Question of the Week:
This question is from my daughter (aged 7 years).
"Why would a supposedly good, just, loving G-d allow so much suffering in the world?"
(I started answering and realised I was not talking on her level. Can you help?) Answer:
You are a bright seven year old. There are many things that you can understand, but your baby brother would not understand. For example, does your baby brother ever get a rash? I'm sure he does. So what happens when a baby has a rash? Mum applies cream to ease it. The poor little baby screams as his tender skin is stung by the ointment. But mum keeps going, ignoring the screams. As hard as it is for her to inflict pain on her baby, she does it, because she knows that it is for his good.
Imagine it would be possible to ask the baby how he feels about the situation. He would probably say, "I am being brutally tortured by the very person who is supposed to love me and care for me the most! My own mother has no mercy. She ignores my cries. Why is this happening?"
And there would be no answer anyone could offer. There is no way in the world we could explain to a baby that no, it is not torture, it is healing. Yes it is painful, but it is only being done in order to prevent pain and make you better. A baby simply can't understand anything beyond the pain he is experiencing.
We are all like that baby. In front of G-d, even the wisest and smartest person is like an infant. We look at the world and we see the suffering and we ask why. And no one can give us a satisfying answer. We can't understand, all we can do is cry from the pain. G-d is moved by our cries, it pains Him to see our pain. He understands us. We don't understand Him.
The gap between our minds and G-d's is even wider than the gap between a baby's mind and an adult's. The baby will one day reach adulthood, and he too will come to understand the ways of his parents. But we will never reach G-d. We cannot begin to understand G-d's ways.
But the baby still loves his mum, even though he doesn't understand her actions. So too we need not understand G-d to love Him. Somehow, all the suffering in the world is a healing, and every painful experience is there to teach and to fix. Why does it have to be this way? G-d knows. We don't.
Mum knows what she's doing. So does G-d.
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Moss
To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au
Thursday, July 2, 2009
"Marriage: Advice From A Maven (expert)" By Professor Mitch Asinoff = 6/26/09
"Marriage: Advice From A Maven (expert)" By Professor Mitch Asinoff = 6/26/09
I created some rules that will guarantee a happy marriage. They're my philosophy. And should be yours too, if you want a good marriage! To start off, these rules were designed for women. The reason is there are none for men, because we're superior in every way! All women should be required to swear allegiance to them along with their wedding vows. Then they should be framed & hung, to insure that they're seared into women's memories! They are entitled, "The Gospel of Marriage According to Mitch." There’s no doubt these rules are very effective. If all wives follow them religiously divorce will virtually disappear. And everyone will live happily ever after, just like in the movies! Sorry all you divorce lawyers. You can do prenuptial agreements
1: Men are bosses, not lumps of clay, or blank canvases to be transformed by your vision. Nor are we new shoes to be broken in, or a house to remodel. We are what we are! We belch, burp, fart, etc. Don’t try to trade our pants for a skirt or God will punish u.
2. We need time out with the boys. So don’t try to keep us on a leash.
3. If- a husband's nice enough to tell his wife he won't be home for dinner it's fine. She can’t ask where he's going. If she does he'll think she distrusts him. A good wife must always trust her husband completely if she wants him to be happy. If she doesn't do everything she can to please him he'll leave!
4: Men never do anything to cause a divorce. All marriage troubles are caused- by women, over one dumb thing or another. They MUST follow these rules to the letter! It's the only way a marriage will work. Total faith is required, from wives 24/7, if they expect to be happy. Women must remember how easy it is for a man to pack up & go. Women are like a bus at rush hour: if you miss the first another will be along in five minutes!
5: When the man comes home a good wife never asks where he's been, or with who. If she does he'll think she's insecure. No man will stay with a woman who’s so insecure. Who’d blame him for divorcing her?
6: A good wife must always keep her husband well fed. Regardless if there's not- enough for her. She can't be nearly as hungry as everyone knows that men work much harder than women!
7: A good wife always keeps her husband's clothes in perfect condition, no matter what. They must be washed, ironed, folded & hung. Wives who don't are lazy. No one would blame him for divorcing a lazy wife who doesn't even take care of his clothes!
8: A good wife keeps her husband's car clean at all times. If he doesn't have one she's obligated to get him one. Any sacrifice she makes to do so is her way of showing him she's a good wife.
9: Should she get herself pregnant, it's her responsibility to care for it, especially when he comes home after a hard of real work. Kids are annoying to a man when asking lots of questions, especially if he doesn't have the answers!
10: Good wives give husbands sex, no matter what, even if she's tired. She shouldn't be. Everyone knows housework isn't real work. So she can't have a bad day at work the way guys do!
11: Good wives never ask husbands for money because he works so hard for it. She's supposed to make due on whatever he gives her. That's one of her responsibilities!
12: Good wives stay size ten. Who'd blame a guy for leaving a woman that let- herself- go? That would be grounds- for a divorce & we all know she’d never get alimony because of it!
13: Last, but not least, good wives never tell their husbands any of their troubles. Everyone knows a woman does not have any compared to men's!
I never married. But that shows I'm smart. I'm still an expert and am guaranteed a good marriage if whoever my future wife is follows these rules!
Marriage should be classified between death and taxes. It's worse than taxes. But we'll never answer the question that's plagued mankind for eternity: is marriage worse than death? Yes, no, maybe? It is one of the great- mysteries of the universe. One that we are destined to always -ponder!
People often ask if I’m married. I reply I’m still taking applications. That’s why I’m happy.
I created some rules that will guarantee a happy marriage. They're my philosophy. And should be yours too, if you want a good marriage! To start off, these rules were designed for women. The reason is there are none for men, because we're superior in every way! All women should be required to swear allegiance to them along with their wedding vows. Then they should be framed & hung, to insure that they're seared into women's memories! They are entitled, "The Gospel of Marriage According to Mitch." There’s no doubt these rules are very effective. If all wives follow them religiously divorce will virtually disappear. And everyone will live happily ever after, just like in the movies! Sorry all you divorce lawyers. You can do prenuptial agreements
1: Men are bosses, not lumps of clay, or blank canvases to be transformed by your vision. Nor are we new shoes to be broken in, or a house to remodel. We are what we are! We belch, burp, fart, etc. Don’t try to trade our pants for a skirt or God will punish u.
2. We need time out with the boys. So don’t try to keep us on a leash.
3. If- a husband's nice enough to tell his wife he won't be home for dinner it's fine. She can’t ask where he's going. If she does he'll think she distrusts him. A good wife must always trust her husband completely if she wants him to be happy. If she doesn't do everything she can to please him he'll leave!
4: Men never do anything to cause a divorce. All marriage troubles are caused- by women, over one dumb thing or another. They MUST follow these rules to the letter! It's the only way a marriage will work. Total faith is required, from wives 24/7, if they expect to be happy. Women must remember how easy it is for a man to pack up & go. Women are like a bus at rush hour: if you miss the first another will be along in five minutes!
5: When the man comes home a good wife never asks where he's been, or with who. If she does he'll think she's insecure. No man will stay with a woman who’s so insecure. Who’d blame him for divorcing her?
6: A good wife must always keep her husband well fed. Regardless if there's not- enough for her. She can't be nearly as hungry as everyone knows that men work much harder than women!
7: A good wife always keeps her husband's clothes in perfect condition, no matter what. They must be washed, ironed, folded & hung. Wives who don't are lazy. No one would blame him for divorcing a lazy wife who doesn't even take care of his clothes!
8: A good wife keeps her husband's car clean at all times. If he doesn't have one she's obligated to get him one. Any sacrifice she makes to do so is her way of showing him she's a good wife.
9: Should she get herself pregnant, it's her responsibility to care for it, especially when he comes home after a hard of real work. Kids are annoying to a man when asking lots of questions, especially if he doesn't have the answers!
10: Good wives give husbands sex, no matter what, even if she's tired. She shouldn't be. Everyone knows housework isn't real work. So she can't have a bad day at work the way guys do!
11: Good wives never ask husbands for money because he works so hard for it. She's supposed to make due on whatever he gives her. That's one of her responsibilities!
12: Good wives stay size ten. Who'd blame a guy for leaving a woman that let- herself- go? That would be grounds- for a divorce & we all know she’d never get alimony because of it!
13: Last, but not least, good wives never tell their husbands any of their troubles. Everyone knows a woman does not have any compared to men's!
I never married. But that shows I'm smart. I'm still an expert and am guaranteed a good marriage if whoever my future wife is follows these rules!
Marriage should be classified between death and taxes. It's worse than taxes. But we'll never answer the question that's plagued mankind for eternity: is marriage worse than death? Yes, no, maybe? It is one of the great- mysteries of the universe. One that we are destined to always -ponder!
People often ask if I’m married. I reply I’m still taking applications. That’s why I’m happy.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
moms
Classic Quotes by Ann Taylor (1782-1866),
English children's writer & poet.
Who ran to help me when I fell,
Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well,
My mother.-
My Mother (St. 6)
Monday, June 22, 2009
My pop: the Bird whisper & his Little Angels...
My Pop: The Bird Whisperer and his Little Angels (updated) 6/9/09- By M. Asinoff
I teased my- pop about “suing” Hollywood for “royalties”: he “inspired” the movie “Grumpy Old Men”. He was grumpy long before he was old. I suspect he was “born grumpy”. Despite that he had a philosophy on the “joys” of children: “pity” our neighbor & others like them…they’re childless.
His “heart went out” to them, or so he said. I didn't believe him. He said he “pities” them because they looked so young & happy. They had no clue what they “missed” not having kids. There’s no “joy” like waiting for me to stroll- in…at 3 A.M.
“Who needs a tan, or-vacation when you can spend your time & money on your kids?” pop half -jokingly, asked our neighbor. The “selfishness” of never having to sacrifice for the sake of the kids can be “heartbreak”. He had “no –clue” how they “endured” the “agony” of not having to worry about what the kids are doing to the house when they’re away. To him everyone deserves kids (I’ve -no- doubt misery -loves -company). They “must” experience the fights over disciplining, not to mention the “fun” of waiting for a sitter…who- never showed.
The early years were “pure joy”, he said. Being awoken at 2 a.m. by a crying baby or having to run to the E.R. is surely “Divine Retribution”. They’ll never know the “glimmering, glistening”-smile of me wearing two grand in braces. He “didn't really want “a new car. Walking is good for your health & the environment. Plus there’s nothing like-the sound of little "monsters" running & screaming at a party. “No one should miss” it.
Ma’s evening updates were “dinner conservation”. Indigestion: a “bonus.” I “saved $ & calories on desert, helping earn my keep”. These are the “little joys” of parenthood. You’ve “no-clue” what you’re “missing”, pop told the young, happy, neighbor.
You should’ve seen the “tear well up in the corner of his eye & slowly run down his- cheek” as he told- them- the- ”joy” he felt when my brother, “Guido” married a childish, “cement head.” One- day she & pop were discussing her marriage troubles & he said “something's rotten in Denmark.” She responded with a blank stare, then- asked, "What’s Denmark have- to- do with- this?" I–nearly wet myself from LOL so hard I sobbed! You can’t make this stuff up. Truth’s funnier than fiction!
Pop said with three boys, & a girl, the most joy by far he got was from beloved “Chickens” (Parakeets)! They’re his pals. He truly loved them for a generation & often said they don’t open big mouths, like “Guido” & I.
His love for animals was innate. When pop was a kid, Spot, the family dog instinctively knew pop would care for him. Pop said he awoke extra early to walk Spot & cut & washed Spot’s hair. After four years away in Europe & Africa in WW II, pop returned home. Spot instantly recalled & greeted pop with love & affection. Pop’s love of birds began in Sept, 76 when our neighbor & family, friend, Danny moved to Florida & gave us his parakeet, Birdie. We called him Mr. Pitzy (Yiddish for little one). After a few months we got him a wife & named her Mrs. Pitzy. She soon became pop’s favorite “daughter / grand” bird & got tummy rubs regularly in exchange for a chirpy. He loved it as much as her. The rest as they say is history.
Interestingly, opposites attract: ma disliked & feared animals. Yet in a rare moment ma was talking to our bird, Little Cousin when she jumped up on ma’s head & looked around, as if on top of the world. I ran for a camera and took a picture. It vanished. Luckily, it surfaced…after- ma passed. It’s a memory I’ll cherish for life.
Pop loved them enough for him and ma. They brought out a softer side no-one-knew of. He was shy and quiet out of the house aside from our best friends and next door neighbor, Al, RIP & his son, Mike (the fourth son my folks always wanted, but never had. Mike had me otflol by recalling pop as a gentle, giant.). Sharon, a dearly, departed, cousin and neighbor said pop was soft on the inside. I asked if she’s sane. He loved chirping though. It’s nature’s music.
I often “reminded” - pop that I'm his “favorite” son, but he still “forgot”. Every time I asked him who's- your- favorite son, his first response was always Fritzky. He was pop’s #1, favorite “son” & a gift from Rob, a colleague who joined the Army. He loved & trained Fritzky. So ensuring he had a loving home was vital. I had no clue I’d have to “reminded” pop… daily…for several years that I'm his “favorite” son, not Fritzky as I’m the youngest & he saved the “best“- for –last..
I told my eldest brother, Howard this & pop’s getting “Alzheimer’s”: I “must remind” him Fritzky’s gone. And I'm his “favorite son”. Howard griped, "What do I say? I'm on the bottom of the “totem –pole:” I compete with Fritzky, our evil, brother, “Guido”, a not so merry ex mailman & you. Be glad you're only third on the list. Don't complain until you had the very ‘distinct & unique pleasure of being last!’" It just goes to show you, just when you think your life stinks, there is always someone just a bit worse –off.
Most birds are caged 24/7. That’s cruel: God gave them wings. A cage’s a house, not jail. Pop’s pals’ house is a Parrot Cage my sister, Adrienne gave us her with three birds, years ago. That made five. Seeing them fly from room to room was a unique experience. Pop had room in his heart for a dozen. They figured out to sneak-out between the bars on day one. Pop said they lined up in the morning waiting for him to greet and feed them like kids @ school. So I joked, Pitzy “Kindergarten 101”, with “Mr”. Pop. They looked & chirped as I said time for school: get dressed, wash your face, brush your teeth, comb your hair, tie- your shoes & open your books to the H.W. If you didn’t- do- it you’ll wear a dunce cap. Spare me excuses such as you lack arms, teeth, clothes, shoes, can’t read or write, etc. I added, today’s spelling word is pop & spelled it. They looked, tilted their heads & chirped as if comprehending.
Pop grumbled, as usual. Then added I’m wasting- my- breath, they’ll- never- say it. I replied you taught my evil, brother, “Guido”. Miracles happen. “Lightning- can- strike– twice”. We debated if Guido can read the letters, or sign his check. Everyone, except my folks, lol!
I meet lots of Born Again Christians who want me to convert me & say Jesus loves me & my pets. I suspect He just likes me a lot & tell all my birds Jesus -loves them & they “…have a friend in Jesus…. “(Norm Rosenbaum) That’s- why they have a long, “Life- of -Reilly.” I also tell them Shabbat Shalom (Hebrew for peaceful Sabbath) on Fridays and Saturdays.
They’re smart too: Buddy gave the cage the “evil eye” & called us to open it so she can eat, drink and kiss her -refection. What lungs! We heard her loud and clear across the level and downstairs, especially if she was hungry.
During a blizzard I teased pop they want to be snow birds & play in the snow. He laughed & said, “That’ll-be the end of them.” I told them put on a coat, hat & boots if they want to go out. They looked @ me & chirped as they did no matter what we said to them because they knew they were adored
Adrienne felt exempt because she’s the only gal and Fritzky was a boy. So since we were bird less one father’s day I got pop a girl and named her Little Buddy. I thought she was sleeping at first. For weeks she just ate and slept. Returning- her meant certain death. At first pop grumbled she’s sickly. Then God and pop’s love rejuvenated her to exceptional, energy and a great appetite. Soon she was pop’s only sole joy. He adored her. She was his new “daughter / grand” bird and profoundly, pampered, parakeet like all the others before and after.
They sat on pop’s finger as he very lovingly spoke to them in Yinglish. He swore they understood when they tilted- their heads a bit and looked him in the eye. They were tucked in every night. When sick, they got a heat lamp and medicine. Blue Bell had the runs and it stuck to his feathers. So we cleaned him. Pop gave them fresh water and food daily. I joked- they and the seeds are “Kosher”. When- they passed we buried them out back. I still talk to them in Yinglish. Unfortunately they can’t chirp anymore.
Fritzky and Whitey had a summer and winter home. Pop made Buddy a “wading pool” (car wax cover) because they were his favorite “daughters / grand” birds, too. He’d remove his glasses and talk to them. They looked intently because they know his voice, yet he was different. Fritzky flew to pop, climbed down his arm, looked up, tilted his head and chirped as pop talked to him. One time pop had coins in his hand and Fritzky began tossing them. It became a regular trick. He was nicknamed the “barber” because he sat on pop’s shoulder & pulled hair. When watching TV pop asked if he liked the show or, wanted a different channel, one- chirp- for- yes and two for- no. They looked @ pop & chirped because they knew he was lovingly talking to them.
Feeding- them was joy for pop: he was greeted by a chorus of chirps …in stereo. They looked at him, he smiled and said, “Hi sweetie, yes- honey. Hello. Are-you- talking to me? Yes. What -are u trying to tell me? Ooh, you’re all excited. Yes, honey, talk-to-me, sweetheart.” Pop retired, and loved to talk to his “pals” a few times a day, every day. They were the only thing that made him smile.
Buddy kissed pop’s nose & “trained” him: heard him coming, chirped & flew to the hall like a child seeking dad’s attention. It worked every time. She relished pop’s love. To swim she looked at pop, chirped & flew to the counter. He filled her “wading pool”. She sat on the inner shower door, chirping for the echo, made us laugh by poking her head around the corner when pop called & enjoyed his door rides. She looked all around. One winter he heated a three story house for her. In the summer she got cold, water 3X a day. He put fresh seeds atop a bed of shells. Buddy lived & played in a big, bathroom with a “see saw” (dr.’s scale). Pop asked how much she weighed. She chirped & flew to him for attention. One night Buddy wouldn’t go to bed. I told her in Yiddish I’d get-pop, he’d yell & spank her. She looked me in the eye, like a defiant kid. I called pop. She went in. We-LOL-the-next-day. He told her in Yinglish go to bed or else. His tone said he’s mad. She knew, chirped & flew-to his shoulder like a little girl “wrapping daddy around her- little- finger”, to avoid scolding. Buddy also laid many eggs. Despite begging in Yiddish to sit on them she just chirped & flew to me. Adrienne joked, use French. It’s the language of love. I wish I knew it.
Adrienne gave us a widower I named Sunny Boy. Pop hoped for “grand” birds for his and Buddy’s birthdays. Unfortunately, we didn’t get any because he was neurotic from a traumatic childhood. It took years to get him from fear to indifference because no one ever spoke to him. All he got food and water. Every living thing needs love. Plus Buddy wouldn’t sit on the eggs.
Seeing pop, a grumpy, old, truck mechanic turn to mush for a little bird was comical and cinematic. He was a bird “whisperer.” “Grand” birds would’ve done “mission impossible”: made pop truly, happy. He liked watching them play because they have personalities: Mr. & Mrs. Pitzy used to watch TV in the living room in the evening with pop. When they wanted to go to bed they flew to the bottom of the stairs, hovered and called for pop to put on the light. When he did, they flew up and hung on a door ledge till pop came up and put on a light in their room. Then they flew into their house. Since they’re small you often can’t see them when you pop in to check on them. Pop joked, a pet he must look for. I say calling all angels.
They- hang upside down, like Bats. Buddy crawled in the shower door track to peck @ reflections for hours and turned her body around. She was double jointed. When I called her she turned and looked @ me as if to say yes. Some sit on the edge of their house and look out like it’s a “front porch”, play, run and “Kamikaze” dive.
Pop laughed when Houdini would swing because he poked Cousin in the head with his tail. I sing rock a bye (whichever angel we had @ the time)… They climbed, jumped and slid (sometimes involuntarily and slowly while looking around in bewilderment) like firemen, gymnasts and acrobats. Fritzky flew to and from the mirror on ma’s dresser to his room, next door and called his reflection. He thought it was another bird. It was always there, yet didn’t follow him. We lol when they run because it’s sideways.
We couldn’t think of a name for one bird. So we called her no name. Her room was next to mine. So if I was on the computer or phone she’d hear me and chirp. If I called her she’d come in and sit on top of the computer, look @ me and chirp while I spoke to her in Yinglish. She loved the attention. If pop came in and called her she’d call him to let him know her local and go to him if he was in her room or walked into mine. He’d talk to her and she chirped away loudly and quite happily. I moved my computer down the hall, but still talk to them day & night…in Yinglish. I like Groucho Marx, RIP. So I tell them say the secret word and split a treat. The word’s pop. They chirp.
Like Whitey, RIP, Sunny’s meek, whereas- Buddy’s- a- bully. They had a ritual: fly to opposite ends of the room and call each other. She chased / cornered him, he squawked and they kissed. It was something out of a movie. When she bullied him I exclaimed, Little Buddy Asinoff! She halted and looked at me. I added, I’m watching- u! So is pop! We love u. And want-you to behave or you’ll get potch in tuchas (spanking). Then I use the peace sign and motion from my eyes to her or wag my finger. Her look said she knew she must “chill” Sometimes I made her bust for biting: grounded: put in a small cage she can’t escape for a day. She lived and loved to run, jump and play, all day, every day.
The parts about Fritzky, Buddy and my kin are true. Pop said, “If-u knew Fritzky like I did you’d understand me.” I say if you knew pop like I did, you’d understand me. Sometimes pop and I were-watching TV and the public service announcement came on: it’s-10 pm. Do you know where your children are? I’d joke: we’ll do u know where your chickens are? He’d do something very rare: smile. Then say “fashlufen in huse” (asleep in their house).
Doubt anything? Want more detail or humor? Ask pop- yourself…when -you get -to Heaven. He’ll be in the animal lovers’ section. People say there’s no such thing. When I ask how they know they hush. So I believe it exists. And pop, his angels and all the pitzy lovers are smiling down upon me because I gave pop years of joy by bringing Fritzky & Little Buddy into his life & took such good care of pop & his little angels.
When you find it ask for Mr. Pop. Don’t be surprised if he’s grumpy & says what do you want? Don’t bother me! Say you heard he’s Fritzky’s pop. That’ll flip his mood & make him smile wider than the Jericho Mile (7 x 7). I often asked him to ensure his coherence & give him joy. His response was always, instantly, Fritzky! We didn’t know @ the time it was his last night, & his last words to me were Fritzky was his favorite son. He was grouchy in my dreams when he was here & hasn’t changed since leaving.
After pop went Buddy ran away. After searching the house & calling her she chirped. I found her sitting on pop’s desk, in the dark, staring at his chair, as if awaiting his return. She sensed the loss on some level as they were so close. I put her to bed, & very lovingly, said pop loves you from Heaven, wants- you- to- behave & go-to-bed where it’s safe. She looked as if she understood, went to bed & stopped running away. I put his photo by the coupe for fun & said pop wants you to be gootinga clana madlle (good little gal) & is watching you from Heaven & earth.
Adrienne said they look like little angels. That’s when I suddenly realized what I’ve known for a generation: they’re –pop’s angels! I told Sunny in Yinglish, daily. I also tell them they’re angels because they have wings & “sing” nature’s music. And performed a miracle equal to Moses’: made pop happy…for a generation. If I wasn’t an eye & ear witness I’d never believe- it.
For music appreciation class I sing to them in English, The Beatles I love-you eight days a week, Love me too & Shake it up, baby, now. Twist & shout. We do The Penguins’ Earth Angel, Curtis Lee’s Pretty-Little-Angel-Eyes, Taveres’ Heaven must be missing an Angel cause you’re here with me right now. When they zoom out of the coupe I say Meatloaf’s bat out of hell. They like …you’re once, twice, three times a lady… by The Commodores. Charlie Prides Did u see the most beautiful girl in the world?... evokes chirps. When they move to music I say you should be dancing… (The Bee- Gees). If one’s scared I do War’s Why can’t we be friends. Sometimes I do Sister Sledge: We are family. Sing it to me… We appreciate The Partridge Family’s Oh, I think I love you. The Archies’ Sugar, Sugar is- good too. Debbie Boone’s a hit with U light up my life. I like Kojak. So I ask who loves u, baby? Then sing -The Doors’ Hello, I love you. Won’t -you tell me your name. When they chirp I-ask,-”Oh, who can it be now?, by (Men @ Work. Since Jews are all about guilt if they misbehave I say don’t go breaking by Neil Sedeka. If they won’t sit on my finger I say don’t make a grown, man cry…by the Stones. Sometimes I partody Mike Myers’ Saturday Night Live Coffee Talk & tell them talk amongst yourselves. I’m all farclempt (choked up). G. Harrison’s good too: “Here comes the sun...” For religious instruction we sing The Byrds: “To everything there is a season. To everything there’s a purpose, a time to be born, a time to die. A time to laugh, a time to- cry. A time to love…”
Every - morning I open the coupe & say Juice Newton said u -are an Angel in the morning. Then I ring the “school” bell, say pledge allegiance to the flag & sing God bless America with Kate Smith, & I’m proud to be an American with Lee Greenwood. I do my Mr. Rogers’ impression too: “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood….”
At Christmas we sing carols because we’re Jewish for kicks & to help them be multi cultural. So they know our culture we also do The Broflovski’s “Dreidel Dreidel, Dreidel. Stand -tall by Burton Cummings is well liked. Since they- don’t have- hands. I say if you are happy & you know it make a chirpy. If u are happy & u know it & u really want to show it make a chirpy.
When I called pop from work to check on him I always asked nu, vus halsta mit da pitzlah? (Well, how are the birds)? I could hear the joy in his voice when he said, fine. After CSI became a hit I’d ask them who are you? When the phone rang pop joked, phone call for (whatever bird we had). Crazy little thing called love by Queen is good for dance class. Stevie Wonder said it all: “I just called to say I love u. They’re the 3 most beautiful words you’ll ever hear. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart… ” We also do Isn’t she lovely, by him. I‘d tell them that. They chirp, joyfully…in stereo to John Mayer: Say what you need- to say. Luckily, they’re tone deaf & “sing” along. I tell them pop & all the Pitzy lovers in Heaven are listening & if they make pop a zati we’ll name it for him. They look at me & chirp, as usual.
Some people say they talk. I never saw it. Mine didn’t. Pop didn’t mind their mess either. They were his angels. And he loved them. Pop’s gone, but his legacy isn’t. I put an earlier copy of this & bird pictures on his heart as that’s where- his angels live forever. And swear he smiled when I said their names & tell Fritzky I said hi. If he could’ve pop would’ve made his angels heirs. Although we never discussed it in his heart he knew I’d love them. I promised him I’d take good care of them because he loved them so much.
So I tuck them in every night, say pop loves & u spend- a fortune keeping them warm in winter. After the last heating bill I lined their coupe with the help wanted ads. When a week passed it was apparent they didn’t get the message. So I said it’s time to start earning your keep. Seek a job acting or modeling. If you don’t find anything apply for unemployment. Should you be denied apply for disability: you re too small to be a carrier pigeon. I asked my accountant about deducting them as dependents on my taxes. He -lol. My –reward for caring for them? Every day: they greet me with chirps…in stereo. My next birds will be named Prince & Princess cause they they’re treated like royalty.
Unfortunately shortly after pop went Buddy followed from complications due to a difficulty pregnancy. Sunny was very depressed for weeks. He wouldn’t come out, much less chirp. I talked to him daily to comfort. He just sat & looked at me. He’s a widower twice.
So I adopted a young, girl, sang Cupid, draw back your bow with Sam Cooke and named her Baby Ida for my pop, Isidore & his ma, my Buby Ida. I followed the Eastern, European, Jewish tradition: naming after dearly departed.
Sunny is happy although Ida bullies him, as Buddy, RIP did. I beg & plead with them in Yinglish to say pop & make an old, grouch in Heaven happy with a baby Fritzky & 17 others, including a baby Isie. (18=luck to Jews) They look as if they understand & chirp, but haven’t made any babies.
She chirps up a storm daily & Sunny Boy joins in. He’s so happy with his third wife & back to his old self. Unfortunately, she bullies him too. If I catch her I say Baby Ida Asinoff! I’m watching you! So is pop! Then I motion with my fingers to & from my eyes & add behave or you’ll get gahockta sorus (big trouble)! She halts and looks at me. She knows she’s bad & must “cool it.” Unfortunately, she caught some of Sunny Boy’s neurosis. I try easing her fears with love, daily although it seems futile.
Unfortunately, Sunny Boy passed unexpectedly & Baby Ida’s depressed. I put pictures of pop & buby by her house for a laugh. Then told her who they are, I adopted & named her for them. I just adopted a boy. Howard & I named him Little Joe for pop’s dad. I already told him I want to be a fetta (uncle) to a baby Fritzky. He just looks @ me. Every morning I greet & ask them to make pop a zati (grandpa) & bubby a great bubby in Heaven. Then I say school’s- in with Professor Mitch, your #1, favorite, brother & ask them to say / spell bubby, Heaven, Fritzky, Little Buddy, Houdini, Mr. & Mrs. Pitzie, pop, Little Cousin, Mitch, Blue Bell, Baby Ida, cloud, brother, bird, Life of Reilly, racketeer, earth, aristocrat, royalty, America & love. They look @ me & chirp. Every afternoon I say school’s- out, do your homework. I also talk to all my birds in Yinglish daily because I’m trying to make them truly multicultural & I’m a bird “whisperer” too.
I teased my- pop about “suing” Hollywood for “royalties”: he “inspired” the movie “Grumpy Old Men”. He was grumpy long before he was old. I suspect he was “born grumpy”. Despite that he had a philosophy on the “joys” of children: “pity” our neighbor & others like them…they’re childless.
His “heart went out” to them, or so he said. I didn't believe him. He said he “pities” them because they looked so young & happy. They had no clue what they “missed” not having kids. There’s no “joy” like waiting for me to stroll- in…at 3 A.M.
“Who needs a tan, or-vacation when you can spend your time & money on your kids?” pop half -jokingly, asked our neighbor. The “selfishness” of never having to sacrifice for the sake of the kids can be “heartbreak”. He had “no –clue” how they “endured” the “agony” of not having to worry about what the kids are doing to the house when they’re away. To him everyone deserves kids (I’ve -no- doubt misery -loves -company). They “must” experience the fights over disciplining, not to mention the “fun” of waiting for a sitter…who- never showed.
The early years were “pure joy”, he said. Being awoken at 2 a.m. by a crying baby or having to run to the E.R. is surely “Divine Retribution”. They’ll never know the “glimmering, glistening”-smile of me wearing two grand in braces. He “didn't really want “a new car. Walking is good for your health & the environment. Plus there’s nothing like-the sound of little "monsters" running & screaming at a party. “No one should miss” it.
Ma’s evening updates were “dinner conservation”. Indigestion: a “bonus.” I “saved $ & calories on desert, helping earn my keep”. These are the “little joys” of parenthood. You’ve “no-clue” what you’re “missing”, pop told the young, happy, neighbor.
You should’ve seen the “tear well up in the corner of his eye & slowly run down his- cheek” as he told- them- the- ”joy” he felt when my brother, “Guido” married a childish, “cement head.” One- day she & pop were discussing her marriage troubles & he said “something's rotten in Denmark.” She responded with a blank stare, then- asked, "What’s Denmark have- to- do with- this?" I–nearly wet myself from LOL so hard I sobbed! You can’t make this stuff up. Truth’s funnier than fiction!
Pop said with three boys, & a girl, the most joy by far he got was from beloved “Chickens” (Parakeets)! They’re his pals. He truly loved them for a generation & often said they don’t open big mouths, like “Guido” & I.
His love for animals was innate. When pop was a kid, Spot, the family dog instinctively knew pop would care for him. Pop said he awoke extra early to walk Spot & cut & washed Spot’s hair. After four years away in Europe & Africa in WW II, pop returned home. Spot instantly recalled & greeted pop with love & affection. Pop’s love of birds began in Sept, 76 when our neighbor & family, friend, Danny moved to Florida & gave us his parakeet, Birdie. We called him Mr. Pitzy (Yiddish for little one). After a few months we got him a wife & named her Mrs. Pitzy. She soon became pop’s favorite “daughter / grand” bird & got tummy rubs regularly in exchange for a chirpy. He loved it as much as her. The rest as they say is history.
Interestingly, opposites attract: ma disliked & feared animals. Yet in a rare moment ma was talking to our bird, Little Cousin when she jumped up on ma’s head & looked around, as if on top of the world. I ran for a camera and took a picture. It vanished. Luckily, it surfaced…after- ma passed. It’s a memory I’ll cherish for life.
Pop loved them enough for him and ma. They brought out a softer side no-one-knew of. He was shy and quiet out of the house aside from our best friends and next door neighbor, Al, RIP & his son, Mike (the fourth son my folks always wanted, but never had. Mike had me otflol by recalling pop as a gentle, giant.). Sharon, a dearly, departed, cousin and neighbor said pop was soft on the inside. I asked if she’s sane. He loved chirping though. It’s nature’s music.
I often “reminded” - pop that I'm his “favorite” son, but he still “forgot”. Every time I asked him who's- your- favorite son, his first response was always Fritzky. He was pop’s #1, favorite “son” & a gift from Rob, a colleague who joined the Army. He loved & trained Fritzky. So ensuring he had a loving home was vital. I had no clue I’d have to “reminded” pop… daily…for several years that I'm his “favorite” son, not Fritzky as I’m the youngest & he saved the “best“- for –last..
I told my eldest brother, Howard this & pop’s getting “Alzheimer’s”: I “must remind” him Fritzky’s gone. And I'm his “favorite son”. Howard griped, "What do I say? I'm on the bottom of the “totem –pole:” I compete with Fritzky, our evil, brother, “Guido”, a not so merry ex mailman & you. Be glad you're only third on the list. Don't complain until you had the very ‘distinct & unique pleasure of being last!’" It just goes to show you, just when you think your life stinks, there is always someone just a bit worse –off.
Most birds are caged 24/7. That’s cruel: God gave them wings. A cage’s a house, not jail. Pop’s pals’ house is a Parrot Cage my sister, Adrienne gave us her with three birds, years ago. That made five. Seeing them fly from room to room was a unique experience. Pop had room in his heart for a dozen. They figured out to sneak-out between the bars on day one. Pop said they lined up in the morning waiting for him to greet and feed them like kids @ school. So I joked, Pitzy “Kindergarten 101”, with “Mr”. Pop. They looked & chirped as I said time for school: get dressed, wash your face, brush your teeth, comb your hair, tie- your shoes & open your books to the H.W. If you didn’t- do- it you’ll wear a dunce cap. Spare me excuses such as you lack arms, teeth, clothes, shoes, can’t read or write, etc. I added, today’s spelling word is pop & spelled it. They looked, tilted their heads & chirped as if comprehending.
Pop grumbled, as usual. Then added I’m wasting- my- breath, they’ll- never- say it. I replied you taught my evil, brother, “Guido”. Miracles happen. “Lightning- can- strike– twice”. We debated if Guido can read the letters, or sign his check. Everyone, except my folks, lol!
I meet lots of Born Again Christians who want me to convert me & say Jesus loves me & my pets. I suspect He just likes me a lot & tell all my birds Jesus -loves them & they “…have a friend in Jesus…. “(Norm Rosenbaum) That’s- why they have a long, “Life- of -Reilly.” I also tell them Shabbat Shalom (Hebrew for peaceful Sabbath) on Fridays and Saturdays.
They’re smart too: Buddy gave the cage the “evil eye” & called us to open it so she can eat, drink and kiss her -refection. What lungs! We heard her loud and clear across the level and downstairs, especially if she was hungry.
During a blizzard I teased pop they want to be snow birds & play in the snow. He laughed & said, “That’ll-be the end of them.” I told them put on a coat, hat & boots if they want to go out. They looked @ me & chirped as they did no matter what we said to them because they knew they were adored
Adrienne felt exempt because she’s the only gal and Fritzky was a boy. So since we were bird less one father’s day I got pop a girl and named her Little Buddy. I thought she was sleeping at first. For weeks she just ate and slept. Returning- her meant certain death. At first pop grumbled she’s sickly. Then God and pop’s love rejuvenated her to exceptional, energy and a great appetite. Soon she was pop’s only sole joy. He adored her. She was his new “daughter / grand” bird and profoundly, pampered, parakeet like all the others before and after.
They sat on pop’s finger as he very lovingly spoke to them in Yinglish. He swore they understood when they tilted- their heads a bit and looked him in the eye. They were tucked in every night. When sick, they got a heat lamp and medicine. Blue Bell had the runs and it stuck to his feathers. So we cleaned him. Pop gave them fresh water and food daily. I joked- they and the seeds are “Kosher”. When- they passed we buried them out back. I still talk to them in Yinglish. Unfortunately they can’t chirp anymore.
Fritzky and Whitey had a summer and winter home. Pop made Buddy a “wading pool” (car wax cover) because they were his favorite “daughters / grand” birds, too. He’d remove his glasses and talk to them. They looked intently because they know his voice, yet he was different. Fritzky flew to pop, climbed down his arm, looked up, tilted his head and chirped as pop talked to him. One time pop had coins in his hand and Fritzky began tossing them. It became a regular trick. He was nicknamed the “barber” because he sat on pop’s shoulder & pulled hair. When watching TV pop asked if he liked the show or, wanted a different channel, one- chirp- for- yes and two for- no. They looked @ pop & chirped because they knew he was lovingly talking to them.
Feeding- them was joy for pop: he was greeted by a chorus of chirps …in stereo. They looked at him, he smiled and said, “Hi sweetie, yes- honey. Hello. Are-you- talking to me? Yes. What -are u trying to tell me? Ooh, you’re all excited. Yes, honey, talk-to-me, sweetheart.” Pop retired, and loved to talk to his “pals” a few times a day, every day. They were the only thing that made him smile.
Buddy kissed pop’s nose & “trained” him: heard him coming, chirped & flew to the hall like a child seeking dad’s attention. It worked every time. She relished pop’s love. To swim she looked at pop, chirped & flew to the counter. He filled her “wading pool”. She sat on the inner shower door, chirping for the echo, made us laugh by poking her head around the corner when pop called & enjoyed his door rides. She looked all around. One winter he heated a three story house for her. In the summer she got cold, water 3X a day. He put fresh seeds atop a bed of shells. Buddy lived & played in a big, bathroom with a “see saw” (dr.’s scale). Pop asked how much she weighed. She chirped & flew to him for attention. One night Buddy wouldn’t go to bed. I told her in Yiddish I’d get-pop, he’d yell & spank her. She looked me in the eye, like a defiant kid. I called pop. She went in. We-LOL-the-next-day. He told her in Yinglish go to bed or else. His tone said he’s mad. She knew, chirped & flew-to his shoulder like a little girl “wrapping daddy around her- little- finger”, to avoid scolding. Buddy also laid many eggs. Despite begging in Yiddish to sit on them she just chirped & flew to me. Adrienne joked, use French. It’s the language of love. I wish I knew it.
Adrienne gave us a widower I named Sunny Boy. Pop hoped for “grand” birds for his and Buddy’s birthdays. Unfortunately, we didn’t get any because he was neurotic from a traumatic childhood. It took years to get him from fear to indifference because no one ever spoke to him. All he got food and water. Every living thing needs love. Plus Buddy wouldn’t sit on the eggs.
Seeing pop, a grumpy, old, truck mechanic turn to mush for a little bird was comical and cinematic. He was a bird “whisperer.” “Grand” birds would’ve done “mission impossible”: made pop truly, happy. He liked watching them play because they have personalities: Mr. & Mrs. Pitzy used to watch TV in the living room in the evening with pop. When they wanted to go to bed they flew to the bottom of the stairs, hovered and called for pop to put on the light. When he did, they flew up and hung on a door ledge till pop came up and put on a light in their room. Then they flew into their house. Since they’re small you often can’t see them when you pop in to check on them. Pop joked, a pet he must look for. I say calling all angels.
They- hang upside down, like Bats. Buddy crawled in the shower door track to peck @ reflections for hours and turned her body around. She was double jointed. When I called her she turned and looked @ me as if to say yes. Some sit on the edge of their house and look out like it’s a “front porch”, play, run and “Kamikaze” dive.
Pop laughed when Houdini would swing because he poked Cousin in the head with his tail. I sing rock a bye (whichever angel we had @ the time)… They climbed, jumped and slid (sometimes involuntarily and slowly while looking around in bewilderment) like firemen, gymnasts and acrobats. Fritzky flew to and from the mirror on ma’s dresser to his room, next door and called his reflection. He thought it was another bird. It was always there, yet didn’t follow him. We lol when they run because it’s sideways.
We couldn’t think of a name for one bird. So we called her no name. Her room was next to mine. So if I was on the computer or phone she’d hear me and chirp. If I called her she’d come in and sit on top of the computer, look @ me and chirp while I spoke to her in Yinglish. She loved the attention. If pop came in and called her she’d call him to let him know her local and go to him if he was in her room or walked into mine. He’d talk to her and she chirped away loudly and quite happily. I moved my computer down the hall, but still talk to them day & night…in Yinglish. I like Groucho Marx, RIP. So I tell them say the secret word and split a treat. The word’s pop. They chirp.
Like Whitey, RIP, Sunny’s meek, whereas- Buddy’s- a- bully. They had a ritual: fly to opposite ends of the room and call each other. She chased / cornered him, he squawked and they kissed. It was something out of a movie. When she bullied him I exclaimed, Little Buddy Asinoff! She halted and looked at me. I added, I’m watching- u! So is pop! We love u. And want-you to behave or you’ll get potch in tuchas (spanking). Then I use the peace sign and motion from my eyes to her or wag my finger. Her look said she knew she must “chill” Sometimes I made her bust for biting: grounded: put in a small cage she can’t escape for a day. She lived and loved to run, jump and play, all day, every day.
The parts about Fritzky, Buddy and my kin are true. Pop said, “If-u knew Fritzky like I did you’d understand me.” I say if you knew pop like I did, you’d understand me. Sometimes pop and I were-watching TV and the public service announcement came on: it’s-10 pm. Do you know where your children are? I’d joke: we’ll do u know where your chickens are? He’d do something very rare: smile. Then say “fashlufen in huse” (asleep in their house).
Doubt anything? Want more detail or humor? Ask pop- yourself…when -you get -to Heaven. He’ll be in the animal lovers’ section. People say there’s no such thing. When I ask how they know they hush. So I believe it exists. And pop, his angels and all the pitzy lovers are smiling down upon me because I gave pop years of joy by bringing Fritzky & Little Buddy into his life & took such good care of pop & his little angels.
When you find it ask for Mr. Pop. Don’t be surprised if he’s grumpy & says what do you want? Don’t bother me! Say you heard he’s Fritzky’s pop. That’ll flip his mood & make him smile wider than the Jericho Mile (7 x 7). I often asked him to ensure his coherence & give him joy. His response was always, instantly, Fritzky! We didn’t know @ the time it was his last night, & his last words to me were Fritzky was his favorite son. He was grouchy in my dreams when he was here & hasn’t changed since leaving.
After pop went Buddy ran away. After searching the house & calling her she chirped. I found her sitting on pop’s desk, in the dark, staring at his chair, as if awaiting his return. She sensed the loss on some level as they were so close. I put her to bed, & very lovingly, said pop loves you from Heaven, wants- you- to- behave & go-to-bed where it’s safe. She looked as if she understood, went to bed & stopped running away. I put his photo by the coupe for fun & said pop wants you to be gootinga clana madlle (good little gal) & is watching you from Heaven & earth.
Adrienne said they look like little angels. That’s when I suddenly realized what I’ve known for a generation: they’re –pop’s angels! I told Sunny in Yinglish, daily. I also tell them they’re angels because they have wings & “sing” nature’s music. And performed a miracle equal to Moses’: made pop happy…for a generation. If I wasn’t an eye & ear witness I’d never believe- it.
For music appreciation class I sing to them in English, The Beatles I love-you eight days a week, Love me too & Shake it up, baby, now. Twist & shout. We do The Penguins’ Earth Angel, Curtis Lee’s Pretty-Little-Angel-Eyes, Taveres’ Heaven must be missing an Angel cause you’re here with me right now. When they zoom out of the coupe I say Meatloaf’s bat out of hell. They like …you’re once, twice, three times a lady… by The Commodores. Charlie Prides Did u see the most beautiful girl in the world?... evokes chirps. When they move to music I say you should be dancing… (The Bee- Gees). If one’s scared I do War’s Why can’t we be friends. Sometimes I do Sister Sledge: We are family. Sing it to me… We appreciate The Partridge Family’s Oh, I think I love you. The Archies’ Sugar, Sugar is- good too. Debbie Boone’s a hit with U light up my life. I like Kojak. So I ask who loves u, baby? Then sing -The Doors’ Hello, I love you. Won’t -you tell me your name. When they chirp I-ask,-”Oh, who can it be now?, by (Men @ Work. Since Jews are all about guilt if they misbehave I say don’t go breaking by Neil Sedeka. If they won’t sit on my finger I say don’t make a grown, man cry…by the Stones. Sometimes I partody Mike Myers’ Saturday Night Live Coffee Talk & tell them talk amongst yourselves. I’m all farclempt (choked up). G. Harrison’s good too: “Here comes the sun...” For religious instruction we sing The Byrds: “To everything there is a season. To everything there’s a purpose, a time to be born, a time to die. A time to laugh, a time to- cry. A time to love…”
Every - morning I open the coupe & say Juice Newton said u -are an Angel in the morning. Then I ring the “school” bell, say pledge allegiance to the flag & sing God bless America with Kate Smith, & I’m proud to be an American with Lee Greenwood. I do my Mr. Rogers’ impression too: “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood….”
At Christmas we sing carols because we’re Jewish for kicks & to help them be multi cultural. So they know our culture we also do The Broflovski’s “Dreidel Dreidel, Dreidel. Stand -tall by Burton Cummings is well liked. Since they- don’t have- hands. I say if you are happy & you know it make a chirpy. If u are happy & u know it & u really want to show it make a chirpy.
When I called pop from work to check on him I always asked nu, vus halsta mit da pitzlah? (Well, how are the birds)? I could hear the joy in his voice when he said, fine. After CSI became a hit I’d ask them who are you? When the phone rang pop joked, phone call for (whatever bird we had). Crazy little thing called love by Queen is good for dance class. Stevie Wonder said it all: “I just called to say I love u. They’re the 3 most beautiful words you’ll ever hear. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart… ” We also do Isn’t she lovely, by him. I‘d tell them that. They chirp, joyfully…in stereo to John Mayer: Say what you need- to say. Luckily, they’re tone deaf & “sing” along. I tell them pop & all the Pitzy lovers in Heaven are listening & if they make pop a zati we’ll name it for him. They look at me & chirp, as usual.
Some people say they talk. I never saw it. Mine didn’t. Pop didn’t mind their mess either. They were his angels. And he loved them. Pop’s gone, but his legacy isn’t. I put an earlier copy of this & bird pictures on his heart as that’s where- his angels live forever. And swear he smiled when I said their names & tell Fritzky I said hi. If he could’ve pop would’ve made his angels heirs. Although we never discussed it in his heart he knew I’d love them. I promised him I’d take good care of them because he loved them so much.
So I tuck them in every night, say pop loves & u spend- a fortune keeping them warm in winter. After the last heating bill I lined their coupe with the help wanted ads. When a week passed it was apparent they didn’t get the message. So I said it’s time to start earning your keep. Seek a job acting or modeling. If you don’t find anything apply for unemployment. Should you be denied apply for disability: you re too small to be a carrier pigeon. I asked my accountant about deducting them as dependents on my taxes. He -lol. My –reward for caring for them? Every day: they greet me with chirps…in stereo. My next birds will be named Prince & Princess cause they they’re treated like royalty.
Unfortunately shortly after pop went Buddy followed from complications due to a difficulty pregnancy. Sunny was very depressed for weeks. He wouldn’t come out, much less chirp. I talked to him daily to comfort. He just sat & looked at me. He’s a widower twice.
So I adopted a young, girl, sang Cupid, draw back your bow with Sam Cooke and named her Baby Ida for my pop, Isidore & his ma, my Buby Ida. I followed the Eastern, European, Jewish tradition: naming after dearly departed.
Sunny is happy although Ida bullies him, as Buddy, RIP did. I beg & plead with them in Yinglish to say pop & make an old, grouch in Heaven happy with a baby Fritzky & 17 others, including a baby Isie. (18=luck to Jews) They look as if they understand & chirp, but haven’t made any babies.
She chirps up a storm daily & Sunny Boy joins in. He’s so happy with his third wife & back to his old self. Unfortunately, she bullies him too. If I catch her I say Baby Ida Asinoff! I’m watching you! So is pop! Then I motion with my fingers to & from my eyes & add behave or you’ll get gahockta sorus (big trouble)! She halts and looks at me. She knows she’s bad & must “cool it.” Unfortunately, she caught some of Sunny Boy’s neurosis. I try easing her fears with love, daily although it seems futile.
Unfortunately, Sunny Boy passed unexpectedly & Baby Ida’s depressed. I put pictures of pop & buby by her house for a laugh. Then told her who they are, I adopted & named her for them. I just adopted a boy. Howard & I named him Little Joe for pop’s dad. I already told him I want to be a fetta (uncle) to a baby Fritzky. He just looks @ me. Every morning I greet & ask them to make pop a zati (grandpa) & bubby a great bubby in Heaven. Then I say school’s- in with Professor Mitch, your #1, favorite, brother & ask them to say / spell bubby, Heaven, Fritzky, Little Buddy, Houdini, Mr. & Mrs. Pitzie, pop, Little Cousin, Mitch, Blue Bell, Baby Ida, cloud, brother, bird, Life of Reilly, racketeer, earth, aristocrat, royalty, America & love. They look @ me & chirp. Every afternoon I say school’s- out, do your homework. I also talk to all my birds in Yinglish daily because I’m trying to make them truly multicultural & I’m a bird “whisperer” too.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
AWESOME PHILOSOPHY
AWESOME PHILOSOPHY (incorrectly attributed to Charles M. Schulz, author of Peanuts)
Take this quiz:
1. Name the 5 wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last 5 Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last 5 Miss America contest.
4. Name 10 people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor or actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners. How did you do? The facts are none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second rate achievers. They are the best in their field. But the applause dies, Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one.
1. List a few teachers who aided you in your journey through school.
2. Name 3 friends who have hel[ed you through a difficult time.
3. Name 5 people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of 5 people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you. Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money orthe most awards. They are the ones that care. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today... it's already tomorrow in Manila.
Take this quiz:
1. Name the 5 wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last 5 Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last 5 Miss America contest.
4. Name 10 people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor or actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners. How did you do? The facts are none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second rate achievers. They are the best in their field. But the applause dies, Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one.
1. List a few teachers who aided you in your journey through school.
2. Name 3 friends who have hel[ed you through a difficult time.
3. Name 5 people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of 5 people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you. Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money orthe most awards. They are the ones that care. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today... it's already tomorrow in Manila.
5 Lessons to make you think...
Five (5) lessons to make you think about the way we treat people.
1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:
'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times.. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if The last question would count toward our quiz grade.
'Absolutely,' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older black, woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car broke down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s'..
The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.. It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sund ae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked. 'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..
He couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.
The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek.
Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.
1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:
'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times.. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if The last question would count toward our quiz grade.
'Absolutely,' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older black, woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car broke down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s'..
The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.. It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sund ae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked. 'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..
He couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.
The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek.
Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.
Green Eggs & What?
GREEN EGGS AND WHAT?
The National Education Association is celebrating"Read Across America" by encouraging adults to read to children. Of course, Green Eggs and Ham is one of the most popular Dr. Seuss books. And, there's the dilemma. How can Jewish kids celebrate with green Eggs and HAM?
So, in honor of (and with apologies to the estate of Dr. Seuss) here's a new ending for the story: Will you never see? They are not KOSHER. So let me be!I will not eat green eggs and ham. I will not eat them, Sam-I-am. But I'll eat green eggs with a biscuit Or I will try them with some brisket. I'll eat green eggs in a boxIf you serve them with some lox. And those green eggs are worth a try, Scrambled up in matzo brie!
And in a boat upon the river I'll eat green eggs with chopped liver! So if you're a Jewish
Dr. Seuss fan, But troubled by green eggs and ham, Let your friends in on the scoop: Green eggs taste best with chicken soup! AND........ Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream is now available in Israel. In the following flavors: Wailing Walnut Moishmellow, Mazel Toffee, Chazalnut, Oy Ge-malt, Mi Ka - mocha. Soda & Gamorra, Bernard Malamint Berry, Pr'i Hagafen, Choc-Eilat Chip and finally (drum roll, please).........Simchas T'oreo.
It should also be noted that all these flavors come in a Cohen.
The National Education Association is celebrating"Read Across America" by encouraging adults to read to children. Of course, Green Eggs and Ham is one of the most popular Dr. Seuss books. And, there's the dilemma. How can Jewish kids celebrate with green Eggs and HAM?
So, in honor of (and with apologies to the estate of Dr. Seuss) here's a new ending for the story: Will you never see? They are not KOSHER. So let me be!I will not eat green eggs and ham. I will not eat them, Sam-I-am. But I'll eat green eggs with a biscuit Or I will try them with some brisket. I'll eat green eggs in a boxIf you serve them with some lox. And those green eggs are worth a try, Scrambled up in matzo brie!
And in a boat upon the river I'll eat green eggs with chopped liver! So if you're a Jewish
Dr. Seuss fan, But troubled by green eggs and ham, Let your friends in on the scoop: Green eggs taste best with chicken soup! AND........ Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream is now available in Israel. In the following flavors: Wailing Walnut Moishmellow, Mazel Toffee, Chazalnut, Oy Ge-malt, Mi Ka - mocha. Soda & Gamorra, Bernard Malamint Berry, Pr'i Hagafen, Choc-Eilat Chip and finally (drum roll, please).........Simchas T'oreo.
It should also be noted that all these flavors come in a Cohen.
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