Holiday Humor

Christmas and Hanukkah Merger

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping & maids- a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least 300 years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk & cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might be in the works. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas & Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."
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Top 10 Reasons to Like Hanukkah

10. No roof damage from reindeer

9. Never a silent night when you're among your Jewish loved ones

8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it

7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocholate coins) on candle races

6. You can use your fireplace

5. Naked spin-the-dreidel games

'4. Fun waxy buildup on the menorah

3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth

2. Cheer optional

1. No Irving Berlin songs
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Hanukkah

It was Hanukkah & the tiny village was in fear of not having any latkes because they ran out of flour.

Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem.

He said, "Don’t vorry, you can use matzo meal for the flour, & the latkes will be just as delicious!"

Sheila looks to her husband and says, "Morty, think it’ll work?"

"Of- course! Everybody knows Rudolph the Rab knows grain, dear!"
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My Personal Hanukkah Gift To You

A tree has been planted in your name in Jerusalem - Thursday is your day to water it.