Tuesday, June 30, 2009

moms


Classic Quotes by Ann Taylor (1782-1866),
English children's writer & poet.

Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well,
My mother.-
My Mother (St. 6)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

AWESOME PHILOSOPHY

AWESOME PHILOSOPHY (incorrectly attributed to Charles M. Schulz, author of Peanuts)

Take this quiz:

1. Name the 5 wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last 5 Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last 5 Miss America contest.

4. Name 10 people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor or actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners. How did you do? The facts are none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second rate achievers. They are the best in their field. But the applause dies, Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one.

1. List a few teachers who aided you in your journey through school.

2. Name 3 friends who have hel[ed you through a difficult time.

3. Name 5 people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of 5 people you enjoy spending time with.

6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you. Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money orthe most awards. They are the ones that care. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today... it's already tomorrow in Manila.

5 Lessons to make you think...

Five (5) lessons to make you think about the way we treat people.

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times.. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if The last question would count toward our quiz grade.

'Absolutely,' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.


2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older black, woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car broke down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s'..

The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.. It read:

'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.


3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sund ae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked. 'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

He couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek.

Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.

Green Eggs & What?

GREEN EGGS AND WHAT?

The National Education Association is celebrating"Read Across America" by encouraging adults to read to children. Of course, Green Eggs and Ham is one of the most popular Dr. Seuss books. And, there's the dilemma. How can Jewish kids celebrate with green Eggs and HAM?

So, in honor of (and with apologies to the estate of Dr. Seuss) here's a new ending for the story: Will you never see? They are not KOSHER. So let me be!I will not eat green eggs and ham. I will not eat them, Sam-I-am. But I'll eat green eggs with a biscuit Or I will try them with some brisket. I'll eat green eggs in a boxIf you serve them with some lox. And those green eggs are worth a try, Scrambled up in matzo brie!

And in a boat upon the river I'll eat green eggs with chopped liver! So if you're a Jewish
Dr. Seuss fan, But troubled by green eggs and ham, Let your friends in on the scoop: Green eggs taste best with chicken soup! AND........ Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream is now available in Israel. In the following flavors: Wailing Walnut Moishmellow, Mazel Toffee, Chazalnut, Oy Ge-malt, Mi Ka - mocha. Soda & Gamorra, Bernard Malamint Berry, Pr'i Hagafen, Choc-Eilat Chip and finally (drum roll, please).........Simchas T'oreo.

It should also be noted that all these flavors come in a Cohen.

Computer Viruses (lol)

Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

J. Kerry Virus-Stores data on both sides of disk & causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive; with NO memory.

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting.

The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus-Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone to tell.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.

Oprah Virus-200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350.


The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn’t care.

The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files.

Lorena Bobbitt Virus-Reformats hard drive into 3.5 inch floppy. Then dumps it via Windows.

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE



If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, he leans to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he will find love in the world.



Vivian Kaalund

45 Life Lessons...

45 Life Lessons - Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, OH.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August. So here is the column once more."

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Jewish businessmen

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture.
When the son returned, he said, "Papa, I had a great time in Israel.
By the way, I converted to Christianity."

"Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?" He took his problem to his best friend.
"Ike," he said, "I sent my son to Israel, and he came home a Christian. What can I do?"

"Funny you should ask," said Ike. "I, too, sent my son to Israel, & he came home a Christian too. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi."

So, they did, and explained their problem to the rabbi. "Funny you should ask," said the rabbi.
"I, too, sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?"

And so they all prayed, telling the Lord about their sons. As they finished their prayer, a voice came from the heavens: "Funny you should ask," said the voice. "I, too, sent my son to Israel..."

God said no...

YOU HAVE TO THIS!!!

God Said NO!!

The words are great.... I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY.

May God Bless You,

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world,

May the Lord Bless you and keep you.

May the Lord Make his face shine upon you,

And give you Peace......Forever,

Good friends are like stars... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

CHINESE PROVERBS

CHINESE PROVERBS



*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Man who run in front of car get tired.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Man who run behind car get exhausted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Man with one chopstick go hungry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

*-*-*-*-*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Quote of the day - J. Willard Marriott

Quote of the Day:


“Good timber does not grow with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees.”

- J. Willard Marriott

I've Learned by Andy Rooney

ENLIGHTENED PERSPECTIVES

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life's like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone wanting to be appreciated & loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I 've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile..

I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost, someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned..... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Wrong e mail (lol)

This one is priceless.....A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!!

An Alberta couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy, winter.

They planned to stay at the hotel they spent their honeymoon in 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.

So, the husband went on Thursday, with his wife flying down Friday.

He checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to e - mail his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing, e -

mailed the wrong person!

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow just returned home from her husband's funeral.

He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. She checked her email

expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed

and fainted. Her son rushed into the room, found her on the floor, and saw the computer

screen: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: January 17, 2008.

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now.

I just arrived and checked in. I've seen that everything's ready for your arrival, tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine.

P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!

The Optomist sees the bagel...

This is from a little book called "The Optimist Sees the Bagel, thePessimist sees the Hole. --

Life's Little Jewish Instruction Book, by Leonard Sorcher-
The optimist sees the bagel, the pessimist sees the hole.

- If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.-

It's not who you know, it's who you know had a nose job.

- If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

- Who else could have invented the 50 minute hour?

- WASPs leave and never say good-bye.

Jews say good-bye and never leave.

- Twenty percent off is a bargain; fifty percent off is a mitzvah.

- Remember, even Sandy Koufax didn't play ball on Yom Kippur.

- There's nothing like a good belch.

- Israel is the land of milk and honey;

Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.

- Never pay retail.

- Pork is forbidden, but a pig in a blanket makes a nice hors d'oeuvre.

- No one leaves a Jewish wedding hungry; but then again, no one leaves with a hangover.

- The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

- And what's so wrong with dry turkey?

- If your name was Lipschitz, you'd change it, too.

- Always leave a little room for the Viennese table.

- Always whisper the names of diseases.

- One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.

- If you don't eat, it will kill me

- Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

- The most important word to know in any language is 'sale'.

- Where there's smoke, there may be smoked, salmon.

- Never take a front-row seat at a bris.

- Prune danish is definitely an acquired taste.

- Next year in Jerusalem.

The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

- Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.

- Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami Beach.

- The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the street parking is suspended. (for all you NY'ers)

- You need 10 men for a minyan, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.

- A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight.

- A schmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.

- Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

- Before you read the menu, read the prices.

- There comes a time in every man's life when he must stand up & tell his mother he's an adult.
This usually happens at around age 45.

- According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.-

Tsuris is a Yiddish word that means your child is marrying a non Jew.

- If you're going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for everyone else to hear.

- No meal is complete without leftovers.

- What business is a yenta in? Yours!

- If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure you tell everybody what you paid.

- The only thing more important than a good education is a good parking spot at the mall.

- Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big Cadillac and eating dinner at four in the afternoon.

- Schmeer today, gone tomorrow.

Quote of the day - Oprah

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.


If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."


- Oprah Winfrey

Older 'n Dirt!!

"Hey, dad," one of my kids asked the other day,
"What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"

"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."

"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"

"It was a place called home," I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining- room- table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I could sit there until I did."

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I feared he'd suffer serious internal damage. So I didn't tell him I needed permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving, charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bike that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a t.v. in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black & white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, & the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys & all boys. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper. I got 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite ones gave me 50 cents & said keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut, in the movies at least. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing & they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. They were dirty & we weren't allowed to see them. You grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren.

Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?


MEMORIES from a friend


My dad's cleaning out my grandma's house (she died in December) & he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was.

My daughter had no idea. She thought it was a salt shaker or something.

I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.

Ignition switches on the dashboard.

Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.

Real ice boxes.

Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.

Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.

Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz

Count all the ones you recall, not the ones you were told about.

Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum

2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water

3. Candy cigarettes

4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles

5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes

6 . Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

7. Party lines

8. Newsreels before the movie

9. P.F. Flyers

10. Butch wax

11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive-6933)

12. Peashooters

13. Howdy Doody

14. 45 RPM records

15. S &H Green Stamps

16. Hi-fi's

17. Metal ice trays with lever

18. Mimeograph paper

19. Blue flash-bulbs.

20. Packards

21. Roller skate keys

22. Cork popguns

23. Drive-ins

24. Studebakers

25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0 - 5 = You're still young

If you remembered 6 - 10 = You are getting older

If you remembered 11 - 15 = Don't tell your age,

If you remembered 16 - 25 = You're older than dirt!

I may be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life.

Don't forget to pass this along!!

Especially to all your really OLD friends....



"Senility Prayer"...God grant me...



The senility to forget the people I never liked,

The good fortune to run into the ones that I do.

And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Weekdays

Monday - Wash Day -- Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and vanity. So I may serve you with perfect humility through the week ahead.

Tuesday - Ironing Day -- Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles of prejudice I have collected through the years so that I may see the beauty in others.

Wednesday - Mending Day -- God, help me mend my ways so I will not set a bad example for others.

Thursday - Cleaning Day -- Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart.

Friday - Shopping Day -- O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others in need of love.

Saturday - Cooking Day -- Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.

Sunday - The Lord's Day -- O God, I have prepared my house for you. Please come into my heart as my honored guest so I may spend the day and the rest of my life in your presence.

Needs

Most destructive habit...............................................Worry

Greatest Joy..............................................................Giving

Greatest loss.............................................................Self-respect

Most satisfying work..................................................Helping others

Ugliest personality trait..............................................Selfishness

Most endangered species.,,,,......................................Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource.....................................Our youth

Greatest "shot in the arm"..........................................Encouragement

Greatest problem to overcome....................................Fear

Most effective sleeping pill.........................................Peace of mind

Most crippling failure disease.....................................Excuses

Most powerful force in life...........................................Love

Most dangerous pariah................................................A gossiper

World's most incredible computer! .............................The brain

Worst thing to be without.............................................Hope

Deadliest weapon........................................................The tongue

Two most power-filled words......................................"I Can"

Greatest asset..............................................................Faith

Most worthless emotion...............................................Self-pity

Most beautiful attire.....................................................SMILE!

Most prized possession................................................Integrity

Most powerful channel of communication.....................Prayer

Most contagious spirit..................................................Enthusiasm

Everyone- needs this list to live by………………………..pass it along!!!

Great truths

GREAT TRUTHS THAT CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't- Baptize cats.

2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.


GREAT TRUTHS ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:


1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD


1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.


SUCCESS:


At age – 4, success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

At age -12, success is . . . having friends.

At age -17, success is . . . having a driver’s license.

At age -35, success is . . . having money.

At age 50, success is . . . having money.

At age 70, success is . . . having a driver’s license.

At age 75, success is . . . having friends.

At age 80, success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
Pass this on to someone needing a laugh. Always forget the troubles that pass your way.

And NEVER forget your daily blessings. Have a wonderful day with many *smiles.*

Take time to live!!! Life is too short. Dance naked

God's Cake

Sometimes we wonder, "What I did to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?"

Here is a wonderful explanation: a girl’s telling her mom how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving.

Meanwhile, her ma’s baking a cake & asks her daughter if she’d like a snack. The girl says, "Yes, I love your cake."

Here, have -some cooking oil," her mom offers. "Yuck" says the girl. "How about raw eggs?" mom asked.

"Gross, ma!"

“Would you like some flour or baking soda?" mom added.

"Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way: We often wonder why He lets us go through such bad times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him &, eventually, they’ll all make something wonderful!

God’s crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring & a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

If you like this, send this on to the people you really care about. I did. I hope your day’s a "piece of cake!" Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

Being Jewish

As a general principle, Jewish holidays are divided between days on which u must starve and
days on which you must over eat.

Many Jews observe no fewer than 16 fasts throughout the Jewish year, based on the time-honored principle that even if you are sure that you are ritually purified, you definitely aren't.

Though there are many feasts and fasts, there are no holidays requiring light snacking.

Note: Unlike Christians, who simply attend church on special days (e.g. Ash Wednesday), on Jewish holidays most Jews take the whole day off. This is because Jews, for historical and personal reasons, are more stressed out.

The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays:

Rosh Hashanah ------- Feast

Tzom Gedalia ---------- Fast

Yom Kippur ---------- More fasting

Sukkot -------------- Feast for a week +

Hashanah Rabbah ----- More feasting

Simchat Torah ------- Keep right on feasting

Month of Heshvan ---- No feasts or fasts for a month. Get a grip.

Hanukkah ------------ Eat potato pancakes

Tenth of Tevet ------ Do not eat potato pancakes

Tu B'Shevat --------- Feast

Fast of Esther ------ Fast

Purim --------------- Eat pastry

Passover ------------ Do not eat pastry for a week

Shavuot ------------- Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes, etc.)

17th of Tammuz ------ Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)

Tish B'Av ----------- Serious fast (don't even think of cheesecake or blintzes)

Month of Elul ------------ End of cycle.

Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders before High Holidays arrive again.


There are many forms of Judaism:


Cardiac Judaism ---------- in my heart I am a Jew.

Gastronomic Judaism ------ we eat Jewish foods.

Pocketbook Judaism-------- I give to Jewish causes.

Drop-off Judaism --------- drop the kids @ at Sunday School, go out to eat.

Twice a Year Judaism ----- attend service Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

You know you grew up Jewish when: You did not respond to the teacher calling roll on the first day of school because you thought your name was "Princess".

You've had at least one female relative who drew eyebrows on her facethat were always asymmetrical. You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef "brisket."

Your family dog responds to complaints uttered in Yiddish. Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents.

You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates & forks trying to get to a deli tray.

You thought pasta was the stuff used exclusively for kugel and kasha with bowties.

You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.

You were as tall as your grandmother by age seven.

You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 6 standard suffixes
(-man,-witz, -berg, -stein, -blatt or -baum).

You grew up and were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like year-old cranberry sauce.

You can look at gefilte fish without turning green.

U grew up thinking there was a fish called lox.

You can understand some Yiddish but you can't speak it.

You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean.

Is that Kenahurra or is that kaninehurra?

You have at least one ancestor who is related to your spouse's ancestor.

U grew up thinking it's normal for someone to shout "Are u okay?
Are u okay?" through the bathroom door if you were in in over 3 minutes.

You have at least six male relatives named Michael or David.

Your grandparent's furniture smelled like mothballs, was covered in plastic and was as
comfortable as sitting on sandpaper.

JEWISH VS. GOYISH

Judges are Jewish
Juries are Goyish

Packing all the mini hotel shampoos is Jewish
Using them is Goyish

Ordering family style is Jewish
Ordering a la carte is Goyish

Cruises are Jewish
Walking tours are Goyish

Laugh-In was Jewish
Hee Haw was Goyish

Grabbing lox from the back of the buffet first, is Jewish
Grabbing melon from the front is Goyish

Bunions are Jewish
Flat feet are Goyish

Simon Says is Jewish
The Hokey Pokey is Goyish

"Bewitched" is Jewish
"I Dream of Jeannie" is Goyish

The Limbo is Jewish
Line dancing is Goyish

Picking from your mate's plate is Jewish
Not wanting even a "little taste" is Goyish

Fruitcake is Goyish
Fruit and cake is Jewish

Reading "how-to" books is Goyish
Writing "how-to" books is Jewish

ESPN is Goyish
PBS is Jewish

Tiffany's is Goyish
Your Uncle Ira in the Jewelry District is Jewish

Passing bars is Goyish
Passing the Bar Exam is Jewish

DIY (Do it Yourself) is Goyish
PAG (Pay A Goy who knows what he's doing) is Jewish

Mary Kay is Goyish
Murray the K is Jewish

The Chia pet infomercial is Goyish
Ronco spray-on hair is Jewish

Morbidly obese is Goyish
Baby fat is Jewish

NASCAR is Goyish.
Period.

West Coast is Goyish
East Coast is Jewish

Lunch meat is Goyish;
Deli is Jewish

White bread is Goyish;
Rye is Jewish

Sushi is Jewish;
Chopsticksare Goyish

Quilt cases are Jewish;
Comforters are Goyish

Suspenders are Jewish;
Overalls are Goyish

Waldbaum's was Jewish;
A&P was Goyish. (Now A&P owns Waldbaum's!)

Alan Sherman was Jewish;
Weird Al Yankovic: not so much

Laughing at someone else's troubles is Goyish
Laughing at your own troubles is Jewish

"Youngsters" are Goyish
"Kids" are Jewish

Buttering bread is Goyish;
Spreading margarine is Jewish

Sitting quietly to get served is Goyish:
Standing and waving one's hands is Jewish

I have just one thing to say about the Heineken can.
Maybe beer is Goyish, but Fred Heineken, founder of the Brewery in Amsterdam (a very Jewish city) was a Jew...just thought to tell you that...well, pointing this out is Jewish too I think...
WWF is Goyish,

the NBA is Jewish

Tattoos and piercing are Goyish
Diamonds and pearls are Jewish

Ham sandwiches are Goyish
Corned beef on rye is Jewish

White sox are Goyish
No sox are Jewish

Saving Money is Goyish
Investing money is Jewish

Snowmobiling is Goyish
Skiing is Jewish

Doing Landscaping is Goyish
Hiring a Landscaper is Jewish

Beer is Goyish
Wine is Jewish

Frizzy hair is Jewish
Stick straight flat hair is Goyish

A party that revolves around the buffet table is Jewish
A party that revolves around the bar is Goyish!

Making lists of what's Jewish and what's not .. is VERY Jewish!!

Most kids are only born once...

In Celebration of Mothers


She's been there for you every step of the way. She smiled when you smiled. She

laughed when you laughed. She cried when you cried. She still does. ****************************************************

Most Kids Are Born Only Once

Before you were conceived I wanted you

Before you were born I loved you

Before you were here an hour I would die for you

This is the miracle of love.

-- Maureen Hawkins


Mother is always there when you need her. She helps, protects, listens, advises and nurtures

phyiscally and morally. She makes sure that her family is loved 24 hours a day, seven days a

week, 52 weeks a year. At least that's how I remember my mother, for the few precious years

I was blessed to have her. But no words can describe the sacrifice she made out of love for me,

her young son.

I was 19 years old, and en routte to a concentration camp with a large group of other Jews. It

was clear we were destined to die. Suddenly my mother stepped in and traded places with me.

And although it was more than 50 years ago, I will never forget her last words to me and her

good-bye look. "I have lived long enough. You have to survive because you are so young,"

she said.

Most kids are born only once. I was given birth twice - by the same mother.


By Joseph C. Rosenbaum Copyright 1998 Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen,

Jennifer Read Hawthorne, Marci Shimoff.

The Holiest generation...

Read this, it's beautiful

http://www./.thejewishweek.com/viewArticle/c36_a15468/News/New_York.html*<http://www.thejewishweek.com/viewArticle/c36_a15468/News/New_York.html>*The

Holiest Generation*An audience with Rav Moshe: When as a teenager the author met the revered Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, he got a lesson in the meaning of the Holocaust.
by Isaac Steven Herschkopf
Special To The Jewish Week

I couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 when I asked her. It seemed to me, at the time, to be an innocent, straightforward question: “Mommy, when do I get my #s?”

I was, of course, upset when she burst into tears & ran out of the kitchen, but I was also confused.

This was Washington Heights in the 1950s. It was an enclave of survivors. Every adult I knew had a number. Even my teenage sister had one in blue ink tattooed on her forearm.

They were as ubiquitous on the benches of Riverside Drive as they were on the footpaths of Fort Tryon Park. If you saw an adult with some sort of hat on his head, he invariably also had a # on his arm. In the summer, when the community traveled en masse to Catskill bungalow colonies, or to Rockaway beaches, the numbers came too.

I presumed it was a ceremonious part of becoming bar mitzvah, or perhaps graduation from Breuer’s or Soloveichik, our local yeshivas. No one appeared to be embarrassed by their #. ARG! I never saw anyone cover it when swimming. It seemed to be a matter of fact part of life.

When, as children, we'd ask our parents why there was a “Mother’s Day” & a “Father’s Day,” but no “Children’s Day,” the automatic response was “Every day is ‘Children’s Day’!”

In Washington Heights, in the ’50s, every day was Yom HaShoah.

Ironically enough, at the same time, no day was Yom HaShoah. The commemoration, as it exists today, was not around then. Breuer’s and Soloveichik consisted almost exclusively of children of survivors, yet neither school had any assembly, or recognition of any type, of the Shoah.

The very word Shoah didn’t exist. The word Holocaust did, but it was never invoked. When on rare occasion our parents would make reference to the events that led them to leave Europe to come to America, they would label it “the War.”

They spoke nostalgically of life “before the War”; they never spoke of what happened during “the War.” They spoke reverently of their parents & siblings who were “lost in the War”; they never spoke of their spouses or children who perished. After all, they had new spouses & new children who didn’t need to be reminded that they were replacements.

I was already bar mitzvahed when I first realized that my parents had been previously married and had prior children. Years later I was shocked to discover that my sister with whom I was raised was not my father’s daughter.

When I finally came to understand that not every adult was a survivor, and people would ask me what survivors were really like, I never knew what to answer. There was Mr. Silverberg, our seatmate in shul, as jovial as Santa Claus, who always had a good word for everyone. On the other hand, there was Mr. Grauer, our neighbor whose face was indelibly etched in a frown & was always threatening to hit his wife or his children. In retrospect, as a psychiatrist, I could understand both, but who truly defined what it meant to be a survivor? Did anyone, or anything?

I learned the answer from Rabbi Moshe Feinstein. This gadol hador, the greatest sage of his generation, was so renowned he was referred to simply as “Rav Moshe.” The closest I came to this legend was at Yeshiva University HS, where my rebbe was his son-in-law, Rabbi Moshe Tendler. Rabbi Tendler, and every other rabbi, would speak of Rav Moshe in awe-stricken tones usually reserved for biblical forefathers.

One summer I was spending a week with my aunt and uncle in upstate Ellenville. Uncle David and Aunt Saba, survivors themselves, as the doctor & nurse in charge of the concentration camp infirmary, had managed to save the lives of innumerable inmates, including my mom & sister.

After “the War” they had set up a medical practice in this small Catskill village, where, I discovered, to my amazement, they had one celebrity patient — Rav Moshe.

My aunt mentioned casually that Rav Moshe had an appointment the next day. Would I like to meet him? Would I!? It was like asking me, would I like to meet God.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I agonized over what to wear. Should I approach him? What should I say? Should I mention that his son-in-law was my rebbe? Should I speak to him in English, or my rudimentary Yiddish? I was seated in the waiting room, in the best clothing I had with me, an hour before his appointment. It seemed like an eternity, but eventually he arrived, accompanied by an assistant at each side. He didn’t notice me. I was frozen. I had intended to rise deferentially when he entered, but I didn’t. I had prepared a few sentences that I had repeatedly memorized, but I sensed that my heart was beating too quickly for me to speak calmly.

My aunt had heard the chime when he entered and came out of the office to greet him: “Rabbi Feinstein, did you meet my nephew, Ikey? Can you believe a shaygitz [unobservant] like me has a yeshiva bochur [student] in the family?”

Rav Moshe finally looked at me. I was mortified. My aunt was addressing him irreverently. She was joking with him. She had called me Ikey, not Yitzchok, or even Isaac. Then it got even worse. She walked over to him. Surely she knew not to shake his hand. She didn’t. She kissed him affectionately on the cheek as she did many of her favorite patients. She then said my uncle would see him in a minute & returned to the office.

Rav Moshe and his attendants turned and looked at me, I thought accusingly. I wanted to die. In a panic, I walked over to him and started to apologize profusely: “Rabbi Feinstein, I apologize. My aunt, she isn’t frum [religious]. She doesn’t understand...”

He immediately placed his fingers on my lips to hush me. He then softly spoke two sentences in Yiddish that I will remember to my dying day: “She has #s on her arms. She is holier than me.”
Rav Moshe had understood what I had not. Our holiest generation was defined by the #s on their arms.

Dr. Isaac Steven Herschkopf is an attending psychiatrist at the NYU Medical Center and the author of “Hello Darkness, My Old Friend: Embracing Anger to Heal Your Life.” This excerpt is from a forthcoming memoir.

A story about friends...

A story about friends....

Mark was walking home from school one day when he noticed the boyahead of him had tripped and dropped all of the books he was carrying, along with two sweaters, a baseball bat, a glove and a small taperecorder.

Mark knelt down and helped the boy pick up the scattered articles. Since they were going the same way, he helped to carry part of the burden. As they walked Mark discovered the boy's name was Bill, that he loved video games, baseball and history, and that he was having lots of trouble with his other subjects and that he had just broke up with his girlfriend.

They arrived at Bill's home first and Mark was invited in for a coke and to watch some television. The afternoon passed pleasantly with a few laughs and some shared small talk, then Mark went home.

They continued to see each other around school, had lunchtogether once or twice, then both graduated from junior high school. They ended up in the same high school where they had brief contacts over the years.

Finally the long-awaited senior year came and three weeks before graduation, Bill asked Mark if they could talk. Bill reminded him of the day years ago when they had first met. "Did you ever wonder why I was carrying so many things home that day?" asked Bill. "You see, I cleaned out my locker because I didn't want to leave a mess for anyone else. I stored some of my mother's sleeping pills and I was going home to commit suicide. But after we spent some time together talking and laughing, I realized that if I had killed myself, I'd have missed that time and so many others that might follow.

So you see, Mark, when you picked up those books that day, you did a lot more, you saved my life. Every little hello, every little smile, every helping hand saves a hurting heart.
Pass it on.

With this also comes a token that says that YOU are special. There's a miracle called Friendship that dwells in the heart. You don't know how it happens or when it gets started but, you know the special lift it always brings and you realize that Friendship is one of God's most precious gifts!

It's National Friendship Week.

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile andencourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their heart to us.

Show your friends how much you care....

Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even the person that sent this to you. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a Friend for life. Show your friends how much you appreciate them and what they mean to you........

Happy FriendshipWeek!!!!!

Basic truths...

Subject: Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

BASIC TRUTHS --Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film--

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

--A day without sunshine is like, night.

--Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.

--On the other hand, you have different fingers.

--Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

--Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

--I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

--When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

--Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

--Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

--I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

--He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

--She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.

--You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted & used against you.

--I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.

--Honk if you love peace and quiet.

--Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.

--Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

--Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

--Atheism is a non-profit organization.

--He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Where is God?...

A couple had two little boys, ages 4 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved. The parents were at their wits not knowing what to do.

Then the mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past. So she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with him.

The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"

The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys. He asked to see them individually. The 8-year-old went to meet him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy was unresponsive. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?

With that, the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming his door and hiding in his closet. His older brother followed him saying, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We're in B I G trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it.

Humor

Subject: a few sign suggestions for the Kitchen:

A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And This Kitchen Is Delirious.

No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes.

A Husband Is A Man Who Takes Out The Trash And Acts Like He Cleaned The Whole House.

If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life.

Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out.

Housework Done Properly Can Kill You.

Countless # People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives.

My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.

Letter to my pets

Letter to My Pets:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest.

Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog's / cat's behind.

To pacify you, my dear companions, I have postedthe following notice on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets

1. The pets live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why it's call "fur"niture.)

3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted son / daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:---- They don't ask for money all the time---- They are easier to train---- They usually come when called---- They don't hang out with drug-using friends---- They don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. :)

Pass this on to other pet-lovers in your life!

Quote of the day - Japanese Proverb

Quote of the Day


“The reputation of a thousand years may be determined by the conduct of one hour.”

- Japanese proverb

Quote of the day - Goethe

Quote of the Day



“Correction does much, but encouragement does more.” - Goethe

The Call...

We all know what it's like to get that phone call in the middle of the night. This night's call was no different. Jerking up to the ringing summons, I focused on the red, illuminated, numbers of my clock. Midnight. Panicky thoughts filled my sleep-dazed mind as I grabbed the receiver.

"Hello?" My heart pounded; I gripped the phone tighter and eyed my husband, who was now turning to face my side of the bed. "Mama?"

I could hardly hear the whisper over the static. But my thoughts immediately went to my daughter. When the desperate sound of a young, crying, voice became clearer on the line, I grabbed for my husband and squeezed his wrist.

"Mama, I know it's late, but don't...don't say anything, until I finish. And before you ask, yes, I've been drinking. I nearly ran off the road a few miles back, and..."I drew in a sharp shallow breath, released my husband and pressed my hand against my forehead. Sleep still fogged my mind and I attempted to fight back the panic.

"Something wasn't right. And I got so scared. All I could think about was how it would hurt you if a policeman came to your door and said I'd been killed. I want...to come home. I know running away was wrong. I know you've been worried sick. I should have called you days ago, but I was afraid...afraid..." Sobs of deep-felt emotion flowed from the receiver and poured into my heart. Immediately I pictured my daughter's face in my mind and my fogged senses seemed to clear. "I think--"

"No! Please let me finish! Please!" She pleaded, not so much in anger but in desperation. I paused and tried to think of what to say. Before I could go on, she continued, "I'm pregnant, Mama. I know I shouldn't be drinking now...especially now, but I'm scared, Mama. So scared!"

The voice broke again and I bit into my lip, feeling my own eyes fill with moisture. I looked at my husband who sat silently mouthing, "Who is it?" I shook my head and when I didn't answer, he jumped up and left the room, returning seconds later with the portable phone held to his ear.

She must have heard the click in the line because she continued, "Are you still there? Please don't hang up on me! I need you. I feel so alone." I clutched the phone and stared at my husband, seeking guidance. "I'm here, I wouldn't hang up," I said. "I know I should have told you, Mama. But when we talk, you just keep telling me what I should do. You read all those pamphlets on how to talk about sex and all, but all you do is talk. You don't listen to me. You never let me tell you how I feel. It is as if my feelings aren't important. Because you're my mother, you think you have all the answers. But sometimes I don't need answers. I just want someone to listen"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at the how-to-talk-to-your-kids pamphlets scattered on my night stand. "I'm listening," I whispered. "You know, back there on the road, after I got the car under, I started thinking about the baby and taking care of it. Then I saw this phone booth and it was as if I could hear you preaching about people shouldn't drink and drive. So I called a taxi. I want to come home."

"That's good, Honey," I said as relief filled my chest. My husband came closer, sat down beside me and laced his fingers through mine. I knew from his touch that he thought I was doing and saying the right thing.

"But you know, I think I can drive now."

"No!" I snapped. My muscles stiffened, and I tightened the clasp on my husband's hand. "Please, wait for the taxi. Don't hang up on me until the taxi gets there."

"I just want to come home, Mama."

"I know. But do this for your mama. Wait for the taxi, please." I listened to the silence in fear. When I didn't hear her answer, I bit into my lip and closed my eyes. Somehow I had to stop her from driving.

"There's the taxi, now." Only when I heard someone in the background asking about a Yellow Cab did I feel my tension easing.

"I'm coming home, Mama." There was a click and the phone went silent. Moving from the bed with tears forming in my eyes, I walked out into the hall and went to stand in my sixteen-year-old, daughter's room. The dark silence hung thick.

My husband came from behind, wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head. I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "We have to learn to listen," I said.

He pulled me around to face him. "We'll learn. You'll see." Then he took me into his arms and I buried my head in his shoulder. I let him hold me for several moments, then I pulled back and stared back at the bed.

He studied me for a second, then asked, "Think she'll ever know she dialed the wrong #?"

I looked at our sleeping daughter, then back at him. "Maybe it wasn't such a wrong #."

"Mom, Dad, what are you doing?" The muffled young voice came from under the covers.
I walked over to my daughter, who now sat up staring into the darkness. "We're practicing,"
I answered.

"Practicing what?" she mumbled and laid back on the mattress, her eyes already closed in slumber.

"Listening," I whispered, and brushed a hand over her cheek. I wrote your name on a piece of paper, but by accident I threw it away. I wrote your name on my hand, but it washed away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves whispered it away. I wrote your name in my heart and forever it will stay..

Send this to everyone you love. Tomorrow is National "I Love You" day. If you send this to 10 people in the next 43 minutes, then tomorrow will be the best day ever.

Work for the Lord - the pay isn't much but the retirement is out of this world.

Quote of the day - Henry Ford - Anti semite

Quote of the day



Henry Ford: The Jew hater.


Fact: Hitler & he were pals.


"Coming together is a beginning keeping together is progress working together is success." -


Henry Ford

Quote of the day - Vincen Lombardi

Quote of the Day




“Individual commitment to a group effort--that is what makes a team work, a company work,


a society work, a civilization work.” - Vince Lombardi

Passover humor

Matzo Balls

A Texan gentile came to New York City for the first time & never tasted Jewish food. On a pal's recommendation, he went to the Lower East Side to eat at a real, Jewish, restaurant.

He looked at a menu, but everything on it was strange and new and he simply didn't know what to order.

When the waitress came, he pointed to a dish on another table and asked what it was.
The waitress replied, "That's matzo-balls".
"OK," said the Texan, "I'll have that."

He got his dish, and was finishing it with relish when the waitress returned. He looked up and said: "That was truly delicious. I never had anything like this before. Tell me, do you serve any other parts of the matza?"



What did you Learn Today?

A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, "what did you learn today?"
He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt."
"How?"
The boy said "Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharoah up. Then while he was down,
he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross."

The father was shocked. "Is that what the Rabbi taught you?"
The boy replied, "No. But you'd never believe the story he DID tell!"

Quote of the day - Einstein

Quote of the Day


We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

--Albert Einstein

Quote of the day - Elenanor Roosevelt

Quote of the Day

“It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

Perks of being old...

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

14. You sing along with elevator music.

15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

20. You can't remember who sent you this list.

And..."You notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience"

Quote of the day - Muhamid Ali

Quote of the Day

“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his

soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.” -


Muhammad Ali

Quote of the day - Ben Franklin

Quote of the Day


“Great beauty, great strength, and great riches are really and truly of no great use;

a right heart exceeds all.” - Benjamin Franklin

Quote of the day - Cicero

Quote of the Day

“A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.” - Cicero

Quote of the day - Thomas Paine

Quote of the Day

“Moderation in temper is always a virtue; but moderation in principle is always a vice.” -

Thomas Paine

Ben Disreli - England's first Jewish Prime Minister

Known as a dandy, a novelist, a brilliant debator and England's first and only Jewish prime minister, Disraeli (Earl of Beaconfield) is best remembered for bringing India and the Suez Canal under control of the crown. A Conservative, he was elected to Parliament in 1837 after failing to win election in four earlier elections. After Robert Peel formed a government in 1841, Disraeli was on the outs until 1846. He wrote a trilogy "Coningsby", "Sybil" and "Tancred" expounding his ideas and formed the Young England group as watchdogs over Peel's brand of conservatism.

When Peel's government fell, Disraeli gradually became known as the leader of the Conservatives in the Commons. Disraeli served as chancellor of the Exchequer under Lord Derby as prime minister in Conservative governments of 1852, 1858-59 and 1866-68. The 1858-59 Parliament made the admission of Jews to Parliament legal, clearing the way for a Disraeli's prime ministership following Lord Derby's retirement in 1868. Defeated in a general election by William Gladstone that same year, Disraeli faced another six years of opposition which produced another novel entitled "Lothair" in 1870.

He also established the Conservative Central Office, considered by some as the forerunner of modern party organization. Disraeli became prime minister for the second time in 1874 at the age of 70.

Acting on his own, he purchased a controlling interest in the Suez Canal conferring the title of Empress of India upon the Queen and in so doing earning himself the title of Earl of Beaconfield in 1876. During the next two years, Disraeli and liberal Leader William Gladstone, clashed over issues surrounding the Bulgarian revolt and the Russo-Turkish War (1877-78).

Disraeli represented British interests in the Congress of Berlin, 1878, which brought peace as well as Cyprus under British flag. His government was defeated in 1880. Disraeli died the following year.

Quote of the day - Ben Disreali

Quote of the Day

"Nurture your minds with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes."

- Benjamin Disraeli

Quote of the Day - Thomas Fuller

Quote of the Day:

“In fair weather prepare for foul.” - Thomas Fuller

Quote of the day - Gandi

Quote of the Day


“Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err. It passes my

comprehension how human beings, be they ever so experienced and able, can delight in

depriving other human beings of that precious right.” – Mohandas Gandhi

Quote of the day: George Washington Carver

Quote of the Day: “How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,

compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the

strong, because someday in life you will have been all of these.” - George Washington Carver

Ten Guidlines from God

Ten Guidelines From God

Effective Immediately, please be aware that there are changes YOU needto make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promisesto you to grant you peace, joy and happiness inthis life. I apologize for any inconvenience,but after all that I am doing, this seems verylittle to ask of you. Please, followthese 10 guidelines

1. QUIT WORRYING:Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sitand worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every littlething that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST: Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And al though My to-do-listis long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME: Once you've given your burdens to Me,quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE: Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME: I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH: I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE: You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who areless fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND: Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF: As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me forone reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget......

Note: I received this from a friend and I have no idea who wrote it, but I like and want to share it with you, despite the fact I'm not nice. I hope that you will be blessed by it and will share it with others. Touch someone with your love. Rather than focus upon the thorns of life, smell the roses and count your blessings.