Tuesday, April 24, 2007

don Imus

There's NO defending his words! They should be put in context: he's a schock jock. He's paid a small fortune to say out rageous things.
Why isn't there outcry from the black communitty over comments such as Jesse Jackson saying he was a waiter in his spit in whitepeople's food?
I taught GED in many black schools and heard the race card played by kids to try and get over because I'm white: in Sheepshead Bay High School I was covering a class for a colleague. So I put the assignment on the board and instructed the class to copy. As I peered around the rtoom I noticed a young man wasn't working. So I approached him and asked why.
He said was picking on him because he's black. To his surprise I called him on it by asking what black has to do with it. He was silent.
I worked in another school when another young man camein late and took out a newspaper. When I told him he had to be kidding me and to put it away and copy the assignment he said I was picking on him because he's black
So I called him on it too. He was speechless too.
The kids all used the"N" word.

Banking

Subject: Banking, my style

This-letter to the bank is an actual letter that was sent to a bank, by a 96- year- old women.

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the NY Times.

Dear Sir, I’m writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my

plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his

presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of

course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit,

has been in place for only eight years.

You’re to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and for debiting my

account a $30 penalty for your inconvenience. My thankfulness springs from the manner in

which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I

personally attend to your calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the

impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From

now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will

arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your

bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any

other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to

complete.

I’m sorry it runs eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank

knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history

must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial

situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I’ll issue your employee a PIN # which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I

regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits, but, again, I have modeled it on the # of button

presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say,

imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer to my living room in case I’m there.

4. To transfer to my bedroom in case I’m sleeping.

5. To transfer to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu & to listen to options 1 - 7.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of

the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover

the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New-Year.

Your Humble Client.

All about teaching

All About Teaching – Collected and Edited by Mitch Asinoff
Teachers Matter

You don't actually have to take the quiz. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point one.....
Take this quiz:
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman Trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They’re the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel, appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes or scholars whose stories have inspired you. Easier?
The lesson: Those who make a difference in your life aren’t the ones with the most credentials, money, or awards.
They are the ones that care.

Teachers’ Poem
Last night as I lay sleeping,
I died or so it seemed.
Then I went to heaven, But only in my dream.
Up there St. Peter met me,
Standing at the pearly gates,
He said, "I must check your record.
Please stand right here and wait.
"He turned to me and said,
"Your record Is- covered with many terrible flaws.
On earth I see you rallied
For-every losing cause.
I see you drank alcohol,
And smoked and used drugs too.
Fact is you've done everything
A good person should never do.
We can't have people like you up here
Your-life was full of sin.
"Then he read the last of my record
Took -my hand and said, "Come in.
"He -lead- me up to the big boss and said,
"Take her in and treat her well.
She worked for the NYC Dept. of Ed.
She's done her time in Hell.

Teachers V. Educators

A news report said a private school in Victoria, Australia recently had a unique problem.
Girls put lipstick on in the bathroom and pressed their lips to the mirror leaving prints.
Every night, the custodian removed them and the next day, the girls put them back.
Finally the principal decided something had to be done:
she, all the girls and custodian met in the bathroom.
She explained the lip prints were hard to clean every night.
To demonstrate she asked him to clean them.
He took out a squeegee,
dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are Teachers, and then there are Educators.
Teaching in the 21st Century
"Let me see if I have this right.
You want me to go into that room with all those kids
and fill every waking moment with a love for learning.
I'm also to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity,
modify disruptive behavior,
observe- them for signs of abuse
and T-shirt messages.I must fight the war on drugs
and sexually-transmitted-diseases,
check backpacks for guns and raise self-esteem.
I'm to teach patriotism,
good citizenship,
sportsmanship,
fair play,
how and where to register to vote,
balance a checkbook and apply for a job.
"I’m to check their heads occasionally for lice,
maintain a safe environment,
recognize signs of potential anti-social behavior,
offer advice,
write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships,
encourage respect for other cultures and,
oh yeah, always make sure I give the girls in my class ½ my attention.
"My contract says I must work on my own time,
summer and evenings at my expense toward advance certification and a master's degree;
and after school,
I’m to attend committee and faculty meetings
and participate in staff development training to keep my job.
"I’m to be a paragon of virtue larger than life,
so that my very presence will awe students into being obedient and respect authority.
"I’m to pledge allegiance to supporting family values, a return to the basics,
and to my current administration. I must incorporate technology in learning,
and monitor all Web sites while providing a personal relationship with each student.
"I’m to decide who might be potentially dangerous and or liable to commit crimes in school or who is possibly being abused,
and I can be jailed for not mentioning these suspicions.
"I have to make sure all students pass state and federally mandated tests and all classes, whether or not they attend school on a regular basis or complete any of the work assigned.
Plus, I am expected to ensure all students with handicaps
are guaranteed a free and equal education,
regardless of their mental or physical abilities.
"I am to communicate frequently with each student's parent by letter,
phone, newsletter, and grade card.
I'm to do all of this with just a piece-of chalk,
a computer, some books, a bulletin board, a 45 minute more-or-less plan time and a big smile,
all on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps in many states.
Is that all?"
"And you want me to do all of this and expect me not to pray?
"Printed in THE MARIETTA DAILY JOURNAL,
March 26, 2000 - Written by the Rev. Nelson Price
SICK OF THOSE HIGHLY PAID TEACHERS

I, for one, am sick and tired of those highly paid teachers.
Their hefty salaries are driving up taxes and only working nine months a year!
It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do...baby-sit!
We can get that for less than minimum wage.
That's right...I would give them $3.00 dollars an hour and only the hours they worked,
not any of that silly planning time.
That would be 15 dollars a day.
Each parent should pay $15 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children.
Now, how many do they teach in a day....maybe-25.
Then that's 15 X 25=$375 a day.
But remember they only work 180 days a year!
I'm not going to pay for vacations.
Let's see...*that's 375 x180 = $67,500.00
(Hold on, my calculator must need batteries!)
What about those special teachers or the ones with master's degrees?
Well, we could pay them minimum wage just to be fair.
Let's round it off to $6.00 an hour.
That’d be $6 x 5 hours x 25 children times 180 days = $135,000.00 per year.
Wait a minute, there's something wrong here!!!
There sure is, duuh????!!
To me the sole hope of human salvation lies in teaching." ~ George Bernard Shaw ~
Make a teacher-smile. Send this to him or her!

fired secretary

Why I fired my secretary

Two weeks ago was my 48th birthday and I wasn't feeling too goodthat morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me. As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone happy birthday.

I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember. The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, boss, "Happy- Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said: "U know, it's such a beautiful day, and your birthday, let's go to lunch, just us.

"I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I heard all day. 'Let's go!"
We went to lunch. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "U know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not.

"She said, "Let's go to my apt." After arriving, she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable".
"Sure!" I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in a few minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there...on the couch.......... naked.
  • State and Local Government:
  • How Much Do I Know?
    Test Yourself.
  • For each right answer you get 5 points.

  • New York State
  • Executive Branch
    Current Governor: ________________________________________
    Last Governor: ______________________________________
    State Comptroller: ______________________________________
    Lieutenant Governor: ____________________________________
    Attorney General: __________________________________
  • Legislative Branch
  • 1. State Senate Majority Leader: __________________________________
    2. Assembly Speaker: ________________________________________
    3. Your State Senator _______________________________________
    4. Your Assemblyman: ________________________________________
  • Judicial Branch

  • Chief Justice of the Court of Appeals: _________________________________
  • New York City

  • 1. Current Mayor: ___________________________________________
  • 2. Last Mayor: ___________________________________________
  • 3. City Comptroller: ____________________________________
  • 4. City Public Advocate: ____________________________________
  • 5. City Council (# of members): ____________________________________
  • 6. Majority leader: ____________________________________________

  • 7. Your Councilman or woman: ____________________________________
  • 8. Manhattan Borough President: ___________________________________
  • 9. Brooklyn Borough President: ___________________________________
  • 10. Brooklyn District Attorney: ___________________________________
  • 11. Police Commissioner:___________ _____________________________
  • 12. CUNY’s Chancellor: __________________________________________

  • Scoring guide

80 – 100 = excellent,

65 – 80 = good,

50 – 65 = adequate,

40 – 50 = weak,

30 – 40 = inadequate,

0 – 30=

you’ll be deported.

tips

EVERY DAY HELPFUL HINTS
Budweiser beer conditions hair.
Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish.
Cool whip conditions hair in 15 min.
Mayonnaise KILLS LICE & conditions hair.
Elmer's Glue-paint on your face, let it to dry, peel off & see the dead skin & blackheads if any. For Shiny Hair-use brewed Lipton Tea.
Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water.
Minor burn-Colgate or Crest toothpaste.
Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
Bee stings - meat tenderizer.
Chigger bite - Preparation H.
Puffy eyes - Preparation H.
Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals).
Stinky feet - Jello!!
Athletes feet – cornstarch.
Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub.
Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's!
Wipe off with a coffee filter paper.
Sticking bike chain-Pam cooking spray. It'll also get paint, and grease from your hands!
Keep a can in your garage.
Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls.
When- doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on.
Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar!
Tie Dye T-shirt-mix Kool Aid in a container, tie rubber band around part of the shirt and soak.
Preserving newspaper clipping?
Mix a big bottle of club soda and 1/2 cup milk of magnesia.
Then soak for 20 min. and let dry. It'll last years!
A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste.
Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
To remove wax - take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, the towel will absorb it.
To remove labels off glassware, etc. rub with peanut butter!
Baked on food -fill container with water, and get a Bounce paper softener. The static from the Bounce will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight.
You can also use 2 Efferdent tablets and soak overnight!
Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
Dirty grout – Listerine.
Stains on clothes – Colgate.
Grass stains - Karo Syrup.
Grease Stains- Coca Cola.
It removes grease stains from the driveway overnight and takes corrosion from batteries!
Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand 24 hours.
Maybe this’ll work if you get them back again.
To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer add some Clorox, or 2 aspirin, or use 7-up instead of water.
Wonder which is the freshest when you buy bread?
It's delivered fresh Monday-Saturday?
Each day has a different color twist tie:
M – Blue, T – Green, Th – Red, F – White, S - Yellow.
If today was Thursday, you want red - not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)!
The colors go alphabetically: Blue - Green - Red - White, Yellow, Monday through Saturday. It's easy to remember. I thought this was interesting.
So I looked in the store and saw it, even the one with the plastic clips have different colors.
You learn something new everyday!!!
Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color the day you shop.

men and women speak

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish..................49.
Adventurous.............Slept with everyone.
Athletic................No breasts.
Average looking.........Moooo.
Beautiful...............Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure......On medication.
Feminist................Fat.
Free Spirit.............Junkie.
Friendship first........Former Slut.
New-Age.................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned...........No B.J.'s
Open-minded.............Desperate.
Out going...............Loud and embarrassing.
Professional............Bitch.
Voluptuous..............Very fat.
Large frame.............Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate.........Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH

Yes.....................No
No......................Yes
Maybe...................No
We need.................I want
I'm sorry...............You'll be sorry
We need to talk........ You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead..........You better not
Do what you want........You'll pay for this later
I am not upset..........Of course, I'm upset, you moron!
You're so attentive.....Is sex all you ever think of?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH

I'm hungry........................................I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy.............................................I'm sleepy.
I'm tired.....................................................I'm tired.
Nice dress..........................................Nice cleavage!
I love you............................................Let's do it now!
I am bored...............................Do you want to do it?
May I have this dance?.................. I want to do you.
Can I call you sometime?.................I want to do you.
Do you want to go to a movie?.........I want to do you.
I would like you out to dinner?.........I want to do you.
Those shoes don’t go with that outfit...............I'm gay.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Pledge

Since the Pledge of Allegiance & Lord's Prayer aren’t allowed in most public schools because God is mentioned....

A child in Arizona wrote the attached NEW School Prayer. I liked it.... Now I sit me down in school Where praying is- against-the-rule. For this great nation under God Finds mention of Him very odd. If Scripture now the class recites, It violates the Bill of Rights. And anytime my head I bow Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green, That's no offense; it's a freedom scene. The law is specific, the law is precise. Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice. For praying in a public hall Might -offend someone with no faith at all. In silence alone we must meditate, God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss & dress like freaks, And pierce our noses, tongues & cheeks. They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible. To quote the Good Book makes me liable. We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen, And the 'unwed dad,' our Sr. King.

It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong, We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong. We can get our condoms & birth controls, Study witchcraft, vampires & totem poles. But the Ten Commandments are not allowed, No word of God must reach this crowd. It's scary here I must confess, When chaos reigns the school's a mess So, Lord, this silent plea I make: Should I be shot; My soul please- take!

Amen

gays

Gays are looking for luv in all the WRONG places! Any guy wanting to see all of me desperately NEEDS schock therapy! I do NOT even want to see it... there's a lot of me to luv...A little too much... So I shower in the dark!
An ex laughingly said I don't blame you. If I were you I would I would too. You're not that pretty with your clothes on.
I replied by asking her would you like to know a little secret...just between us?
Rather smugly she asked what?
I said rather loudly once upon a time you thought I was pretty... enough to hug and kiss...while wearing NO thing...but contacts!!!
I had NO idea they were so MANY shades of red and purple till that moment.
Every time I'm in the area I pass by thespot to reminess.

Booker T/

"Booker T. Washington's Autobiography" An Analytical Essay by Mitch Asinoff


Washington was born a slave in Virginia, in 1856. His family was dirt poor. Yet, like those who choose to follow the trail he blazed, he pulled himself up from nothing to become a great asset to his country. He was, and always will be, an example not just to poor black people in the U.S., but to people everywhere. He rose up to rub elbows with President Grover Cleavleand.

He was nothing but a poor black man in the South after the Civil War. Yet was able to pull himself, his brothers, and many slaves up from the dirt without being a demagogue. He never had the need or desire to put white people down in order prop himself or his race up. Too bad we cannot say the same about many leaders today, like the Reverends Sharpton and Jackson, Sonny Carson, and Dr. Leonard Jeffries to mention a few. Dr., Reverend Martin Luther King Jr., who fought for and help won civil rights for blacks without ever having put anyone down, made an eloquent speech in which he said, "Judge a man not by the color of his skin, but by the nature of his character!" There are words that will continue to live on for years after his very tragic death. This was an attitude that he practiced all of his life.

Dr. Charles Drew, a noted scientist who discovered blood plasma in the 1950's, is another prime example of a black person who never felt that he needed to tear white people, or any other people, down in order to prop himself up. George Washington Carver was also a black scientist who succeeded in gaining fame on his own merits, without having to tear anyone else down to do it. General Colin Powell, a native of the Bronx, who went on to lead the largest army in the world to victory, during the Gulf War, and was able to do so without blaming white people for his troubles. Clarence Thomas, a man who rose from nothing to be nominated a Supreme Court Justice by President Bush, was able to do so without tearing anyone down to do it. Possibly, the most important person of all was Malcolm X. He said, "Stop blaming the white man for all our troubles, we're doing it to ourselves!" That philosophy probably help get Malcolm X assassinated. This is primarily the ideology that Washington, and all these who were smart enough to follow him did. It paid off quite well for them all.

Washington was a lump of clay, and the people who helped in various invaluable ways were the sculptors. Much like myself, talk radio, my counsellor, English tutors and mainly my English Professor, help to shape and hone me as a person and a writer. Mrs. Ruffner gave him his first break by hiring him as a servant in her home. She taught him many things like the importance of cleanliness and honesty that would prove to be invaluable to him throughout his life.

Miss Mary Mackie, the head teacher at the school allowed him a chance to enter school by cleaning a recreation room. If not for her, he might never have gotten into school. The kind -hearted captain of the ship allowed him to work for the money to buy breakfast. The captain must have taken one look at him after spending the night under the sidewalk and his heart filled with pity for Washington.

General Sam Armstrong, who would prove to be a source of great inspiration to Washington and many others, time and again he helped to develop the character of all of his students by leaving a lasting impression. In order to allow younger students to enter the school, he and many older students slept out on the front lawn in the winter. The students slept under tents that kept blowing over from the bitter cold winds. This was a terrible hardship on the boys and an act of unselfishness few would do. Yet, it was done without a single complaint. Few men could inspire that kind of loyalty in their followers.

Mr. S. Griffits Morgan of New Bedford, Massachusetts, who paid most of his room and board was another example of divine intervention. If not for this unusual act of generosity, he would have had to drop out and might have never been able to save up enough to pay for school.
Washington also learned that human nature is the same for all people when he saw the Indian students respond the same way to respect as the blacks students did. He turned out be a man of substance, character, honor, integrity, loyalty, courage, perseverance, compassion, sincerity and gratitude. He never forgot where he came from or how he got there.

It is divine intervention that allowed him to overcome all the hurdles that were put in front of him. If any one of these people did not care enough to help, he could not have become the man he did.

It took a lot of courage for him to tell the world about the sacrilege he had uncovered in the Methodist church. He knew he would get a lot of criticism from people when he reported all the corruption. Yet he persevered with nothing but the truth on his side. He knew it would not be easy to tell the truth when no one wanted to hear it, but he did it anyway.

Many people of all races would do well to use Washington as a role model. Unlike many black leaders he knew the meaning of the word gratitude. People such as Dr. L. Jeffries who accuse the white man of taking all the affirmative action jobs, but neglects to tell his followers that he was not just granted tenure, but made chairman of his department by the City University of New York. Both of these were conditional on his accepting the position at C.U.N.Y.

Washington would never have been an instigator or omitted part of the truth to make himself look better to the public. Society can use a man like him for president of the U.S.

how old's grandma

How old is Grandma?

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end -- it will blow you away...One evening a grandson was talking to his grandma about current events. He asked her what she thought-about school shootings, computer age, & things in general.

She replied, "Let me think, I was born before TV, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees & the pill. There were no credit cards, laser beams or ballpoint pens. Man hadn’t invented pantyhose, a/c, dishwashers, clothes dryers, & had yet to walk on the moon. Your- grandpa & I got married & then lived together. Every family had a dad & mom. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, "Sir". After 25, I still called policemen & every man with a title, "Sir". We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, & group therapy.

The Ten Commandments, good judgment, & common sense governed our lives. We were taught to know the difference between right & wrong & take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger one. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time family spent together on eves & weekends--not buying condos. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, & the president's speeches on our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out from listening to Tommy Dorsey. 'Made in Japan' meant junk. The term 'making out' meant how u did on exams. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, & instant coffee didn’t exist. We had a 5 & 10-cent store where u could actually buy stuff for 5 & 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, & a Pepsi were all a nickel. To splurge, u spent a nickel on stamps to mail a letter & two postcards. U could buy a new Chevy for $600. Too bad no one could afford it. Gas was 11 cents- a- gallon. In my day, "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mom cooked in
& "rock music" was your grandma's lullaby. "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, "chip" meant a piece of- wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store, & "software" wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation to believe a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old & confused" & say there’s a generation gap.....

How old do you think I- am??.....Read on to see --
Pretty scary if you think about it, & rather sad at the same time.
Grandma’s ONLY 58!!!

outlife life

Living the outlaw life: "Freeing your inner outlaw" By Claire Wolfe
To be truly free, you will be an Outlaw.

I don't mean criminal although you are probably that, also. I mean a person who thinks outside the law. When you are an Outlaw, your body (just like everybody else's) may be subject to the dictates of bureaucrats, armed enforcers & various elected fixers, controllers, connivers, pork-barrellers, socializers, corporatizers, fear-mongers, cigar-sexers, bribe-takers, old-boy-net workers & global influence peddlers.

But when you are an Outlaw, your heart and mind (unlike most everybody else's) are your own.

What exactly does that mean, though, in this over-lawed, over-ruled, over-executive-ordered world?
Let's go back for a moment to the statement that you're already a criminal. I've said it before and it always offends somebody: "YOU may be a criminal, Wolfe. But I'M a law-abiding citizen. Don't paint me with your black brush."

Well, sorry. You may not already be an Outlaw. But definitely you are already a criminal. You can't help but be.
In The Tyranny of Good Intentions, Paul Craig Roberts and Lawrence M. Stratton write:

The U.S. Code, which contains all federal statutes, occupies 56,009 single-spaced pages. Its 47 volumes take up nine feet of shelf space. An annotated version, which attempts to bring order out of chaos, is three feet long and has 230 hardcover volumes and 36 paperback supplements. Administrative lawmaking, under -statutes fill up the 207-volume Code of Federal Regulations, which spans 21 feet of shelf space and contains more than 134,488 pages of regulatory law. Federal law is further augmented by more than 2,756 volumes of judicial precedent, taking up 160 yards of law library shelving.
And you're certain you re not breaking one of those laws?

During the Clinton years alone, as James Bovard noted in Feeling Your Pain, Federal agencies issued more than 25,000 new regulations criminalizing everything from reliable toilets to snuff advertisements on race cars. And Bovard wrote that before Clinton's final year in office, when the federal government issued more than 100,000 pages of new regulations.
That’s just federal. Let s not even mention the states.
Still think you re not a criminal?

Really, so you’ve never: forgotten to report a little extra income on your 1040, built an addition on your house without a permit, driven without a seatbelt (the Supreme Court says cops can throw you in jail for that), given a glass of dinner wine to your 17-year-old, smoked a joint, disconnected a pollution control device on your car, cut a friend's hair without a license, installed an outlaw toilet, carried a pocket knife with a blade longer-than-legal (bet you don't even know what length is legal, do you?), been in a room where friends were talking about doing something illegal (conspiracy!), put a dollar in a football pool, patronized a prostitute, taken a tax deduction you really weren't entitled to, lied to a bureaucrat, willfully failed to file, built a pipe-bomb just to watch it go boom, carried money with traces of cocaine on it (like some 82 percent of the paper money in circulation today), put prescription medicine into one of those little daily dispenser containers, given one of your own prescription pills to a sick friend (search Title 21 of the U.S. Code and just see if you can figure out exactly what you can and can't do with that itty-bitty bottle of Zoloft or Prozac you depend on to help you survive this modern madness), owned chemicals that might be used in bomb making (like the bleach and ammonia bottles under your kitchen sink), transposed the digits of your SS # on a gov’t. -form, or driven in a car with someone who might have been transporting contraband. Ever?

Remember, these days you can be convicted of conspiracy for crimes you don't even know about, or for buying legal items that might be used for illegal causes. Some acquaintance gets in trouble & needs to snitch on a friend to get his -own sentence reduced & you're toast.
You can even be convicted of violating laws that don't exist as plenty of tax criminals have been. Ask the IRS for copies of the laws you're allegedly breaking and they’ll respond with legalistic gobble de gook. I have a friend who once testified as an expert witness in a tax case. Her-expertise? Grammar. On the stand, she diagrammed a mega-monster sentence from the tax code and proved the alleged regulation couldn't be obeyed because it literally had no meaning in the English language. Still, people get arrested for disobeying it.

Those are just a few of the ways individuals can get in trouble. Heaven forbid you should own a business and try to get through the day without committing a crime. For example, while Your Father in Washington still permits you, you lucky little person, to disconnect the crazy-making doodad that goes bingidy- bing- bing when you leave your car keys in the ignition and open the door, it's a federal crime for your car dealer to disconnect it at your request. Like, whose car do they think it is, anyway? Well, actually, it's not a federal crime to disconnect only the part that goes bingidy- bing- bing when you open the door and leave your key in the ignition, but it is a federal crime to disconnect the part that goes bingidy- bing- bing when you unhook your seatbelt and leave your key in the ignition, which is all part of the same system but a different set of wires from the other one. (Are you following this? There won't be a test, but there could be a hefty fine later.) Oh yeah, by the way, before you unhook the thing yourself, you d better check your state law. You wouldn't want the state-o- crats SWAT team swooping down on you when you're armed only with a pair of wire cutters.

Bottom-line. You are no longer a law-abiding citizen. There are too many laws to abide. And it doesn’t matter whether they call em laws, rules, regulations, or something else altogether. You break them every day.

With laws like these, who even wants to be a law-abiding citizen? When you put yourself at the service of rules and diktats of this nature, you put your life in thrall to the kind of people who make them. Even if you're a member of the infamous Snopes clan, you re bound to be better at figuring out how to live your own life than people who sit around all day cooking up stuff like this and figuring out how severely to punish you if you don't obey.

In the science fiction novel Pallas, one of L. Neil Smith's characters says, People pardon me, journalists and politicians have often accused me of believing that I'm above the law. And yet, who isn't? The law is created by demonstrable criminals, enforced by demonstrable criminals, interpreted by demonstrable criminals, all for demonstrably criminal purposes. Of course I'm above the law. And so are you.
Amen, bruthah Neil.

So why not enjoy being above the law? Why not embrace it? Why not do it with panache? Flair? Savoir-faire? Pride- and- shining- resolution? Why not, in short, free –your- Inner Outlaw?
For this is what divides the Outlaw D.B. Cooper, Bonnie and Clyde, Robin Hood, the Scarlet Pimpernel, Zorro from the mere criminal the creep who steals your CD player or the furniture out of the White House. Or the person who breaks the same old everyday laws you do, but breaks them in a sniveling, sneaking, guilt-ridden way, rather than with a jaunty shrug.
Attitude. Attitude. Attitude.

Don’t let me give you the wrong idea. You don't have to start holding up IRS offices and distributing the proceeds to starving taxpayers to be an Outlaw. Whatever crimes you re already committing will do. The essence of free Outlawry is the way you live in the face of growing tyranny the Outlaw way you think. Even when it s the government that s committing the real crimes, being an Outlaw comes in handy.

Some examples: You go into a doctor s office a year from now and they tell you, Sorry, Comrade. Thanks to federal privacy protection, you can no longer get medical care unless you accept a unique identifying number and consent to have your medical records shared with anyone the government wants to see them. The good little citizen, sick, vulnerable, overwhelmed and puzzled, submits. The Outlaw? The Outlaw has already prepared for this and, depending on the kind of Outlaw he is, has options. Maybe he meekly submits, also using one of his five pre-built identities. Maybe he knows an Outlaw doctor who trades services for cash. Maybe he makes such a stink threatening to bring a civil rights suit that the doctor decides she'd rather risk the wrath of U.S. Health and Human Services than the wrath of a mad patient who knows his rights (and a good lawyer).

You’re driving along minding your own business when you find yourself in the middle of a checkpoint. Who knows what they're trolling for today? Drugs, booze, seatbelt crimes or perhaps just Your papers, please (an insurance checkpoint). A cop comes to your window and although his words say please and may we? his tone says, Cross me, muhfuh, and you'll be on your face in the gravel with my knee jabbing a hole in your kidney. Where are you going? he asks. Where are you traveling from? What's that in the back seat? Who helped you load your pickup? Do you mind if we search your vehicle? The good little citizen, once again, submits. The Outlaw, once again, has options. That might mean anything from playing dumb and innocent ( I m sorry, officer, are you sure it's okay for you to do this? My high school civics teacher told me they absolutely couldn't do things like this in America. You seem like a nice young man and I'd hate to see you get in trouble.) to calmly refusing any consent to search to covertly making note of all officers badge numbers, names, and descriptions for possible later use. (You know, like maybe sending them a copy of the Constitution.)

The Outlaw doesn't always emerge victorious from encounters with authority. Bonnie, Clyde, & Dillinger ended up with their bullet-riddled bodies on public display, after all. You really might end up with your face in the gravel & your nether portions in a world of hurt if the nice cop is having a Justin Volpe moment & thinks you're Abner Louima. Refuse to allow a random search of your vehicle, for instance &, as Boston Tea Party describes in You & the Police, a drug dog & handler may come to the scene. He strokes a baggie of marijuana in his pocket then touches the trunk of your car. The dog goes wild & voila!: instant probable cause. (Or the dog simply sniffs you, & the almost inevitable traces of cocaine on your federal- reserve notes lead to a shake-down & the forfeiture of all the cash you re carrying.)

Government ruthlessness is a giant purple rhinoceros standing in the path between you and the free enjoyment of Outlawry. It‘s a rabid rhino with- a- cyanide-tipped horn. It s rutting season and it thinks you're competition. It s got a thorn in its little hoofie. In general, it's having a really, really, really bad day.

Yes, resistance to arbitrary power is dangerous. Let's nobody kid herself about that. But resistance is not futile.

In most cases, being an Outlaw doesn’t mean attracting attention to your self. It simply means living, as much as possible, as you wish. More important, it means having the mindset needed to live that way in a world of adversity. More often than confronting, it means ignoring or evading insane and excessive rules. When confrontation is necessary, it means having the knowledge, preparation, and once again attitude to help you get through the situation without either passively submitting or going unproductively- postal.

In practice, that means something different to every Outlaw. But in every case, it means you have an attitude of self ownership (or, if you prefer, belonging to God), not being the natural subject, & easy target, of any bureaucrat or badge-bearer who wishes to push you around.
It means recognizing the pathetic state of law and justice around you, and recognizing its dangers but resolving to live your life more like a free American than a Stalinist peasant, regardless. It means living by your own highest moral and ethical choices, rather than trying to tippy- toe around every persnickety regulation in every obscure book in every cubbyhole governmental office.
It means remembering that this is still our America. Not theirs.

It means remembering that you are still a human being with potential beyond anything those who want to put us all into tight little categories and boxes and prison cells could ever conceive.
It means knowing every day that, despite the chains and travails of too much government, and their very real threats to your security, your heart and mind remain free.

It means you belong to yourself. That you think for yourself & have higher values than any do-gooder, lobbyist, congress thing, corrupt cop, or midnight raider will ever give you credit for.
But that's okay. Because it s not their approval you re looking for. Freedom is what you re looking for. And you re only going to find that by being determined to live it.

Gandhi said it: We must be the change we wish to see.
Amen to you, too, Bruthah Mohandas, fellow Outlaw.
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heart

I dedicated this to the Angels who tried so hard & failed to earn their Wings by doing Mission Impossible: restoring my faith in people.

It was inspired by the greatest principal and investment consultant in N.J. And best guidance councilor in NYC.

They are thought evoking and don’t realize it. I add these virtues to their list of assets. (Which already surpass the Jericho Mile). I conclude and bet u, no one else ever pondered: your superior character/compassion/humanity/heart/integrity sincerity/sympathy/ understanding and all that emanates from them SHINE BRIGHTER than a beacon in the darkness of the night that symbolizes our “ME” society.

THANX for being u!

PS: I hereby nominate u for Sainthood.

PPS: Adopt!

teachers

God Creates the First Teacher On the 6th day, God created men and women. On the 7th day, he rested. Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day. For it was on that day - the 8th day - that God created the FIRST -TEACHER.This TEACHER, though taken from among men and women, had several significant modifications.

In general, God made the TEACHER more durable.The TEACHER was made to arise at very early and to go to bed no earlier than 11:30 p.m.-with no rest in between. The TEACHER had to be able to withstand being locked up in an air-tight classroom for six hours with a room full of antsy students on a rainy Monday. And the TEACHER had to be fit to correct 103 term papers over Spring break.

Yes, God made the TEACHER tough...but gentle too. The TEACHER was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student...of those of the 16 year old girl who was not asked to the prom. And into the TEACHER God poured a generous amount of patience. Patience required when a student asks to repeat the directions the TEACHER has just repeated for someone else & when- kids- forget- their- lunch- money for four- days- in- a- row. Patience when one-third of the class fails the test, the books haven't arrived yet, and the semester starts tomorrow. God gave the TEACHER a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart. For the TEACHER’S heart had to be big enough to love the kid who screams, "I hate this class; it's boring!" And to love the kid who runs out after class without so much as a "goodbye", let alone a "thank you".

Lastly, God gave the TEACHER an abundant supply of HOPE. For God knew that the TEACHER would always be hoping. Hoping that the kids would someday learn how to spell...Hoping- not to have lunchroom duty...hoping that Friday would come...hoping for a free day....hoping for deliverance. When God finished creating the TEACHER, he stepped back and admired the work of His hands. And God saw that the TEACHER was good. Very Good!And God smiled, for when he looked at the TEACHER, he saw into the future. He knew that the future is in the hands of the TEACHERS. And because God loves Teachers so much, on the 9th day God created "Snow Days."

el diablo

El Diablo (The - Devil)

Since he lives so long he took up sewing & turned blue dress into Postal, Police, Meter Maid & Mechanics’ Uniforms & blue shirts/ties (greedy/slave driving bosses) to test our faith by hitting us where it hurts the most: the wallet!

He does so with “endless” bills (while poor/ unemployed), demanding jobs that put u on salary so u don’t get O.T., frivolous tickets & unexpected /expensive car repairs.

I just realized growing up my pop supported mom & 4 kids, subsidized his mom & uncle, owned his own home & car with just H.S. on $200 a week gross & only owed a mortgage.
Gas was 30 cents a gallon, carfare was a quarter & bread was 4 loaves for $1.

I have a two undergraduate, a graduate degree, live rent free with pop & can’t get a job to support myself. Unlike him I & all too many owe Visa my 3rd born.

We call my brother Rosemary’s Baby because he’s the devil’s disciple & Guido partially because he barely finished H.S. He’s our Raymond. So I say, Nobody loves Guido (except Guido).

Yet he’s a mailman although his ability to read the letters/sign his check & count past ten without using his toes is a very closely guarded secret & a small miracle.

The credit -card debt, anxiety, depression & frustration emanating from this are the clearly the devil’s handiwork!

my gospel

Gospel According to Professor Mitch -2/11/06

1. You’re never too young to be cynical, suspicious and distrusting. It’s healthy& helps you avert taking things/people at face value.
2. Friend and friendly aren’t synonymous! Don’t- confuse them!
3. Before you do a- favor ponder if it’ll be appreciated.
4. Don’t lie to yourself or anyone as the truth has a way of finding daylight. The harder it is, the more you need it.
5. If you’re naïve & or think wishfully, you’re in for a rude, awakening, as life -can-be--cold, and hard.
7. Never assume. You make an ass of you and me.
8. Make people earn your trust. Do not give blank checks.
9. People rarely improve, unfortunately. Accept it.
10. Examine your motives honestly.
11. Try to be a good listener, observe things, people‘s words and deeds.
12. People disrespect, use, and play you if you let them.
13. Don't be easily swayed. Ponder things a bit.
14. Relationships with family and friends are complicated, as all too often they’re enemies.
15. Ask for what you want, and say what you believe.
16. Ponder your desires- carefully and seek unforeseen ramifications.
17. Clichés are usually true.
18. Choose your battles very carefully.
19. Don't be a control freak. It won’t work. God’s in charge.
20. Find the right thing, and try to do it.
21. Forgiveness and reconciliation are very easily divorced.
22. Religion & spirituality aren’t synonymous. Spirituality fills a void. They, God & The-Bible aren’t excuses to do what you want.
23. Telling people what to say, do, think and feel, alienates.
24. Self – indulgence all too often leads to self destruction.
25. Trying to convert people to your religious belief alienates. Don’t say. Show: be a good model.
26. Let people do their own “dirty work.”
27. Know who & what you are dealing with.
28. Love and lust are different: sex just appeases you physically. So when dating, keep your pants on!
29. Don’t be too proud to admit you’re wrong.
30. Life’s a skyscraper: the foundation must be truth & reality to avert implosion. So be open- minded.
31. Gays are sick. They need sympathy, compassion, spiritual & psychiatric help, not fear, persecution or legitimacy. Any guy wanting to see all of me desperately needs schock therapy! I don't even want to see it...I shower in the dark.
32. You should know what friends mean and where they’re coming from.
33. Money doesn’t = joy, or make you good.
34. If you want to be someone’s lawyer ask yourself why they need one.
35. Civilized people don’t hit each other. Abusing others is unacceptable!
36. Acceptance, consideration, courtesy & respect are a-two-way-street: you must give them, to get them.
37. Living people can’t keep secrets.
38. What goes around really does come around. Often when you least expect it
39. Life’s a rollercoaster. Try not to let the present overwhelm. Look back & around. It’ll help you see ahead.
40. Don’t be so into yourself you have no room for anyone else.
41. You- can’t love, or be loved, until you love yourself.
42. Humor’s a circuit breaker to save your sanity. It’s better to laugh, then cry.
43. Marry someone you can’t live without, who’ll be your best friend.
44. The Bible’s a guide book and dictionary for life. Not an excuse to close the thinking dept.
45. If someone gets over on you once shame on them. If they do it 2X shame on you.
46. Be-sincere in all you say & do. It’s a beacon in the dark & surf board that will help you ride the waves to the end.
47. You must be a friend to have one.
48. You’d be surprised at who’s watching you, what they hear and recall.
49. A woman isn’t- a cook, maid, sex object or baby machine & should be treated as lady, as long as they dress & act like one.
50. Women shouldn’t be combat soldiers. It trades the best of womanhood for the worst of manhood.
51. Women should- be appreciated for their minds, wit & personalities as much as their looks.
52. Date rape is rape. Although some women give mixed signals you never go wrong taking no for an answer.
53. Abortion’s murder, except in cases of rape, incest or the mom’s life & should be legal. If it’s not alive you wouldn’t be aborting.
54. Deadbeat dads should be hunted down & made to fulfill their financial responsibilities.
54. You must be a bit crazy to live, drive & work in a city like NY.
55. Don’t id yourself by just one aspect such- as height, gender, politics, sexuality, race, etc. We’re multi-dimensional.
56. We’re masters of the unspoken & slave to the spoken. So think before you speak.
57. Understandings a back door to forgiveness & helps attain something elusive/satisfying: peace to accept things we can’t change
58. The only guarantees in life are death and taxes. Deal with it.

yiddish

Far-shtaist? Yiddish: for those desiring to be truly multi-cultural.
(Author unknown)

Yiddish was the secret code, therefore I don't far-shtai-st,A biss-el-eh maybe here and there, the rest has gone to waste.Sadly when I hear it now, I only get the gist,My Bubb-eh spoke it beautifully; but me, I am tse-misht.So och un vai as I should say, or even oy vai iz mir,Though my pisk is lacking Yiddish, it's familiar to my ear.And I'm no Chaim Yon-kel, in fact I was shtick nach-es,

But, when it comes to Yiddish though, I'm talking out my tuch-as.Es iz a shan-deh far di kin-der that-I don't-know-it better.(Though it's really nish-tkefe-lecht when one needs to write a letter)But, when it comes to characters, there's really no contention,

No other linguist can compete with honorable men-tshen:They have nebbishes and nebech-els and others without maz-el,Then, too, schmendr-iks and schlemiels, and let's not forget schl-emaz-el.These words are so precise and descriptive to the listener,So much better than "a pill " is to call someone 'far-biss-ener'.Or - that a brazen woman would be better called cha-le-ria,

And you'll agree fark-lempt says more than does hysteria.I'm not hak-en dir a tsheinik and I hope I'm not a kvetch,But isn't miesk-eit kinder, than to call someone a wretch?Mitten de-rinn-en, I hear Bubb-eh say, "It's nech-tiker tog, don't fear,To me you're still a maven, zol zein shah, don't fill my ear.A leb-en ahf dein kepp-e-le, I don't mean to interrupt,But you are speaking nar-ish-keit.....And A gez-unt auf dein kup!"

GLOSSARY
Far-shtaist = (Do You?)
UnderstandBiss-e-leh = A littleTse-misht = Confused or mixed up.
Och un vai = Alas and alack.
Oi vai iz mir = Woe is me.
Pisk = mouth.
Nach-es = Joy, Gratification.
Shan-deh far di kinder = A pity/shame for the children.
Nish-tke-fel-echt = Not so terrible.
Nebb-ish-es = A nobody or simpleton.
Neb-ech-els = A pititful person or playing the role of being one.
Schle-miel = Clumsy bungler, an inept person, butter-fingered; dopey person.
Schmen-drik = Nincompoop; an inept/indifferent person; like chlemiel.
Schle-mazel = Unlucky person with continual bad luck (shlemiel spills soup on Shlimazel!)
Farb-iss-ener = Embittered; bitter person.
Cha-leria = Evil woman. (Probably derived-from cholera).
Far-klempt = Too emotional to talk. Ready- to- cry.
Hak-en dir a tsheinik = Don't-get on your-nerves (Lit., Don't bang your teapot!)
Kvetch = Whine, complain; whiner, a complainer.
Mies-keit = UglyMitt-en de-rinn-en = All of a sudden, suddenly.
Nech-tik-er tog! = He's (it's) gone! Forget it! Nonsense! (Lit., a night's day).
Zol zein shah! = Be quiet. Shut up!!
Leb-en ahf dein kepp-ele = Praise like well said or done! (Lit., long-life on-your- head.)
Nar-ish-keit = Nonsense
To My "Adoped Family", February 7, 2007

A - blessing-in-disguise. No doubt you’ve heard that term. I like to think it describes me. When we first met you had NO clue we were being BLESSED with a surprise you NEVER fathomed you’d ever have or want: a new (Kosher) relative.

I’m told people enter our lives for a reason. Perhaps you needed one of the Chosen People to enhance life. Naturally, there are times when we’re not each other’s favorite person. Despite that I’ve NO doubt the good OUTWEIGHS the bad, by the Jericho Mile (7 x 7) for numerous reasons: my wit, thoughtfulness, consideration, integrity, etc!

Furthermore, a very nice, charming, witty lady with a heart BIGGER than Texas said I made our anniversary a holiday. I think of her as one of my many, many adopted relatives, especially since she made me realize that God brought us together, not me. And -I’m glad He did, want to celebrate it and think of you all as kin.

She’s FLATTERED, grateful, agrees, now considers me her new #1 (Kosher) –nephew in-law and happily answers to Tonta (Aunt) Nancy. I tell her she should be in health care because she’s so CARING, compassionate and sympathetic. If I had to be 1/10 as nice as her I’d be- LONG dead of a heart attack. I now wear gloves around her for fear her niceness is contagous.

I FONDLY consider the rest of you aunts, uncles and cousins because I’m the Olive Garden: everyone’s - family. This is in large part because Chrissy, a truly “dynamite” lady I call cuz said something so poignant and unfortunately true: “with (biological) relatives you don’t- need enemies!”

I have three siblings. Pop nicknamed my older brother Guido as he’s by far the worst and says he’s an unpolished, backyard boy. I call Guido the Devil’s disciple because he’s -evil, helps make my home the Asinoff Asylum and me wish someone would adopt him. I tried to bribe our neighbor to take him or at least slip him a "mickey." And leave him in the woods when they moved upstate. They laughed. I begged and pleaded. They thought I'm hysterical. I was serious.

This is why I want to be adopted by you. If you were me you would too.

I told Aunt Nancy’s #1 favorite husband and dr., because he’s a very fine, witty gentleman and my friend. Then asked if he were me wouldn’t he want to be adopted.

He replied, “No, I’d want to run away!”

I instantly realized that’s a wonderful idea and asked him to leave the back door open.

Nancy and he are not amused as I am, because they’re a tough “room”. Despite that I affectionately call him Fetta (Uncle) Al.

If I live to be 100, I’ll NEVER, EVER forget the look on his face, or vocal inflection when I boasted to a patient in Yiddish he’s my fetta. They asked which side of the family I’m on.
I said both.

They looked at Al and he said, with resignation. And a DEEP-sigh, “Yea, I’m Fetta Al.”

ALL our friends and relatives are LAUGHING OT LOUD!

Despite having a terrible memory he’ll NEVER forget that day.

I chose you as family SOLELY because of who you are on the inside. And- am–setting- up- a web site posting family photos: mitch'sfamilytree.net. If you have second thoughts about our photo, you may want to begin pondering a plausible explanation as to why you’re wearing a big Star of David and a Yomicha. I wish I could be there to see you explain it.

Anticipating the overwhelming demand to adopt me after reading this you can hit reply, type your commentary and click send. If you are reading a hard copy of this and want me, you know how to reach me.

If nothing else adopting me will keep you laughing. I hear it’s the best medicine and when you laugh everyone’s with you…

Sincerely,

#1 (Kosher) professor/writer/relative

The Amazing Banana

After reading this, you'll NEVER see a banana the same! Containing three natural sugars-sucrose, fructose & glucose combined with fiber, a banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must in our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana because they contain Tryptophan, a protein that the body converts into serotonin, a relaxant, improve your mood & make you happier.

PMS: Forget pills--eat a banana. The Vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood. Anemia: High in iron, they can stimulate production of hemoglobin in the blood and help anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect way to beat blood-pressure. So the FDA just allowed the industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex, NJ) School were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost brain power. Research showed the potassium makes pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including them in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome it without laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is a banana milkshake, with honey. They calm the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds- up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so, if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on them between meals helps keep blood sugar levels up & avoids it.

Mosquito Bites: Before using insect bite cream, rub the bite with the inside of a banana skin. Many find it cuts swelling and irritation. Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology, in Austria, found stress at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we must control blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to maintain levels.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler (anyone know what an "over-chronicler" is??? cgc) cases.

It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach. Temperature control: Many other cultures see them as a "cooling" fruit that can lower physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer, Tryptophan. Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. They contain B6, B12, potassium & magnesium which help the body recover from nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with a banana.

Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine," eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%! Bananas are a natural remedy for many ills. When you compared to apples, it has four times the protein, twice the carbs, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It's also rich in potassium and one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away."

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Letting Go of Anger

Letting Go of Anger By Timothy Gower

No American will ever forget where they were on 9/11. I'm no exception, though that date will always mark two major events for me. When the first plane struck the Tower I was at a funeral home, preparing to be pallbearer at my dad's funeral.

It was a duty I did with sadness and ambivalence. My dad left when I was 15. He cheated on mom for years & started a new life. For 25 years, I saw him only one or two times a year. Sometimes he seemed interested in my and my siblings’ lives. But it was also clear he had a new family, friends and priorities.

If asked, I'm sure he couldn't name half his grandchildren. One of the most painful moments at his funeral occurred when people I never saw before stood up and shared loving memories of their charming, funny and devoted friend Bob. When I learned dad's prostate cancer was incurable, I realized something about myself: I never forgave him for deserting us. I still sent Father's Day cards, but on the inside was a rejected, bitter teenager. Which, trust me, is a lousy way to live -- bad for both the mind and the body, it turns out.

The clergy has long preached the importance of forgiveness, but in recent years scientists have produced evidence that letting go of anger toward the people who hurt us is good for mental and physical health. It isn't easy for anyone, but according to a 2001 U.S. study, men may cling to grudges a little more tightly than women do. Psychologist Loren Toussaint and colleagues at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research interviewed 1,423 Americans and rated 54% of women as forgiving types, V. 49% of men. Meanwhile, 48% of women said they had asked forgiveness of others they had hurt, but just 37% of men had done the same. The study, published last year in the Journal of Adult Development, also found that people with forgiving personalities have fewer psychological problems, feel more satisfied with their lives and are generally healthier than grudge holders.

The same trend has turned up in other studies, including one with particular significance. A team led by Toussaint, now an assistant professor of psychology at Idaho State University in Pocatello, recently asked 400 Americans to rate how willing they were to forgive the terrorists who committed the Sept. 11 attacks. Toussaint's group found that the least forgiving people were also the least healthy. They were more likely to suffer from depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, have trouble sleeping or report some kind of health problem.

Holding on to anger about an old hurt can also mess up your marriage or other relationships, says psychologist Fred Luskin, author of Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness (Harper San Francisco, 2001). "It's harder to let down one's defenses and achieve intimacy if you're carrying mistrust and mistreatment from the past," says Luskin. "You tend to act that out in the present relationship." A grudge, of course, is nothing more than bottled-up, simmering anger. There's not much doubt among scientists that, over time, hostility harms the human body, especially the cardiovascular system. For example, a 2000 study by researchers at the University of North Carolina found that people who are most prone to anger are nearly three times more likely to suffer a heart attack than people who are the least hotheaded. According to one theory, stress hormones may cause deadly clots to form in the arteries that feed blood to the heart. With that in mind, some scientists believe forgiveness may actually reduce the risk of heart disease. "Is there an antidote to anger?" asks Toussaint. "Forgiveness may be it." In one study, psychologist Charlotte van Oyen Witvliet and her colleagues at Hope College in Holland, Mich., asked 71 college students to think about someone who had hurt them and focus on the anger they felt toward that person. Then they asked the subjects to try to feel forgiveness toward the offender. All the while, the subjects were wired with electrodes that measured how their bodies responded to their emotions. While the students were nursing their grudges, their blood pressure surged and heart rates increased. Their muscles tensed, and they perspired more. Thinking about forgiveness, meanwhile, caused the subjects' cardiovascular systems and nerves to calm down. Some guys are probably thinking: What am I supposed to do, become a doormat? Let jerks walk all over me, then let them off the hook? Witvliet says the old saying is wrong -- you don't have to forgive and forget. In other words, you can let go of your anger toward someone who has wronged you but then choose not to associate with him or her anymore. After all, Witvliet says, "it's wise to stay away from people who have proven themselves abusive or untrustworthy." The key, she says, is to free -yourself- from the shackles of rage and resentment. Toussaint says it's not clear what makes some people more forgiving than others.

But research hints that receiving an apology from the offender makes it much easier for a grudge holder to drop the charge, he says. Empathy helps too. "If you can begin to understand what caused that person to harm you," says Toussaint, "you can begin to process some understanding and forgiveness." I visited dad a few times in the months before he died.

Gradually the disease robbed him of the glib confidence he relied on in his career as a salesman. On one occasion he wept while talking about his fear of death, the first time I had ever seen tears in his eyes. Another day, near the end, her lay in bed muttering nonsense, his once-nimble mind addled by painkillers, the cancer or perhaps both. Suddenly he turned to me and asked, "Where did I go wrong?" It was the closest thing to an apology he would ever offer.

As his life slipped away, I found myself thinking less about my dad's selfish, unrepentant side. Instead, I was able to focus on his humanity, flaws and all, and realized I could forgive him. I still have mixed feelings about him. But the anger is mostly gone, and I no longer waste time and energy raging at the past.

Timothy Gower has written for such publications as Health, The NY Times, Fortune, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader's Digest, Esquire, Cooking Light, Men's Health and Men's Fitness. The author of four books, including (with Robert DiPaola, M.D.) A Doctor's Guide to Herbs and Supplements (Holt, 2001), he lives in Harwich, Mass.(c) 2002, Timothy Gower. Distributed by Los Angeles Times Syndicate International, a division of Tribune Media Services.

quote of the day

Quote of the Day – Collected & Edited by Professor Mitch Asinoff) 4/14//07

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

“We must rapidly begin the shift from a 'thing- orientated' society to a 'person orientated' society. When machines and computers, profit motives, and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism and militarism are incapable of being conquered.” (Reverend M. King, Jr.)

“I can't imagine a person becoming a success who doesn't give this game of life everything he's got." - Walter Cronkite
"The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones." – (Chinese proverb)
“How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong, because one day you’ll have been all of these.” (George Washington Carver)

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, & I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, & I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and by that time, no one was left to speak up." – (Rev. Dr. Martin Niemoeller, July 1, 1937)

An update might say something such as "First they (US Gov’.t) burned the house of the Symbionese Liberation Army and killed all of their members. Most of us did not object because we did not believe in the same things as the Symbionese Liberation Army.
Then they dropped a bomb on the building of the Philadelphia MOVE group, and destroyed two city blocks, and killed 11 members. Most of us did not object because we did not believe in the same things as the MOVE group.

Then they burned a house to kill Gordon Kahl, a tax protester, and killed him. Most of us did not object because we did not believe in the same things as Gordon Kahl.
Then they burned a house to kill Robert Matthews, leader of "The Order," and killed him. Most of us did not object because we did not believe in the same things as Robert Matthews.
Then they conducted a siege and a raid of 80-member Covenant of the Sword and Arm of the Lord religious group. Most of us did not object because we did not believe in the same things as the Covenant of the Sword and Arm of the Lord.

Then they conducted a siege and a raid of Randy Weaver's family, and killed or wounded nearly everyone present; even including a baby and the dog. Many of us did not object because we did not believe in the same things as Randy Weaver's family.
Then they burned the church of the Branch Davidians and killed nearly all of them. A few of us did not object because we did not believe in the same things as the Branch Davidians And then they kidnapped Elian Gonzalez ..." John Perna April 22, 2000

"If a nation or individual values anything more than freedom, it will lose it's freedom; and the irony is that if it is comfort or money it values
more, it will lose that too." --W. Somerset Maugham

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters." -- Daniel Webster

"Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the government's purposes are beneficent. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil-minded rulers. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding." Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941) - American judge

"...sometimes freedom is just a word for nothing left to lose: cause baby without freedom you- ain't- got nothing..." (Khristopher Kristofferson, Me and My Bobby McGee)
"if there is no struggle there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom and yet renowned the controversy, are people who want crops without plowing the ground." (Sir Fredrick Douglas)

"Beneath it all we are all human and that's scary! "(Tom Hodgson)
"Better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven." (John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book 1)
"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees." (Albert Camus, The-Rebel)
"...accept the idea that American democracy is a failed governmental system and therefore the world can only be saved by the establishment of a one world government." (Jerry Farwell)
"One of the penalties of refusing to partake in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." (Plato)

“You write because you have something to say. Writing’s hard enough. You shouldn’t have to read my mind as to what I want.”When people date they put their best foot forward & their partner falls for a faced, When reality sets in they wonder where the person fell for is.” (Professor Paul Broer)

“Fear can be a fierce enemy always ruling or a formidable enemy about to retreat.
”A major cause of divorce is marrying someone you think they can live with V. someone you can’t live without.” (Jim Dobson, Ph.D.)
“What is peace without freedom? Is it truly freedom”? (Barry Farber)
"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." – (John Wooden)

“Writing’s a diagnostic tool: half the ‘battle’ of problem -solving is stress, anxiety & frustration emanating from the inability to express & I.D. problems. It cuts that by collecting, condensing, coordinating & clarifying my thoughts. So I can focus on resolution
“People rarely improve because they’re comfortable in their misery, change takes work & they fear the unknown.
“Being in love is great because you are so happy the’ tail wags the dog.’
“Life’s a skyscraper: the foundation must be truth/reality to avert an ultimate collapse.
“Humor’s a circuit-breaker to save your sanity.
“Love’s a magnet: many functional people gravitate toward it, while many are repelled. The primary motivation is fear of abandonment, betrayal, commitment, failure, intimacy, rejection, success and the unknown.

“Love a swimming pool: if you jump in you soon warm up. But many people become spectators/bystanders in life because they don’t “realize that if you dip your toe & feel it is too cold today, you’ll return tomorrow, you’ll never go in.
“Assimilating the peace to accept things you can’t change is attained incrementally & in plateaus. It is one of the most elusive and rewarding accomplishments in life
“Quiet. You’re in a learning zone. Education’s a one way ticket to any place you want.
“Acceptance, consideration, courtesy and respect are a two-way street: we must give them to get them.
“Courtesy’s contagious! Catch it!! gays are seeking love in all the wrong places. Any guy wanting to see ‘all’ of me desperately needs shock therapy. I don’t want to see it. I shower in the dark.
“Want, have and need are three very different things.
“People treat you badly cause you let them.
“Ponder your desires very carefully…they may bear fruit.
“The more knowledgeable a person is about a topic the more dogmatic they are, unfortunately.
“If you’re unhappy with the present it’s because you didn’t plan for the future in the past.
“You’re never too young to be cynical, suspicious & distrusting.

“Truth isn’t just stranger than fiction, it’s funnier. You can’t make some things up. No one has that much imagination.
“Women want a resume for a dance and a portfolio for a date.
“.Friend and friendly aren’t synonymous!
“Clichés are usually true.
“Self – indulgence all too often leads to self destruction.
“Gays are sick. They need sympathy, compassion, spiritual & psychiatric help, not fear, persecution or legitimacy.
“You must be a bit crazy to live, drive & work in a city like NY.
“A NYC minute’s 55 seconds…And dropping rapidly.
“Understanding’s a back door to forgiveness & helps you attain peace over the past.
”Listen and observe people‘s words and deeds.
“Do the right thing.
“What would the eraser industry do if we didn’t err?
“You should know what friends mean and where they’re coming from.
“People won’t let love conquer anything, much less everything.
“Pets are better than people: they give unconditional love/loyalty. People want to know what you did for them lately.
“The Devil took up sewing & turned the blue dress into a postal uniform to test my faith with bills.
“Righteousness superior character/compassion/humanity/heart/integrity sincerity/sympathy/ understanding & all that emanate from them shine brighter than a beacon in the darkness of the night symbolizing our “ME” society
“People who don’t desire to understand do so at least partially because they never had to.
“Some people don’t deserve sympathy because they’re willing ‘victims’” (Myself)
“We all travel the road of missed opportunities. It’s ’the valley of the shadow of death’. The peace that comes from knowing you did your all, is the’ rod and Staff that comfort you’.” (Psalms, 23:4 & myself)
“It’s everyone’s right to make a fool of themselves for the one they love once. Many of us add zeros on in error. It’s a part of life.”
(Tom Barrecca & myself)

"Life's- not- multiple –choice: Like it, or not, everywhere you go and whatever you do for a living you must be able to write. If you're any type of supervisor, manager, director, secretary or business -person you must be able to write -letters, memos & reports!
Life's not multiple-choice!" (Professor Steve Alden & myself)
“…revolutions are not started by people who have one meal a day or three. But by those who have two. So close, yet so far, lower, mid & upper class. ” (Professor Tom Karfunkel & myself)
“…the concept of religious tolerance is new: in earlier times we wanted our neighbor to accept our religion. If he didn’t we wanted to burn his house down…with him in it.” (Professor Tom Karfunkel)

“With family you don’t need enemies.” (Christine Donovan)
“Family’s what u make of it.” (Victoria Rowling, actress & author)
"It is (sex in failed relationship) like losing a finger: you are unable to go on in life but there are scars." (Katy Carro)

“Sex satisfies your physical needs, nit your emotional ones.
”It’s amazing how effortlessly people say, do and ask the stupidest things without so much as a single thought!” (Dave Leifer)
“The limits are that of the -imagination" (Rod Serling)
“Writing’s the endless rearranging of 26 letters". (Larry Gelbart, comedy writer and author of M*A*S*H*)
“Paper is more ‘patient’ than people.” (Anne Frank)"Writers wage a war with words on paper!" (Professor Alice Richardson)

"Government is the great fiction, through which everyone endeavors to live at the expense of everyone else." (Fred Bostait, Essays on Political Economy)
"Some say prosperity’s when the prices of things you sell rise and inflation is when the cost of the things you buy rise." (Steve Slavin)
“If we love wealth more than liberty, the tranquility of servitude, better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your council, or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands of those who feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you. May prosperity forget you were ever our- country -men." (Samuel Adams)
"Give me liberty, or give me death!" (Patrick Henry)
"...every form of refuge has its price..." (The Eagles rock band)
"You spend a billion dollars here or there and sooner or later it adds up to real money." (former Illinois Senator, Ed Berkson)

"One man's wage rise is another's price hike." (Sir Harold Wilson, 1970)
"Money can't buy me love." (The Beatles)
"A part of man's nature is a void in his soul which cannot be filled with anything, but spirituality." (St. Augustine)
"What is it if a man gains the whole world, but loses- his-soul." (Jesus Christ)
“Success is the best perfume.” (Liz Taylor)
"The budget should be balanced, the treasuries…refilled and the public debt…reduced. The arrogance of officialdom…tempered and controlled. And assistance to foreign lands…curtailed, less we become bankrupt." (Cicero, 63 B.C)

"As U.S. citizens, we're consuming more than we produce, borrowing more than we save & spending more than we earn. We're rapidly approaching the time to pay the Pied Piper." (Murray Weidenbaum, Rendezvous with Reality, N.Y: Basic Books, 1988, P.4)
"Just because something is good for business does not necessarily mean it is good for people." (David Axelrod)
"To err is human; to get paid for it is divine." (William Fruend, Economic Consultant)"It's easy to train economists. Just teach a parrot to say supply and demand." (Tom Caryle)
"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday did not come true today." (Lawrence J. Peter, Peter's Quotations)

“Nothing is as permanent as a temporary government program." (Milton Freidman, "the art of taxation is plucking the Goose to get the most feathers with the least hissing." (Jean Colbert)
"That which angers men most is to be taxed above their neighbors." (Sir William Petty)
"Taxes are the price we pay for being a civilized society." (A- Treaty- of- Taxes,- and- Contributions 1662).
“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. The- idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest." - (Albert Einstein)

"Creditors have better memories than debtors." (Jim Howell, 1659)
“Money means a lot when you don’t have it.” (Isidore Asinoff, RIP)
"The entrepreneur indeed, neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it. By preferring the support of domestic to that of foreign industry, he intends only his own gain, & he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention... By perusing his own interest he frequently promotes that of society more effectually than when he really intends to promote it." (Adam Smith, The-Wealth-Of-Nations, Book 4, Chapter 2, PP. 477-8, London: Methuen, 1950).
UNKNOWN
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.
I’m never wrong. I thought I was once, but it was a mistake. I was right.
Forgiveness releases you from the past.
The art of diplomacy’s telling people where to go in such a way they look forward to the ride.
If you’re unhappy, it’s because you didn’t plan for the future in the past.
God, grant me the-senility to forget those I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do & the vision to tell them apart.
Going to church or temple doesn’t make you a good Christian of Jew anymore than going to a garage makes you a car.”
Think education’s expensive? Try ignorance.
"Do not fear your friends…as they can only betray you Do not fear your enemies…as they can only destroy you. Fear the apathetic…as their silence condones all the atrocities in the world." (Russian Poet)
Truth has a way of finding daylight.If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
We’re not humans having a spiritual experience. We’re spiritual beings having a human experience."

“If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Brian Berliner, Doctor of Chiropractic Medicine
“Ambition and commitment are two very different things.
”Some people produce and some are produce.”
"Just because something feels natural or good, does not mean that it is right. Adultery feels good, that does not make it right." (Dahoud Ibraham)
"A 10 year study by the David Barton Research Center took 15,000 quotes from our founding fathers and then boiled them down to the top 3,154 and then found that were all biblically inspired." (Dr. Jay Grimstead, Founder of The-Coalition On-Revival)

"Some people view God as a cosmic Santa-Claus or a genie in a book. God closes a door and opens a window.” (Dr. Al Pecora)
“The Bible is a guide book for life." (Harvey Jablon)
“…above all else to thy own self one must be true.” (William Shakespeare)
“People today watch TV for all of three seconds before changing channels. If you don’t get their attention by then chances are you never- will.” (Professor Eileen Fisher)
“Your average redneck doesn’t know anything about Judaism. He’s ant-Semitic because of the people.”(Detective Mike Goodwin)
"Don't bunt. Aim out of the ballpark. Aim for the company of the immortals."- David Ogilvy
“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
“Last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." (Unknown)
“Small minds discuss people. Average ones discuss events. Great ones discuss ideas!
“If you fail to plan you plan to fail." (Unknown)
“The 12th Commandment says, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished." (Myself)
“Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." (James Donaha, Mr. Scott, Star Trek)
“Insanity’s hereditary: you get it from your family.
If it’s not document it never happened.
You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.” (Melanie Clark)
"Love helps you over the rough spots" (Arnita Finerson).
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her -heart. (Melanie Griffith)
“Be thankful for what you’ve got and you'll get more. If you focus on what you don't have,
you’ll -never have- enough." (Oprah Winfrey)
“Great beauty, great strength, and great riches are…of no great use; a right heart exceeds all.
“Eat to live. Don’t live to eat.” (Ben Franklin)
“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)
“The reputation of a thousand years may be determined by the conduct of one hour.” (Japanese proverb)
”Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.” (Sam Ullman)
"Life is a paradox because people are complex creatures. Yet we all have simple needs & it often takes so little to satisfy them. We're like snowflakes: we are all a bit different, but we come from and go to the same place & all have the same basic needs." (Scott Chaiet)

"We will find neither national purpose nor personal satisfaction in a mere continuation of economic progress, in an endless amassing of worldly goods. We cannot measure national spirit by the Dow Jones average, nor national achievement by the Gross National Product..." (Senator Robert Kennedy, To-Seek- A- Never World, Garden City, NY, Doubleday, 1967, p. 264).
“The hand that rocks the cradle rules the nation.” (G.W. Griffin, filmmaker)

"20-30 million adults cannot read, write, or add well enough to function effectively at work." (Joe Berger, "Companies Step in Where the Schools Fail", N.Y. Times, 9/26/89, A-1)
Unfortunately, "U.S. schools are graduating students who even lack the skills to fill existing assembly line jobs, let alone the sophisticated new jobs that increasingly dominate the economy." (Ed Fiske, "Impending U.S. Jobs 'Disaster': Work Force Unqualified to Work", N.Y. Times, 9/25/89, A-1

"The propitious smiles of heaven can never be expected on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right, which Heaven itself has ordained." (George Washington, first Inaugural Address of a U.S. President, 1789)
"If, in the opinion of the people, the distribution or modification of the constitutional powers be in any particular wrong, let it be corrected by an amendment in the way which the constitution designates.–But let there be no change by usurpation; for though this, in one instance, may be the instrument of good, it is the customary weapon by which free governments are destroyed." (G. Washington)

”We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
“Anyone who never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years
"He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help."- (Abraham Lincoln, 16th President)
“Every American should read, write and cipher well enough to defend their rights and provide for their family.
"My theory’s always been that if we are to dream, the flatteries of hope are as cheap, and pleasanter, than the gloom of despair. "God who gave us life, gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation be secure when we’ve removed convictions that are a gift from God"
Stop the powers of few from ruling on the labor of the many.
“That which governs least, governs best.” (Thomas Jefferson, second President 1801, his first Inaugural Address)

"Our problems are man made. Therefore they may be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings." – (John F. Kennedy)

“I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket & trying to lift himself up by the handle." Sir Winston Churchill
“he inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
“Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose.
"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so.
"Of the four wars in my lifetime none came about because the U.S. was too strong."~R. Reagan ~
"I have wondered at times about what the 10 Commandments would’ve looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.
"The taxpayer: someone who works for the federal gov't., but doesn't have to take the civil service exam.
"Gov’t.’s like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end & no sense of responsibility at the other.
"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under.
"The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.
"I've laid down the law, though, to everyone from now on about anything that happens: no matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting.
"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.
"Govt.'s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.
And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
"No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.”
"Politics is not a bad profession. If u succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself u can always write a book." (Regan)
When George Washington was sworn in as the first president of our great nation some two centuries ago he placed his hand upon the Bible, standing less than a day’s journey, by horseback from raw, untamed wilderness. There were four million Americans in a union of 13 Colonies. Since then we've pioneered and revolutionized the world with inventions like the train, car and plane, and journeyed to the moon. We stood together as a nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Many feel we need to look back for glory and greatness, but present day America need not. There are many mountains yet to climb. (President Reagan's inaugural address, January 21, 1985)
“Reagan defeated Communism without firing a shot or shedding a drop of blood. We had the food & they couldn’t eat bullets." (Jim Ledi)
“If you agree with me seven out of ten times vote for me, but if you agree with me ten out of ten times see a psychiatrist.
“Reagan had tunnel vision, but boy what tunnel- vision.!” (Ed Koch)
"A major problem with Americans today is ignorance, as they are 'dumbing -down'" (late Dan Monihan, former NY, US ‘ –Senator-R.I.P.).
"Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without the strategy."-(General H. Norman Schwartzkopf)
Great Quotes by Mark Twain
There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet, steady, loyal & enduring a nature. It’ll last a lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
A man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
Dance & sing like no one’s watching or listening. Love, like you've never been hurt & live like it's Heaven on Earth.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Man will do many things to get himself loved; he’ll do all things to get himself envied.
It’s better to keep your mouth shut & appear dumb than open it & remove all doubt.
It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good - and less trouble.
Let your secret, sympathies & compassion always be with the under-dog…it’s magnanimity; bet on the other-it’s business.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life
Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, & therefore are most economical in its use.
All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Man will do many things to get himself loved; he’ll do all things to get himself envied
It is better to keep your mouth shut & look stupid than open it & remove all doubt.
It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good - & less trouble.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a 1,000 times.
The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended ,by saying such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like anything.
When I was 14, my dad was so ignorant I barely stood him. At 21, I was astonished how much he- learned in seven years.
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you’d stay out and your dog would go in
I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress....But then I repeat myself.
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. (1866)
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. -Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.-Herb Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
“A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man....which debt he proposes
to pay off with your money.” -G Gordon Liddy
“You can’t let go of your dreams.” (Kathy Napoli)
“When I was a kid, I always wanted to be somebody...I should’ve been more specific." (Lilly Tomlin)
“Presentation is everything: if you can’t get your ideas across in a clear, concise manner they’re lost. It doesn’t matter how brilliant they are.” (Thea Custis, R.I.P.)
“Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work.” - Rita Mae Brow
“Some people have nothing to worry about because they have nothing to worry with.” (Richard McNally)
“Worry’s the absence of faith.” (Pastor Dave )
“Your flaws grow as you age.
“God talks to us through ideas.” (Helen Delaney)
“I can’t lend you my lawnmower now because my wife’s cooking/in the shower/mom’s visiting... What’s the connection? None, one excuse is as good as another.” (Zeke Cohen)
"Quiet minds can't be perplexed or frightened, but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm." - Robert Louis Stevenson
“When- you -assume you make an ass of u and me.” (Felix Unger-Tony Randall-R.I.P.)
“Two people can keep a secret, if one’s dead.” (Joy Browne, Ph. D.)

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself." – (Galileo)
“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.” (M. Ali)

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
"It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal." – (Helen Keller)

“Always remember, there is more strength in you, than you ever realized or even imagined. Certainly nothing can keep you down, if you are determined to get on top of things and stay there.” .—(Norman V. Peale)
“Many doctors can’t see beyond their training because they weren’t taught to think.” (Dr, Peter Herteloo)
“The time has come for you to start owning your own life… You own it for whatever you choose to be. If you don’t, let me make you a promise: someone else will through guilt and demands.” (Carol Price)
"Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel." - G. K. Chesterton
“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” (Woody Allen)
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?" (Freud)
“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” (Agitha Christie)
"In a relationship one of the most important things is sharing the same values." (Connie Pizzero)
“The media only plays up the condom angle & doesn’t push abstinence as the only sure way to avoid contracting AIDS...” (Magic Johnson)
"Coming together is a beginning keeping together is progress working together is success.
"Genius is seldom recognized for what it is: a great capacity for hard work." (Henry Ford)

“I’m German & the first thing I noticed here is young people sit around bars talking sports. In Europe they talk politics, current events & world affairs.” (Manny Schlarb)

“The problem with Americans is they glorify entertainers and athletes who are merely entertainers. I’m Pilipino and I’ve lived in many countries. This is the only with derogatory names for educated people. It began as bookworm. Then it became nerd, geek, and dweeb. They have a nickname in Europe too... scholars.” (Bing Inocensio, Ph.D.)

”The power to tax is the power to destroy.” (Supreme Court Chief Justice, John Marshall)
"Corporations are an ingenuous device for obtaining individual profit, without individual responsibility." (Ambrose Peirce, The Devil's Dictionary)

"We are a schizophrenic society: in one hospital room a woman is having an abortion in the fifth month, while in another room doctors are working feverishly to save a premature baby..." (Professor Michael Gallagher)

"Abortion is like cutting your own foot off." (Dr. Sid Zelin)
"People need to appease their conscience so they rationalize by saying things like it isn't a baby. It's a fetus, or something else. And since it isn't a baby, it isn't murder." (Professor Carmen Valle)

"The debate over abortion isn't over whether or not life begins at conception. It obviously does, or you wouldn't have to abort it. The debate is over when it attains 'personhood', whatever that is." (Professor Tony Mancini)

“We’re a schizophrenic society: in one room there’s a neo-natal care unit. Across the hall they’re performing third term abortions.” (Professor Michael Gallagher)

“People all too often are willing to give their bodies, but not their hearts, & we can't wear condoms on our hearts.
"Lesbians are trying to be the man the man they are meant to marry.
”Failure can be a back door to success.” (Dr. Howard Asinoff)
"Many people are too independent, don’t know what they want,& do not appreciate what they have, or had." (Peter Moreo & Dr. Asinoff)

"We must help kids by setting role models for personal and moral stability." (Jerry Farwell)
"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." - Lou Holtz

“Going away to college makes you mature, independent, self- sufficient, adult.” (Michelle Harris)
"Learn to pause ... or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you." - Doug King
"People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding success because they don't know when to quit. Most men succeed because they are determined to." - George E. Allen
"Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative." - H. G. Wells
“Sometimes we make our own hell. Life in NYC's pergatory” (Bob Blei)

“Guard- well your- spare- moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them & they'll become the brightest gems in a useful life.
"Finish each day & be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders & absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely & with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."-Ralph W. Emerson

"Do your duty and a little more and the future will take care of itself." - Andrew Carnegie
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei
"Quality is long remembered while price is soon forgotten" - Aldo Gucci.
“Love gives and –forgives. There is nothing too much for love to heal with its magical touch!” Helen Steiner Rice
“NYC Teachers deserve combat pay!” (Carolyn Henry)
“I've never learned anything while I was talking.” - Larry King
"I think I began learning long ago that those who are happiest are those who do the most for others." - Booker T. Washington
"Good words shall gain you honor in the marketplace, but good deeds shall gain you friends among men." - Lao Tzu
"The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph." - Thomas Paine
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit." - Somerset Maugham
“A problem with marriage today is it’s a business arrangement: 50/50. You install a “back-door:” If you do you’ll use it.
“Even hypocrites have their standards: somw would never steal or hesitate to lie.” (Rasheda Mitchell)
"Forgetting of a wrong is mild Revenge." Thomas Fuller
George Bernard Shaw
To me the sole hope of human salvation lies in teaching.
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.
Democracy must be something more than two wolves & a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
“Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember--the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” - Zig Ziglar
DOGS
“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
“My goal’s to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” –(Anonymous)
“f your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.” (Unknown)
“Accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. – (Ann Landers) ”If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went...-“ (Will Rogers ”There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” (Ben Williams)

”A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” (Josh Billings)
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – (Andy Rooney)
”We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.” (M. Acklam)
"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.” (Sigmund Freud)

”I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” (Rita Rudner)
”A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance & to turn around 3X times before lying down”.-(Robert Benchley)
“Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” (Franklin P. Jones)
”If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, & very, very few persons.” – (James Thurber)

”My dog’s worried about the economy cause Alpo’s up to $3 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog $.“ Joe Weinstein
"If you think dogs can't count, try putting 3 biscuits in your pocket & give him only two”. (Phil Pastoret)
”Ever-consider-what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth.” (Anne Tyler)
”Women & cats will do as they please. Men & dogs should relax & get used to the idea.” “Robert A. Heinlein”
“If you pick up a starving dog & make him prosperous, he won’t bite you; that’s the principal difference between a dog and a man.” –(Mark Twain)
”You- can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that.” – (Dave Barry)
”Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” – (Roger Caras)
"I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it." – (Johnathan Winters)
“Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to errr. It passes- my comprehension, how humans, be they ever so experienced, and- able, can delight in depriving other humans of that precious right.
“A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
“Better to be violent to serve violence in our hearts than to put on a cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence.
“I object to violence because when it appears to do good the good’s only temporary. The evil it does is permanent.” (Gandhi)
"They say the chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. The chains you put around yourself now have enormous consequences as you go through life." --Warren Buffett
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor country.” Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown U.
"Giving $ & power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys." -P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
“Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.” -Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” -Will Rogers
"If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!” -P.J. O'Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.” -Voltaire (1764)
Just- because you don’t take an interest in politics doesn't mean it won't take an interest in you! (Pericles, 430 B.C.)
Marriage Quotes
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -Groucho Marx
"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once." -H.V. Prochnow
"I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it." -Lyndon B. Johnson

"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
"My husband & I split over religious differences. He thought he was God. I didn't." - Unknown
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." -Rodney Dangerfield
"Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot." -Minnie Pearl
"Behind every great man there is a surprised woman." -Maryon Pearson
"They say love’s blind...& marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet."-Mae West"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
"No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single."- -H.L. Mencken

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." -Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield
"A wedding is just like a funeral, except that u- get- to- smell your own flowers." -Grace Hansen
"If nature had arranged that husbands & wives should have children… alternatively, there’d never be more than three in a family." -Lawrence Housman

"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women." -Marion Smith "Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits & then complain that he's not the man she married?" Barbra Streisand
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." -Erma Bombeck

"I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married." -Lewis Grizzard
There's a way of transferring funds that’s faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran

"In an age of deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act". - George Orwell
“If Christians lived according to their faith, there would be no Hindus left in India. I knew how powerful the fundamental tenets of Christianity -- fighting poverty, caring for the least among us, loving your enemies, eschewing materialism and embracing humility -- could be if everyone who called themselves a Christian truly followed them?" - Gandhi

"Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood." ~Oscar Wilde
“What the big print giveth, the fine print taketh away.” (Unknown)

“If a doctor, lawyer or accountant had 30 people in his office @ one time, all with different needs, some didn’t want to be there & were causing trouble, & the doctor, lawyer or accountant, had to treat them all, alone with professional excellence for nine months, they might have a clue about the demands of a teacher’s job.” (Unknown)
“In marriage one person’s (woman) goal is to bend their spouse’s- will to theirs.” (Dr. Laura Schlesinger)