"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Mid E. in just a few paragraphs, which is all you really need.
Don't thank me. I'm a giver.
Here we go: The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine for 2,000 years.
Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, & there were no "Palestinians" then, the W. Bank was owned by Jordan, & there were no "Palestinians".
As soon as the Jews took over & started growing oranges as big as basketballs, the "Palestinians," began weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" & "nation." So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any more to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until someone notices they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are: "Other Arabs Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death." I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country. Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't. They could've had their own country any time in the last 3 years, especially two years ago at Camp David. But if you have your own country, you need infrastructure, Chamber of Commerce & worse, you actually have to figure out a way to make a living. That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel.
They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course-that's where the real fun is-but mostly they want Israel. Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel-or "The Zionist Entity" as their textbooks call it-for the last 50 years has allowed the rulers of Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, & tribally backward on G-d's Earth, and if you've ever been around, you know that's something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about the great history /culture of the Muslim Mid E. Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, & by the way, thanks...
Chew this around & spit it out: 500 million Arabs; five million Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals. Really? Wow. Hey, but what about the string of wars to obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse the numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews/five million Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades & dynamite to themselves? Of course not. Or marshalling every fiber/force at their disposal for generations to drive a tiny Arab state into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents? Impossible. Or spreading & believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children? Disgusting. No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death. Mr. Bush, G-d bless him, is walking a tightrope.
I understand that with vital operations coming up against Iraq & others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, & after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of supermodels who've just had their drugs taken away.
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral weight. We've already lost some. After 9/11 our president told the world he was going to root out all terrorists & the countries that support them. Beautiful.
Then the Israelis, after months of having the equivalent of Oklahoma City every week (& then every day) start to do the same thing we did, & we tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we'd all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean & east of the Jordan. (Hey, wait a minute, that's actually not such a bad idea. . . uh, that is, what a horrible thought, yeah, horrible.)"
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