Nine little-known facts about love
By Bob Strauss
Ever wonder how much popular stereotypes and weird statistics about love are rooted in fact rather than fiction? Below are nine noteworthy statements about love, dating and relationships we culled from the Internet and dug into to discover each one’s true origins — complete with an illuminating exegesis for each one from yours truly, along with some popular myths we debunked by consulting directly with the experts themselves.
1. The Mexican chief Montezuma considered chocolate a “love drug” and drank 50 cups a day before visiting his harem. Now, before you rush out to stock up on Nestlé Quik, bear in mind that Montezuma’s brand of hot chocolate didn’t contain any sugar (and was, according to the accounts of Spanish conquistadors, incredibly bitter). Nowadays, sadly, there isn’t really a beverage you can drink 50 cups a day of and impress a single blind date… much less an entire harem. I suggest popping Tic-Tacs instead for love luck.
Related: Five unusual turn-ons for men
2. If you want to make an instant connection with your date, say his or her name at least twice in the course of the conversation. This one should be a no-brainer, but hey, I’m here to provide that aforementioned illuminating exegesis, not browbeat you about your interpersonal skills. If this sounds awkward to do, here’s a realistic, smooth way to do it at the outset (substitute your date’s name and your own for these examples): “Hello, Pamela, I’m Bob. Excuse me, waiter, could you bring my lovely date Pamela a glass of water and a basket of bread for our table?”
3. If a man meets a woman while in a dangerous situation, such as on a trembling bridge, he’s more likely to fall in love with her than if they meet in a more mundane setting, such as an office. I’m going to bite my lip on this one and let professional anthropologist (and relationship expert) Dr. Helen Fisher, author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, take a crack at it: “This is true, because any kind of novelty, particularly something dangerous or exciting, drives up dopamine levels in the brain. Brain-scanning studies of both men and women show that feelings of intense romantic love are linked with elevated dopamine activity. That’s why vacations can be so romantic; novelty triggers the dopamine system and partners feel some of that early glow of intense romance.”
Related: Your guide to the five kinds of chemistry
4. One Manhattan matchmaker’s price begins at $20,000, and if a marriage results, a bonus payment is expected. To put this fact into perspective, people in Manhattan have been known to pay $500,000 for a 300-square-foot studio apartment. Sure, if you’re extra-desperate to get yourself hitched you can lay out this kind of money, but it might be a more reasonable option to spend, say, $50 a month on a professionally written dating profile with a reputable online service.
5. Men know they’re falling in love after just three dates, but women don’t fall in love until date #14. Sometimes, you have to take a long, hard look at the numbers. When I first dredged up this particular nugget of wisdom, that “14 dates” assertion stared up at me like the glazed-over eyeball of a bludgeoned trout — and yet, it had research backing it up. Canadian site Canoe’s readers asserted this finding to be truth, while Paul Davis, author of Breakthrough for a Broken Heart, says the average is closer to six for both men and women.
Related: What men and women notice on dates
6. When you look at a new love, the neural circuits associated with social judgment are suppressed. Here’s Dr. Helen Fisher again, biological anthropologist and chief scientific advisor for Chemistry.com: “Yes, neuroscientists have found that some of the thinking and decision-making regions in the prefrontal cortex, the massive brain region behind your forehead, can deactivate when you’re in love. And with less blood rushing to this region, social judgment can be suppressed. This is why Chaucer immortalized the phrase, ‘love is blynd.’ (Apparently, the word processing programs of Chaucer’s day didn’t include spell-check; maybe his orthography was so wacky because he was smitten with his apprentice.)
7. Remembering bits of information about a person and working them into conversation not only is highly flattering, but also shows real interest. When you’re on the first few dates with someone, it’s easy to rush through questions and blurt out too much information about yourself; it’s harder to slow down and really listen to what your date’s saying, much less retain it. If you have real interest in this person, put aside a factoid or two and save them for date #3 and beyond. Just don’t wait too long to let this guy or gal know you’re paying attention before working these goodies into the conversation, lest you get left with a list of useless notes instead of a calendar full of dates.
Related: How to charm any single woman
8. Before a man even speaks a word, his posture counts for most of a woman’s first impression of him. Now, here’s a supposed “fact” that Dr. Helen Fisher takes issue with — says our resident anthropologist, “I do know that 90 percent of communication is non-verbal, that body posture, gestures and tone of voice are all signals that others pick up naturally and rapidly. But I would doubt that the way a man stands ‘counts for over 80 percent of a woman’s first impression.’ Women also take careful note of a man’s height, weight, clothing, hair, skin color, age and other factors that far outweigh his stance.” So, take this “fact” with a grain of salt.
9. Common chimpanzees kiss with open mouths, but not with their tongues. Bonobos, the most intelligent of primates, do kiss with their tongues. Let’s take a step back from this statement for a moment and consider the broader implications. Are there really legions of white-suited lab technicians out there, gripping their clipboards with tense, white knuckles as they stare intently at smooching chimps and bonobos in scientifically controlled environments? Yes, according to William Cane’s book, The Art of Kissing.
Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.
1. The Mexican chief Montezuma considered chocolate a “love drug” and drank 50 cups a day before visiting his harem. Now, before you rush out to stock up on Nestlé Quik, bear in mind that Montezuma’s brand of hot chocolate didn’t contain any sugar (and was, according to the accounts of Spanish conquistadors, incredibly bitter). Nowadays, sadly, there isn’t really a beverage you can drink 50 cups a day of and impress a single blind date… much less an entire harem. I suggest popping Tic-Tacs instead for love luck.
Related: Five unusual turn-ons for men
Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!
3. If a man meets a woman while in a dangerous situation, such as on a trembling bridge, he’s more likely to fall in love with her than if they meet in a more mundane setting, such as an office. I’m going to bite my lip on this one and let professional anthropologist (and relationship expert) Dr. Helen Fisher, author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, take a crack at it: “This is true, because any kind of novelty, particularly something dangerous or exciting, drives up dopamine levels in the brain. Brain-scanning studies of both men and women show that feelings of intense romantic love are linked with elevated dopamine activity. That’s why vacations can be so romantic; novelty triggers the dopamine system and partners feel some of that early glow of intense romance.”
Related: Your guide to the five kinds of chemistry
4. One Manhattan matchmaker’s price begins at $20,000, and if a marriage results, a bonus payment is expected. To put this fact into perspective, people in Manhattan have been known to pay $500,000 for a 300-square-foot studio apartment. Sure, if you’re extra-desperate to get yourself hitched you can lay out this kind of money, but it might be a more reasonable option to spend, say, $50 a month on a professionally written dating profile with a reputable online service.
5. Men know they’re falling in love after just three dates, but women don’t fall in love until date #14. Sometimes, you have to take a long, hard look at the numbers. When I first dredged up this particular nugget of wisdom, that “14 dates” assertion stared up at me like the glazed-over eyeball of a bludgeoned trout — and yet, it had research backing it up. Canadian site Canoe’s readers asserted this finding to be truth, while Paul Davis, author of Breakthrough for a Broken Heart, says the average is closer to six for both men and women.
Related: What men and women notice on dates
6. When you look at a new love, the neural circuits associated with social judgment are suppressed. Here’s Dr. Helen Fisher again, biological anthropologist and chief scientific advisor for Chemistry.com: “Yes, neuroscientists have found that some of the thinking and decision-making regions in the prefrontal cortex, the massive brain region behind your forehead, can deactivate when you’re in love. And with less blood rushing to this region, social judgment can be suppressed. This is why Chaucer immortalized the phrase, ‘love is blynd.’ (Apparently, the word processing programs of Chaucer’s day didn’t include spell-check; maybe his orthography was so wacky because he was smitten with his apprentice.)
7. Remembering bits of information about a person and working them into conversation not only is highly flattering, but also shows real interest. When you’re on the first few dates with someone, it’s easy to rush through questions and blurt out too much information about yourself; it’s harder to slow down and really listen to what your date’s saying, much less retain it. If you have real interest in this person, put aside a factoid or two and save them for date #3 and beyond. Just don’t wait too long to let this guy or gal know you’re paying attention before working these goodies into the conversation, lest you get left with a list of useless notes instead of a calendar full of dates.
Related: How to charm any single woman
8. Before a man even speaks a word, his posture counts for most of a woman’s first impression of him. Now, here’s a supposed “fact” that Dr. Helen Fisher takes issue with — says our resident anthropologist, “I do know that 90 percent of communication is non-verbal, that body posture, gestures and tone of voice are all signals that others pick up naturally and rapidly. But I would doubt that the way a man stands ‘counts for over 80 percent of a woman’s first impression.’ Women also take careful note of a man’s height, weight, clothing, hair, skin color, age and other factors that far outweigh his stance.” So, take this “fact” with a grain of salt.
9. Common chimpanzees kiss with open mouths, but not with their tongues. Bonobos, the most intelligent of primates, do kiss with their tongues. Let’s take a step back from this statement for a moment and consider the broader implications. Are there really legions of white-suited lab technicians out there, gripping their clipboards with tense, white knuckles as they stare intently at smooching chimps and bonobos in scientifically controlled environments? Yes, according to William Cane’s book, The Art of Kissing.
Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.
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