smiled even more broadly and came right over.

“Hi,” I said, warmly.
“Hi,” she said, blankly. Then it hit me.
“You have no idea who I am,” I said.

“None whatsoever,” she replied.
“It’s Evan. Evan Katz.”

“Oh, yes — we’ve met! You cut your hair. I didn’t even recognize you.” She gave me a hug. But I had one more important question to ask her before we continued talking.

“Is it really that easy to get a woman to talk to you… just by calling her over with your finger?”
She took a second to consider the evidence and replied, “Apparently, it is.”

So there you have it. We men have more power than we even realized.

Lesson #5: The outcome doesn’t matter
Maybe you’re not her type. Maybe she’s just out of a relationship. Maybe she’s having troubles at work. Maybe she’s not perceptive enough to recognize your worth. You never know why someone may not be interested in you. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter. It’s more diminishing to your self-esteem to let fear run your life than it is to get rejected. Here’s one story below that showcases this in a big way.

So I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, and I was waiting for a woman with 400 coupons. In the meantime, I was talking to the tall, raven-haired cutie behind me. We were making jokes, laughing, passing the time. All in all, a very pleasant five minutes of my life. The coupon lady finished up. I paid for my stuff, said goodbye to my new friend and rolled my cart out the door.

The second I hit the fresh air, I was kicking myself: Dummy! Why didn’t you ask for her phone number? Because I got all embarrassed what with the other people in line and the woman swiping my bar codes. Because of all the other reasons that nice guys wimp out. I decided that this would not do. I was going to wait until she came out of the supermarket and ask her out. And that’s what I did.

“Hey, it was a lot of fun meeting you in there,” I said to her as she emerged with her bags. “I was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch sometime.”

A big smile came across her face. “You are so cute and I couldn’t be more flattered, but I have a serious, live-in boyfriend. But I really want to thank you for asking. You totally made my day.” After she said goodbye, I went home, walking on air, so happy that I did it, instead of wishing I did it, like so many times before. It didn’t matter if she had a boyfriend or if she was lying or being polite or whatever — all that mattered was that I took a big swing at the plate and even didn’t hurt myself in the process.

Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach, the founder of e-Cyrano.com and coauthor of Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not To Get Mad.

Penalty-Proof Your Tax Return

2010-12-03T12:19:00.000-05:00

Penalty-Proof Your Tax Return
by Mary Beth Franklin, Senior Editor, Kiplinger's Personal Finance
Adjust your tax withholding now to boost your take-home pay or to avoid underpayment penalties when you file your 2010 tax return.

When you file your tax return each year, the amount of tax withheld from your paycheck or submitted through estimated quarterly tax payments ideally should match the amount of tax you owe. In reality, that seldom happens.

More from Kiplinger.com:

• Last-Minute Tax Savings for 2010

• The Most Overlooked Tax Deductions

• Kiplinger's Tax Withholding Calculator

Most Americans are addicted to tax refunds, as evidenced by the fact that the average income-tax refund rose again this year to a record of nearly $2,900. In essence, more than 75% of U.S. taxpayers gave Uncle Sam an interest-free loan. Many of the remaining taxpayers ended up owing money, and some had to fork over an extra 10% penalty for having too little tax withheld throughout the year.

[See 5 Tax Moves You Should Make This Fall]

Both situations are easy to remedy, but you have to act before the end of the year. Just file a revised Form W-4 with your employer. The more "allowances" you claim on the W-4, the less tax will be withheld; the fewer you claim, the more tax will be withheld. You can also ask your employer to withhold a flat amount from your paycheck.

If you regularly get a refund, you've already banked most of it and will still get a refund next spring. But you can stop the leakage from your last few paychecks of the year by adjusting your W-4 now. Worksheets that come with the W-4 will help, or you can struggle through the IRS's online withholding calculator.

But we've got a better idea. If your current financial situation is similar to last year's, just use our Tax Withholding Calculator (see link above). Answer three simple questions (you'll find the answers on your 2009 tax return) and we'll estimate how many additional allowances you deserve -- and even show you how much your take-home pay will rise starting next payday, if you claim the allowances on a new W-4. (However, this shortcut won't be much help if your tax situation has changed since last year because, for example, you have a new baby or got a new job).

On the other hand, if you expect that you'll owe money when you file your 2010 tax return next spring, you can avoid an underpayment penalty by boosting your withholding now. You needn't pay every penny of the tax you expect to owe. As long as you prepay 90% of this year's tax bill, you're off the hook for the penalty. Or, you can escape its reach, in most cases, by prepaying 100% of your 2009 tax liability. (But if your 2009 adjusted gross income topped $150,000, you'll have to prepay 110% of last year's tax liability to avoid a penalty, even if your 2010 tax far exceeds your pay-ins.)

[See What Will Congress Do to Your Taxes?]

If you have both wage and consulting income and expect to owe money on your tax return, boost the taxes withheld from your last few paychecks rather than trying to make up the shortfall with your final estimated quarterly payment due January 18, 2011 (because January 15 is a Saturday and the following Monday is a federal holiday). Taxes that are withheld are treated as if they were spread out evenly throughout the year, sidestepping an underpayment penalty; the estimated-tax-payment approach does not.

5 key questions to ask on a date

2010-12-03T12:15:00.002-05:00

How many dates should you go on before meeting each other’s families?
1 or 2: Who better to size up my date than the people who know me best?
3 to 5: What’s the big deal? Just because I bring someone home doesn’t mean we’re getting hitched.
6 to 10: Like a Supreme Court nominee, all candidates must be fully vetted before they earn a seat in such revered company.
11 or more: Everyone can get to know each other at the housewarming party when we move in together.

How many dates should you go on before meeting each other’s families?
4% 1 or 2: Who better to size up my date than the people who know me best?
26% 3 to 5: What’s the big deal? Just because I bring someone home doesn’t mean we’re getting hitched.
47% 6 to 10: Like a Supreme Court nominee, all candidates must be fully vetted before they earn a seat in such revered company.
23% 11 or more: Everyone can get to know each other at the housewarming party when we move in together.

Policy 5 key questions to ask on a date
By Ayren Jackson-Cannady

Early date chit chat can become so formulaic that you walk away knowing little more about a person than a few résumé-ready bullet points: where he grew up, where she went to school, for whom he toils to get his biweekly paycheck. “We tend to ask more questions about a car or house than about the person we are going out with and potentially entrusting our hearts with,” says Eve Hogan, author of How to Love Your Marriage: Making Your Closest Relationship Work. That’s not to say your early get-togethers should be interrogation-quality, with the blinding light bulb, two-way mirror and good-cop/bad-cop act. The trick is to ask questions that aren’t too personal, but still reveal your date’s tastes and his or her values. What’s the difference? Well, if you like Joni Mitchell and your date digs Ice-T, you may assume you’re not a match (different tastes) — unless you can discern that you’re both compelled by politically minded lyrics (similar values). So next time you’ve got silence to fill, ask one of these playful and engaging questions.

1. What’s your favorite scene from your favorite book or movie?

Talking about mass media and pop culture can clue you in to similar interests and worldviews. “Books, movies, and music all transmit powerful messages of hope or emotion,” says Hogan. “If you have radically different preferences, there may be some fundamental differences between the way the two of you look at the world.” But asking your date to name his or her favorite scene can help you distill what’s important to him or her beyond just genre. Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!

I am a: Man Woman Seeking a: Man Woman Near:

2. What do you love about your job?

The standard, “What do you do?” is a closed question that doesn’t reveal much about a person other than a job title. But if you phrase the career question a bit differently, you can delve into your date’s likes and dislikes; reveal his or her strengths; see how he or she handles conflict; and find out how happy this person is with life overall. Think about the different impressions you’ll form if your date answers the question, “Knowing that I’m helping people fulfill their dream” versus “Deciding what to order for lunch!”

3. What’s your definition of a relationship?

Granted, it takes a bit of build-up to ask this question (usually, once you begin discussing your dating histories, you can slip this one in), but it’s worth asking. Does your date want to be wined and dined, or are you both looking for a 50/50 relationship? It’s too soon to know what this specific potential relationship will look like, but a question like this lets you share your expectations and fundamental beliefs. “I like to ask this question early on, because I’ve found that some women I’ve dated didn’t know what they wanted out of our relationship,” says Mario Webb of Ft. Walton Beach, FL. “They came into it just hoping things work out without telling me what they expect. Needless to say, things haven’t worked out.” And if your date’s answer is outside the range of what you consider acceptable, you’ve saved yourself future heartbreak by finding out before you fall for him or her.

4. If money were no object, what would you do with your life?

This tried-and-true icebreaker showcases your date’s hopes, dreams, and regrets — topics that often remain untouched by even serious romantic partners. The answers can range from a desire to travel to going back to school to learning how to play the violin. Two buttoned-up stockbrokers might discover they both share a secret longing to be athletes or a shared devotion to public service. Your date’s response will help clue you in to common goals and interests that go beyond what you do on a day-to-day basis.

5. Will you share an embarrassing moment with me?

This fun question is great to ask when a date has gotten a little tense or quiet, because it reveals both details of your date’s history and his or her character. Just know that you may have to share an awkward experience first in order to make your date feel comfortable. “One of the great things is that our humanity is a bonding thing,” says Hogan. “Our ability to laugh at ourselves is critical in a budding relationship.” So make it clear that you’re not looking for dirt on that plagiarism incident in 11th grade, but rather something goofy, like the time you drove a golf cart into the water, installed a chandelier upside-down and so forth.

By asking these questions and considering the answers, you’ll gain valuable insights onto your date — and know whether the two of you are likely to click on future get-togethers.

50 Buzzwords You Shouldn't Use on Your Resume

2010-11-18T16:52:00.001-05:00

50 Buzzwords You Shouldn't Use on Your Resume

You've written your resume. You poured a lot of effort into the page that will represent you, and you can't wait to distribute it far and wide.

Not so fast. Before you send that puppy out, check it for buzzwords. Like "team player." Or "detail-oriented." Or "accustomed to fast-paced environments."

Here's why you should avoid them: They're vague. They make your resume look like everyone else's. They're probably not among the keywords employers search for. They take up space on your resume that could be used for strong, concrete, specific examples of what you've accomplished, the work you've produced, and how hiring you would benefit your potential employer. Buzzwords are tired and overused, cliches that have lost their meaning over time.

Most importantly, every buzzword is a lost opportunity.

You want your resume to stand out. The best way to sell yourself is to show, don't tell. Explain your accomplishments rather than spouting them off in trite ways.

So check your resume for these boilerplate words and phrases. If you find them, replace them--or at the very least, elaborate upon them--with real-life, specific examples.

1. Team player

2. Detailed-oriented

[See 21 Secrets to Getting the Job.]

3. Proven track record of success

4. Experienced

5. Excellent communication skills

6. Leadership skills

7. Go-to person

8. Managed cross-functional teams

9. Exceptional organizational skills

10. Self-starter

11. Results-oriented professional

12. Bottom-line orientated

13. Works well with customers

14. Strong negotiation skills

15. Goal-oriented

16. People-person

17. Dynamic

[See How to Use a Job Rejection to Your Advantage.]

18. Innovative

19. Proven ability

20. Top-flight

21. Motivated

22. Bottom-line focused

23. Responsible for

24. Assisted with

25. Skilled problem solver

26. Accustomed to fast-paced environments

27. Strong work ethic

28. Works well with all levels of staff

29. Met (or exceeded) expectations

30. Savvy business professional

31. Strong presentation skills

32. Looking for a challenging opportunity

33. Cutting-edge

34. Multi-tasker

35. Proactive

36. Seasoned professional

37. Perfectionist

38. Highly skilled

39. Functioned as

40. Duties included

41. Actions encompassed

42. Best-in-class

43. Strategic thinker

44. Trustworthy

[For more career advice, visit U.S. News Careers.]

45. Flexible

46. Works well under pressure

47. Quick learner

48. Partnered with others

49. Results-focused

50. Out-of-the-box thinker

Finally, here's one more phrase you don't need to include on your resume: "References furnished upon request." It's assumed that you'll offer references if the employer asks, so don't clutter your resume with those unnecessary words.

Karen Burns is the author of the illustrated career advice book The Amazing Adventures of Working Girl: Real-Life Career Advice You Can Actually Use, recently released by Running Press. She blogs at www.karenburnsworkinggirl.com.

9 Bathroom Cleaning Problems Solved

2010-11-07T14:46:00.002-05:00

9 Bathroom Cleaning Problems Solved.

by Reader's Digest Magazine

"My shower curtain is crawling with mildew"

Wash it with a bleach solution. Shower curtains can be tricky to clean because they are big and cumbersome. Getting rid of mildew, especially during damp weather, can be especially challenging. Here’s a solution that’s quick, easy, and low-cost: Pour 1gallon (3.7 liters) of warm water and 1⁄2 cup of household bleachinto a plastic bucket. With plastic gloves on, soak a sponge in this cleaning solution, give it a squeeze to avoid drips, and wipe. The mildew will vanish. Rinse using the showerhead.

2. "I’m ready to toss this filthy shower curtain liner"
Toss it in the washer. Don’t throw away your liner just because of mildew and dirt buildup. Extend its life by cleaning it in your washing machine. Set the machine on the gentle cycle with warmwater and 1 cup of regular laundry detergent or 1⁄2 cup of vinegar. Afterward, whirl it in your drier, set on Low Heat or Fluff, for about 20 minutes. Your liner will come out clean and wrinkle-free. Rehang it immediately.

3. "My brass fixtures look dull"
Polish them with baking soda and lemon juice. Don’t rush out to buy an expensive brass cleaner. Save time and money by making a paste with equal amounts of baking soda and lemon juice. Dip an old toothbrush in the mix and lightly scrub the fixtures. Let the solution dry a few minutes and then buff the fixtures with a clean cloth. They’ll look brand new.

4. "The nooks and crannies in my bathroom are hard to clean"
Use an old toothbrush. An old toothbrush is the perfect time-saving bathroom-cleaning tool. For example, you can use it to clean the tracks of your bathtub’s sliding glass doors. Simply spray bathroom cleaner on a paper towel and wrap the towel around the bristle end of the toothbrush. Then scoot the brush along the tracks to dislodge dirt. Or put the little bristles to work on the grime that collects around the rim of a bathroom sink. Once the bristles have loosened the dirt, just mop it up with a damp sponge.

5. "I hate those mineral deposits on my bathroom faucet"
Remove them with white vinegar. No one likes crusty white deposits on a faucet. Try this easy solution: Before you go to bed one night, head to your kitchen for a bottle of white vinegar and three paper towels. Saturate the towels in the white vinegar and wrap them around the faucet like a cocoon. In the morning, remove thetowels. Fill the basin with warm water, plus a squirt of dishwashing liquid. Dip an old toothbrush in the solution and scrub the faucet toremove the final bits of mineral deposit.

PLUS: How to Save on 8 Decoration Splurges

6. "I have scum buildup on shower doors."
Use furniture oil to prevent buildup. Cleaning soap scum off a shower door is a tough, time-consuming job. Try using lemon oil furniture polish as a barrier against the scummy buildup. The next time you clean the door, follow up by wiping it with furniture oil on a soft rag. Let the oil sit for two minutes and then polish off the excess with a dry cloth. The furniture polish will leave a slight film of oil that will act as a buffer against future soap scum. Using a shower squeegee (available at discount stores and supermarkets) after every shower will also discourage the buildup.

7. "My glass shower doors are filmy"
Clean them with vinegar, baking soda, and salt. Stubborn mineral buildup on glass shower doors is no competition for a few common household ingredients—white vinegar, baking soda, and salt. Spray vinegar on the door and let it sit for a few minutes. Next, create a paste with equal amounts of baking soda and salt. Use adamp sponge to rub this paste over the door; then rinse well.

8. "My bathroom grout is grungy with mildew"
Spray it with vinegar. Mildew on grout is no match for that miracle household cleaning dynamo called vinegar. Just pour somewhite vinegar into a container, dip in an old toothbrush, and scrub away at the mildew. Or pour the vinegar into a spray bottle, squirt it on the mildew, and let it sit for ten minutes. Rinse with water and apply the old toothbrush if necessary. Bleach is effective in removing mildew from tile grout. Fill a spray bottle with equal parts of household chloride bleach and water. Spray the grout, let it sit a few minutes, and then wipe with a clean white cotton cloth.

PLUS: 9 Fixes for Everyday Clutter

9. "Those nonslip bathtub stickers won’t peel off"
Loosen them with laundry presoak. You know the ones: They’re shaped like flowers and fish and are stuck on with industrial-strength adhesive. Instead of ruining the smooth surface of your tub trying to scrape them off, follow these simple steps for removing them: Carefully lift corners on each sticker using your fingernail or a plastic scraper. (Metal will scratch most tubs.) Spray the stickers with a good dose of laundry pretreatment product, such as Shout or Spray ’n Wash. Let the stickers soak in the spray for a few hours. This should loosen the stickers and allow you to peel them off. Wipe up any adhesive residue and the laundry spray. Clean and rinse the tub thoroughly.

Want simple ways to look and feel your best? Start getting Best You!

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7 Best Bone-Building Foods

2010-11-04T09:47:00.003-04:00

7 Best Bone-Building Foods

Women start to lose bone mass in their 30s. But a good diet will lower the risk of a weak skeleton. Here are 7 foods that are great for your main frame.
Click here for more.

1. Seeds

Our skeleton is largely made of calcium, but other minerals play a key role too. In fact, 50% of the body’s magnesium resides in our bones. Low levels are linked to fragile bones and calcium loss, research shows.

All seeds are good magnesium sources, but pumpkin seeds outshine the rest.

Here are a few ways to eat seeds:

•Measure a 1-ounce portion to take to work for an afternoon pick-me-up.

•Sprinkle a tablespoon or two onto your mixed green salad.

•Toss some with green beans or sautéed spinach.

Women start to lose bone mass in their 30s. But a good diet will lower the risk of a weak skeleton. Here are 7 foods that are great for your main frame. Plus, you can make up for diet deficiencies with supplements, but how much do you know about them? Test yourself with our quiz…

1. Seeds
Our skeleton is largely made of calcium, but other minerals play a key role too. In fact, 50% of the body’s magnesium resides in our bones. Low levels are linked to fragile bones and calcium loss, research shows.

All seeds are good magnesium sources, but pumpkin seeds outshine the rest.

Here are a few ways to eat seeds:

Measure a 1-ounce portion to take to work for an afternoon pick-me-up.

Sprinkle a tablespoon or two onto your mixed green salad.

Toss some with green beans or sautéed spinach.

2. Nuts
Bones aren’t hard and brittle; they’re living organs with live cells and fluids. Every day, bone cells break down and build up. That’s how they remain strong and heal after a break.

Walnuts – rich in alpha linolenic acid, an omega-3 fatty acid – decrease the rate of bone breakdown and keep bone formation constant, according to a 2007 Nutrition Journal study. Brazil nuts are also great sources of magnesium.

So grab a small handful for a snack or sprinkle a couple tablespoons into your oatmeal. Keep in mind that nuts are high-fat and high-calorie, so limit your daily serving to one ounce – about 1/4 cup.

Other foods with alpha linolenic acid include: flaxseed oil, ground flaxseeds, walnut oil, soybeans, soybean oil and canola oil.

3. Oysters
Long touted as an aphrodisiac, the oyster is our best source of zinc, a mineral important in immune function, normal growth, taste, smell, wound healing and dozens of enzymatic reactions in the body.

One of those chemical reactions aids in the formation of bone collagen, the protein framework of bones that makes them somewhat flexible.

Enjoy oysters steamed, boiled, baked and in stews. A word caution about raw oysters: They may be contaminated with the bacteria vibrio, which can cause vomiting and diarrhea.

4. Leafy Greens
Make green your new favorite color. Your salads and steamed greens are packed with bone-building nutrients, particularly calcium, magnesium and vitamin K.
Vitamin K is critical in forming bone proteins and cuts calcium loss in urine. Too little of this fat-soluble vitamin increases risk of hip fractures, research shows.

Just one cup of raw or a half-cup of cooked greens provides several times the recommended intake of 90 micrograms per day.

Here are a few ways to sneak some extra greens in today:

Add lettuce to your sandwiches. Even iceberg has vitamin K.

Slip spinach leaves between layers of noodles in homemade lasagna.

Start your dinner with a salad of spinach or mixed greens.

Try dandelion greens or Swiss chard for dinner.

5. Beans
Have beans for supper tonight, especially pinto, black, white and kidney beans. You’ll get another good boost of magnesium and even some calcium. The U.S. Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommends at least 2-1/2 cups of beans and other legumes (peas, lentils) weekly.
Bean-eaters reduce their risk of cancer, heart disease and obesity. Problem is, most people don’t know what to do with them. Here are a few ideas:

At the beginning of the week, open and rinse a can of beans, and store them in your refrigerator. Each night, toss a heaping spoonful into your mixed green salad.

Top nachos with red beans.

Mix any canned bean into vegetable soups.

Add black beans or kidney beans to pasta salads.

Instead of coleslaw or potato salad, take a bean salad to your next potluck supper.

6. Fish
When it comes to bones, calcium is nothing without vitamin D, which we need so our bodies can absorb calcium. As with vitamin K, vitamin D deficiency also is linked to hip fracture.

In fact, 50% of women with osteoporosis who were hospitalized for hip fracture had signs of vitamin D deficiency, according to a scientific review by the American Medical Association.

The best fish? Salmon. A small serving of salmon – only 3-1/2 ounces – gives you 90% of the daily recommended amount of vitamin D. If you want a double-whammy of bone-building nutrients, don’t just look to fresh fish. Canned salmon provides vitamin D and calcium… as long as you eat the bones. (Don’t worry, they’re soft.)

7. Dairy
Many of us forget about milk once we outgrow crazy straws and strawberry powder, but bones don’t stop developing in our teens. We add bone mass even in our 20s, but only if we consume enough of the nutritional elements.

Once we reach menopause and begin to lose estrogen, our bones lose calcium more rapidly than at any other time in our lives. Here again, calcium and vitamin D can help delay the loss of bone mass.

Milk is a good source of vitamin D because it is fortified. Cheese, yogurt and ice cream generally aren’t; they contain little vitamin D. Drink nonfat or 1% milk; the others have high saturated fat and cholesterol content. Pour a nice cold glass and enjoy – with or without a cookie.

More Dos and Don’ts for Strong Bones

Do eat fruits and veggies. Higher consumption means greater bone mineral density. Researchers can’t say why, but fruits and vegetables are loaded with an array of nutrients that build strong bones.

Do exercise. Get at least 30 minutes of physical activity each day. Weight-bearing exercises like running, dancing and lifting weights stress your bones in a good way. This signals your body to make more bone cells.
Don’t drink too much. Alcohol can inhibit the formation of new bone cells.

Don’t drink cola. Regular cola drinkers have lower bone mineral density than women who rarely drink cola.

Don’t smoke. The more you smoke, the greater your risk of a fracture.

Don’t worry about caffeine – if you get enough calcium. Drink caffeine and you’ll lose more calcium in your urine 1-3 hours afterward. Drinking more than 2-3 cups of coffee per day is associated with bone loss in postmenopausal women when their calcium intake is inadequate.

Aim for 1,200 milligrams (mg) of calcium daily – the equivalent of four cups of milk or yogurt – if you’ve hit menopause. Otherwise, 1,000 mg should do.

6 Diet Rules You Can Break

2010-11-04T01:25:00.001-04:00

6 Diet Rules You Can Break!
By Joy Bauer, M.S., R.D., C.D.N.

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Health Topics »It’s no secret that the number one diet “rule to live by” is this: to lose weight, you must eat fewer calories than you burn over an extended period of time. Beyond that, the rules of weight loss are actually a lot more flexible than you might think (and, as you probably know from personal experience, what works for one person may not work for another). Here are six universal diet truths that, as it turns out, aren’t always true.

1.You Must Exercise To Lose Weight. Controlling calories and food intake is key to shedding unwanted pounds (much more so than exercise). If you’re not able to be active or just can’t commit to a regular workout schedule, you can still lose weight without exercising if you carefully monitor your food intake. Of course, being physically active provides a whole host of health benefits outside of weight management, and for this reason I highly encourage everyone to incorporate fitness into their lifestyle. But if you absolutely can’t or won’t exercise, know that it’s still possible to achieve your weight loss goals.

2.Only Weigh Yourself Once Per Week. There is no “one size fits all” rule with weighing. Some people do better with daily weigh-ins and others with no scale at all; it’s really a personal choice. If you find that daily or weekly visits to the bathroom scale help you stay accountable, by all means, maintain your usual routine. If tracking your numbers tends to make you obsess a bit, you can always gauge your weight loss by taking occasional measurements or noting changes in your clothing size.

3.Dessert is a No-No. As long as you account for the calories, dessert is perfectly okay—whether it’s berries, cookies, or a slice of rich, fudgy chocolate cake. Some dieters that I’ve counseled like to build in one portion-controlled treat per day—maybe two cookies or a low-fat ice cream pop. Others prefer to save up their “discretionary calories” and splurge on one decadent dessert per week from a restaurant or bakery. Whatever your preferred strategy, it is definitely possible to satisfy a sweet tooth without derailing your diet.

4.Portion Control Everything You Eat. Not true! You can overeat non-starchy vegetables to your heart’s content, as long as you prepare them in healthful ways. Non-starchy vegetables—like leafy greens, cucumbers, carrots, celery, tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, broccoli, asparagus, cauliflower and green beans—are incredibly low in calories, thanks to their high water and fiber content. They’ll fill you up and displace more caloric foods…and ultimately help you lose weight by eating more!

5.Never Skip Breakfast (it’s the most important meal of day.) Some people are just not naturally conditioned to be early morning eaters, and that’s completely understandable. There’s no reason to force yourself into eating breakfast if you’re not hungry, as long as you’re not having a problem with overeating later in the day. Instead, have a meal or mid-morning snack later on, when your appetite finally kicks in.

6.Salads Are Your Best Bet For Losing Weight. Sadly, some salads are actually more caloric than a loaded burger with a side of fries…those certainly won’t do you any favors on the scale. And if you hate salads and they leave you feeling completely unsatisfied, they can actually be counterproductive. If you view these diet staples as bland, boring “rabbit food”, you certainly shouldn’t feel obligated to include them in your meal plan. Find more interesting lunch and dinner options that excite your taste buds and satisfy your appetite. You’ll stick with your diet longer if you’re enjoying what you’re eating.

For more tips on losing weight, visit joybauer.com and follow Joy on Facebook and Twitter.

5 Things You Don't Know About Car Insurance

2010-10-29T16:55:00.000-04:00

5 Things You Don't Know About Car Insurance
by Chad Fisher

Many car insurance policies offer coverage that you may not know about. There are also things that are not covered by standard insurance policies. It is important that you understand what your rights are before you are involved in an accident and need to file a claim. The following five facts are not widely known by most individuals who purchase auto insurance.

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• Top 10 Cities With the Most Debt

• 6 Best Money Tips for Young People

• 5 Myths About Generation Debt

1. Your Car is Covered, but Your Belongings Are Not

Did you know that all the personal possessions you carry in your vehicle are not covered under your car insurance policy? That's right, even the most comprehensive car insurance policy will not reimburse you for items that are stolen or damaged while in your car. You will be compensated for any damage that is done to your vehicle, but your possessions are not considered part of the vehicle's value. The best idea is to refrain from carrying extremely valuable items with you when you are driving.

However, if you are like most people in today's age, your cell phone, laptop, and GPS unit are considered essentials. The trauma of losing these items is bad enough. In today's economy, chances are the average person does not have the money on hand to run out and purchase new ones. Therefore, it is important to make sure you have your items insured. In order to insure the items you carry with you, it is necessary to purchase a rider on your home insurance policy. Always keep receipts and make sure you have photos or video of your items to prove their condition before they were damaged or stolen.

2. You May be Eligible for a Diminished Value Claim

When you purchase a vehicle today, it has become standard to receive a car history report. That's great for the buyer, but not so great for the seller if your vehicle was in an accident and you never received compensation for the diminished value of your vehicle. When you go to trade your vehicle in you will not receive as much for it. Even if your car was repaired by a good quality auto body shop, the resale value will be reduced simply because it was in a collision. Most buyers will not purchase a vehicle that has been in an accident unless they receive a discounted price. Your insurance company must reimburse you for your damages. They will not automatically send you a check for your diminished value. You must file this claim in addition to your regular claim and prove your vehicle has received a loss in value due to the accident.

This is a lot easier to do on a newer car but not impossible to do on an older car. Diminished value claims are generally offered to the person who received damage from the insurance company of the person who is found at fault in the accident. Insurance companies rarely offer diminished value payments when they are reimbursing the primary driver insured on the policy.

[7 Ways to Save Money on Car Insurance]

3. Coverage for Your Pet's Injuries

Everyone understands that their car insurance covers medical bills for the driver and passengers involved in a car accident. If you are driving with a pet in the car, you should check with your insurance company about whether or not your pet's injuries are covered, too. Some insurance companies will pay up to $1,000 for veterinarian bills for you injured pet or the pet of a family member that lives with you. The coverage is not available in all states or through all insurance companies so make sure to perform a thorough auto insurance comparison up front if you have family pets. If you travel with your pets often, it is a good idea to find out if your policy will provide reimbursement for an animal's injuries.

4. Save Money by Paying a Lump Sum

Most insurance companies offer discounts to customers who are willing to pay for their policies in one or two lump sums over a year. Spreading your payments out month to month may seem less expensive than spending hundreds of dollars once a year, but the policy price is generally higher when it is spread out over twelve months. Even paying for your policy every six months is less expensive than paying for it every single month. Talk to your agent about the fees that are attached with a monthly payment so that you will be aware of the savings involved in paying annually or semi-annually.

5. Taxes and Fees Covered by Your Car Insurance

The tax and registration fees on your vehicle may be covered by your insurance company if your vehicle is declared a total loss. In some states, the car insurance company must pay for the taxes and fees up front and in other states, the insurance company provides reimbursement after the settlement. Some states only require the insurance company to reimburse you for the tax and registration if a new vehicle is purchased within a specific amount of time after an accident. If you are being reimbursed by the other party's insurance company, they might not be required to pay you for the cost of tax and registration.

The bottom line is that you should read your car insurance policy thoroughly so that you are aware of the things that are covered and the things that are not. Many minor details can make a huge difference when you need to file a claim after a collision. For example, if you loan your car to a friend and he or she is involved in an accident, your car insurance will pay for the damages regardless of your friend's insurance situation. Little things like that can increase your insurance costs, which means you should be aware of them when you purchase a new policy.

Can an Aspirin a Day Do More Harm Than Good?

2010-10-28T14:07:00.003-04:00

Can an Aspirin a Day Do More Harm Than Good?
Experts are re-evaluating who should swallow a daily dose.

by: Emily Anthes | from: AARP Bulletin | April 30, 2010

Some 43 million Americans do it every day: take a tiny aspirin to help prevent heart attacks and strokes. In fact, doctors have been routinely recommending the practice to older adults for years. But recently, experts have been questioning the aspirin-a-day regimen, concerned that this everyday miracle drug can pose serious risks, including bleeding in the brain and stomach.

The aspirin-a-day controversy erupted publicly in March when a 10-year study of nearly 30,000 adults ages 50 to 75 without known heart disease found that a daily aspirin didn’t offer any discernible protection. The group taking aspirin had cardiovascular disease at the same rate as those taking a placebo. Moreover, the study—published in the Journal of the American Medical Association—reported that taking a daily aspirin (100 mg) almost doubled the risk of dangerous internal bleeding.

And last year the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force—a panel of medical experts—issued new guidelines for patients, recommending only those at risk for heart attacks or strokes should take a daily aspirin. Risk factors include having high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes, as well as being overweight.

The panel also recommended that people over 80 not take aspirin at all because of bleeding risk.

For the first time, the panel also broke down its advice by gender, recommending against daily aspirin use in women under 55 and men under 45.

Is it right for you?
So, should you take a daily aspirin or not? The answer is not quite as simple as doctors previously thought. Aspirin, they say, can still be a lifesaving drug, but it’s not for everyone.

For reasons researchers don’t fully understand, aspirin seems to provide different benefits for men and women.

In men, aspirin can prevent heart attacks but seems to have no effect on strokes, says Michael LeFevre, M.D., a member of the task force that wrote the new guidelines and a professor of family medicine at the University of Missouri. Conversely, he says, aspirin appears to help women avoid strokes but not heart attacks.

The new recommendations suggest that aspirin will be most beneficial to:

men between 45 and 79 who have a high risk for heart attacks;
women between 55 and 79 who are at high risk for strokes.

Drawbacks
Aspirin, which has been around for more than 100 years, is a cheap, easy, effective way to control pain and inflammation. In 1989, when a major study revealed that a small dose could reduce the risk of stroke and heart attack by preventing blood clots, doctors began recommending that their older patients take a low dose of aspirin, 81 mg, every day.

“Aspirin is a lifesaving medicine in patients with established cardiovascular disease,” says Jeffrey Berger, M.D., a cardiologist at New York University who has studied the use of aspirin. But, he warns, it does come with some real drawbacks.

Aspirin has been linked with chronic ringing in the ears (tinnitus), and earlier this year scientists reported that people who took aspirin regularly were more likely to suffer from hearing loss.

Dangerous bleeding
The drug’s ability to prevent blood clots is also a double-edged sword. The body’s ability to stop bleeding is what prevents a small cut, for instance, from causing uncontrollable bleeding. While aspirin might keep clots from blocking blood flow to our hearts and brains, it also makes it more likely that we might develop serious internal bleeds, particularly in the stomach. “That’s not a trivial side effect,” says LeFevre. “We’re talking about people who get hospitalized” and may end up in the intensive care unit, he adds.

Some patients are more likely to suffer these complications than others; a recent review of the research reveals that men are twice as likely to experience bleeds as women, and the risk also increases with age. Researchers estimate the risk of internal bleeding for those who take aspirin is two to four times greater than for those who don’t take aspirin at all, depending on factors such as age and overall health.

Even though people are more likely to bleed as they get older, researchers don’t think aspirin causes the risk of bleeding to build up over time. “In fact, it’s likely that if one is to bleed, their risk of bleeding is seen early on,” Berger says.

Taking ibuprofen and naproxen—common pain relievers such as Advil and Aleve—also can make bleeding more likely. Unfortunately, this kind of severe bleeding doesn’t usually come with obvious warning signs, but sudden gastrointestinal pain can be a tip-off. The bleeding is often caused by inflammation of the stomach lining or an aspirin-induced ulcer and can result in vomiting blood or blood in the stool.

The traditional point of view, LeFevre says, was: “Aspirin is a pretty benign thing. Why doesn’t everybody take one? Aspirin, as it turns out, is not harmless.”

Strokes vs. heart attacks
Many of the risk factors for heart attacks and strokes—including age, diabetes and smoking—overlap, but there are slight differences. High total cholesterol and high levels of LDL or “bad” cholesterol, for instance, are important predictors of heart attacks.

The most important risk factors for strokes include high blood pressure, certain kinds of irregular heartbeats (known as atrial fibrillation) and a condition known as left ventricular hypertrophy in which some of the heart muscle thickens.

Experts agree that women who have already had strokes and men who have already had heart attacks should absolutely be taking aspirin. “You have to make sure that people with a history of heart attack or stroke do not stop their aspirin, because it could be a deadly mistake,” says NYU’s Berger.

Clearly, the benefits of aspirin have to be weighed against the possibility of bleeding, and that’s a conversation that experts say every patient needs to have with his or her doctor.

“This decision has to be made one person at a time,” LeFevre says. “There is no one blanket recommendation for everybody.”

Emily Anthes writes about health and science and lives in Brooklyn.

George Washington's Reelection

2010-10-28T07:35:00.000-04:00

In 1792, George Washington was elected unanimously to a second term. Only 13,332 votes were cast – a record low turnout of 6.3%.

The 7 Most Common Relationship Problems

2010-10-28T07:14:00.003-04:00

This article has been written by a member of the LifeScript user community or a user from one of our partners. It has not been reviewed by the LifeScript editorial staff for accuracy.

The 7 Most Common Relationship Problems
Recognizing Common Issues And Overcoming Them
By Tamara Warta

Even the best of couples run into relationship problems once in awhile.
Conflict is part of the human tapestry that we all deal with at one time or another, and while it can be difficult, many of our common qualms and complaints can be resolved if both parties are willing to work at them. In many cases, the first step is learning about common issues others deal with; this helps couples to realize that they are not alone or isolated in their pain and worry. Knowing what to expect in a relationship, from enjoying good days to getting through the bad, is the best way to ensure you are in a quality relationship that will last for the long haul.

Discuss Potential Conflict Beforehand
Most couples argue about sex, money and children, and yet all of these topics are easy conversations to have before you say “I do.” If you aren’t already engaged, but find yourself in the middle of a relationship that seems to be moving forward positively, do not be afraid to bring up these issues. The heavy-hitter questions will determine the path of your life and future together.

Perhaps you have always dreamed of having a large family, but aren’t sure where he stands on children and a family dog. It’s better to get a clear-cut answer before you sign that marriage certificate.

Sex is a touchy subject, but again, trust is found in a relationship where couples are able to communicate openly about their needs and wants. The last common relationship pitfall --money—comes into the picture usually after one half of a couple receives a substantial promotion or starts earning significantly more than the other.

This can be an exceptionally difficult issue for men to deal with, as many pride themselves on being the family bread winner. Keep the lines of communication open and be sure to encourage your partner to discover other ways outside of the financial realm to positively contribute to your relationship and your life.

Discussing these issues does not guarantee a worry-free marriage, however getting them out in the open does make for easier negotiating and compromising further down the road.

Relationship Enemy Number One: Trust Issues
Trust truly makes or breaks a relationship. In fact, many relational psychologists will agree that without trust, a marriage is futile. If one partner is being dishonest, he or she does not have the significant other’s best interests at heart, and this can lead to suspicion, arguments and in some cases, divorce.

Some couples discover that having a designated discussion once in awhile to increase the amount of trust in their relationship will make a big difference. This is exceptionally true if one half has been unfaithful in the past. Going into such a discussion, you should make sure you are not only a trustworthy person yourself, but that you have the ability to trust others. You may have the most faithful spouse in the world, but if you feel guarded and suspicious from past circumstances not stemming from your current relationship, you will have a difficult time taking care of current business.

When working on the development of trust, couples should be consistent in their speech and action. Knowing what to expect from each other’s character will help lay a trustworthy foundation. Even after marriage, remember the importance of being timely.

If you anticipate a late night at the office or want to go out for a drink after a big meeting, then be sure to call your spouse and let him/her know what is going on. Don’t leave room for the anxious mind to wander.

Following through on your word is another great key toward a trust-filled relationship. Commitment is invaluable in any dynamic between two people, and it has never been more important than it is with your spouse.

Stay Conscientious and Avoid Relationship Issues
Work hard to be honest in all circumstances. We all slip up occasionally with the little white lie, but pride yourself in being a truthful person overall, and you will find your partner readily begins to trust you. If you are dating someone who is struggling to get over trust issues from the past, honesty is the best way to begin sealing up those wounds.

If you do find yourself in an argument, fight fairly. Bringing skeletons out of a 10-year-old closet for the sake of winning a squabble is not only immature, but it can also be irreversible and damaging. Let bygones be bygones and respect your significant other’s desire to move on past issues that have not been a problem for years.

Being a good listener and showing your partner that you care in other ways outside of the conversation can also be a great way to show your spouse that you care. This can include doing extra housework, buying a small gift on an otherwise ordinary day, or calling in the afternoon to say “I love you.”

Sex: The Touchy Relationship Issue
As mentioned above, your sexual relationship can play a big role in your happiness.
Physical intimacy is one of the most intense expressions of love, and so it’s important to be able to express to your partner what you desire. It is equally vital you listen to his fantasies or preferences, as this is the only way you will find a healthy balance between what you both want.

Many couples feel alienated and alone with their sexual conflicts, as it isn’t a conversation that always comes up over coffee with the girlfriends. Spend some time talking to a family therapist if you feel your sex life is turning into a roadblock in your relationship. Sometimes all it takes is discovering you are not alone and your fears and annoyances are quite common.

Communication Problems in Relationships
If you have been with your spouse for years, you may find your communication has begun to wane. Don’t take advantage of ordinary days by skipping the morning chat session your partner may crave. While most men are fine sitting in front of the football game with you in the same room silently keeping them company, many women desire the rewarding feel of a good conversation. Feel free to express this to your spouse, and don’t be afraid to insist on turning off the TV once in awhile!

Communication is all you have when an issue or conflict arises, so practice good interaction while the going is good.

Fighting Over Finances
Do you shop too much? Be honest. While some couples fight over salaries, many more find themselves arguing over how money is spent. If you were a mall regular before you took those marriage vows, check in with your spouse from time to time to see if your spending sprees are still acceptable.

Couples should equally share the load of financial stress, and if one is constantly earning while the other is continually spending, issues will start to crop up and quickly spiral out of control.

Consider setting a monthly budget to avoid this common relationship stressor. Sticking to it may be a struggle, but a healthy relationship is an excellent pay off.

Keep Clicking Through the Years
The common interests that once made you click as a couple may begin to fade away with time and age. It is vital for partners to continually discover new ways to stop relationship issues before they start by finding common denominators. Make it a goal once a year to try a new activity or get more involved in some other life arena such as church or a local volunteer group. Staying active as a couple will keep you more engaged in each other’s lives, leaving little room for a risky relationship problem such as a lack of trust or growing disinterest.

A committed heart and the willingness to be a little creative is all you need to keep your relationship rich and strong all the days of your life.

Are You Headed For A Divorce?
You may be worried that you or your spouse is getting ready to file for a divorce. This can be a scary time where you question whether your marriage is over and try to determine what went wrong. Whether you are already preparing to take the divorce plunge, or you are worried about life after divorce, take this quiz. Find out if you and your spouse are headed for a divorce.

This can be an exceptionally difficult issue for men to deal with, as many pride themselves on being the family bread winner. Keep the lines of communication open and be sure to encourage your partner to discover other ways outside of the financial realm to positively contribute to your relationship and your life.

Discussing these issues does not guarantee a worry-free marriage, however getting them out in the open does make for easier negotiating and compromising further down the road.

Relationship Enemy Number One: Trust Issues
Trust truly makes or breaks a relationship. In fact, many relational psychologists will agree that without trust, a marriage is futile. If one partner is being dishonest, he or she does not have the significant other’s best interests at heart, and this can lead to suspicion, arguments and in some cases, divorce.

Some couples discover that having a designated discussion once in awhile to increase the amount of trust in their relationship will make a big difference. This is exceptionally true if one half has been unfaithful in the past. Going into such a discussion, you should make sure you are not only a trustworthy person yourself, but that you have the ability to trust others. You may have the most faithful spouse in the world, but if you feel guarded and suspicious from past circumstances not stemming from your current relationship, you will have a difficult time taking care of current business.

When working on the development of trust, couples should be consistent in their speech and action. Knowing what to expect from each other’s character will help lay a trustworthy foundation. Even after marriage, remember the importance of being timely.

Even the best of couples run into relationship problems once in awhile. Conflict is part of the human tapestry that we all deal with at one time or another, and while it can be difficult, many of our common qualms and complaints can be resolved if both parties are willing to work at them. In many cases, the first step is learning about common issues others deal with; this helps couples to realize that they are not alone or isolated in their pain and worry. Knowing what to expect in a relationship, from enjoying good days to getting through the bad, is the best way to ensure you are in a quality relationship that will last for the long haul.

Discuss Potential Conflict Beforehand
Most couples argue about sex, money and children, and yet all of these topics are easy conversations to have before you say “I do.” If you aren’t already engaged, but find yourself in the middle of a relationship that seems to be moving forward positively, do not be afraid to bring up these issues. The heavy-hitter questions will determine the path of your life and future together.

Perhaps you have always dreamed of having a large family, but aren’t sure where he stands on children and a family dog. It’s better to get a clear-cut answer before you sign that marriage certificate. Sex is a touchy subject, but again, trust is found in a relationship where couples are able to communicate openly about their needs and wants. The last common relationship pitfall --money—comes into the picture usually after one half of a couple receives a substantial promotion or starts earning significantly more than the other.

This can be an exceptionally difficult issue for men to deal with, as many pride themselves on being the family bread winner. Keep the lines of communication open and be sure to encourage your partner to discover other ways outside of the financial realm to positively contribute to your relationship and your life.

Discussing these issues does not guarantee a worry-free marriage, however getting them out in the open does make for easier negotiating and compromising further down the road.

Relationship Enemy Number One: Trust Issues
Trust truly makes or breaks a relationship. In fact, many relational psychologists will agree that without trust, a marriage is futile. If one partner is being dishonest, he or she does not have the significant other’s best interests at heart, and this can lead to suspicion, arguments and in some cases, divorce.

Some couples discover that having a designated discussion once in awhile to increase the amount of trust in their relationship will make a big difference. This is exceptionally true if one half has been unfaithful in the past. Going into such a discussion, you should make sure you are not only a trustworthy person yourself, but that you have the ability to trust others. You may have the most faithful spouse in the world, but if you feel guarded and suspicious from past circumstances not stemming from your current relationship, you will have a difficult time taking care of current business.

When working on the development of trust, couples should be consistent in their speech and action. Knowing what to expect from each other’s character will help lay a trustworthy foundation. Even after marriage, remember the importance of being timely.

If you anticipate a late night at the office or want to go out for a drink after a big meeting, then be sure to call your spouse and let him/her know what is going on. Don’t leave room for the anxious mind to wander.

Following through on your word is another great key toward a trust-filled relationship. Commitment is invaluable in any dynamic between two people, and it has never been more important than it is with your spouse.

Stay Conscientious and Avoid Relationship Issues
Work hard to be honest in all circumstances. We all slip up occasionally with the little white lie, but pride yourself in being a truthful person overall, and you will find your partner readily begins to trust you. If you are dating someone who is struggling to get over trust issues from the past, honesty is the best way to begin sealing up those wounds.

If you do find yourself in an argument, fight fairly. Bringing skeletons out of a 10-year-old closet for the sake of winning a squabble is not only immature, but it can also be irreversible and damaging. Let bygones be bygones and respect your significant other’s desire to move on past issues that have not been a problem for years.

Being a good listener and showing your partner that you care in other ways outside of the conversation can also be a great way to show your spouse that you care. This can include doing extra housework, buying a small gift on an otherwise ordinary day, or calling in the afternoon to say “I love you.”

Seven stupid things people do that ruin plumbing.

2010-10-27T01:35:00.002-04:00

Seven stupid things people do that ruin plumbing.

If you’re looking for a career change and want something with rock-solid security, you might consider becoming a plumber who makes house calls. This advice is based on two truths: 1) People will always need plumbing — or more specifically, plumbing that works — and, 2) people will always do stupid things that stop their plumbing from working.

Keep in mind that the service side of plumbing often requires a strong stomach and the will to suppress amusement with other peoples’ self-imposed misfortune. But rest assured that the two truths mentioned above will always keep you in business.

The items below are just a small sampling of what you might expect on an ordinary day in the field.

1. Leaving hoses connected during winter

This is a classic plumbing error that one must assume is caused most often by extreme laziness. Unlike holiday lights, hoses can cause damage when left out all year: They can lead to freezing of the sillcock (outdoor faucet) or its water supply pipe. It’s terrible for your hose, too.

2. Using too much drain cleaner

When used judiciously and as directed on the right kind of clog, drain cleaners can be effective and relatively safe for drains.

When used with abandon, they can corrode some drain materials, and they can actually make clogs worse. It’s also not very nice for the plumber who eventually comes out to clear that clog.

3. Pouring household chemicals into a septic system

If you’re used to living with a “private” sewage system, you probably know how to take care of it. But if you just bought a house with septic, or maybe you’re renting a rural cottage for the summer, you might not think twice about using chemicals like drain cleaner, chlorine bleach, paint, and even anti-bacterial soaps.

These chemicals kill the essential waste-eating bacteria in the septic tank, and you can guess the result. Also, be careful about grease (see below) what else you put into a septic system.

4. Screwing, nailing, or cutting into a wall with hidden plumbing pipes

Now we’re into the realm of “Oh, yeah. I did that once.” Do this with a screw, and you might hear a fine spray of water hitting the back of the drywall. Do it with a reciprocating saw, and you’re in for a gusher.

5. Pouring grease down the kitchen drain

If you’re in the habit of pouring bacon grease down the kitchen-sink drain, you might as well try to stuff the whole pig down there.

Grease is one of the best things for clogging drains. (So is all the soap we use in the bathroom, but that’s a harder habit to break.)

6. Abusing the garbage disposal

Even if you’re not drain grease in the sink, you might be one of those folks who thinks a food disposer (garbage disposal) is the equivalent of a space-fantasy ray gun. It’s not.

It’s a motor with a spinning wheel that has two metal teeth thingees, and it does very little to stop the following from clogging your drain: flour, rice, potato peels (and some other veggie peels), and many fibrous foods such as asparagus and chard.

7. Using the toilet as a trash can

We all know it’s stupid, and we all do it anyway. It’s as though, at the back of our minds, each of us believes that if we can just get it to flush away, it will be magically out of our lives forever.

As if, at the other end of the toilet, there is nothing but a black hole, a portal to a subterranean outer space that swallows up everything we discard and whisks it off into oblivion. Unfortunately, that oblivion is a 3-inch drain pipe that leads into another drain pipe, which is THE drain pipe to your entire house.

In other words, flushing one improper item down the toilet ultimately can stop up everything in the house. But we do it anyway. And the bottom line is, if it ain’t toilet paper (or you-know-what), it doesn’t belong there.