How Old is Buby???

How Old is Grandma 12/15/14

          Stay with this -- the answer is at the end -- it will blow you away. A boy asked his grandma about computers, current events, school shootings, etc..
          She said let me see, I was born before anything instant. disposable cameras, health food, Color TV, Polio shots, frozen food, The British Invasion, Xerox, contacts, Frisbees & the pill. There were no credit or debit cards. If we didn't have the $ we made do & opposed debt. Ballpoint pens. a/c, Pantyhose,  dishwashers, & clothes dryers didn't exist. We hadn't  walked on the Moon & married before living together. Marriage was a man & woman. Rabbis were family men. No one heard of homophobic,  legal abortions, or transgender. Thongs were for feet.

          We didn't need a village to raise kids, just 2 decent, parents. Every family had them, Until 25, I called men older than me, sir. After 25, I still called, cops & men with titles, sir. I went to school B.C: before computers. Calculators=technology Hard working, men & home makers were respected. Gals went to school for a "Mrs. degree." Caregiver was our career. Divorce was rare, Wives were Mrs. No hyphenating, or keeping maiden, names.                                                                                                                

          Corporations didn't get welfare, pit states against each- other for tax breaks, outsource, buy shares to artificially inflate share value by buying shares so restricted shares rise. They weren't youth, obsessed or begrudge you a life & living, Working 2 days a month, free should be illegal. We were assets to nurture v, appliances to dump, expense to cut, "slaves", etc, I was a teacher & college professor.  A private, college wanted to me to commute 1 eve a week, for 5 weeks, free!  No gas, No parking, No tolls.  No nothing. A private, international, school wanted me to schlep to Midtown for a 40 hour week for free. No carfare. No lunch. Nothing extra for an M.S. after the free, week.  No nothing  I saw the ten commandments & have spoiler alert: Charlton Heston freed my people & Lincoln abolished slavery here,.

          Welfare was an embarrassment, v. sense of entitlement & way of life. Banks weren't too big to fail & Uncle Sam didn't help people buy homes they couldn't afford. You pulled your weight, It wasn't a mad, race to be the richest in the cemetery. I'm a Jew & my people revised the first commandment: $ = God. A professor came here from Hungary, when the Red, tanks rolled in. Being Orthodox I assumed he is here for political & religious, freedom. You know what occurs when we assume? I said our people are extremely, materialistic. One of the many examples was a pal conspiring to "play musical, sisters.": Their kin welcomed him . Her mom pressed her to marry him, knowing she didn't love him because he's a pro, they hoped  he'd marry her & buy a house. My "cuz" Woody said, "$ makes u adorable." Liz Taylor said, "Success is the best, perfume.." He hooked, his leftover with a pal whose brother was a med student & cured a cough no dr. could. .He took her to the dr. & got her off meds that altered her heartbeat. All swore she'd need for life, although only 23,  His "reward" was she surrendered to emotional blackmail to dump him because he was hurt @ work, lost his job & was awaiting workers' comp. My professor replied, "Don't kid yourself: $ is important.  My wife might not have married me if I wasn't a pro.  I wouldn't have been what she was looking for."  He gets A, for honesty.

          Many business people are greedy & make the rich, richer with indifference to making the poor, poorer. My dad called it hook, crook & rip off.  When a boss & politician talk expect lies,  Bush, Sr. said, "Read my lips: no new taxes!: He lied!   "Surprise, surprise!"  George Pataki said he would cut taxes if elected governor of New York.  He reneged on inauguration, day!

          Imagine that.  Clinton pounded on his podium, " I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Leinsky!" When Citicorp & Travelers merged they said they won't layoff as there's no duplication of services.  I yelled, Pinocchio. They dumped over 20K to start.  All the accusations & mergers mean layoffs & more $ for corporate attorneys & execs.                             

          Private schools didn't recruit students knowing there wasn't an internship spot for them. Everything was organic because greedy, farmers & companies didn't  give animals antibiotics & growth hormones. Tobacco wasn't engineered genetically to be super addictive. Drug companies didn't pay doctors to push drugs we don't need. Car makers didn't let dangerous cars go because lawsuits are cheaper. Food companies didn't reduce package sizes. Despite deep, flaws we weren't "infected" by greed & knew hearses don't have luggage racks or Brinks Trucks follow them. Steve Jobs'. Michael Jackson, Robin Williams, Elvis, Joan Rivers & J.F.K's. $ didn't save or follow them. It was the Madofs' curse: they lost both sons Yet, $ is all people want.

          The Ten Commandments were in public. They & good judgment ruled. H.s. & college ed. were valued. Culture wasn't so pop. We were taught right & wrong & to own our sins. No one pondered cursing, flipping or threatening teachers.& they didn't post indecent, photos, in public, do students, or each other, in school. We didn't know how to get a gun, much less shoot one. Serving our country was a honor; living here was a bigger, one. We were American, No hyphenating. Soldiers didn't shoot up their bases. God wasn't a bad, word.  We didn't burn the flag. We saluted it & said the Pledge of Allegiance in school, No one burned bras, or draft-cards.  Christmas & nativity scenes were okay.                             \                                                                                            

          We thought people ate fast-food during Lent.  Meaningful, relationships meant getting-along with your cousins. Draft- -dodgers were people who closed their front-doors when the evening, breeze, started. Time-sharing meant time family spent together on eves and weekends -not buying condos. We never heard of FM radio, tape decks, CDs, DVD, Blu Ray, i phones or pods. Apple and Mac were fruit, The net, G.P.S, satellites, electric typewriters, yogurt, surrogate & test tube babies didn't exist.  Cell phone conjured the image of a pay phone in a jail. The phone was a party line: shared it with a neighbor. If u picked up the phone and they were on you hung up and tried later. I recall small, apt, buildings with a phone in the lobby for everyone. We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the president's speeches on our radios. They didn't do interns in the Oval Office. No one blew his brains out from listening to Tommy Dorsey. When guys said they got to first , second & third base  homerun meant baseball. Made in Japan = junk. Made in US = quality. U didn't have to press 1 for English, needed a sponsor to come here and learn English to vote. Making out meant how u did on tests. Pizza and McDonald's didn’t exist yet.                                                                                                                                                           

          You got things @ a 5 & 10-cent store for 5 & 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar & a Pepsi were a nickel. To splurge, u spent a nickel on stamps & two postcards. You could buy a new, Chevy for $700. Too bad no one could afford it. Gas was 18 cents-a- gallon. "Coke" was a drink, "grass" was mowed, "pot" was something u cooked in & gay meant happy. We didn't define ourselves primarily, or solely by gender, or sexuality. The Bible denounces it.  They're sick. Spirituality is the cure. If they chose it anyway it's between God & them. Targeting them is completely, wrong! I went to college & worked with them, We got along due to mutual, respect. They're entitled to live in peace, too. What consenting, adults do in private's personal. Don't ask or tell. Those who want to adopt & marry should be careful what they desire.                                                   

          They could adopt older, kids who can't find homes. Opponents who think all gays are pedophilias should ask themselves if all straight men are rapists.  They should also work in a big, city, public, school for a year.

          Your grandpa jokes gays are looking for love in all the wrong, places.  Any guy wanting to see all of him desperately, needs Prozac, & shock therapy.  There's a lot of him to love.  And none of it is pretty. He dances in the bathroom with a towel on, singing, "I  don't look good naked, anymore" because he saw a video of an old, man doing that.  He also jokes any guy wanting to see all of him desperately, needs Prozac & shock - therapy. He doesn't want to see it... So he showers in the dark.

          Being straight doesn't automatically make you a good, parent, nice, etc. nor does gay. My brother, "Guido" is straight. He's also admittedly opportunistic & selfish, blatant liar, boastful bully, con artist, conceited, demagogue, dogmatic, greedy, sadistic, thief, unapologetic women beater, etc. Are any of those okay because he's straight? Would they be if he were gay? Sadly, all too many parents are persecutors v, protectors  In psychology we say emulate & perpetuate:  if your dad beats your mom and you grow are a boy up to be an abuser. Girls grow up to be abused. Alcoholic parents often raise alcoholic kids. Some have kids because the government. gives them more $                                                                                                              

          My sister's a bully, con artist, critical, dogmatic, dresses immodestly, greedy, preposterously proud, ungrateful, wants the world to alter for her, "wears a pointy, hat & rides a broom", etc.  Does straight diminish her flaws? Rapists are straight.                                                                                                                                                                        

          Barney Frank was a Representative for Mass.  Sam Adams is Portland, Oregon's mayor,  They're pedophile, too. Does it matter if their lovers were boys or girls?  All that matters is they were minors.  Both men should be in jail,.                    

          The Catholic didn't transfer pedophilias to give them a new, set of victims. All those involved should be in jail. 

          My brother, Howard often, says, "We spend much of our adulthood dealing with our childhood."                            

          I teased my mom it's all her bad. Freud said so. He was Jewish too. So he knew, Dr. Laura wrote a book & entitled it "Bad childhood, good life" because her childhood was unhappy.  Some people suffer from the Peter Pan  syndrome.  They do not want to grow up.. They want to be a Toys "R" Us kid...for life.                                                                                   

          Although Batman & Superman are fictitious their creators placed considerable, emphasis upon their childhoods. G.W. Griffin, the filmmaker said, "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the nation." John Locke, the British, philosopher in the late, 18 century and coined the Latin, term, "Tabula rasa" (blank canvas / slate). My pop, often said,  "Kids reflect parents." There's an old, expression, when you marry, you marry the family. That's figurative & literal. It applies to pets too.                               

          My aunt, berated ma to my kin, needlessly, all my life. She also cursed uncle in front of their kids /my kin, Howard, helped her when she had no-one. Yet she barely gave him gas & tolls.  Then "played" him as a "reward." She's a ma & grandma. Does that make her a good, mom or person?.                                                                                                             

          Many evil doers like Hitler were straight,  All top Nazis were straight. So was Al Capone. Dillinger, Bonnie & Clyde, etc.     Believe ir or not bi, coming out, freezing eggs, outing, in the closet, straight, boot, hard & drive, desk & lap top. inoculate, quarantine, virus, tablet,  & Windows had different, meanings.  "Rock music" was grandma's lullaby. "Aids" were helpers in the principal's office, monitor was a school kid, hacker was someone chopping weeds, Ram was an animal, surfing was in the beaches, "chip" meant a piece of-wood, "hardware" was  in a hardware, store. "Reboot, router & software" weren't words.  Spiders made webs.

          The "n" word was bad. Blacks didn't say it. They were Christians, hardworking & busy fighting oppression,& racism for the equality they earned long ago with taxes. And their blood / very lives defending this nation.

          Black History Month should be extended through July because February is the shortest, month. And the world should know of their many, many contributions genuine, heroes like Harriet Tubman, M. King, Booker T. Washington, George Washington Carver, Colin Powel, Langston Hughes, Vivian Hansberry, W.E. Dubois, Crispes Attacks, etc. made to society..                                                                                                                                                

          Unfortunately, too many Blacks are opportunists: use race as a cop out for their misdeeds.  When I taught I put in an assignment on the board & told the class to copy it.  One boy was goofing off. So I asked if he sought an engraved invite. He accused me of picking on him cause he's Black. So I went over to him & asked what's Black have to with it? His silence deafened. So I added hello. Look around you. Where do you think you are? 

          In another school a boy strolled in half hour late. I said you're late. He replied it's raining. So I asked. He added he doesn't have a car to get to school like me. Neither did I @ 16 I didn't get my first one till I was 21 & worked for 3 years to save for it.  You're here now. Get to work. I resumed my task. A little, while, later I looked up, He was reading the paper. I said put that away & copy the board. I'm not going to tell u again. He played race, card too. So I used the same response. His counselor took the paper. I knew better than to as he might have hit me. A few hours later I had a moment with him & said I like you as a person, not a student. Many wish they could be you: You get free breakfast, lunch & ed.  What else do you want? Me to take the exam for you? If lack of ed. lands you in jail & early, grave you'll blame "Whitey"? His silence deafened.

          In college a Black, classmate balked about the "mother - f---ing, White Man, standing on his  neck.  I replied what do you want from me?  My ancestors were being gassed & burned.  He was speechless & never said another word about it.

          My brother "fears? Black Women because a neighbor "traumatized" him: came to the door in curlers & cream. He ran off  screaming it's a "monster from outer space!"  A few, days, later a nice, pretty, neighbor asked him what that was all about.  He asked with shock if that was her. She said yes.  He said she frightened him.  Why, she asked.  He replied he's been a bachelor a long time & unaccustomed to seeing women that way. Then asked didn't she know they're never supposed to. She lol & said no. So he dubbed her Mrs. "Hyde & Jekyl." & continued she has now & hubbys can...after the honeymoon...a decade...or 2 after the honeymoon! The joked, it's no mystery she only has 1 kid. The boss sees Mrs. America & hubby sees the Bride of Frankenstein. She lol as expected.

          A neighbor claimed she's being persecuted because she's Black .I looked her in the eye.  Then asked with my notorious, seamless, smile & asked how do u know u are Black?...Who told u? Buy all u hear? I brought her to her knees. crying & lol.  I call her ma grandma, her sis & her son, nephew.  When her cousin, visited I said we're Luke & Lea, twins separated @ birth..Then added we have the same eyes, nose & smile. I said that with an arm around her shoulder. He was speechless. she lol. Her ma does too when I call her grandma.

          In college, I had a great advisor, named Thea. She was good because she was sharp & tough. She said."Presentation is everything.  If u can't get your ideas across in a clear, concise, manner they're lost.  It doesn't matter how brilliant they are." Then one day for reason she got om a soap box about being Black. I replied so what? Who cares? U are my counselor & friend & love me. That's all that matters. She declared, "That not the point! It's not the issue! It's used to describe things! U don't it u don't see me! U are a racist!" Nothing I said was acceptable. She had me look up racist. I chose to "lose the battle & win the war." The next day I said with my notorious, smile I said I pondered all u said & have a question. She said, "Good & what's my question?"  I asked if she'd like to play let's make a deal.?  She looked @ me puzzled. I said, I won't tell anyone she's Black if she won't.  It'll be our little, secret. Just between us. Then I did a tickle & zipper, lock./  As she LOL I added I won't even say you are a woman!  They can beat & torture me. I'll never, ever tell. If asked why I can honestly say you never told me. Every time she began to compose herself I smiled, smirked, winked, etc. It was a running, joke for months.  I'd say I was quoting you.  But have no fear. Your secret's safe. I promise.

          The college community called the v.p. of $ Dr. Richardson. He became Uncle Will. I was a blessing / surprise he never, ever dreamed he'd want or have: a #1, favorite, Kosher, nephew...in - law...thrice removed. Thea inspired me to tweek him. So I said there's a rumor going around about him. He asked what? I said you don't want to know. Yes I do, he added. I said no you don't. It's "biting". He said, so. I continued, I want you to know I defended you. I appreciate that, he added, Good, I continued.  What is it, he requested. It's mean, I said. Big deal, he replied. It's vicious, I continued.  So what?, he added. I called it Communist, Propaganda!, I declared. That's fine, he continued. Tell me, he asked. You won't "shoot - the - messenger" I asked. No, he said. Promise? I asked, Yes, he answered. Okay, but remember I don't buy it for a nanosecond, I added. Good, he replied. Well, people are saying you're Black. My preamble & straight face completely, diverted him from my surprise answer. So it took a minute to click. Then he LOL. I smiled, smirked, grinned & winked @ him too.  After a few minutes he eeked out he is. I said, with a straight, face no. Yes he eeked out while lol. Come on. You're pulling my leg, I said as I shook it. No he mumbled as he lol. really, I asked. Yes, he said as he lol. Well you know what I said.  I won't tell if you don't. It's our, little secret, I said with a wink. He nearly fell out of his chair, peeing.

          He was also southern & c.p.a. with P.hd, in Accounting. I said with my usual, straight - face, you can't really be a c.p.a. Why not?, he asked. this is NYC, I replied. So?, he asked. Didn't they tell you?, I asked. Who & what? he asked.  There was supposed to be a rep from the accountant's society to greet & inform you of these things. Wasn't there one? I said still, straight - faced.  No, he replied. That's odd.  Didn't you fyi them?, I asked  No, he replied. Aha!, I added. What?, he asked. It's your- "bad", I continued. Why?, he asked. You were supposed to tell them you're moving here. So they'd dispatch a rep to brief on such matters. Why?, he asked. Well,,, I don't quite know how to say this, but there's an unspoken & unwritten, rule.  What he asked. It's not my job to fyi you this. But because I like you & you're my uncle I will, if you promise to recall it's not my rule.  It's been around for years. Ok,. he said. Well, you must be Jewish first.  It's a prerequisite here. He LOLOL.  The next day I had an idea for a follo - up, gag. So I said, with my usual seamless, smile I pondered the situation & have a solution. sensing another joke was coming he smiled & asked, what? I asked, How'd you like to play let's make a deal?, I asked.  Knowing I was joking, he asked, what? Ipo can say you're an accountant, if you don't practice..If you do you must convert. If you don't I'll tell the accountant's society, I added with a smirk. He lol, as expected.        . 

          My brother, Howard's pal, Larry is Black & claimed he was fired for it. Howard asked Larry how he was hired & worked there 18 months without anyone noticing he's Black? Larry was speechless. He is lazy & tardy. Yet tried to "pass -the -buck".

          In my day your word was honored. Today people labor to wiggle out of signed, contracts. We were the last, generation to believe a lady, needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder we're called "confused & old" & say there’s a generation- gap..                                                                                                          

          How old do you think I am??.....Read on to see --It's sad & scary if you think about it,  Grandma’s ONLY 59!!