Holding Our Marriage Together
Dear Terri: I know the counselor said we shouldn't speak during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day u left, I swore I'd never talk to u again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always u who came crawling I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot.
I'm tired of pretending I don't miss u. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says. "There's no one like u," I look for u in the breasts of every woman I see, but they're not u. They're not even close.
Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room & brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth & a childhood spent ice skating can give. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits you wouldn't believe & an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right?
But as I sat on the couch being blown by this coed, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so surface. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes.
But u –see- what- I'm getting at? Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a quart of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her smutty, shameless hunger, but something else, some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because u weren't there, to watch.
Do-u-know -what I mean? Nothing feels the same without u, baby. Hell, I'm just going crazy without u.And everything I do just reminds me of u. Remember Carol, the single mom we met at church? She drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, a few glasses of wine & next thing u know we're doing it in our old bed. And this broad's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her career.
And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandma's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor & we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put the mirror on the floor?
We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, & we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later) U- know-what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? U get -so caught up in the routine of marriage & lose-sight of each other. And- then- u –lose-yourself. That's the saddest part of all for me.But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with u. Saturday, your sis dropped by with my copy of the restraining order. Shannon's just a kid, but she's got a pretty sharp. She's been a real pal. She's given me lots of good counsel about u & about women in general. (She's pulling for us to reconcile). So we're drinking in the hot tub & talking about happier times. Here's this hot gal with your DNA (although, let's face it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) & all I can do is think of how much she looks like u when u were 18. And it makes me cry. And then it turns out Shannon's really into sex & that gets me to thinking of how many times I pressed u for it & that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do u see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart u know- it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances & start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure u so. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can't be apart from you because I love u.
Do-u-know -what I mean? Nothing feels the same without u, baby. Hell, I'm just going crazy without u.And everything I do just reminds me of u. Remember Carol, the single mom we met at church? She drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, a few glasses of wine & next thing u know we're doing it in our old bed. And this broad's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her career.
And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandma's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor & we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put the mirror on the floor?
We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, & we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later) U- know-what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? U get -so caught up in the routine of marriage & lose-sight of each other. And- then- u –lose-yourself. That's the saddest part of all for me.But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with u. Saturday, your sis dropped by with my copy of the restraining order. Shannon's just a kid, but she's got a pretty sharp. She's been a real pal. She's given me lots of good counsel about u & about women in general. (She's pulling for us to reconcile). So we're drinking in the hot tub & talking about happier times. Here's this hot gal with your DNA (although, let's face it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) & all I can do is think of how much she looks like u when u were 18. And it makes me cry. And then it turns out Shannon's really into sex & that gets me to thinking of how many times I pressed u for it & that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do u see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart u know- it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances & start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure u so. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can't be apart from you because I love u.
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