Dear President Obama:
I'm planning to move my family and extended family to Mexico for my health, and want your assistance.
We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. Into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make arrangements.
We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.
I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, I'm coming?
Please let him know I'll expect the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need,
whether I use them or not.
3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
4. I want my grandkids taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual)
5. Tell their schools to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles
at their school.
7. Please plan to feed my grand kids at school breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access
to government services.
9. I plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to buy car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case a Mexican police officer does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell Mexicans to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or the strain we might place on their economy.
14. I want free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I'll need Income tax credits although I don't pay Mexican Taxes,
I'll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so the Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.
18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. From Mexico. I'm sure President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask nicely.
Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!!