How to Help Your Child overcome Your Divorce
For Separated, Divorcing, and Divorced Parents with Children Ages 12 & Under
by Elissa P. Benedek, M.D. and Catherine F. Brown
Chapter 6: IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON PARENTING
Within a few months after separating, 35 year old Maureen realized she underestimated how hard life alone is. The chores they split were now hers. With sole custody of her 6 & 8-year-old girls, she was responsible for the family's welfare. They had no relatives in the area where they lived. They moved there right after college. When Maureen's ex took a job in another state, the girls were devastated and she was deprived of a backup babysitter. Now when the girls were sick, she was caught between the no win choices of begging time off from her f/t job as a nurse & sending a sick child to school. On top of it all, she was trying hard to save extra money so she could buy a small townhouse in a neighborhood with better schools. Thus, she often worked extra shifts when the girls were with their dad.
Maureen was usually tired and overwhelmed, wishing there were more hours to do everything she had to. Ironically, the worst part of the day came when all her work was done. With the house quiet and the girls asleep, it was hard to push memories of happier & easier times from her wandering mind, and she began to question what to do next. She knew her marriage couldn't be saved. But missed the companionship & support it provided.
Maureen's situation is typical of many custodial parents within a year of separation or divorce. Non -custodial parents don't have it much easier. Although the daily demands on their time & energy may be less, missing their children & the routine of family life can be just as heavy a burden. Similarly, the amount of distress a person experiences is not entirely related to which spouse wanted or sought the divorce. Both spouses can expect some rough sailing in the days ahead.
People in Maureen's position are at a crucial point for them & their children. How they approach restructuring their lives after the breakup of their marriage is another important factor in their children's adjustment to the new family situation.
The process of separation/divorce sets up an almost impossible situation for parents. At the same time, they need time to deal with the emotions & stress accompanying the loss of their marriage & to decide a new course of action their children have the greatest need for reliability & assurances of love. Absorbed in their own problems, parents may become less affectionate with their children or fail to discipline consistently. The more parents pull back to regroup after a divorce, the more fiercely children show their need for attention. When parents & children lose their emotional equilibrium, they exacerbate each other's problems. The key to breaking this cycle is for parents to do various things: 1) take control of their lives; 2) Create a nurturing, predictable environment for the children; 3)deal with the children authoritatively; 4) Be aware of some of the problems that divorced parents commonly encounter, as described in this chapter. Maureen was one of the lucky or to be more precise, intuitive parents. A few years ago she summed up her approach to this difficult time of her life to me: "Although it has been hard, I finally realized what my children needed most was a reasonably stable mother they knew they could count on." Although this may simplify what she in reality had provided for her children, her instincts were on the mark.
Common Problems of Divorced Parents
When people first separate/divorce, they experience an array of emotions from sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame, & shock to elation over believing that all their problems are now solved. The spouse who didn't want the divorce may feel worthless & unlovable. The one who wanted it may have second thoughts. There is no one -order for these emotions; each may come & go, again & again.
At the same time, there are new living arrangements to get used to. The spouse with whom the children live may remain in the family home, reminding them of the loss of the parent who moved out. If the family home must be sold & proceeds- split, both spouses will probably move to new neighborhoods. Maybe the children will go to a new school & make new friends. The mother, in addition to leaving behind neighbors she chatted with regularly or could turn to in emergencies, may feel isolated & embarrassed if her socioeconomic status dropped. If she has not done so already, she may be entering the work force f/t. The non-custodial parent, usually the father, may be paying child support, but he may resent the fact that he too may have a lower standard of living and that he now plays a reduced role in his children's lives. Parents may be wrestling each other in the courts over custody or visitation disagreements.
One of the most worrisome reactions is a parent's lacking the energy to go to work, keep up the daily chores, take proper care of the children in short, losing interest in life itself. These are signs of serious depression. If symptoms persist for a month or longer, a mental health professional must be consulted (see Chapter 12). If the person is thinking or talking about committing suicide, a psychiatrist should be consulted immediately.
As I pointed out in the last chapter, it is vital that parents overcome these reactions & for the children's sake, learn how to handle the stresses brought about by the divorce. The children's adjustment is directly linked to the parents' adjustment. Adult Regression Chapter 5 notes that children sometimes regress in reaction to their parents' separation and divorce. In often has the same effect on adults too. Some adults may go so far as to become helpless, depending on others, including their children to take care of them.
Eve, for example, became extremely upset when her husband of ten years suddenly left. Although she ran the home smoothly & took good care of their son when married, after he left she began to have difficulty making even routine decisions. When the roof leaked or the stove broke, she called her former husband. After she overdrew her checking account a few months in a row, she asked him to take over paying the bills. Since he still felt guilty about leaving suddenly, he helped. He soon found, the more he helped her, the more dependent she became on him. Within a few more months her helplessness & childish behavior made him fear for his son's safety. She came to see me for help when he began threatening to sue her for custody of their son.
Liz, too, was thrown into mental disarray after her divorce. To block out her pain, she tried to find solace in a procession of men. Up to that point, she only slept with her husband & prided herself on being a virgin on their wedding night. After a year of one or-two night stands, she felt ashamed and embarrassed by her uncharacteristic behavior. Soon after entering therapy, she decided to be tested for Herpes and HIV. So far, she has tested negative, but she will have to undergo more testing before she can be reasonably sure she is free of HIV.
Most people don't need to see a mental health professional to recover from regressive behavior. Usually such changes are temporary, remitting when the person is able to reestablish a sense of inner equilibrium and direction.
Parent as Child, Child as Parent After Divorce
Some parents experience a specific type of regression in which they become too dependent on one or more of their children. In essence, a role reversal takes place in which the children become the parents' caretakers, confidants & counselors. These parents are most often troubled, depressed & lonely; they are unwilling or unable to take responsibility for themselves. Sometimes they are alcoholics/depend on drugs. The result is a form of mental bondage & skewed development in the child & a faulty sense of reality in the adult. In its most destructive (but rare) variant, some adults commit incest, using the child as a replacement for the lost marital partner. More commonly, they have the child sleep with them to alleviate their loneliness. (As I emphasize in Chapter 5, parents should not invite or permit their children to sleep with them.)
Most parents, however, are vulnerable to depending too much on their children in more subtle ways. Nancy, for example, was divorced after 15 years of marriage. Because of her extreme shyness, she had never made many friends. When she was married, taking care of her family had filled her time, giving her a ready excuse to refrain from cultivating new friendships. Now for companionship all she had left was her 10 year old daughter, Alexa. The two of them were inseparable. On weekends when Alexa wasn't with her father, they spent much of their time at the mall, latest movies & taking short trips.
Within a year of the divorce, Nancy began interfering with Alexa's paternal visits. When he called to arrange a visit, Nancy would say Alexa was busy or didn't want to go with him that weekend because of special plans they made.
When the visits ceased, the father hired an attorney to enforce visitation rights. And I saw Nancy & Alexa as an impartial, court- appointed examiner.
The extent of Nancy's problem became clear as I interviewed the family members. Alexa noted that after her father first left, her mother's only apparent interest outside work was television. Except for a few of Alexa's friends, no one ever came to visit them, and they, in turn, visited no one, not even relatives. A sensitive, insightful child, Alexa worried about her mom spending too much time alone & took it on herself to liven up her mother's life. She eventually became afraid to leave her mother, for when Alexa wasn't around, Nancy would spend hours sleeping or watching T.V.
Clearly, Alexa's life revolved around her mom. As she took more & more responsibility for her mother's welfare, she was increasingly being locked out of the normal growing up experiences of a preadolescent. Her dad was right to be concerned. I recommended Nancy & Alexa enter family therapy to correct the parent/child roles. Nancy also needed individual treatment to address other problems that became apparent in the evaluation. I also recommended Alexa's visitation with her dad resume immediately.
The temptation to become too dependent on your children is always there if you do not have another adult to whom you can turn when you need advice or just someone to talk to. Although there is nothing wrong in soliciting your children's opinions in matters that concern them (in fact, doing so helps build their sense of responsibility & family commitment), avoid relying on them for advice that affects only you or that should be offered only by adults. For example, it's all right to ask your children to help pick out the family's new car, but you should not ask them whether you should a date with someone you met recently at work.
Denial & Sublimation
Some people deny being upset or angry over their divorce. They claim they adjusted & have resumed living a full life in the single lane. Eileen, a former patient, fell into this category. She said she sought therapy because of the difficulties she had with her 10 year old son.
She couldn't understand why he was still having problems over the divorce 3 years afterward, especially since she didn't. This woman was extremely active in a number of causes in her community, chief among them water pollution and other environmental problems. She also had a f/t professional job & volunteered at her son's school. In time it became clear she had residual feelings about her divorce and other problems related to her rivalry with her sister & other family members. To protect herself from those unpleasant feelings, she funneled all her energy into keeping busy every minute. This is known as sublimation. In her case it took a long time to break down her defenses, but in the end she was able to rework her life so that she spent more time with her son & having fun.
People like Eileen should not be confused with people who enjoy leading busy, full lives. All of us would do well to become involved in a variety of activities. Developing interests outside the daily grind keeps our intellect growing & expands our range of friends/acquaintances. The danger comes when we fill our schedules to the point where we may be avoiding dealing with problems, have little time and energy left for our needs and those of our loved ones. This busyness may be an attempt to ward off depression. It only postpones the inevitable.
Overburdening Children With Responsibility
For many hurried, overworked single parents, it is often too easy to fall into a routine in where they depend on an older child to take care of the younger ones. They might assign chores to the children that are dangerous or an unrealistic degree of responsibility, but also take them away from schoolwork and social activities normal for their age. An only child may be put in an even more difficult bind: expected to fend for herself, she has no sibling with whom to share her fear of being alone and her distress about the absent parent.
Although it is reasonable for single parents to expect children to do some chores, such responsibilities should be assigned within certain limits: 1) They should be appropriate to the child's age. A 9 year old child, for example, should not be expected to cook dinner and clean up after it every night; 2) Generally children under ten should not be left unsupervised, and children under twelve should not be put in charge of younger children. This is not to say, however, that once youngsters reach these ages, they are ready to be left alone or baby sit. A child's maturity and willingness are the determining factors; 3) Older children should not be given total responsibility for the care of younger siblings. They are siblings, not substitute parents. Not only does this overburden older children, it has serious consequences for the younger ones too: recent research indicates that children cared for by older siblings may have low self esteem. A possible cause may be not getting enough parental attention, to stresses on the family, or to older siblings' picking on younger children when the parent is out; 4) Chores shouldn't be heaped on a child to the extent that they interfere with schoolwork, sleep or preclude time with friends. Schoolwork is a child's most important job, and an active social life is a necessary ingredient of healthy development.
Instead of overburdening kids, some parents go too far the other way. To ease their guilt over the divorce’s unpleasant repercussions, these parents exclude kids from chores/try to do everything themselves. Or they may use faulty reasoning such as "I had to do too many chores when I was a kid. I don't want to put my kid through that." Such selfless intentions are unrealistic from the parent's perspective/disservice kids. Being assigned/expected to carry out age appropriate tasks creates a sense of accomplishment/self discipline in children. It's training ground for handling increasingly harder demands that'll be placed on them by school/work. Studies noted that children with divorced parents reap unanticipated benefits from assuming a great deal of responsibility at a young age. Many of them note that they have a greater sense of strength, independence & capability as a result of their survival experiences in a post divorce family. They are clearly proud of themselves/their ability to assist their parents at a time when the family's future was seriously jeopardized. Children whose parents are divorced like all children need to feel needed. Parents shouldn't try to protect them from life. The danger comes when children are robbed of their childhoods, forced to grow up far before they are ready. They can never recapture those years.
Violence
A danger to look for, especially in the first few months after divorce or separation is violence between former spouses & child abuse. A dad denied visitation because child support is late maybe tempted to strike the mom when she begins to belittle him in front of the kids. A mom who comes home from work late one night to find the kids spilled milk on the kitchen floor may slap the first kid who approaches her without question. Kids may become violent with a parent. I once treated a 12 year old boy, who, among other things, pushed his father down the porch stairs one night when he tried to make him come in to dinner.
Although overwrought parents may be operating on short fuses, there's never any excuse for violence. If you feel yourself losing control of your temper to the point where you want to hit someone, you should leave. If this is impossible, take a mental time out to cool off. The old advice of counting to 20 or more, works. If you fear someone else is going to become violent, you should leave immediately & take the children with you.
If you have guns in your house, get rid of them now. You should also insist that your former spouse do the same, or at the very least keep the guns off the premises when the children are present. Simply storing firearms and ammunition separately is not adequate protection.
Because family violence has received so much attention in the past decade, communities are doing a better job of offering many services/self help groups to victims/people who want to overcome violent tendencies. Check your local or state government for the phone #'s of appropriate agencies; info on self help groups should be available from your local hospital or the phone book. Other good information sources are the local medical/bar societies.
Parents who abuse their kids are likely to be found/reported. More & more pediatricians, E.R. personnel and other health care specialists are trained to spot injuries suggestive of child abuse. These pros are required to report suspected child abuse to authorities who'll investigate & if warranted, take steps to protect the victim & others in the home. This may range from mandated family counseling to removing the kids or parent from the home.
If you or your children are the -object of your ex spouse's violence, don't hesitate to get a restraining order to prevent him or her from getting near you or them. Admittedly, such court orders have a limited value against someone determined to do serious harm, but they may deter some people and at least create a paper trail if you need to take further action. A few states have enacted anti-stalking laws designed to protect individuals from threat/harassment. Consult your lawyer about reasonable and effective steps to take.
Remember, your best bet in preventing a violent encounter is to leave a.s.a.p. Next, be sure to tell someone about what happened & get help if you fear the threat will continue. Tell your family doctor, who may be able to provide additional aid & medical care.
Finally, don't blame yourself. You cannot make someone violent; that person is solely responsible for his or her behavior.
Isolation V. Hyperactivity
In the immediate aftermath of separation and divorce, many people tend to follow one of two patterns in their lives: they either isolate themselves from others or pursue a hyperactive social life.
People who become isolated may do so for many reasons. Some parents, for example, can’t afford a babysitter; others may feel guilty if they leave their children with a babysitter after being away from them all day. Although their motivations are different, both types of parents may come to resent their children. From these parents' point of view, the children are locking them out of opportunities to take a break from their demanding routines and spend some time with other adults.
Some parents, however, use their work & the kids as a handy excuse for avoiding interaction with others. They may still be sad/upset over divorce, unable to put it behind them & take those first few shaky steps to reestablish their lives. They show no interest in dating again & may deny having any sexual feelings. Sometimes they harbor unrealistic expectations that their former spouse may someday return & they thus choose to live in a "just in case" limbo.
Some people, overwhelmed by their grief/failure to set new goals, may lack energy to do anything beyond absolute minimum to survive daily. Making an effort to meet new people or to take on new challenges is simply out of the question. Such behavior often fosters over-dependence on the children, since they become the parent's only focus in life. What will become of such a parent when the children have their own lives? In its worst form, isolation may lead to severe depression/other psychological problems. As I said earlier in this chapter, such people need professional help.
Jack's case is typical of parents who isolate themselves after divorce. As the custodial father of 2 girls & a boy all under 10, he found weekdays an unchanging routine of hurried breakfasts, dirty laundry/carpools. It seemed as though there was at least one family crisis each day demanding his attention, a sick kid, forgotten hw & weekends were often his only chance to catch up on housework. On the few occasions when he tried to bring in a babysitter, his youngest kid would cry almost to the point of hysteria. Although he never regretted having custody, he wished he had time away from home.
His wish was reasonable. Spending time away from the kids to be with other adults can help people become better parents. It offers a chance to step back from the problems/tensions at home/put them in proper perspective. Parenthood is only one of many possible roles in an adult's life.
At the other extreme of the social spectrum are those parents who are never home. With a full schedule of night classes, church activities, outings with friends and so on, they leave the children with a round of babysitters, the kid's other parent and willing friends/relatives. Some may go so far as to replace the former spouse with a serious new love interest before they are emotionally ready, or they frenetically engage in indiscriminate dating and sexual relationships.
Sometimes such parents are (subconsciously or not) trying to blot out the fact that they have children, as it reminds them of their failed marriage or an unwanted responsibility. Obviously, the children suffer greatly by missing out on the consistent parenting and needed love, particularly in the first few months after the divorce. Their distress is compounded by an out of control parent's antics and, not surprisingly, they often mirror that behavior back to the parent.
Moving On
In the first months to a year after separation/divorce, these/other effects of the emotional, financial & lifestyle upheaval brought on by the dissolution of a family are very much on everyone's minds. When the dust finally begins to settle, however, there is the business of building a new life.
Your first task in reconstruction is to put failed marriage behind you & deal with any residual feelings of grief, anger, self blame, or guilt. This can’t be done overnight; working through feelings takes time/willingness to recognize your worth as a person/capacity to love/be loved again. You also must realize your role -as spouse is separate from parent. Your marriage ended, your parenting relationship didn’t. Your kids love you unconditionally; it's up to you to show them their love is well placed.
At some time in the future, the chances are good that you will remarry, but if you are in the first year or so after your divorce, you should take your time in establishing a new love interest. If it happens, that's all well and good, but it should not be a major focus of your life right now.
I'm reminded of divorced mom of a patient who did this. When the mom wasn't at work, every spare minute she relentlessly pursued husband to help provide for her/her daughter. Every Friday & Sat. night, she'd douse herself in cologne, put on makeup/evening clothes & join middle aged friends at a local club frequented by her set. The mom's desperate behavior had sorry consequences for her child, who, left by her self when her mom was on the town, began to use drugs, shoplift/fail school. Of course, there were other problems between mom & daughter, but in the mom's single minded pursuit of a husband for herself/dad for her daughter she had little time/energy left to deal with her daughter's needs, much less have normal mother daughter relationship with her.
Next, you need to accept the permanence of divorce. You and your ex will still have dealings with each other and I hope, as I've emphasized over and over, they'll be civil and characterized by compromise. Although your children's fantasies about the two of you reconciling may never entirely vanish, at some juncture they need to feel, as you do, at peace with the divorce. This is more likely to happen if they see that you have taken the lead in this direction.
Kids ability to come to terms with divorce has important consequences, not just right after it but as an adult. Kids with divorced parents are more likely to be divorced too; they sometimes rush into relationships for which they are ill prepared in an effort to prove they are lovable and fight against their fear of rejection. If they see that you recover they may avoid it.
Attaining an inner peace about the divorce partly depends on the quality of the relationship you and your ex spouse are able to build as parents to the children you share. If seeing or thinking of your ex spouse is emotionally charged for you, you may need to monitor your attitudes and behavior toward your ex spouse in front of your children. Remember, although the two of you were unable to continue your marital relationship, this has nothing to do with the right or ability of each of you to be a good parent.
Creating a Social Life
For many people, one of the most difficult aspects of single parenting is dealing with the social isolation that seems to be an inherent part of the job. More than one single parent has remarked to me, "I have no life outside my children. It's not that I don't want one; I simply don't have the time or the money." Now is the time for you to realize that your ultimate well being (and your mental health) depends on your ability to create a new identity for yourself in which being a parent is only one part, not the whole.
Ironically, having a life of your own will make you that much more effective as a parent, because it widens the perspective and outlook by which you can interpret and deal with your children's behavior and needs.
This is true for parents who are married or divorced. I treated many women, now in late middle age, who have devoted their entire lives to their families. These women never worked outside the home, or if they did, it was often to help put a child through college.
Their volunteer work also centered on kids, perhaps the PTA or Scout troop. Although their motivations were admirable and many can boast of well adjusted, successful children, these mothers now appear helpless to refocus their energy in new directions. Particularly tragic are the parents who continue to inject themselves into the lives of their grown children & are then rejected.
Diving back into the social melee means more than searching for a new mate. It means redefining old relationships, as possible, with people who knew you as part of a couple and beginning friendships with people with whom you may now have more in common. It also entails finding interesting ways to spend your time that permit you to learn new skills or widen your social circle. Many newly divorced people take advantage of their single status to pursue school, career, hobbies, and other pastimes for which they didn't have the time when they were married.
Perhaps the easiest/safest, way to enlarge your social circle/interests is to "exploit" your natural interests as well as family/friends. You’re more apt to meet people like yourself when you meet them in connection with activities that interest you or people you already know. I knew a lady with a lifelong interest in art but never felt she was good enough to pursue it. Deciding she had nothing to lose after her divorce, she signed up for an art course at a community college.
A classmate was a local hospital volunteer who invited her to come to the hospital once a week & share her talent with the children on the pediatric ward. Her self esteem got a double boost, not only did she feel good about her art, but she also felt appreciated/needed by the children.
Another woman took up the fiddle & clog dancing. She met her second husband during a week long fiddle camp in Georgia.
If you belong to a Church or Synagogue, or want to, you can take advantage of many opportunities to participate in interesting activities & meet new people. Many churches/synagogues now have special groups for singles, although you certainly don't have to limit your involvement to belonging only to them. Activities sponsored by religious organizations also offer the advantage of being sensitive to the demands of parenting. I know a choir director who welcomes members' children at rehearsals. He set up a play area for them in the rehearsal hall. During service, children can participate in a Bible study or childcare group in the church basement.
Most communities have Parents Without -Partners (Chapter 15). As its name implies, this group offers members a chance to meet and provide support to other single parents. Similar groups have sprung up in many places. In my area, for example, one is the Ski Club. Some people avoid such groups for fear that they will be branded as being on the hunt for a new spouse, or stigmatized in other ways. But most people who attend seem to enjoy the emotional support they provide & the children being included in many social activities. Furthermore, the nature of these groups makes it easy to participate or drop out as your needs shift or as it become less useful.
Dating
Many divorced people have said to me in one way or another, "I have no interest in dating or ever remarrying. I've learned my lesson. I never want to risk getting hurt again." Although this reaction is common in the early stages after divorce, when wounds still raw, it rarely lasts. At some point, most divorced people date/remarry. Your beginning to date again marks still another transition for your children. Although you have a right to your social life, you also have a responsibility to handle it so that your children make a healthy adjustment to seeing you with someone who is a potential love interest. This collides head on with their lingering fantasy that you/ex could someday reunite. Sometimes children try to dissuade their parents from dating.
Earlier I said parents become over dependent on their children; the reverse is common too. When a parent begins to date again, an over dependent child may feel less needed/become despondent because they feel less important to the parent. Once the parent may have shared confidences with the child; the parent now has someone else in his or her life for that. As a result, the child may try to interfere with new relationships or cleverly set ambushes to prevent the parent from leaving home. That says that parents need to build a life for themselves/help kids do the same. So neither becomes too-dependent on -the-other.
Understandably, venturing into the world of dating is intimidating/confusing. The conflicting emotions you experienced when dating during adolescence/young adulthood were probably easier to handle than those associated with dating as a divorced adult. At that time you were learning as much about yourself/concept of relationships/sex/person you dated. And because of your age, dating was only one facet of your life. You had school to think about, a career to launch. The stakes are now different. Many things have changed since then, & your children figure into the new equation.
Here are some points to keep in mind about dating: 1) Don't think of dating as a search mission for a new spouse. It can be simply another way to spend time with a friend you particularly like or have something in common with; 2) Act your age and be yourself. Some newly single people think they can make themselves more attractive by sporting trendy haircuts and wearing clothes designed for teenagers and young adults. They may buy a sports car and begin hanging out in nightclubs frequented by the college age crowd. Some may even enjoy what they think is harmless flirting with a child's girlfriend or boyfriend. Rather than appearing sexier or more with it, such people are little more than caricatures of their younger selves, more to be pitied than admired.
Their children often grow to resent them for not looking or behaving like the adults they expect and need them to be. In particular, preadolescents and adolescents may feel that they are in competition with mothers and fathers who are so obviously trying to increase their sex appeal and recapture their youth. Of course, a laudable goal at this time may be to improve your appearance by losing some weight, increasing your physical fitness, or getting a new hairstyle, but be clear about your motives: you should do things to please yourself, not as a lure for a new partner.
If you are in the process of divorcing and your soon to be ex begins to date, try not to share your anger or hurt with your children. Remember even though you're still married, the line between separation and divorce is thin.
Don't try to hide your dating from your children. You’ll fail. Youngsters will pick up on the cues and may react more strongly to your duplicity than to the dating itself. "I always know when my mom is going on a date," complained ten year old Evan, half amused, half insulted. "She always says she's going to Aunt Rhonda's house."
Introduce dates to your kids in a direct, reassuring manner but without providing more info than needed. A mom may say, for example: "Joe, this is Mr. Smith. We’re going to dinner at the new restaurant by the movie theater. I gave the # to the babysitter & she can call me if something comes up. I'll be home around 11. I know you'll be fast asleep by then, but I'll check on you and kiss you good night again." This kind of statement shows that you respect their concern about your whereabouts & safety and lessens any feelings of abandonment that might be resurrected by your temporary absence.
Let common sense guide you in sexual matters. For example, do not engage in sex activity in front of the kids or bring home dates to spend the night. The time for intimacy is when kids are away. Also, do not fall prey to one night stands. They are not uncommon among newly divorced people, who may be trying to make up for the deprivation they suffered in their marriage or to prove their sexual desirability. You may think that because you are an adult, the rules should be different from those you will set for your children when they reach adolescence, but in actuality, they probably shouldn't be that far apart. After all, you will be one of the most formative influences on your children's sexual behavior. "Do as I say and not as I do" doesn't make much of an impact on an adolescent whose hormones are in overdrive.
Furthermore, it is nothing short of stupid to ignore the possibility of acquiring HIV and other sexually transmitted conditions. If you are involved in a stable, long term relationship, it is probably not harmful if that person stays overnight at your house. But under most circumstances, I would caution against sharing the same bedroom, unless the person moving in with you is intended to be long-term.
Don't engage in a succession of short term, intense relationships. You want to keep your home life stable. That means refraining from introducing to your children a variety of people who will subsequently drop out of their lives. Each time it happens it represents another loss and abandonment to the child. This may seem like another tough hurdle to dating. But remember, u can take advantage of times when your children are with your ex.
Be careful about dating and engaging in sex before your divorce is final. If your spouse is suing for custody, such activity can be used as negotiating leverage against your position. Do not think of your dates as stand in parents. You alone are responsible for the care and discipline of your children.
However, it's all right to ask a person well established in your life to be a friend to your kid. A mom could ask her boyfriend to advise her 6 year old son on how to handle bullies, or a dad might ask his girlfriend to help his 12 year old daughter pick out a special dress for her first school dance.
Do not use your dating activities as a means for hurting your former spouse or proving to him or her that you are sexually attractive. Never encourage your children to report on your private life when they are with their other parent. (You can reasonably expect that they will make reports of their own, coached or not, but such tales should be free of your influence.) Likewise, you should respect your former spouse's right to a private life and not pump your children for information about him or her.
If your former spouse is dating someone steadily, don't turn your children against that person when they all appear to be getting along well together. The children will feel confused and disloyal to you if you are sending messages that conflict with their perceptions. Be thankful that there is one more person in your children's lives who cares about them.
There's no need to be insecure about your place in your kid's affections. No one can ever replace a parent in a kid's heart. There are few events in a person's life that equate with the trauma of divorce and you need as many friends and relatives to rally around you as possible. Although rebuilding your life may take time and patience, it is possible to do so in a way that will benefit you.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Avoiding Car Emergencies With Your Senses
Buzz Up! By John DeCostanza
An alert driver is the best gauge. In response to the demise of the neighborhood service station, the car companies have installed some systems to ensure that drivers stay off the side of the road. Tire pressure monitoring is one system meant as an early warning indicator of an impending emergency. The rest of the instrumentation on your dashboard (coolant temp, oil pressure, for example) adds to the feedback available to the motorist.
However, some potential problem areas are not monitored by your car and are best detected by alert drivers who employ all of their senses to stay out of trouble. These are the sensual warning signs:
MORE AT HIGHGEARMEDIA.COM
» Tesla Sues BBC's Top Gear
» What's Under the Hood
» Chrysler 200: The Motorola Xoom of Cars
» Mercedes Can't Sell Clean Cars Due to Dirty U.S. Fuel
The smell of gas. An unwritten rule at gas stations that did repairs was to never send a car on its way if it was leaking gas. The garage either resolved it or suggested that the vehicle be towed to someone who could fix it within the expectations of the customer. The threat of fire is imminent due the myriad of ignition sources under the hood of a car, which includes various electrical connections and also superheated components. An aware driver should always respond to the smell of “raw” gasoline and seek out its source with the help of a professional if needed.
The noise of an axle. It is not unusual for drivers to complain about noises emanating from the axles of their cars. A clicking or clunking noise when making turns is usually the marker for a failed CV or axle shaft. A roar from the area of the wheels can be a bad wheel bearing or hub unit. The roar is sometimes accompanied a slapping or whoop sound that is uniform to the speed of the wheel.
The feel of a front-end shake. The front end that shakes badly and commands the attention of the driver to the degree that he is hesitant to drive the vehicle may be traced to a failed tire. When the belt shifts in a tire it becomes egg shaped and at any speed will create fierce shaking. There are many other suspension and steering issues that can cause the front end of a car to shake, but usually not as bad as a tire that is out of round.
The sight of leaking fluid. Before a car runs hot, loses its brakes, or has a transmission that slips, due to fluid loss there is a window of time that the fluids involved are visible around the car. This would be prior to your car’s instrumentation detecting a problem. This is why we suggest a “walk around” your car. Antifreeze will show up in the extreme front of the car, while transmission fluid is usually further back and brake fluid will be found around the perimeter.
Not all problems can be detected by your car’s early warning system, but with an awareness of your vehicle and the use of your senses to detect problems you can avert an emergency.
Car Brands With the Worst Reputations For Quality
The Cars Americans Think Are The Best
Car parts made of mushrooms
Best Car Deals: April 2011
2010 New Car Prices
Buying a New Car? Find Discount Pricing in Your Area!
WhyPaySticker.com
Dog Car Seats Free Ship
Great selection of Pet Booster Seats for car travel
New Car Deals 2011
Compare Discount Pricing on Top-Rated Vehicles & Models of the Year
Highest Rated Sports Cars (Appearance) on Yahoo! Autos
1. 2010 Mazda MX-5 MIATA
MSRP: $22,960-$28,400
2. 2011 Dodge Challenger
3. 2010 Chevrolet Corvette
4. 2010 Volkswagen CC
5. 2010 Chevrolet Camaro
Expert and User Reviews
Cars by Category
Convertibles Hatchbacks Trucks
Coupes Sedans Vans
Green Cars Sports Cars Wagons
Crossovers SUVs
Need help choosing?
Yahoo! Autos Car FinderMORE ON YAHOO! AUTOS
•Research New Cars
•Read New Car Reviews
•See our International Coverage
Get Price Quotes from dealers near you.
Popular Car Models
2011 Lexus CT Hybrid 2011 Dodge Challenger 2011 Hyundai Sonata 2011 Toyota Avalon 2011 Kia Sorento
2011 Ford Escape 2011 Chevrolet Cruze 2011 Mazda MAZDA6 2011 Ford Fusion 2011 Ford Explorer
2011 Hyundai Elantra 2011 Volkswagen Jetta Sedan 2010 Audi Q5 2011 Chrysler 300 2011 Audi R8
2011 Audi A3 2012 Ford Focus 2011 Chevrolet Truck Silverado 1500 Hybrid Crew Cab 2WD 2011 Honda Fit 2010 Lexus RX
Popular Makes
Acura Chrysler Infiniti Lexus Saturn
Audi Dodge Isuzu Mazda Subaru
BMW Ford Jaguar Mercedes-Benz Toyota
Cadillac Honda Jeep Mitsubishi Volkswagen
Chevrolet Hyundai Kia Nissan
An alert driver is the best gauge. In response to the demise of the neighborhood service station, the car companies have installed some systems to ensure that drivers stay off the side of the road. Tire pressure monitoring is one system meant as an early warning indicator of an impending emergency. The rest of the instrumentation on your dashboard (coolant temp, oil pressure, for example) adds to the feedback available to the motorist.
However, some potential problem areas are not monitored by your car and are best detected by alert drivers who employ all of their senses to stay out of trouble. These are the sensual warning signs:
MORE AT HIGHGEARMEDIA.COM
» Tesla Sues BBC's Top Gear
» What's Under the Hood
» Chrysler 200: The Motorola Xoom of Cars
» Mercedes Can't Sell Clean Cars Due to Dirty U.S. Fuel
The smell of gas. An unwritten rule at gas stations that did repairs was to never send a car on its way if it was leaking gas. The garage either resolved it or suggested that the vehicle be towed to someone who could fix it within the expectations of the customer. The threat of fire is imminent due the myriad of ignition sources under the hood of a car, which includes various electrical connections and also superheated components. An aware driver should always respond to the smell of “raw” gasoline and seek out its source with the help of a professional if needed.
The noise of an axle. It is not unusual for drivers to complain about noises emanating from the axles of their cars. A clicking or clunking noise when making turns is usually the marker for a failed CV or axle shaft. A roar from the area of the wheels can be a bad wheel bearing or hub unit. The roar is sometimes accompanied a slapping or whoop sound that is uniform to the speed of the wheel.
The feel of a front-end shake. The front end that shakes badly and commands the attention of the driver to the degree that he is hesitant to drive the vehicle may be traced to a failed tire. When the belt shifts in a tire it becomes egg shaped and at any speed will create fierce shaking. There are many other suspension and steering issues that can cause the front end of a car to shake, but usually not as bad as a tire that is out of round.
The sight of leaking fluid. Before a car runs hot, loses its brakes, or has a transmission that slips, due to fluid loss there is a window of time that the fluids involved are visible around the car. This would be prior to your car’s instrumentation detecting a problem. This is why we suggest a “walk around” your car. Antifreeze will show up in the extreme front of the car, while transmission fluid is usually further back and brake fluid will be found around the perimeter.
Not all problems can be detected by your car’s early warning system, but with an awareness of your vehicle and the use of your senses to detect problems you can avert an emergency.
Car Brands With the Worst Reputations For Quality
The Cars Americans Think Are The Best
Car parts made of mushrooms
Best Car Deals: April 2011
2010 New Car Prices
Buying a New Car? Find Discount Pricing in Your Area!
WhyPaySticker.com
Dog Car Seats Free Ship
Great selection of Pet Booster Seats for car travel
New Car Deals 2011
Compare Discount Pricing on Top-Rated Vehicles & Models of the Year
Highest Rated Sports Cars (Appearance) on Yahoo! Autos
1. 2010 Mazda MX-5 MIATA
MSRP: $22,960-$28,400
2. 2011 Dodge Challenger
3. 2010 Chevrolet Corvette
4. 2010 Volkswagen CC
5. 2010 Chevrolet Camaro
Expert and User Reviews
Cars by Category
Convertibles Hatchbacks Trucks
Coupes Sedans Vans
Green Cars Sports Cars Wagons
Crossovers SUVs
Need help choosing?
Yahoo! Autos Car FinderMORE ON YAHOO! AUTOS
•Research New Cars
•Read New Car Reviews
•See our International Coverage
Get Price Quotes from dealers near you.
Popular Car Models
2011 Lexus CT Hybrid 2011 Dodge Challenger 2011 Hyundai Sonata 2011 Toyota Avalon 2011 Kia Sorento
2011 Ford Escape 2011 Chevrolet Cruze 2011 Mazda MAZDA6 2011 Ford Fusion 2011 Ford Explorer
2011 Hyundai Elantra 2011 Volkswagen Jetta Sedan 2010 Audi Q5 2011 Chrysler 300 2011 Audi R8
2011 Audi A3 2012 Ford Focus 2011 Chevrolet Truck Silverado 1500 Hybrid Crew Cab 2WD 2011 Honda Fit 2010 Lexus RX
Popular Makes
Acura Chrysler Infiniti Lexus Saturn
Audi Dodge Isuzu Mazda Subaru
BMW Ford Jaguar Mercedes-Benz Toyota
Cadillac Honda Jeep Mitsubishi Volkswagen
Chevrolet Hyundai Kia Nissan
Saturday, April 2, 2011
10 Resume Rules: Fact or Fiction?
10 Resume Rules: Fact or Fiction? by Jeanine Skowronski
For better or worse, the job market has certainly changed during the past few years. As such, the practice of looking for a job has evolved as well -- so much, it seems, that what was once considered a best practice can now in fact cost you an interview.
What tried and true résumé rules have become obsolete post-recession? MainStreet talked to some experts find out what exactly has changed.
More from MainStreet.com
• 9 Ways to Ace an Interview
• The Worst Jobs of 2011
• 8 Hilarious Office Blunders
1. Your résumé should fit on one page.
Verdict: Myth
The conventional wisdom used to say that interviewers would not look at a résumé longer than one page. Not so, says Nick Jimenez, executive vice president of recruitment site Climber.com. For him, this "rule" applies only to entry-level applicants who don't have credentials that stretch beyond a page or, perhaps, applicants looking only for part-time work. Everyone else can (and should) feel free to type on.
"In today's electronic age, very few recruiters or hiring managers actually print the résumés out when they are screening candidates," Jimenez says. "I subscribe to the theory that a résumé should be as long as it takes to tell your story and convince the reader your background is well-aligned with the needs of the open position."
[Click here to find an online degree program]
Bruce Hurwitz, career consultant and executive recruiter at New York staffing agency Hurwitz Strategic Staffing, agrees. "The résumé needs to be as long as it takes to properly reflect the candidate's career," he says. "I have received horrible one-page résumés, fabulous five-page résumés, and magnificent 40+ page résumés from academics and scientists with multiple publications."
2. Always use a cover letter.
Verdict: Rule
Sorry to break it to you, but this résumé myth, it seems, is true. While most job experts admit that many employers do actually skip over a cover letter and move straight to the résumé, you should still always send one. According to Allison Nawoj, corporate communications director of CareerBuilder.com, a recent survey conducted by the jobs site found that 20% of hiring managers would automatically dismiss a candidate who submitted a résumé without a cover letter, which means that those who don't want to risk having their application end up in the slush pile would do best to include one.
"[A cover letter] allows the sender to explain, succinctly, what their objective is, to answer any questions if they are responding to an ad and to refer to any issues that, by definition, would not be included on a résumé," Hurwitz says.
©Charlotte West
3. Your résumé needs an objective.
Verdict: Myth
You can skip on including an objective on your résumé.
"Most 'objective' paragraphs are meaningless," says Hurwitz, the career consultant. "It means nothing. In fact, it's a waste of time and an insult to the intelligence of the recipient."
Nawoj agrees, saying that the résumé objective, a must-have inclusion five or 10 years ago, has slowly been replaced by what can be referred to as a "career summary," a short list of accomplishments that highlight your achievements.
"Like an objective, the summary should give the employer an idea of who you are, except it allows you to focus more on your experience than on your goals," she says. "You can briefly mention your career highlights, including past roles and your strongest skills."
4. Gaps in employment will cost you an interview.
Verdict: Myth
Before the recession, a gap between employment would have been a major red flag, but employers have become increasingly understanding in the current economic climate.
"Depending on the actual amount of time you were unemployed, as long as you were active and engaged, many employers will look at the employment gap as a non-issue," Jimenez says.
Laura Smith-Proulx, a professional résumé writer, agrees, but emphasizes that you will still need to be able to offer an explanation should an employer ask.
"Be prepared to explain the gap itself by pointing to an activity that filled it, such as volunteer work, caring for an ill family member, or launching a business, in order to explain time in between jobs," she says. "Try not to point out a gap that you can't name. Essentially, your best strategy when dealing with any potentially negative information is [to] focus more on the results you can bring to your next employer than anything else."
5. A little embellishment is OK.
Verdict: Myth
The current competitive job market may entice prospective employees to alter job titles, embellish achievements or fudge timelines, but our experts assert that applicants would do best to stick with the truth.
"Candidates should always be honest on their résumés," Nawoj says. "It's the first impression you make to an employer, so you want to show your integrity by being honest about your background."
[How to Get Ahead at Work]
6. Organize your résumé in reverse chronological order.
Verdict: Rule
While it may seem unnatural to some applicants, this myth, experts say, is true.
Climber.com, for example, surveyed recruiting managers and discovered that a majority preferred reverse chronological résumés, listing work experience from most to least recent. They preferred this traditional structure over the topical or achievement-based résumés that have emerged in the digital age. Why exactly?
"Topically oriented résumés are difficult to read, particularly when the recruiter or hiring manager is reviewing hundreds of other résumés for the same position," Jimenez explains. "By not providing the context for your accomplishments, you make it harder for the reader to draw comparisons between you and the other candidates."
Additionally, Hurwitz points out, a résumé should show growth. "Recipients want to know immediately where a candidate is now, not where they were five, 10 years ago," he says.
7. Educational background should be at the top.
Verdict: Myth
According to experts, this is another myth that gets perpetrated because it applies to entry-level applicants who have recently graduated from school. Experienced hires, in fact, should move their educational background further down.
"If you are an experienced professional, your education should always be listed at the bottom of your résumé," Jimenez says.
©Piutus/flicker
8. Your résumé should include references.
Verdict: Myth
Don't bother including a references section or even typing in "references available upon request" at the bottom of your résumé, since recommendations come much later in the application process.
"It isn't necessary to include your references on your résumé," Nawoj says. "If a hiring manager would like to contact your references, they'll let you know. Save the space for more valuable information."
9. Use buzzwords.
Verdict: Rule (with some exceptions)
This myth is mostly true. Experts agree that you should include buzzwords in your résumé, because they may help a recruiter find you in their internal tracking system or while searching databases on sites like Monster.com. However, be careful what words make it into your final product.
"If it seems like the candidate has dumped a bunch of buzzwords in for show, the résumé might also get dumped," Tiffani Murray, a career consultant and former human resources manager, tells MainStreet.
Hurwitz agrees that "the résumé has to read like it is meant for a human being, not a computer. Just listing keywords reflects poorly on the candidate and impacts credibility."
10. You should provide a hard copy printed on fancy paper.
Verdict: Myth
The idea that you should bring a printed version of your résumé on glossy or otherwise fancy paper is absolutely false. While you should bring a hard copy to an interview, all experts agree that there's no real need for it to be printed out on thick and environmentally unfriendly résumé paper.
"The days of fancy résumé paper are all but dead," Murray says. "Companies are cutting back on paper, so your résumé is likely stored in an applicant tracking system that the hiring manager and recruiter can look at on their computer or smartphone whenever they need to review it."
------------
Popular Stories on Yahoo!:
• Things Game Shows Won't Tell You
• Most Powerful Athletes in the U.S.
These comments are interesting. I have been lucky to stay in my job but doom, gloom, and the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train and I am trying to find something that pays what I make now. I am well qualified, degreed, with a well thought about certification. I'm not yet 45 and have been an employee, first-line supervisor and middle manager in my field. Graduated 3.75GPA in college, honor society member, on and on and on....I've submitted well over 150 applications and resumes in the last 4 months and have received 5 phone calls from 'screeners' just looking to screen you out. From there, I've had two phone interviews and it became apparent that with all I had to offer, having experience in several facets of my career field, I do not possess a certain 'specific' experience that these companies are looking for and I never hear back. It's really quite sad because if you understand the career field I work in, you can do pretty much any specific work within that field.
I think what's going on is that people are already selected for the few jobs out there and the process we go through to apply is nothing more than EO requirements to advertise, etc. Oh, and I'm not near 50 yet either so I doubt it's age.Reply.0 users liked this comment
These types of articles show up every couple of months, each time they contradict the previous one on about half the points, and agree on the other ones.
A lot of this is not true. i have worked for a number of employers and many of them say they will not choose someone with unexplained gaps in their resume. and the cover letter one is garbage too. and the one page thing is kind of true. if it takes more than a page to sell yourself to someone then you are doing something wrong. You should pop on page one. If you don't you are wasting your time and theirs.
My ex's father did his resume even though he's in his thirties. On it, he included his hair/eye color (to show he's white), his smoking status (occasional smoker), all the states/countries he's visited, and his hobbies. They both feel this is a brilliant resume. I no longer associate with them.
Supposedly, they can't ask your age, but by the time you fill out the application online with all your previous employers, they have a fairly good idea. Or they ask what year you graduated high school. D'uh???? Anyone that can do simple math can figure that you were around 17 or 18 when you graduated, so it's not too hard to figure out a person's age.
In this country, experience is a bad thing. You are OVERQUALIFIED. All they want is beginners that they can pay $20000 a year to. If you are over 50, forget it. And if you are over 60, grab your social security when you are 62 because no one out there will hire you. You are TOO OLD.I am an Air Force and single at present .I need a woman who can love me back ..I also uploaded my hot photos on U'niformedm'ate .℃○Munder the name of kobe2011..It's the largest and best club for seeking Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Police Force, and the admirers of those who wear the uniform. I just hope you don't mind me being a soldier ...Please Check it out! I'm serious.~~~~~~~~~~~~
My advice to recruiters and HR personnel: Beware of how the decisions your company makes today impacts the quality of your workforce tomorrow.
I am 50. I am very skilled. I am also semi-retired. Why? I have been blessed by God and have been very successful. I am one of the lucky ones. I can pick and choose my work.
Guess what? This trend will continue, and in fact is accelerating. I was recently on a flight coming back from Chicago, where I met two people who attended an employee retention workshop. The data they shared with me would scare the crap out of me if I was in charge of HR at a company. The number of people age 62 to 65 who are voluntarily leaving the workforce has accelerated to almost double the expected norm. Some of this was caused by the recession, but most is the result of people, like me, who have had enough with the abusive job market to say "enough already".
Guess what? This trend is expected to continue into the foreseeable future. One of the major outplacement firms (Challenger, Christmas and Gray?) has a report out there stating that the pool of skilled talent for technical and high responsibility service positions (market development, sales, etc.) will drastically shrink in the next 5 to 7 years. The report predicted employers will not be able to find the skilled workers they need.
People like me have already figured this out. I pick and choose who and when I want to work. I do great work at a fair price. I turn down opportunities. This is the future, and most companies, from my experience, can kiss my a$$.
Why does Mckinsey & Company the top consulting firm ONLY accept 1 page resumes...
For better or worse, the job market has certainly changed during the past few years. As such, the practice of looking for a job has evolved as well -- so much, it seems, that what was once considered a best practice can now in fact cost you an interview.
What tried and true résumé rules have become obsolete post-recession? MainStreet talked to some experts find out what exactly has changed.
More from MainStreet.com
• 9 Ways to Ace an Interview
• The Worst Jobs of 2011
• 8 Hilarious Office Blunders
1. Your résumé should fit on one page.
Verdict: Myth
The conventional wisdom used to say that interviewers would not look at a résumé longer than one page. Not so, says Nick Jimenez, executive vice president of recruitment site Climber.com. For him, this "rule" applies only to entry-level applicants who don't have credentials that stretch beyond a page or, perhaps, applicants looking only for part-time work. Everyone else can (and should) feel free to type on.
"In today's electronic age, very few recruiters or hiring managers actually print the résumés out when they are screening candidates," Jimenez says. "I subscribe to the theory that a résumé should be as long as it takes to tell your story and convince the reader your background is well-aligned with the needs of the open position."
[Click here to find an online degree program]
Bruce Hurwitz, career consultant and executive recruiter at New York staffing agency Hurwitz Strategic Staffing, agrees. "The résumé needs to be as long as it takes to properly reflect the candidate's career," he says. "I have received horrible one-page résumés, fabulous five-page résumés, and magnificent 40+ page résumés from academics and scientists with multiple publications."
2. Always use a cover letter.
Verdict: Rule
Sorry to break it to you, but this résumé myth, it seems, is true. While most job experts admit that many employers do actually skip over a cover letter and move straight to the résumé, you should still always send one. According to Allison Nawoj, corporate communications director of CareerBuilder.com, a recent survey conducted by the jobs site found that 20% of hiring managers would automatically dismiss a candidate who submitted a résumé without a cover letter, which means that those who don't want to risk having their application end up in the slush pile would do best to include one.
"[A cover letter] allows the sender to explain, succinctly, what their objective is, to answer any questions if they are responding to an ad and to refer to any issues that, by definition, would not be included on a résumé," Hurwitz says.
©Charlotte West
3. Your résumé needs an objective.
Verdict: Myth
You can skip on including an objective on your résumé.
"Most 'objective' paragraphs are meaningless," says Hurwitz, the career consultant. "It means nothing. In fact, it's a waste of time and an insult to the intelligence of the recipient."
Nawoj agrees, saying that the résumé objective, a must-have inclusion five or 10 years ago, has slowly been replaced by what can be referred to as a "career summary," a short list of accomplishments that highlight your achievements.
"Like an objective, the summary should give the employer an idea of who you are, except it allows you to focus more on your experience than on your goals," she says. "You can briefly mention your career highlights, including past roles and your strongest skills."
4. Gaps in employment will cost you an interview.
Verdict: Myth
Before the recession, a gap between employment would have been a major red flag, but employers have become increasingly understanding in the current economic climate.
"Depending on the actual amount of time you were unemployed, as long as you were active and engaged, many employers will look at the employment gap as a non-issue," Jimenez says.
Laura Smith-Proulx, a professional résumé writer, agrees, but emphasizes that you will still need to be able to offer an explanation should an employer ask.
"Be prepared to explain the gap itself by pointing to an activity that filled it, such as volunteer work, caring for an ill family member, or launching a business, in order to explain time in between jobs," she says. "Try not to point out a gap that you can't name. Essentially, your best strategy when dealing with any potentially negative information is [to] focus more on the results you can bring to your next employer than anything else."
5. A little embellishment is OK.
Verdict: Myth
The current competitive job market may entice prospective employees to alter job titles, embellish achievements or fudge timelines, but our experts assert that applicants would do best to stick with the truth.
"Candidates should always be honest on their résumés," Nawoj says. "It's the first impression you make to an employer, so you want to show your integrity by being honest about your background."
[How to Get Ahead at Work]
6. Organize your résumé in reverse chronological order.
Verdict: Rule
While it may seem unnatural to some applicants, this myth, experts say, is true.
Climber.com, for example, surveyed recruiting managers and discovered that a majority preferred reverse chronological résumés, listing work experience from most to least recent. They preferred this traditional structure over the topical or achievement-based résumés that have emerged in the digital age. Why exactly?
"Topically oriented résumés are difficult to read, particularly when the recruiter or hiring manager is reviewing hundreds of other résumés for the same position," Jimenez explains. "By not providing the context for your accomplishments, you make it harder for the reader to draw comparisons between you and the other candidates."
Additionally, Hurwitz points out, a résumé should show growth. "Recipients want to know immediately where a candidate is now, not where they were five, 10 years ago," he says.
7. Educational background should be at the top.
Verdict: Myth
According to experts, this is another myth that gets perpetrated because it applies to entry-level applicants who have recently graduated from school. Experienced hires, in fact, should move their educational background further down.
"If you are an experienced professional, your education should always be listed at the bottom of your résumé," Jimenez says.
©Piutus/flicker
8. Your résumé should include references.
Verdict: Myth
Don't bother including a references section or even typing in "references available upon request" at the bottom of your résumé, since recommendations come much later in the application process.
"It isn't necessary to include your references on your résumé," Nawoj says. "If a hiring manager would like to contact your references, they'll let you know. Save the space for more valuable information."
9. Use buzzwords.
Verdict: Rule (with some exceptions)
This myth is mostly true. Experts agree that you should include buzzwords in your résumé, because they may help a recruiter find you in their internal tracking system or while searching databases on sites like Monster.com. However, be careful what words make it into your final product.
"If it seems like the candidate has dumped a bunch of buzzwords in for show, the résumé might also get dumped," Tiffani Murray, a career consultant and former human resources manager, tells MainStreet.
Hurwitz agrees that "the résumé has to read like it is meant for a human being, not a computer. Just listing keywords reflects poorly on the candidate and impacts credibility."
10. You should provide a hard copy printed on fancy paper.
Verdict: Myth
The idea that you should bring a printed version of your résumé on glossy or otherwise fancy paper is absolutely false. While you should bring a hard copy to an interview, all experts agree that there's no real need for it to be printed out on thick and environmentally unfriendly résumé paper.
"The days of fancy résumé paper are all but dead," Murray says. "Companies are cutting back on paper, so your résumé is likely stored in an applicant tracking system that the hiring manager and recruiter can look at on their computer or smartphone whenever they need to review it."
------------
Popular Stories on Yahoo!:
• Things Game Shows Won't Tell You
• Most Powerful Athletes in the U.S.
These comments are interesting. I have been lucky to stay in my job but doom, gloom, and the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train and I am trying to find something that pays what I make now. I am well qualified, degreed, with a well thought about certification. I'm not yet 45 and have been an employee, first-line supervisor and middle manager in my field. Graduated 3.75GPA in college, honor society member, on and on and on....I've submitted well over 150 applications and resumes in the last 4 months and have received 5 phone calls from 'screeners' just looking to screen you out. From there, I've had two phone interviews and it became apparent that with all I had to offer, having experience in several facets of my career field, I do not possess a certain 'specific' experience that these companies are looking for and I never hear back. It's really quite sad because if you understand the career field I work in, you can do pretty much any specific work within that field.
I think what's going on is that people are already selected for the few jobs out there and the process we go through to apply is nothing more than EO requirements to advertise, etc. Oh, and I'm not near 50 yet either so I doubt it's age.Reply.0 users liked this comment
These types of articles show up every couple of months, each time they contradict the previous one on about half the points, and agree on the other ones.
A lot of this is not true. i have worked for a number of employers and many of them say they will not choose someone with unexplained gaps in their resume. and the cover letter one is garbage too. and the one page thing is kind of true. if it takes more than a page to sell yourself to someone then you are doing something wrong. You should pop on page one. If you don't you are wasting your time and theirs.
My ex's father did his resume even though he's in his thirties. On it, he included his hair/eye color (to show he's white), his smoking status (occasional smoker), all the states/countries he's visited, and his hobbies. They both feel this is a brilliant resume. I no longer associate with them.
Supposedly, they can't ask your age, but by the time you fill out the application online with all your previous employers, they have a fairly good idea. Or they ask what year you graduated high school. D'uh???? Anyone that can do simple math can figure that you were around 17 or 18 when you graduated, so it's not too hard to figure out a person's age.
In this country, experience is a bad thing. You are OVERQUALIFIED. All they want is beginners that they can pay $20000 a year to. If you are over 50, forget it. And if you are over 60, grab your social security when you are 62 because no one out there will hire you. You are TOO OLD.I am an Air Force and single at present .I need a woman who can love me back ..I also uploaded my hot photos on U'niformedm'ate .℃○Munder the name of kobe2011..It's the largest and best club for seeking Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Police Force, and the admirers of those who wear the uniform. I just hope you don't mind me being a soldier ...Please Check it out! I'm serious.~~~~~~~~~~~~
My advice to recruiters and HR personnel: Beware of how the decisions your company makes today impacts the quality of your workforce tomorrow.
I am 50. I am very skilled. I am also semi-retired. Why? I have been blessed by God and have been very successful. I am one of the lucky ones. I can pick and choose my work.
Guess what? This trend will continue, and in fact is accelerating. I was recently on a flight coming back from Chicago, where I met two people who attended an employee retention workshop. The data they shared with me would scare the crap out of me if I was in charge of HR at a company. The number of people age 62 to 65 who are voluntarily leaving the workforce has accelerated to almost double the expected norm. Some of this was caused by the recession, but most is the result of people, like me, who have had enough with the abusive job market to say "enough already".
Guess what? This trend is expected to continue into the foreseeable future. One of the major outplacement firms (Challenger, Christmas and Gray?) has a report out there stating that the pool of skilled talent for technical and high responsibility service positions (market development, sales, etc.) will drastically shrink in the next 5 to 7 years. The report predicted employers will not be able to find the skilled workers they need.
People like me have already figured this out. I pick and choose who and when I want to work. I do great work at a fair price. I turn down opportunities. This is the future, and most companies, from my experience, can kiss my a$$.
Why does Mckinsey & Company the top consulting firm ONLY accept 1 page resumes...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
22 Secrets HR Won’t Tell You About Getting a Job
22 Secrets HR Won’t Tell You About Getting a Job
What You Should Know About Résumés
1. “Once you’re unemployed more than six months, you’re considered pretty much unemployable. We assume that other people have already passed you over, so we don’t want anything to do with you.” –Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive and author of Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know
2. “When it comes to getting a job, who you know really does matter. No matter how nice your résumé is or how great your experience may be, it’s all about onnections.” –HR director at a health-care facility
3. “If you’re trying to get a job at a specific company, often the best thing to do is to avoid HR entirely. Find someone at the company you know, or go straight to the hiring manager.” –Shauna Moerke, an HR administrator in Alabama who blogs at hrminion.com
4. “People assume someone’s reading their cover letter. I haven’t read one in 11 years.” –HR director at a financial services firm
5. “We will judge you based on your e-mail address. Especially if it’s something inappropriate like kinkyboots101@hotmail.com or johnnylikestodrink@gmail.com.” –Rich DeMatteo, a recruiting consultant in Philadelphia
6. “If you’re in your 50s or 60s, don’t put the year you graduated on your résumé.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina
7. “There’s a myth out there that a résumé has to be one page. So people send their résumé in a two-point font. Nobody is going to read that.” –HR director at a financial services firm
8. “I always read résumés from the bottom up. And I have no problem with a two-page résumé, but three pages is pushing it.” –Sharlyn Lauby, HR consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9. “Most of us use applicant-tracking systems that scan résumés for key words. The secret to getting your résumé through the system is to pull key words directly from the job description and put them on. The more matches you have, the more likely your résumé will get picked and actually seen by a real person.” –Chris Ferdinandi, HR professional in the Boston area
10. “Résumés don’t need color to stand out. When I see a little color, I smirk. And when I see a ton of color, I cringe. And walking in and dropping off your resume is no longer seen as a good thing. It’s actually a little creepy.” –Rich DeMatteo
Secrets About the Interview
11. “It’s amazing when people come in for an interview and say, ‘Can you tell me about your business?’ Seriously, people. There’s an Internet. Look it up.” –HR professional in NYC.
12. “A lot of managers don’t want to hire people with young kids, and they use all sorts of tricks to find that out, illegally. One woman kept a picture of two really cute children on her desk even though she didn’t have children [hoping job candidates would ask about them]. Another guy used to walk people out to their car to see whether they had car seats.” (Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive and author of Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know).
13. “Is it harder to get the job if you’re fat? Absolutely. Like George Clooney’s character said in Up in the Air, ‘I stereotype. It’s faster.’” –Suzanne Lucas, a former HR executive and the Evil HR Lady on bnet.com
14. “I once had a hiring manager who refused to hire someone because the job required her to be on call one weekend a month and she had talked in the interview about how much she goes to church. Another candidate didn’t get hired because the manager was worried that the car he drove wasn’t nice enough.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina
15. “Don’t just silence your phone for the interview. Turn it all the way off.” –Sharlyn Lauby, HR consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Florida
16. “If you’ve got a weak handshake, I make a note of it.” –HR manager at a medical-equipment sales firm.
17. “If you’re a candidate and the hiring manager spends 45 minutes talking about himself, the company or his Harley, let him. He’s going to come out of the interview saying you’re a great candidate.” –Kris Dunn, chief human resources officer at Atlanta-based Kinetix, who blogs at hrcapitalist.com
Plus: 10 More Secrets About the Interview
Things to Know About Salary Negotiation
18. “There’s one website that drives all HR people crazy: salary.com. It supposedly lists average salaries for different industries, but if you look up any job, the salary it gives you always seems to be $10,000 to $20,000 higher than it actually is. That just makes people mad.” –HR director at a public relations agency
19. “On salary, some companies try to lock you in early. At the first interview, they’ll tell me to say, ‘The budget for this position is 40K to 45K. Is that acceptable to you?’ If the candidate accepts, they’ll know they’ve got him or her stuck in that little area.” –Ben Eubanks, HR professional in Alabama
20. “You think you’re all wonderful and deserve a higher salary, but here in HR, we know the truth. And the truth is, a lot of you aren’t very good at your jobs, and you’re definitely not as good as you think you are.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina
21. “Be careful if a headhunter is negotiating for you. You may want extra time off and be willing to sacrifice salary, but he is negotiating hardest for what hits his commission.” –HR professional in NYC
22. “I once hired someone, and her mother didn’t think the salary we were offering was high enough, so she called me to negotiate. There are two problems with that: 1) I can’t negotiate with someone who’s not you. 2) It’s your mother. Seriously, I was like, ‘Did that woman’s mother just call me, or was that my imagination?’ I immediately withdrew the offer.” –HR professional in NYC.
What You Should Know About Résumés
1. “Once you’re unemployed more than six months, you’re considered pretty much unemployable. We assume that other people have already passed you over, so we don’t want anything to do with you.” –Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive and author of Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know
2. “When it comes to getting a job, who you know really does matter. No matter how nice your résumé is or how great your experience may be, it’s all about onnections.” –HR director at a health-care facility
3. “If you’re trying to get a job at a specific company, often the best thing to do is to avoid HR entirely. Find someone at the company you know, or go straight to the hiring manager.” –Shauna Moerke, an HR administrator in Alabama who blogs at hrminion.com
4. “People assume someone’s reading their cover letter. I haven’t read one in 11 years.” –HR director at a financial services firm
5. “We will judge you based on your e-mail address. Especially if it’s something inappropriate like kinkyboots101@hotmail.com or johnnylikestodrink@gmail.com.” –Rich DeMatteo, a recruiting consultant in Philadelphia
6. “If you’re in your 50s or 60s, don’t put the year you graduated on your résumé.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina
7. “There’s a myth out there that a résumé has to be one page. So people send their résumé in a two-point font. Nobody is going to read that.” –HR director at a financial services firm
8. “I always read résumés from the bottom up. And I have no problem with a two-page résumé, but three pages is pushing it.” –Sharlyn Lauby, HR consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9. “Most of us use applicant-tracking systems that scan résumés for key words. The secret to getting your résumé through the system is to pull key words directly from the job description and put them on. The more matches you have, the more likely your résumé will get picked and actually seen by a real person.” –Chris Ferdinandi, HR professional in the Boston area
10. “Résumés don’t need color to stand out. When I see a little color, I smirk. And when I see a ton of color, I cringe. And walking in and dropping off your resume is no longer seen as a good thing. It’s actually a little creepy.” –Rich DeMatteo
Secrets About the Interview
11. “It’s amazing when people come in for an interview and say, ‘Can you tell me about your business?’ Seriously, people. There’s an Internet. Look it up.” –HR professional in NYC.
12. “A lot of managers don’t want to hire people with young kids, and they use all sorts of tricks to find that out, illegally. One woman kept a picture of two really cute children on her desk even though she didn’t have children [hoping job candidates would ask about them]. Another guy used to walk people out to their car to see whether they had car seats.” (Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive and author of Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know).
13. “Is it harder to get the job if you’re fat? Absolutely. Like George Clooney’s character said in Up in the Air, ‘I stereotype. It’s faster.’” –Suzanne Lucas, a former HR executive and the Evil HR Lady on bnet.com
14. “I once had a hiring manager who refused to hire someone because the job required her to be on call one weekend a month and she had talked in the interview about how much she goes to church. Another candidate didn’t get hired because the manager was worried that the car he drove wasn’t nice enough.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina
15. “Don’t just silence your phone for the interview. Turn it all the way off.” –Sharlyn Lauby, HR consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Florida
16. “If you’ve got a weak handshake, I make a note of it.” –HR manager at a medical-equipment sales firm.
17. “If you’re a candidate and the hiring manager spends 45 minutes talking about himself, the company or his Harley, let him. He’s going to come out of the interview saying you’re a great candidate.” –Kris Dunn, chief human resources officer at Atlanta-based Kinetix, who blogs at hrcapitalist.com
Plus: 10 More Secrets About the Interview
Things to Know About Salary Negotiation
18. “There’s one website that drives all HR people crazy: salary.com. It supposedly lists average salaries for different industries, but if you look up any job, the salary it gives you always seems to be $10,000 to $20,000 higher than it actually is. That just makes people mad.” –HR director at a public relations agency
19. “On salary, some companies try to lock you in early. At the first interview, they’ll tell me to say, ‘The budget for this position is 40K to 45K. Is that acceptable to you?’ If the candidate accepts, they’ll know they’ve got him or her stuck in that little area.” –Ben Eubanks, HR professional in Alabama
20. “You think you’re all wonderful and deserve a higher salary, but here in HR, we know the truth. And the truth is, a lot of you aren’t very good at your jobs, and you’re definitely not as good as you think you are.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina
21. “Be careful if a headhunter is negotiating for you. You may want extra time off and be willing to sacrifice salary, but he is negotiating hardest for what hits his commission.” –HR professional in NYC
22. “I once hired someone, and her mother didn’t think the salary we were offering was high enough, so she called me to negotiate. There are two problems with that: 1) I can’t negotiate with someone who’s not you. 2) It’s your mother. Seriously, I was like, ‘Did that woman’s mother just call me, or was that my imagination?’ I immediately withdrew the offer.” –HR professional in NYC.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Increase Your Tax Refund With Above-the-Line Deductions
Increase Your Tax Refund With Above-the-Line Deductions
Mark P. Cussen, CFP, CMFC
Every year, millions of Americans keep careful track of their charitable contributions, mortgage interest, property taxes and various other expenses in an effort to clear the dollar threshold that will allow them to claim the larger amount of their aggregated itemized deductions instead of having to settle for the standard deduction. However, some deductions can be taken regardless of whether the taxpayer is able to itemize. Expenses in this category are known as above-the-line deductions, and this article examines those expenses that can be deducted by any taxpayer who pays them.
More from Investopedia:
• 10 Most Overlooked Tax Deductions
• 4 Frivolous Tax Arguments That Won't Work
• How to Owe Nothing on Your Federal Tax Return
Breaking Down Your Taxable Income
The basic tax computation formula used in the U.S. has four main sets of parts that are broken down on the 1040. The formula is shown as follows:
All Sources of Taxable Income
= Gross Income
- Above-the-Line Deductions
= Adjusted Gross Income
- Standard or Itemized Deductions
= Taxable Income
- Tax Credits and Taxes Paid or Withheld
= Balance Due or Refund
What Are Above-the-Line Deductions?
Above-the-line deductions constitute those expenses that are deducted for AGI, while itemized deductions are deducted from this number. The "line" is the taxpayer's AGI, which is the bottom number on the front of the 1040. Above-the-line deductions are listed on the bottom half of the front of the 1040 and can be broken down as follows. Please note that all figures are as of 2010.
• Domestic Production Activities
Up to 6% of activities related to the domestic production of certain goods or services (such as engineering or architectural) may be deducted under certain conditions.
• Moving Expenses
The costs of transporting household goods from one residence to another are usually fully deductible, provided that they are not reimbursed by the taxpayer's employer. The move must be made for work or business reasons, and the taxpayer's new place of employment must be at least 50 miles further away from the taxpayer's previous residence than the previous workplace was from there.
• Retirement Plan Contributions
All contributions made to traditional IRAs and qualified plans such as 401(k), 403(b) and 457 plans are deductible. Taxpayers with incomes above a certain level who contribute to both a traditional IRA and a qualified plan are subject to a graduated phaseout reduction on the deductibility of their IRA contributions. This deduction is not available for contributions to Roth IRAs or retirement plans of any kind.
• HSA, MSA Contributions
All contributions to Health Savings Accounts and Archer Medical Savings Accounts are fully deductible. However, the taxpayer cannot have access to any kind of group policy coverage, including that offered by fraternal or professional organizations. The purchase of a qualified high-deductible health insurance policy is also required.
• Health Insurance Premiums
The cost of premiums paid for individual health insurance policies (including high-deductible policies) are fully deductible for self-employed taxpayers. As with HSAs and MSAs, the taxpayer cannot have access to group health coverage of any kind.
• Self-Employed Business Expenses, SE Tax
Virtually any expense incurred in the operation of a sole proprietorship is deductible on Schedule C, such as rent, utilities, the cost of equipment and supplies, insurance, legal fees, employee salaries and contract labor. This also includes one-half of the self-employment tax that must be paid on this income. Although these expenses are not listed directly on the 1040 but are carried to the income section via the Schedule C, they are still considered to be above-the-line deductions because they are subtracted in order to determine adjusted gross income.
• Alimony
Payments made to a spouse pursuant to a divorce decree that are not classified as child support are usually counted as alimony. All payments of this type are deductible from gross income.
• Educator Expenses
These include unreimbursed qualified expenses of up to $250 ($500 for joint filers if both are in this category). Qualified expenses include teaching equipment, supplies, books and other ordinary expenses that are commonly associated with education. This deduction is available for education professionals who teach grades K-12 and work at least 900 hours during the year.
• Early Withdrawal Penalties
Any penalties paid for the early withdrawal of money from a CD or savings bond that is reported on Form 1099-INT or 1099-DIV can be deducted.
• Student Loan Interest
All interest paid on federally-subsidized student loans up to a certain amount is deductible, provided the taxpayer's income does not exceed $75,000 for single, head-of-household or qualifying widower filers or $150,000 for joint filers.
• Tuition and Fees
In some cases, it is more advantageous for taxpayers to deduct the costs of tuition, fees and other educational expenses paid to qualified educational institutions rather than claim one of the educational tax credits for them. Those who are unable to qualify for these credits for any reason can take this deduction instead as well.
Conclusion
Any or all of these deductions can be taken in addition to the itemized deductions for eligible taxpayers. Of course, there are also several incidental rules and limitations on most of these deductions that are not covered here. For more information on above-the-line deductions, read the instructions for the 1040 Form on the IRS website or consult your tax advisor.
Mark P. Cussen has more than 15 years of experience in the financial industry, which includes working with investments, insurance, mortgages, taxes and financial planning. He has two years of experience in writing and editing insurance and securities test training manuals, as well as other financial topics. He has also worked in retail, discount and bank brokerage systems and been involved in a venture capital enterprise in the oil and gas sector. Cussen has a Bachelor of Science in English from the University of Kansas and completed his CFP coursework at the Bloch School of Business at the University of Missouri-Kansas City in August of 2001.
Mark P. Cussen, CFP, CMFC
Every year, millions of Americans keep careful track of their charitable contributions, mortgage interest, property taxes and various other expenses in an effort to clear the dollar threshold that will allow them to claim the larger amount of their aggregated itemized deductions instead of having to settle for the standard deduction. However, some deductions can be taken regardless of whether the taxpayer is able to itemize. Expenses in this category are known as above-the-line deductions, and this article examines those expenses that can be deducted by any taxpayer who pays them.
More from Investopedia:
• 10 Most Overlooked Tax Deductions
• 4 Frivolous Tax Arguments That Won't Work
• How to Owe Nothing on Your Federal Tax Return
Breaking Down Your Taxable Income
The basic tax computation formula used in the U.S. has four main sets of parts that are broken down on the 1040. The formula is shown as follows:
All Sources of Taxable Income
= Gross Income
- Above-the-Line Deductions
= Adjusted Gross Income
- Standard or Itemized Deductions
= Taxable Income
- Tax Credits and Taxes Paid or Withheld
= Balance Due or Refund
What Are Above-the-Line Deductions?
Above-the-line deductions constitute those expenses that are deducted for AGI, while itemized deductions are deducted from this number. The "line" is the taxpayer's AGI, which is the bottom number on the front of the 1040. Above-the-line deductions are listed on the bottom half of the front of the 1040 and can be broken down as follows. Please note that all figures are as of 2010.
• Domestic Production Activities
Up to 6% of activities related to the domestic production of certain goods or services (such as engineering or architectural) may be deducted under certain conditions.
• Moving Expenses
The costs of transporting household goods from one residence to another are usually fully deductible, provided that they are not reimbursed by the taxpayer's employer. The move must be made for work or business reasons, and the taxpayer's new place of employment must be at least 50 miles further away from the taxpayer's previous residence than the previous workplace was from there.
• Retirement Plan Contributions
All contributions made to traditional IRAs and qualified plans such as 401(k), 403(b) and 457 plans are deductible. Taxpayers with incomes above a certain level who contribute to both a traditional IRA and a qualified plan are subject to a graduated phaseout reduction on the deductibility of their IRA contributions. This deduction is not available for contributions to Roth IRAs or retirement plans of any kind.
• HSA, MSA Contributions
All contributions to Health Savings Accounts and Archer Medical Savings Accounts are fully deductible. However, the taxpayer cannot have access to any kind of group policy coverage, including that offered by fraternal or professional organizations. The purchase of a qualified high-deductible health insurance policy is also required.
• Health Insurance Premiums
The cost of premiums paid for individual health insurance policies (including high-deductible policies) are fully deductible for self-employed taxpayers. As with HSAs and MSAs, the taxpayer cannot have access to group health coverage of any kind.
• Self-Employed Business Expenses, SE Tax
Virtually any expense incurred in the operation of a sole proprietorship is deductible on Schedule C, such as rent, utilities, the cost of equipment and supplies, insurance, legal fees, employee salaries and contract labor. This also includes one-half of the self-employment tax that must be paid on this income. Although these expenses are not listed directly on the 1040 but are carried to the income section via the Schedule C, they are still considered to be above-the-line deductions because they are subtracted in order to determine adjusted gross income.
• Alimony
Payments made to a spouse pursuant to a divorce decree that are not classified as child support are usually counted as alimony. All payments of this type are deductible from gross income.
• Educator Expenses
These include unreimbursed qualified expenses of up to $250 ($500 for joint filers if both are in this category). Qualified expenses include teaching equipment, supplies, books and other ordinary expenses that are commonly associated with education. This deduction is available for education professionals who teach grades K-12 and work at least 900 hours during the year.
• Early Withdrawal Penalties
Any penalties paid for the early withdrawal of money from a CD or savings bond that is reported on Form 1099-INT or 1099-DIV can be deducted.
• Student Loan Interest
All interest paid on federally-subsidized student loans up to a certain amount is deductible, provided the taxpayer's income does not exceed $75,000 for single, head-of-household or qualifying widower filers or $150,000 for joint filers.
• Tuition and Fees
In some cases, it is more advantageous for taxpayers to deduct the costs of tuition, fees and other educational expenses paid to qualified educational institutions rather than claim one of the educational tax credits for them. Those who are unable to qualify for these credits for any reason can take this deduction instead as well.
Conclusion
Any or all of these deductions can be taken in addition to the itemized deductions for eligible taxpayers. Of course, there are also several incidental rules and limitations on most of these deductions that are not covered here. For more information on above-the-line deductions, read the instructions for the 1040 Form on the IRS website or consult your tax advisor.
Mark P. Cussen has more than 15 years of experience in the financial industry, which includes working with investments, insurance, mortgages, taxes and financial planning. He has two years of experience in writing and editing insurance and securities test training manuals, as well as other financial topics. He has also worked in retail, discount and bank brokerage systems and been involved in a venture capital enterprise in the oil and gas sector. Cussen has a Bachelor of Science in English from the University of Kansas and completed his CFP coursework at the Bloch School of Business at the University of Missouri-Kansas City in August of 2001.
How to speed up your computer
Is your desktop or laptop computer starting to feel a little poky? Even after just a few months of use, your PC or Mac may start to lose steam thanks to a fragmented hard drive, too many programs running in the background, or even a rogue piece of malware.
This week on Upgrade Your Life, Yahoo! News' Becky Worley serves up some quick and easy tricks for speeding up your PC or Mac, starting with …
1. Clean out your startup items
How long do you have to wait after hitting your PC's power button before you can actually get to work? Thirty seconds? A minute? Two minutes? More?
If you find yourself routinely twiddling your thumbs while your PC or Mac painstakingly boots itself up, maybe it's because your system is trying to fire up a slew of programs at the same time (and indeed, some programs will set themselves to launch at startup by default). Here's how to ease the frantic rush of competing startup programs:
For Windows: Click the Start menu, then select Programs (or All Programs in Windows 7), open the Startup folder, and then—as Becky suggest—delete mercilessly. (Don't worry; you're not deleting the programs themselves.) Note: if you see a program sitting in the Startup folder and you don't know what it's for, search on the Web to see what it does before hitting the "delete" button.
For Mac: Open System Preferences under the Apple menu, click the Accounts icon, and then click the Login Items tab. You may find a variety of arcane programs and helper apps lurking inside (such as the mysterious iTunesHelper), but again—search before you zap an unknown program. (Disabling the iTunesHelper app, for example, will prevent iTunes from opening automatically when you connect an iPhone or iPod.)
2. Check for running apps in the Windows task bar
Got a Windows-based PC? See that little row of tiny icons in the bottom-right corner of the screen? Over the course of weeks, months, or years, the number of icons sitting in the Windows task bar has probably grown larger and larger—and many of those icons represent programs that are running in the background and consuming your PC's limited resources.
Expand the task bar by clicking the little arrow on the side, then right-click each icon in succession. If you find, for example, that programs like Skype and iTunes are whirring away even when you're not using them, right-click and select "Close"—or, better yet, open the program and uncheck any "launch at startup" settings in the Preferences or Options menu.
3. Turn off P2P applications
Programs like BitTorrent and Skype work their magic with "peer-to-peer" technology, meaning they leverage the combined computing power and bandwidth of every PC or Mac running their software for such uses as massive file transfers (in the case of BitTorrent) or high-quality, Net-based voice and video chat (for Skype).
But while sharing the P2P burden qualifies you a good Netizen, it can also put a significant dent in your system's performance. If you've got programs like BitTorrent and Skype running all day, every day in the background, Becky suggests shutting them down until you really need them.
4. Root out viruses and malware
Nothing will slow your system down like a virus, a Trojan horse, or other types of malware. Plenty of commercial antivirus applications are available for Windows PCs, but Becky recommends trying Microsoft's free Security Essentials suite, which will sweep your system for any unwanted, nefarious software and provide ongoing protection via regular updates. Just visit Microsoft's Security Essentials website, download and install the software, and follow the instructions.
Anti-virus packages from the likes of Norton and McAfee are also available for Mac users, but there's an ongoing debate about whether virus protection on the Mac is more trouble than it's worth, given that malicious hackers are far more focused on Windows than they are on Mac OS X systems.
5. Clean up your hard drive
The more junk you have cluttering up your hard drive, the longer it takes for your system to access the data it needs—and that's a great reason to regularly scan your folders and toss out files and programs you don't need, or move them somewhere else to make more room.
One easy (and relatively cheap) solution, says Becky, is to buy an external hard drive for your music, photos, and videos, which can hog a surprisingly large amount of disk space (particularly when it comes to HD-quality TV shows and movies). You can find 500GB external hard drives online for as little as $50, while plenty of 1TB drives (or 1,000 gigabytes) sell for south of $100. Most USB 2.0 external drives are plug-and-play, meaning you just plug them into your PC's USB 2.0 port and you're ready to start dragging and dropping.
Another options: online storage sites, such as Dropbox and Carbonite.
Becky also recommends dumping any old programs that you no longer use. For Windows, click the Start menu, open the Control Panel, and select Add/Remove Programs (or "Uninstall a program" in Windows 7). Mac users can look in the Applications folder, which you can open in the Mac OS X Finder by clicking the Window menu and clicking Applications. See a program you simply never use anymore? Consider tossing it in the trash—although again, never throw away an application without knowing what it does first.
6. Turn off Mac Dashboard widgets
One of the more recent features in Mac OS X is the Dashboard—a layer of handy widgets that you can call up by clicking the Dashboard icon in the Dock. But while Dashboard widgets might be great for a quick check on the weather or to track the Dow, they also eat up a decent chunk of system resources.
Do yourself a favor and deactivate the widgets you don't use all that often, Becky advises. Activate the Dashboard, then click the "plus" sign in the bottom-left corner of the screen; next, click the "X" in the upper-left corner of any widgets that you won't miss.
7. Try a new browser—or update your old one
Has your browser been slowing to a crawl lately? Maybe it's time for a new one. Both Firefox and Google's Chrome Web browsers are popular—and powerful—alternatives to Internet Explorer, and don't forget that there's a Windows version of Apple's speedy Safari browser.
Want to stick with the browser you have? Make sure you're using the latest version. For Internet Explorer, fire up the Windows Update app under the Start Menu. For Firefox, select "Check for update" under the Help menu. Got Chrome? Select "About Google Chrome" under the wrench icon in the Windows version, or under the Chrome menu in Mac OS X. For Safari, launch "Apple Software Update" under the Start menu in Windows, or select Software Update under the Apple menu on the Mac.
One more thing: make sure you have the latest version of Adobe's Flash Player installed. Visit Adobe's Flash site to download the latest and greatest version (10.2, as of this writing).
8. Defragment your hard drive
Your computer's hard drive is a lot like a closet: the more cluttered it is, the longer it takes to find stuff. One of the easiest (and most effective) ways of tidying up your hard drive is to defragment it, a process that involves consolidating scattered blocks of data into a larger chunk, resulting in bigger swaths of free disk space.
Luckily, defragmenting your hard drive in Windows is a snap. Select Computers from the Start menu, right-click on the icon that represents your hard drive, select Properties, click the Tools tab, and click the Defragment Now button.
Got a Mac? Thanks to the disk optimization features built into Mac OS X, there's "little benefit" to manually fragmenting your hard drive, Apple says. But if you're feeling the need to try it anyway, there are several third-party defragmenting utilities for the Mac, including iDefrag and Drive Genius; just make sure to back up your data before giving them a go.
— Ben Patterson is a technology blogger for Yahoo! News.
This week on Upgrade Your Life, Yahoo! News' Becky Worley serves up some quick and easy tricks for speeding up your PC or Mac, starting with …
1. Clean out your startup items
How long do you have to wait after hitting your PC's power button before you can actually get to work? Thirty seconds? A minute? Two minutes? More?
If you find yourself routinely twiddling your thumbs while your PC or Mac painstakingly boots itself up, maybe it's because your system is trying to fire up a slew of programs at the same time (and indeed, some programs will set themselves to launch at startup by default). Here's how to ease the frantic rush of competing startup programs:
For Windows: Click the Start menu, then select Programs (or All Programs in Windows 7), open the Startup folder, and then—as Becky suggest—delete mercilessly. (Don't worry; you're not deleting the programs themselves.) Note: if you see a program sitting in the Startup folder and you don't know what it's for, search on the Web to see what it does before hitting the "delete" button.
For Mac: Open System Preferences under the Apple menu, click the Accounts icon, and then click the Login Items tab. You may find a variety of arcane programs and helper apps lurking inside (such as the mysterious iTunesHelper), but again—search before you zap an unknown program. (Disabling the iTunesHelper app, for example, will prevent iTunes from opening automatically when you connect an iPhone or iPod.)
2. Check for running apps in the Windows task bar
Got a Windows-based PC? See that little row of tiny icons in the bottom-right corner of the screen? Over the course of weeks, months, or years, the number of icons sitting in the Windows task bar has probably grown larger and larger—and many of those icons represent programs that are running in the background and consuming your PC's limited resources.
Expand the task bar by clicking the little arrow on the side, then right-click each icon in succession. If you find, for example, that programs like Skype and iTunes are whirring away even when you're not using them, right-click and select "Close"—or, better yet, open the program and uncheck any "launch at startup" settings in the Preferences or Options menu.
3. Turn off P2P applications
Programs like BitTorrent and Skype work their magic with "peer-to-peer" technology, meaning they leverage the combined computing power and bandwidth of every PC or Mac running their software for such uses as massive file transfers (in the case of BitTorrent) or high-quality, Net-based voice and video chat (for Skype).
But while sharing the P2P burden qualifies you a good Netizen, it can also put a significant dent in your system's performance. If you've got programs like BitTorrent and Skype running all day, every day in the background, Becky suggests shutting them down until you really need them.
4. Root out viruses and malware
Nothing will slow your system down like a virus, a Trojan horse, or other types of malware. Plenty of commercial antivirus applications are available for Windows PCs, but Becky recommends trying Microsoft's free Security Essentials suite, which will sweep your system for any unwanted, nefarious software and provide ongoing protection via regular updates. Just visit Microsoft's Security Essentials website, download and install the software, and follow the instructions.
Anti-virus packages from the likes of Norton and McAfee are also available for Mac users, but there's an ongoing debate about whether virus protection on the Mac is more trouble than it's worth, given that malicious hackers are far more focused on Windows than they are on Mac OS X systems.
5. Clean up your hard drive
The more junk you have cluttering up your hard drive, the longer it takes for your system to access the data it needs—and that's a great reason to regularly scan your folders and toss out files and programs you don't need, or move them somewhere else to make more room.
One easy (and relatively cheap) solution, says Becky, is to buy an external hard drive for your music, photos, and videos, which can hog a surprisingly large amount of disk space (particularly when it comes to HD-quality TV shows and movies). You can find 500GB external hard drives online for as little as $50, while plenty of 1TB drives (or 1,000 gigabytes) sell for south of $100. Most USB 2.0 external drives are plug-and-play, meaning you just plug them into your PC's USB 2.0 port and you're ready to start dragging and dropping.
Another options: online storage sites, such as Dropbox and Carbonite.
Becky also recommends dumping any old programs that you no longer use. For Windows, click the Start menu, open the Control Panel, and select Add/Remove Programs (or "Uninstall a program" in Windows 7). Mac users can look in the Applications folder, which you can open in the Mac OS X Finder by clicking the Window menu and clicking Applications. See a program you simply never use anymore? Consider tossing it in the trash—although again, never throw away an application without knowing what it does first.
6. Turn off Mac Dashboard widgets
One of the more recent features in Mac OS X is the Dashboard—a layer of handy widgets that you can call up by clicking the Dashboard icon in the Dock. But while Dashboard widgets might be great for a quick check on the weather or to track the Dow, they also eat up a decent chunk of system resources.
Do yourself a favor and deactivate the widgets you don't use all that often, Becky advises. Activate the Dashboard, then click the "plus" sign in the bottom-left corner of the screen; next, click the "X" in the upper-left corner of any widgets that you won't miss.
7. Try a new browser—or update your old one
Has your browser been slowing to a crawl lately? Maybe it's time for a new one. Both Firefox and Google's Chrome Web browsers are popular—and powerful—alternatives to Internet Explorer, and don't forget that there's a Windows version of Apple's speedy Safari browser.
Want to stick with the browser you have? Make sure you're using the latest version. For Internet Explorer, fire up the Windows Update app under the Start Menu. For Firefox, select "Check for update" under the Help menu. Got Chrome? Select "About Google Chrome" under the wrench icon in the Windows version, or under the Chrome menu in Mac OS X. For Safari, launch "Apple Software Update" under the Start menu in Windows, or select Software Update under the Apple menu on the Mac.
One more thing: make sure you have the latest version of Adobe's Flash Player installed. Visit Adobe's Flash site to download the latest and greatest version (10.2, as of this writing).
8. Defragment your hard drive
Your computer's hard drive is a lot like a closet: the more cluttered it is, the longer it takes to find stuff. One of the easiest (and most effective) ways of tidying up your hard drive is to defragment it, a process that involves consolidating scattered blocks of data into a larger chunk, resulting in bigger swaths of free disk space.
Luckily, defragmenting your hard drive in Windows is a snap. Select Computers from the Start menu, right-click on the icon that represents your hard drive, select Properties, click the Tools tab, and click the Defragment Now button.
Got a Mac? Thanks to the disk optimization features built into Mac OS X, there's "little benefit" to manually fragmenting your hard drive, Apple says. But if you're feeling the need to try it anyway, there are several third-party defragmenting utilities for the Mac, including iDefrag and Drive Genius; just make sure to back up your data before giving them a go.
— Ben Patterson is a technology blogger for Yahoo! News.
Worst Cities for Finding a Job in 2011
Worst Cities for Finding a Job in 2011
By Jacquelyn Smith, Forbes.com
If you've exhausted all other options, relocating can be a smart move for improving your job prospects--but be sure to check where people are hiring, and in what industries before you pack your bags and go.
The scrumptious Cajun cuisine and sweet jazz of New Orleans may make that city seem the perfect place for a fresh start--but the Big Easy is right now the toughest city in the U.S. for finding employment, according to the online job aggregator Indeed.com.
In Pictures: The Hardest Cities for Finding a Job
"New Orleans never fully recovered from the Katrina disaster, and tourism hasn't bounced back," says Paul Forster, Indeed.com's chief executive officer and cofounder. "But I think we'll see some improvement over the next year."
Indeed.com compiled a list of America's easiest and hardest cities for finding a job using data collected from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. The ranking was determined by calculating the number of job postings per thousand people in each major U.S. metropolitan area. The data covers job listings in the fourth quarter of 2010 with salary estimates of $50,000 or more.
The picture this offers does not reflect a precise number of available jobs. An opening can be listed in more than one place and can remain online for a time after it's filled. Nevertheless, the numbers do present a strong, broad gauge of which cities are the easiest and hardest for finding a job.
Historically, the easiest cities for finding a job thrive on industries that benefit from shifts in the economy or trends, says Forster. And the hardest cities rely on industries that suffer most during economic downturns. The rankings of the easiest and hardest cities for finding jobs confirm his view.
The results show that life is not a beach for job seekers in Miami. The cruise capital may have good air quality, clean drinking water and vast green spaces, but it doesn't have many openings. According to Indeed.com, Miami had 14 listings for high-paying jobs, per 1,000 residents, over the whole fourth quarter of 2010.
Your chances of finding a job in a colder place like Buffalo or Rochester, N.Y., are just as dim. There were merely 11 job postings for every 1,000 people in those metro areas, which tied for the second hardest place for finding a job.
Don't lose all hope, though. There are plenty of cities with thousands of high-paying jobs. San Jose, San Francisco and Seattle are three of the top five easiest cities for finding a job.
Located in the heart of Silicon Valley, San Jose ranks No. 1--but tech geeks are the ones most likely to find employment there with ease.
The area around the city that has dubbed itself "the capital of Silicon Valley" is home to the headquarters of major corporations such as Adobe Systems, Cisco Systems and eBay, as well as esteemed universities like Stanford and the University of California, Berkeley, which are notorious for pumping thousands of computer science and engineering graduates into the local job market each year.
"The established tech companies and emerging tech companies are both aggressively searching for talent," Forster says. "They look for experienced professionals as well as recent college graduates."
There were approximately 126 listings for high-paying jobs per 1,000 residents in the San Jose metro area for the three months that ended Dec. 31, 2010--but don't give up if your job search has been fruitless even in the easiest city for finding a job. In the No. 2 and No. 3 spots on the list, Washington and Baltimore also saw heavy recruiting throughout the last quarter of 2010. The federal government remains a top hiring source in D.C., where there were 116 high-paying job postings per 1,000 people last quarter. Baltimore, which is home to major research institutions and defense-related contractors, has particularly many job opportunities for health care and information technology professionals.
Forster says that after a significant decline in online job postings in 2009, and a sizable increase last year, he expects to see growth again in 2011.
America's Five Hardest Cities to Find Jobs
No. 5 (tie): Riverside, Ca.
16 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 5 (tie): Riverside, Ca.
No. 5 (tie): Louisville, Ky.
16 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 5 Louisville, Ky.
No. 4: Miami, Fla.
14 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 4 Miami, Fla.
No. 2 (tie): Rochester, N.Y.
11 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 2 (tie) Rochester, N.Y.
No. 2 (tie): Buffalo, N.Y.
11 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 2 (tie) Buffalo, N.Y.
No. 1: New Orleans, La.
10 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
By Jacquelyn Smith, Forbes.com
If you've exhausted all other options, relocating can be a smart move for improving your job prospects--but be sure to check where people are hiring, and in what industries before you pack your bags and go.
The scrumptious Cajun cuisine and sweet jazz of New Orleans may make that city seem the perfect place for a fresh start--but the Big Easy is right now the toughest city in the U.S. for finding employment, according to the online job aggregator Indeed.com.
In Pictures: The Hardest Cities for Finding a Job
"New Orleans never fully recovered from the Katrina disaster, and tourism hasn't bounced back," says Paul Forster, Indeed.com's chief executive officer and cofounder. "But I think we'll see some improvement over the next year."
Indeed.com compiled a list of America's easiest and hardest cities for finding a job using data collected from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. The ranking was determined by calculating the number of job postings per thousand people in each major U.S. metropolitan area. The data covers job listings in the fourth quarter of 2010 with salary estimates of $50,000 or more.
The picture this offers does not reflect a precise number of available jobs. An opening can be listed in more than one place and can remain online for a time after it's filled. Nevertheless, the numbers do present a strong, broad gauge of which cities are the easiest and hardest for finding a job.
Historically, the easiest cities for finding a job thrive on industries that benefit from shifts in the economy or trends, says Forster. And the hardest cities rely on industries that suffer most during economic downturns. The rankings of the easiest and hardest cities for finding jobs confirm his view.
The results show that life is not a beach for job seekers in Miami. The cruise capital may have good air quality, clean drinking water and vast green spaces, but it doesn't have many openings. According to Indeed.com, Miami had 14 listings for high-paying jobs, per 1,000 residents, over the whole fourth quarter of 2010.
Your chances of finding a job in a colder place like Buffalo or Rochester, N.Y., are just as dim. There were merely 11 job postings for every 1,000 people in those metro areas, which tied for the second hardest place for finding a job.
Don't lose all hope, though. There are plenty of cities with thousands of high-paying jobs. San Jose, San Francisco and Seattle are three of the top five easiest cities for finding a job.
Located in the heart of Silicon Valley, San Jose ranks No. 1--but tech geeks are the ones most likely to find employment there with ease.
The area around the city that has dubbed itself "the capital of Silicon Valley" is home to the headquarters of major corporations such as Adobe Systems, Cisco Systems and eBay, as well as esteemed universities like Stanford and the University of California, Berkeley, which are notorious for pumping thousands of computer science and engineering graduates into the local job market each year.
"The established tech companies and emerging tech companies are both aggressively searching for talent," Forster says. "They look for experienced professionals as well as recent college graduates."
There were approximately 126 listings for high-paying jobs per 1,000 residents in the San Jose metro area for the three months that ended Dec. 31, 2010--but don't give up if your job search has been fruitless even in the easiest city for finding a job. In the No. 2 and No. 3 spots on the list, Washington and Baltimore also saw heavy recruiting throughout the last quarter of 2010. The federal government remains a top hiring source in D.C., where there were 116 high-paying job postings per 1,000 people last quarter. Baltimore, which is home to major research institutions and defense-related contractors, has particularly many job opportunities for health care and information technology professionals.
Forster says that after a significant decline in online job postings in 2009, and a sizable increase last year, he expects to see growth again in 2011.
America's Five Hardest Cities to Find Jobs
No. 5 (tie): Riverside, Ca.
16 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 5 (tie): Riverside, Ca.
No. 5 (tie): Louisville, Ky.
16 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 5 Louisville, Ky.
No. 4: Miami, Fla.
14 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 4 Miami, Fla.
No. 2 (tie): Rochester, N.Y.
11 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 2 (tie) Rochester, N.Y.
No. 2 (tie): Buffalo, N.Y.
11 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
No. 2 (tie) Buffalo, N.Y.
No. 1: New Orleans, La.
10 job postings per 1,000 population between October and December 2010.
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