Humor

I was driving with my 3 young kids one warm summer eve when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up & waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

"My son Zach, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom & came out with my toothbrush. He held it up & said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mom. It read, "The opinions expressed by this child aren't necessarily those of his parents."

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels & running for cover.

He watched in amazement & asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

POLICE # 1While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a 6 year old girl. Looking up & down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered & continued writing the report. "My ma said if I ever need help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes." I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

POLICE # 2: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, & I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, he looked at me & the back of the van. Finally he asked, "What'd he do?"

ELDERLY: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers & wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable -barrage of questions, she merely turned & whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP: A little girl was watching her folks dress for a party. When she saw dad donning his tux, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "Why -not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.

"DEATH: While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son & playmates found a dead robin. Feeling a proper burial should be done, they got a small box & cotton, then dug a hole & prepared for disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers & with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his dad always said: "Glory be unto theFaaaather, & unto the Sonnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."

SCHOOL: A little girl just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her ma. "I can't read or write & they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE: A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object & looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf pressed between the pages."Ma, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got?" With astonishment in his voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"