It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. They are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable -elements from the human gene pool. In other words, only the most anal & idiotic people and events are selected for this prestigious award.
5th RUNNER-UP: A San Anselmo, California man, who died when he hit a lift tower, at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam- pad.
22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at the hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., & the sheriff said, “Hubal & his pals hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley & undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers,” said Police Lt. Mike Donnelly.
The pads protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope & Hubal crashed into a tower.
It was determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP: Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, he grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth & walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
Paramedics removed the 6-inch wiener from his throat where it choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP: Poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock & was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Va. party (probably related to last year’s winner: an Arkansas man who used a .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, & tongue.
Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
"Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery & was trying to explode it.""It wouldn't go off.
So he said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it in his mouth, bit down, blew all his teeth out & his lips & tongue off,” Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries.
"I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP: Drs. at Portland U. Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive & will be released soon.
Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon.
A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye.
Drs. said that had the arrow gone 1 mm to the left, a major blood vessel would’ve been cut & he’d have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Dr. John Delashaw at U. Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels.
Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he & his pals were drinking that day.
Roberts said, "I feel so dumb about this."
No charges were filed, but Josephine County DA's office said it is under investigation.
THIS-YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky & his pal, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of Washington State decided to go to a Metallica concert without tickets (but had 9 beers each), they thought it’d be easy to "hop" over the 9 ft fence & sneak into the show.
They parked next to the fence & planned for Pernicky, 100-lbs. heavier than Hawkins) to hop over & then help his pal. Unfortunately for (the late) Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side.
After climbing over he crashed through a tree.
His fall was abruptly broke, along with his arm by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling with a broken arm, he saw some bushes below him.
Figuring they’d break his fall he removed his pocket knife & cut off his shorts to free himself. Finally free, he crashed into holly bushes.
The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body & now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum.
To make it worse, on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Hawkins saw his pal in agony. So he threw him a rope & was going to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck & slowly driving away.
However, in his drunken haste /state, he put the truck into reverse & crashed through the fence & over his pal, killing him.
Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 ft from the truck & dead from massive internal injuries.
Upon moving the truck, they found John under it, half-naked, scratched up, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, & his shorts dangling from a tree branch, 25-feet high.
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