Inquiring minds want to know 1 thing: W-w-what d-d-did A-A-Al G-G-Gore s-s-say a-a-about g-g-global w-w-warming a-a-and c-c-climate c-c-change?
Diary of a Snow, Shoveler in Canada
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season & the wife & I took our cocktails & sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from Heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds, again. I love snow!
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! I shoveled for the first time in years & felt like a boy, again. I did our driveway & the sidewalks. This afternoon the plow covered the sidewalks & closed in the driveway. So I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
Snow, lovely snow! 8 - inches, last- night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway & sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon & buried everything again. I didn't realize I'd have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
20 inches forecast. Sold my van & bought a 4 x 4. Got snow tires for wife's car & 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. That's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour. It was very cruel.
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on. Nothing to do, but stare at the wife & try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
Electricity's back on, but had 14 more inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by 2x. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. They're lying. Called only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. May have another shipment in March. They're lying. Bob says I must shovel or city will & bill me. He's lying.
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today. It's so cold, it won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel & then I had to pee.
By the time I got undressed, peed & dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob & his plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. The jerk’s lying.
Only 2 inches today. It warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me a month ago? She says she did. She's lying.
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having an h. attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow & beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner, waits for me to finish shoveling, comes down the street at 100 mph & throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her & open presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn, plow.
Merry freaking Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn, slop, tonight -Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation & I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. She's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her in the microwave.
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
Temperature dropped to -30 & pipes froze; plumber came after waiting 14 hours. He only charged $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The WITCH is driving me crazy!!!
10 more inches. Bob said shovel the roof or it’ll cave. Silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
Roof caved in. I beat up the plow, driver, & now he’s suing me for a million, for the beating & trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his rear. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?