All about teaching

All About Teaching – Collected and Edited by Mitch Asinoff

Teachers Matter

You don't actually have to take the quiz. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point one.....

Take this quiz:

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman Trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They’re the best in their fields.

But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel, appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

6. Name half a dozen heroes or scholars whose stories have inspired you. Easier?

The lesson: Those who make a difference in your life aren’t the ones with the most credentials, money, or awards.

They are the ones that care.

Teachers’ Poem

Last night as I lay sleeping,

I died or so it seemed.

Then I went to heaven, But only in my dream.

Up there St. Peter met me,

Standing at the pearly gates,

He said, "I must check your record.

Please stand right here and wait.

"He turned to me and said,

"Your record Is- covered with many terrible flaws.

On earth I see you rallied

For-every losing cause.

I see you drank alcohol,

And smoked and used drugs too.
Fact is you've done everything

A good person should never do.

We can't have people like you up here

Your-life was full of sin.

"Then he read the last of my record

Took -my hand and said, "Come in.

"He -lead- me up to the big boss and said,

"Take her in and treat her well.

She worked for the NYC Dept. of Ed.

She's done her time in Hell.

Teachers V. Educators

A news report said a private school in Victoria, Australia recently had a unique problem.
Girls put lipstick on in the bathroom and pressed their lips to the mirror leaving prints.
Every night, the custodian removed them and the next day, the girls put them back.

Finally the principal decided something had to be done:

she, all the girls and custodian met in the bathroom.
She explained the lip prints were hard to clean every night.

To demonstrate she asked him to clean them.
He took out a squeegee,

dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are Teachers, and then there are Educators.

Teaching in the 21st Century

"Let me see if I have this right.

You want me to go into that room with all those kids

and fill every waking moment with a love for learning.

I'm also to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity,

modify disruptive behavior,

observe- them for signs of abuse

and T-shirt messages.I must fight the war on drugs

and sexually-transmitted-diseases,

check backpacks for guns and raise self-esteem.

I'm to teach patriotism,

good citizenship,

sportsmanship,

fair play,

how and where to register to vote,

balance a checkbook and apply for a job.

"I’m to check their heads occasionally for lice,

maintain a safe environment,

recognize signs of potential anti-social behavior,

offer advice,

write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships,

encourage respect for other cultures and,

oh yeah, always make sure I give the girls in my class ½ my attention.

"My contract says I must work on my own time,

summer and evenings at my expense toward advance certification and a master's degree;

and after school,

I’m to attend committee and faculty meetings

and participate in staff development training to keep my job.

"I’m to be a paragon of virtue larger than life,

so that my very presence will awe students into being obedient and respect authority.

"I’m to pledge allegiance to supporting family values, a return to the basics,

and to my current administration. I must incorporate technology in learning,

and monitor all Web sites while providing a personal relationship with each student.

"I’m to decide who might be potentially dangerous and or liable to commit crimes in school or who is possibly being abused,

and I can be jailed for not mentioning these suspicions.

"I have to make sure all students pass state and federally mandated tests and all classes, whether or not they attend school on a regular basis or complete any of the work assigned.

Plus, I am expected to ensure all students with handicaps

are guaranteed a free and equal education,

regardless of their mental or physical abilities.

"I am to communicate frequently with each student's parent by letter,

phone, newsletter, and grade card.

I'm to do all of this with just a piece-of chalk,

a computer, some books, a bulletin board, a 45 minute more-or-less plan time and a big smile,

all on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps in many states.

Is that all?"

"And you want me to do all of this and expect me not to pray?

"Printed in THE MARIETTA DAILY JOURNAL,

March 26, 2000 - Written by the Rev. Nelson Price

SICK OF THOSE HIGHLY PAID TEACHERS

I, for one, am sick and tired of those highly paid teachers.

Their hefty salaries are driving up taxes and only working nine months a year!
It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do...baby-sit!

We can get that for less than minimum wage.
That's right...I would give them $3.00 dollars an hour and only the hours they worked,

not any of that silly planning time.
That would be 15 dollars a day.
Each parent should pay $15 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children.

Now, how many do they teach in a day....maybe-25.
Then that's 15 X 25=$375 a day.
But remember they only work 180 days a year!
I'm not going to pay for vacations.
Let's see...*that's 375 x180 = $67,500.00
(Hold on, my calculator must need batteries!)
What about those special teachers or the ones with master's degrees?
Well, we could pay them minimum wage just to be fair.

Let's round it off to $6.00 an hour.
That’d be $6 x 5 hours x 25 children times 180 days = $135,000.00 per year.
Wait a minute, there's something wrong here!!!
There sure is, duuh????!!
To me the sole hope of human salvation lies in teaching." ~ George Bernard Shaw ~
Make a teacher-smile. Send this to him or her!