God's voice mail

Many people need "voice mail". Ever wonder what it'd be like if God had it?
Imagine praying & hearing the following: Thanks for calling Heaven.For English, press 1. For Spanish, press 2.For all other languages, press 0.

Please select one of the following options: Press 1 for Requests. Press 2 for Thanksgiving.
Press 3 for Complaints.
Press 4 for all other inquiries.
I'm sorry; all of our angels & saints are busy helping other sinners. However, your prayer's important to us, & will be answer in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you'd like to speak to:God, press 1. Jesus, press 2. Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you'd like to hear King David sing a Psalm while holding, press 4. To find a loved one that's been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then- enter his or her SS #, followed by the "pound" sign.
(If you receive a negative response, please hang up & try area code 666).

For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the #'s 3-1-6

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the earth's age, life on other planets, & where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive.Our computers show that you already prayed today.

Please hang up & try again tomorrow.The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.
Please pray again on Monday after 9:30 am.

If you're calling after hours & need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.Thank you, & have a heavenly day.